CHAPTER 14

[Byun Baek Hyun’s POV]

I paced back and forth across the dressing room.

It’s only just a matter of few minutes before we re-enter the stage again for the announcement of the winner.

But it’s not the announcement I was being nervous and restless about.

It’s Hanna.

I haven’t talk to her since last night and I know I’m already starting to make her sad.

I don’t know what has gone to me to start avoiding her like that.

Maybe it’s because of what our group’s going through right now…

I can’t help but feel guilty.

Is it really right for me and Hanna to continue knowing that the group’s slowly falling apart?

I shook my head, my pace becoming faster.

Don’t be stupid, Baekhyun. You love Hanna. Remember that. You shouldn’t let this problem affect the two of you, I told myself over and over.

“Why don’t you just sit down, Baekhyun?” Chanyeol demanded, catching my attention. “You walking back and forth like that is seriously driving me crazy.”

“Stop minding me and just go back to your own silent bubble, Chanyeol,” I answered back.

Chanyeol rolled his eyes but never said anything more.

I slumped down on the couch.

Just the mere act of worrying about Hanna utterly exhausts me.

I scratched my head harshly.

You idiot. Why did you even start ignoring her when you know you couldn’t even last for 24 hours without talking to her?

I sighed in exasperation.

I miss her.

Hanna wasn’t here in the dressing room with us. I wonder where Manager Song had taken her.

What if she bumped into Infinite again? the thought crossed my mind.

I felt my heart sink in an instant.

Just the mere thought of her talking to L is seriously stressing me out.

“Where’s Hanna?” I asked to no one in particular.

I just need to know where exactly she is. I won’t be able to concentrate on my work if the images of her talking to L would constantly flash at the back of my mind. I need to make sure she’s anywhere but near him.

“She’s at the studio with Manager Song,” Kyungsoo answered from his seat.

“Oh, okay,” I blurted, finally feeling relieved.

The whole room turned quiet once again.

It was eerie and peaceful at the same time.

I know all of us pretty much got used to our dressing room always filled with laughter and endless jokes and exchanged of stories but with the kind of condition everyone is in right now, I think all of us preferred this peace and quiet atmosphere.

Still, nothing has been confirmed about Kris. We still haven’t heard a word from him. Who knows if he’s still planning to come back? Or if he had really pursued filing the lawsuit?

The door to the dressing room suddenly burst open then came Manager Song with Hanna trailing her from behind. Just the sight of her is enough to make me forget about our problems for a moment.

I really miss her. How could I even think about avoiding her?

“It’s time for the announcement of winners,” Manager Song said, her voice strained.

This immediately caught my attention.

“What’s wrong, Manager?” I asked, sensing the heaviness in the atmosphere.

“N-Nothing, Baek,” she tried to deny but her voice broke at the end.

This caught the other members’ attentions, too.

“Is something wrong, Manager?” Suho asked, standing up from his seat. “Did something happen?”

“Is it about Kris hyung?” Sehun added. “Have you heard anything from him, Manager?”

Manager Ji Hye’s eyes shifted to Hanna, like she’s asking her for some sort of help or back-up.

Hanna only stared at her sadly before finally looking away.

I heard Manager Song sigh.

“This…” she broke off, pondering. “I think you should just hear this after the awarding. Go onstage now.”

“But we want to hear it right now, Manager,” Kyungsoo demanded stubbornly. “What difference would it make if you’d tell us about it now than later?”

“I’d rather hear this after the show if I were you,” she muttered, her head lowered down.

“We’d like to hear it now, Manager,” I urged, siding with Kyungsoo. He’s right. What’s the difference between hearing it now than later? Whatever that news is, it would still be the same. No matter what outcome it would have, it would still be the same regardless of what time she tells us about it.

Manager sighed in defeat.

She looked up to stare at us.

“Fine. I’ll tell you,” she said, her tone sounded forced and unwilling.

In my peripheral vision, I saw Hanna press herself against the wall – like she’s looking for something to steady her.

I braced myself for what Manager’s about to say.

“It was confirmed that Kris had filed the lawsuit. He’s not a part of EXO anymore.”

***

[Sol Han Na’s POV]

“Where are the other members?”

“Why is Suho oppa the only one onstage?”

“Where did the other members go?”

These are the questions I heard from the majority of fans as soon as I entered the studio. Everyone’s wondering where the other members went and why Suho is the only person standing onstage during the announcement of winner.

The truth is, Manager was right.

It was better for them to hear it right after the show.

As soon as Manager Song said the words about Kris’s confirmed departure from the group, everyone broke down in tears.

It took both Manager Song and I quite a few minutes to calm Suho down and plead him to stand onstage even when the other members are unfit to join him.

And that’s the reason why I’m here now – standing together with the other fans in the studio.

I couldn’t bear to leave Suho alone but I know I won’t be allowed to stand on that stage to join him.

All I could to is to look at him from the audience and pray that my mere presence would somehow give him strength to overcome this.

The hosts announced the scores as it flashed on the screen.

It was another battle between Infinite and EXO and none of us knew who’s going to win.

The fans roared when EXO’s name flashed on the screen as winner.

Suho’s eyes widened in surprise – after everything that has happened within the previous hours, I’m pretty sure he’s not actually expecting for their second win.

I watched as Infinite professionally congratulated Suho as they left him onstage for the encore.

My heart constricted.

As soon as everyone was out of the stage, Suho remained alone at the middle – the trophy clutched in his hand. He looked so lonely and pitiful. How could a twelve-member group possibly end up with a single member standing onstage to celebrate for their win?

Overdose played in the background as Suho began delivering his speech.

I almost felt my heart broke when he started crying.

I closed my eyes and covered my ears, not wanting to hear what he’s saying for I know it would only hurt me more.

Suho was the only one left onstage to receive their award and smile and wave to their fans while the other members are inside the dressing room, grieving for the departure of one of their leaders.

I slowly opened my eyes only to see Suho waving at his fans, a painful smile plastered on his face, while his face was already wet with tears that didn’t stop falling.

Unable to take it anymore, I left the studio – half running and half walking towards the backstage.

After a few minutes, the show ended.

People began coming out of the backstage. Some of the lights were already being shut off. It took me quite a few moments to find Suho. He was walking slowly, his head lowered down and the trophy held in his hand. He looked defeated and worn-out – like life had just been out of him.   

I didn’t waste any time.

I ran off towards him and enveloped him in a hug. He seemed taken aback for a moment but then after, I felt him wound his arms around me. He broke down as soon as I held him.

“Shh… Oppa… You did so amazing back there… I’m very very proud of you…” I whispered to him over and over as his body shook due to intense sobs. Some staffs emerging from the backstage began staring at us but I didn’t care a single bit. Suho has been going through a lot. With Kris gone, he has to take on the role of a leader both for EXO-K and EXO-M. And for him to stand onstage alone like that, to set aside the pain and agony he’s feeling because of his loss, to face the fans bravely like that… Suho deserves a lot more than a trophy and applause.

He deserves respect.

I just wish Kris would talk to them immediately. I couldn’t bear to see all of them breaking like this anymore.

I want my old EXO back.

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