CHAPTER 12

[Sol Han Na’s POV]

“I don’t think Kris is ever coming back.”

The words hung in the air, echoing all around us.

Everyone stood motionless, silent – like life had just been literally out us.

For the second time, my father’s accident being the first, I felt like my whole world had shattered, like the ground broke underneath me and swallowed me up whole.

I felt like I had just fallen down into an endless pit of darkness and emptiness.

Nothing makes sense anymore.

My hands balled into fists.

It’s not true. Kris would never do that. Not to us, I told myself over and over.

“W-What? Y-You’re kidding. Right, Manager?” Tao spoke, breaking the silence. He had on an awkward smile, his head shaking rapidly. “T-That’s not true. That cannot be true,” he said over and over, like he’s mostly trying to convince himself instead of us.

I felt my heart constrict.

Manager’s eyes were fixed on Tao. They were full of sadness, pain, and worry. She bit her lip and looked away, obviously trying to stop herself from crying.

I heard the boys’ sharp intake of breath.

Manager’s really not joking.

“He won’t do that,” Luhan spoke, his voice raised. “Kris won’t do that. He’ll never do that! He’s our leader! He’ll never leave us like that!”

Xiumin placed a warning hand on Luhan’s shoulder but he shook it off harshly.

“He’ll never do that to us, Manager,” Luhan continued, his voice firm. “We trained together. We performed together. He’s our leader. He’s the one who always tells us we are one and we’re all in this together. Kris will never break his word.”

This time, Manager looked up – her eyes hard.

“Don’t you think I don’t know that, Luhan?” she countered, her voice raising too. “I know he is your leader. I know how much you believe in him. He’s like a son to me, too. And I believe in him as much as all of you do. But what I am telling you right now is real. Kris has left us. And I don’t think he is ever coming back.”

 Luhan looked like he had just been punched in the gut.

Shaking his head slowly, he muttered, “I don’t believe you… I… This can’t be happening…”

“But he has to have some reason, right?” Suho finally spoke. He looked just as much broken as the other members. I could see in his eyes that he’s about to break down any minute, too. “He must have a valid explanation. He must have a reason. Kris wouldn’t do this because of nothing.”

Manager scoffed and shook her head dismissively.

“Probably,” she blurted, her tone sarcastic.

Suho looked taken aback.

“W-What?” he muttered.

Manager stared at him as she spoke, “He left without a word. I received a call from his parent saying they want him discharged of this hospital and taken straight to China. I had no more rooms for argument because someone came to take him. What can I do when it’s his own family who’s trying to take him?”

“But he’ll come back, Manager,” Lay spoke. “He’ll come back. He just needs time to recover. I’m sure of it.”

Manager shook her head.

“I told you, he’s never coming back,” she answered through gritted teeth.

“But why wouldn’t he, Manager? I don’t understand,” Sehun spoke this time, his voice unsteady.

Manager stood up from her seat and faced the boys. She looked utterly worn out and this conversation is obviously tiring her out even more.

Her eyes moved towards the EXO-M members, her gaze fixed and steady.

After a moment, she spoke, “Kris is filing a lawsuit.”

Once again, the corridor became quiet. Everyone seemed to be having trouble absorbing what Manager had just said.

My hands balled even tighter as realization slowly dawned on me.

My heart raced.

My hands began shaking.

I felt my nails dig into the raw skin of my palm but I had no time to think about the stinging pain.

My mind was focused on what’s about to come.

Or what I am thinking it would be.

“Kris is planning to file a lawsuit against the company. If that happens, not only would he be prohibited from working, his contract as an Idol signed under the company’s label would also be terminated,” Manager explained, her voice lifeless.

The boys gasp while I lowered my head in defeat.

All of us already knew what’s about to happen.

All of us already knew where all of this is about to end up.

But Manager Song was brave enough to speak the words that haunted us – the words that terrorize our minds.

“If that happens, Kris would no longer be a part of EXO anymore.”

***

The drive home that night must have been the longest and most quiet sixty minutes of my life.

None of us were speaking.

None of us were exchanging stories.

None of us were telling jokes.

And none of us were smiling.

It felt so unreal and impossible at the same time.

The drive home after a whole-day worth of work and exhaustion has always been our own special bonding time. Regardless of our tired and worn-out bodies, each of us still finds time to share our stories and make one another laugh.

But tonight was different.

Tonight, nothing is alright.

The boys immediately left the van and headed off towards their rooms as soon as we arrived. No one even asked for dinner. No one even bothered to celebrate their very first win.

I carefully placed their trophy on the shelf, together with the other trophies they’ve gathered ever since the start of their career. For some reason, that new trophy seemingly looked out of place – like some dark aura had been surrounding it.

“They couldn’t even celebrate their first win,” I heard Manager spoke from behind me. She walked towards the shelf, standing right beside me, her eyes fixed on the shiny object.

I placed a hand on the trophy, caressing it.

“This day had really been so hard for them,” I murmured. “Their leader had been rushed to the hospital before their performance but they still performed well. They won but they can’t be fully happy because they know their member’s suffering. Then when they arrived to bring him the special news, they figured out he’s gone and left them.”

A painful smile tugged on my lips.

“This day really took a toll on playing with their emotions,” I added sarcastically.

Manager lowered her head while my eyes remained fixed on the trophy in front of me.

After a few moments, I heard her sniff.

She’s crying.

It must have been so hard for her – having to endure all that alone.

Watching the person you valued as a son getting rushed to the hospital and having him taken away from you in the end…

Manager Song had kept herself composed all throughout the day. I know why she did it. She doesn’t want to burden the boys any more. If she’s going to break down, too, who are they going to get their strength from? Who are they going to depend on?

And now that the boys are gone, I can understand why she’s finally letting her guards down.

Everyone has their limit.

And pretending to be okay even though you’re actually breaking inside requires a lot of strength and bravery. But even the strongest of people ran out of strength, too. And Manager Song’s only a person – a woman, at that.

I can’t help but admire her for everything that she’s done for the boys.

She must love them so much.

“I know he has a reason why he did it,” I murmured, breaking the silence. “He’ll never leave us – that’s the last thing he would want to do and I’m sure of it. He must have a really good reason why he’s doing this.”

Manager looked up at me, her eyes wet.

She sighed.

“I know,” she whispered, her voice shaking. “I know that, too. But I just can’t help but be terrified. If Kris pursuits the case, he… he would…”

Manager Song stopped, breaking into a fit of sobs.

I remained unmoving.

You can’t cry. You can’t let yourself break down, too.

“He’ll have to leave EXO permanently,” I said, finishing what she has to say.

***

I know you’re awake. Come out, please. You can’t keep all of this to yourself. Talk to me.

I said to him for the nth time.

It’s already 3:30 am and Baekhyun hadn’t even come out to meet me just like we always do. I’ve messaged him countless times but he never replied. I know he’s awake. I just can’t understand why he’s trying to avoid me.

I tried calling him but the call immediately shifted to the voice message.

I threw my phone away and sprawled on my bed.

When will the pain come? I thought to myself.

Manager Song had confirmed about Kris leavin