CHAPTER 41

[Sol Han Na’s POV]

“Where are you, Baek?” I murmured as I paced back and forth on the second floor’s hallway, our bedrooms lining by my side. I stopped and stared hopelessly at Baekhyun and Chen’s door, wishing it would somehow prop open.

“I guess you wouldn’t come,” I finally said in defeat after a few minutes of idling and walked over to lean on the metal railings, overlooking our living room downstairs. Only a single light was left on tonight, just enough to give proper illumination, but somehow the darkness and silence felt comforting. I closed my eyes and bent down so that my head can rest on the cold railing, I willed myself to imagine home – its fresh air, the sound of the waves hitting the shore, and the irresistible scent of water and salt.

I miss Jeju, I thought to myself. I miss my simple and uncomplicated life.

Sometimes, when I’m left alone like this, I tend to wonder how I would’ve ended up if I hadn’t chosen this path to Seoul – if I hadn’t gone to become an Idol. Would I still meet Baekhyun? Would I still fall in love with him? Would I still end up with him? And as I much as I want to convince myself that we really are meant to each other – that we will find our way no matter where we are – I know that the answer to my questions is clearly no.

I couldn’t even imagine it.

A world-famous Idol falling in love with a simple convenience store worker? How can that even happen?

A sudden chuckle burst through me.

“That won’t happen," I muttered miserably. “I probably would’ve just married someone I met in Jeju and live the kind of life my parents did. It’s already what’s been planned out for me – until I decided to move towards the opposite direction.”

I was deeply immersed in my thoughts when I suddenly heard a door from behind me creak open.

I turned around in an instant, my heart pounding inside my chest.

“Hanna?” Baekhyun blurted, looking stricken. “W-What are you doing here?”

It took seconds for me to absorb that he really is right in front of me but only a split second to run and throw myself against him. I felt him stagger as my weight hit him by surprise but he easily reclaimed his balance. His hands carefully wounded around my waist.

“Whoa there, sweetie,” he muttered. “You don’t seem too excited to see me, do you?”

I was aware he’s teasing me but I ignored it.

“I thought you’re mad,” I said as I buried my face in his chest. “I thought you wouldn’t come.”

“And what made you think that way?” he asked softly.

“You have never spoken a word to me right after the broadcast…” I admitted but my voice sounded like I am more of accusing him.

He chuckled and began to my hair.

“To be honest… I was,” he whispered and continued, speaking so close against my ear it made concentrating almost impossible, “I was mad a while ago but not at you. Not at L. I was mad at the whole universe for playing around with me – for having me go through all these.”

I felt his shoulders shake in laughter and he went on, “I don’t know. I’m so mad and seriously so close to losing my mind but I can’t even do anything. I don’t even know who to blame. God, it just so badly.”

I tried to pull away to stare at him but he only tightened the grip around me, pressing me closer to him. A gasp escaped my mouth.

“But I’m fine now, Hanna,” he said as he began to pat my head. “I’m okay. I’ve thought through it all. You don’t have anything to worry.”

I bit my lip and spoke, “You don’t have to go through this alone.”

“What?” he asked but still didn’t pull back.

“You don’t have to keep your feelings to yourself, Baek. Let me help you. Let me share those emotions with you. We’re in this together, aren’t we?” I whispered slowly, pleadingly.

He didn’t speak.

“How am I supposed to feel knowing that you’re trying to suppress all those emotions to yourself?” I continued. “You don’t have to keep it, Baek. Not from me. Please.”

Baekhyun sighed and pulled away, only to rest his forehead against mine. He has his eyes open so we could stare right at each other with no difficulty.

“I have a favor to ask, Hanna,” he began and I helplessly nodded my head. “I’m going to tell you something and I want you to remember this… Keep this in your mind all the time… Never forget it.”

The intensity of the moment was so bizarre I cannot seem to find a way to speak.

I nodded.

“Promise me,” he ordered, his eyes burning.

“P-Promise,” I stammered like a helpless, cornered child.

Baekhyun heaved a deep breath and moved his arms up to my shoulders. He held me in my place steadily.

His eyes were right on mine as he spoke, “I want you to remember that no matter how mad or hurt or miserable I am… No matter how much I distance myself from you or try to push you away… No matter how difficult times may be that I might even come to the point of saying I don’t love you anymore just… Just remember this… Hanna… Remember that all you need to give me is time… Be patient… Wait for me… Because no matter what happens… I promise… I will always… always… find my way back to you.”

My eyes stung and I knew I am definitely on the verge of crying. Baekhyun’s eyes started to shake too and I know he’s very much right on the same point as I already am.

I wanted to speak but I felt like my mind suddenly went completely blank.

I bit my lip hard as Baekhyun’s hands moved up to cup my face.

“I’m sorry that there are times when I have to leave you behind. But it’s just the way I am,” he continued, his voice soft and comforting. “I can be like that sometimes, Hanna, like I am designed to face and fix some things alone. But don’t worry because I may do those kinds of things but I will always come back to you.”

A tear escaped my eye and Baekhyun took no time to wipe it away.

“And I can’t promise that I will always come back to you quickly but remember,” he murmured, starting to cry too. “Whenever I am late… It’s not that I am completely gone or I have given up on you… It’s just that I am on my way… And promise, I am trying to get back to you as fast as I can.”

And that did it.

I covered my face in my hands and buried it against Baekhyun’s chest as I sobbed and cried. He held me tightly and I’m almost sure he’s already breaking down as well as I felt his tears wet my hair.

We stayed like that for minutes – crying, hugging, tangled with one another.

After a few moments, he spoke, “So you still love me, right?”

His question made me chuckle regardless of all my tears and I hit him quite hard on the chest. I pulled back and stared at him like he’s some kind of an idiot.

“You still have the nerve to ask me that after making me cry that much?” I demanded.

He scratched his head and gazed at me, a small smile tugging on his lips.

“Is that a no, Hanna-ssi?” he asked though I noticed a small glint of pain pass in his eyes.

“You really are stupid, aren’t you?” I answered back, staring back at him.

“What is that supposed to mean?” he challenged, leaning his face inches away from mine.

I blinked and gulped and right then was the sign of my defeat.

“Of course I love you,” I admitted and it made Baekhyun burst into a smile.

“That’s all I need to hear,” he muttered as he finally leaned in and we kissed.

***

“Hanna and L’s still dominating the internet,” Chanyeol spoke in the middle of our breakfast at the cafeteria. The boys’ concert is drawing near that they are all required to spend a few additional hours inside the company and so that includes having our breakfasts here instead of the dorm.

“People are going crazy, aren’t they?” Chen asked smugly, taking a sip of his coffee.

“You bet they are,” Chanyeol answered without looking. He got his eyes stuck on his phone and