Hyukjae POV

I hold the letter and I can’t help but feel resentment. She is still choosing him over me, well I can’t truly blame her for it. But.. After finally really hearing that she wanted me. What is going on with her? Why is she.. I shake my head.

No.. I can’t do this to myself. I will drive myself mad. Putting the letter somewhere in my bag, I am going to ignore all of this.

“Donghae stop sulking” I snap him out of his thoughts and it really to see him like this. “I will be back.” Siwon jumps up and follows him but comes back a second later without him. “it is the last day that we have together. Where could he be going of to?” I give Siwon a knowing look and he sighs “Do you think he will find what he is looking for?”

“I don’t think so. Ari doesn’t like to talk about her feelings so getting out of her why she is doing this or how she is feeling is going to a mission impossible”

“I am going to miss you Donghae” The last moment we have together I quickly remember that I still have the letter, but seeing how he was coming back from seeing ari.. Should I give it to him? Talking to the others I quickly put the letter somewhere in his bag. I might not like what this letter might mean. But it is the right thing to do.

“Hyukjae” Giving one an other the last hug for the coming time, it is tough seeing him walking off and soon I will be going in the same direction.

Donghae POV

At first I was truly not looking forward to enlisting, but after what happened I am so happy with this time away. After seeing Ari her kissing me her, her ring. She just left me for that other rich guy. And now I have her letter.

Just like the past days I have held it in my hand, to open it or not. I am still mad and I am afraid that reading this will only make it worse. “Just read it hyung, you are making all of us insane with it” one of my comrades comments and I laugh. Fine. He is right. Just rip the bandage off.

Donghae,

I am not sure how to start to apologize. I am sorry for up and leaving without truly any form of explanation. There is no denying that from the moment that we met that we were absolutely captivated by one another. I remember you once told me you wouldn’t go and I promised you that when you come back from the army I would still be there.

I am truly sorry, that I made a promise that I won’t be able to keep.

And since we always wrote notes to one another when we started our relationship, it only seemed fitting to end it this way as well.

I don’t want to see you give up the things that you love dearly for anyone and I know that music is your one true love.

Donghae I know that it might seem unreasonable and out of the blue, but how are we kidding. Our relationship was becoming more and more toxic. This was long coming, I just didn’t want to let you go. I wanted us to work out for all of the sacrifices we were making for one another but along the way we lost what brought us together.

It saddens me that the time we spend together ends on a sad and sour note, this is not the ending that I wanted for us. But it is the one that is best for us. I want you to be happy and I won’t be able to bring you that happiness anymore.

Just know that I was truly in love with you. I loved you madly. I wanted to marry you, have a family with you.

I still have love for you and I always will. You taught me many things and I will always be grateful for the lessons you taught me. For the love you had for me.

I will remember the good days we had together, I hope you do too.

If you ever forgive me for leaving you in this way, I will be here waiting for you as your friend.

Don’t be upset for long, I am sure you will find someone who will love with a  pure heart and without any complications. I hope one day I will have the pleasure of meeting her.

With love,

Arian.

I read her letter over and over and I am so glad I read it. I feel so much relieve, but it does me sad. The truth that we both didn’t want to admit. I would have married her and given up music. And she is right, I would have been miserable. I would have her but after a while I probably would have resented her. I wouldn’t fit in her world. I smile and hold her letter close to my heart.

“Ari, I loved you madly too.”

Hyukjae POV

The first weeks of training were so intense, but I also really enjoyed them. Brought me some piece of mind, time to myself. No finally having some real real time of, I can’t wait to go home for a bit. Stepping into my new apartment I am a bit surprised that I have mail already. But first lets get comfortable.

Sitting in my joggers television on I skim trough the papers, but this. Wait. I put the tv on mute, did Ari send me a letter. This is her handwriting. I feel my heart beating out of my chest, I am not sure if I want to open it. I finally got her out of my mind and now. I put the letter on the table and focus back on the tv.

“So want to go out and eat?” Jungsoo finally arrived and I nod “Lets enjoy a nice nice meal for my last day on this nice vacation.” Jungsoo is already looking at places where we can go and also plunders my fridge. I sit down by the tv and the letter is still laying down where I put it last.

“Hyung I am going to take a quick shower” he complains a little but I quickly shut the door behind me and I am nervous to open it. “Lets just get it over with.” I make it open and I take a deep breath. Here goes nothing.

Hyukjae,

I know I owe you a lot of explanations as apologies. But there are only a few things that I want to say, what I should have done a long time ago.

When we first met I had a feeling I couldn’t explain. Something I never felt before. When you asked me out I didn’t know what I wanted. But as we grew closer to one another I made up my mind. Trough your love and care for me I learned what real love is all about. It is about caring the other person more than you do about yourself.

 You were always there when I needed you even when Donghae and I were together. You were always so patient with me, you didn’t rush things, you were by my side trough all my trials.

I am sorry I wasn’t there for yours. I never showed you my true feelings, I couldn’t recognize them. I am sorry that our first kiss happened when I was drunk, I should have had more respect for you. I was just always to scared to make the first move and by then it was already too late.

I am sorry for not standing up to you when you were breaking up with me, because only now it is glass clear to me. I always wanted you. You showed me what love is all about and I am sorry that I have taken yours for granted.

I am sorry that in this life we won’t have a chance together to grow old and have a family. I realized many things to late, because now I can see. The feeling I felt was true love. Unconditional love. The kind of love where they always talk about “soul mates”. You are my best friend, my protector, the one I want to protect, the one I love and have loved. I am sorry that I have been denying this to not only you, but to myself.

I will never forgot when you showed me the stars. I said to you once, “you are not losing me”, you never did and you never will.

It pains me to say it, I am still in love with you. And even though I don’t want to let you go, I have to.

I wish you nothing but happiness in this live, that you find someone that will love you like you love them.

Even though our lives don’t match in this life, I hope that in the next life we will meet again and get to love one another unlike now.

I love you.

Ari

I wipe away my tears and Jungsoo is knocking on the door. I quickly fold it and put in my pocket “Ready to go?” I nod and I hold her letter close to my heart.

I finally got to hear what I could only dream of.

I might not be with her right now, but is this not also an opportunity? Love concurs all, right? Poundering with my thoughts, I can't make my own mind up. Even though this is a farwell for her, to save me from more pain, I can’t imagine not having her in my life.

I guess sometime love isn’t enough. But one thing is sure, I look up to stars.

“I love you..” Until the next life.