CHAPTER 24

[Sol Han Na’s POV]

I closed the door and leaned my back against it, my eyes shutting automatically as I in a deep breath.

I felt tired.

My eyes are red and sore. My throat’s aching. My breathing’s ragged. And my mind’s dizzied by the weight of the information I had just received.

All I want to do now is sleep… and forget.

I opened my eyes to start heading off to my bed but was stopped by the person in front of me.

“Baek?” I blurted in surprise. Why is he here? I thought but eventually realized. Of course he’d be here. He’s always here. Every single night.

“You don’t look too happy to see me,” he spoke, slowly making his way towards me. He stopped just a few inches away. Inclining his head to the side, he continued, “You okay?”

“How long have you been here?” I asked back, dodging the question. My energy has been pretty much used up and I don’t have it in me to lie to him. Besides, the word okay doesn’t even sum up everything. I am not okay. I am so far from being okay. I am ruined. I am a walking misfortune.

Baekhyun noticed this.

His brows furrowed in an instant and he closed the remaining gap between us, holding my face carefully between his hands.

“What’s bothering you?” he whispered, his eyes intensely searching mine for answers.

I gulped and looked away.

“N-Nothing,” I tried to answer but my voice broke, clearly stating what is already obvious.

“You’re lying,” he pointed, his tone serious now. “What is it, Hanna? What did you and Manager Song talked about?”

“Is that why you went here? To ask for information? To interrogate me?” I accused but felt guilty about it immediately. Baekhyun flinched like what I had just said hurt him in many ways possible.

His gaze was burning as he spoke, “I came here because I want to be with you, Hanna. I don’t even have any intentions of knowing what you and Manager talked about but seeing how stressed you are by the time you entered that door, I know something’s up. And I can’t understand what’s stopping you from telling me all about it.”

I opened my mouth to say something back but no words came out.

I bit my lip hard as I closed my eyes and headed straight to the veranda.

My mind’s reeling again and all I need right now is fresh air to breathe – fresh air to clear my distorted thoughts.

Baekhyun was behind me in a flash.

“What’s going on again, Hanna?” he demanded, his voice pained and nervous, like he is afraid of what’s about to happen – like he can already foresee where all of this is heading towards.

I took a deep breath, my hands balling to fists.

Should I tell him?

Do I really have to tell him now?

Some part of me said yes, that it is better to let him know now rather for him to hear it from someone else. But some part of me wanted to keep this secret still, not only because I don’t want him hurt – but also because I still want to deny myself that this is happening. For one more night, I want to deny myself the fact that soon I have to hold hands with a guy other than Baekhyun; soon, I have to act and speak sweetly with a guy other than Baekhyun; soon, I might even have to kiss someone other than him.

And soon… I might have to give him up.

I felt Baekhyun’s hand on my shoulder as he forced me to look at him, the emotions in his eyes sending me a feeling like a stab in the heart.

“Tell me, Hanna,” he pleaded. “If this is just nothing then tell me. Because I don’t like this feeling building up inside me. The feeling like… like…”

Baekhyun’s head dropped as he searched for words. His hand stayed on my shoulder and I could feel that he’s trembling. I stood motionless and waited for him to speak.

I can’t comfort him. Comfort isn’t what is needed in our situation now. It needs acceptance – ­a real strong acceptance.

Baekhyun’s head tilted upwards after a few moments. His eyes were hard, like he is trying to stop himself from crying. I felt my chest tighten. How many times do I have to see this man cry? How many times have I made him shed his precious tears?

He placed his other hand on my shoulder and pulled me closer. The intensity of the moment was suffocating, I almost wanted to escape, but Baekhyun held me firmly. I’ve never seen him as determined as he is right now.

“Why do I always feel like I am on the verge of losing you?” he whispered, his words finally coming free.

My eyes lingered at him for a few seconds but I had to close it. I cannot help but nod.

I feel the same way too, I wanted to tell him.

“Am I about to?” he asked carefully, his voice masked with both sadness and fear.

I shook my head.

“You’ll never lose me,” I answered quietly, still avoiding his gaze.

“Then what? Why are you being like this?”

I can tell that Baekhyun’s slowly losing his patience so I decided to step up. It’s time to say it, no need for any more delay.

I took his hands off my shoulders and held it tightly.

I spoke as I stared straight into his eyes, “I need your understanding. Promise me, Baek. All of this would be okay as long as you give me your pure understanding.”

He seemed to hesitate for a moment but then he nodded.

“Promise me first,” I demanded. “I need assurance that you will do it.”

“I need to hear it first,” he answered stubbornly.

I sighed and tightened my hold in his hands.

There is no turning back now.

“Manager Song told me I’d be joining We Got Married,” I said in a breeze.

The atmosphere turned quiet like someone had just clicked mute. Baekhyun looked both confused and dumbfounded.

“You… what?” he blurted, clearly in disbelief. “Come on, Hanna, I’m being serious here.”

I scoffed in frustration.

“I am, Baek! I am serious!” I argued, throwing my hands up.

This time, he looked at me – really looked at me. He scanned my face for any sign that I was joking but I am not. I am so far from joking right now. His expression turned serious after realizing this.

“You’re not joining,” he said, his tone clipped and final.

“Oh but guess what,” I answered sarcastically, “I am.”

“You’re not,” he repeated more forcefully. “You’re not going to join that show and be some man’s pretend wife, Hanna. If I have to burn MBC to the ground to prevent you from doing it then so be it. But no, you’re not joining. And no, you’re not going to be anyone else’s girl.”