[Sol Han Na’s POV]

“Are you sure you don’t want to join in the live audience?” Manager Song asked for what felt like the third time. “I could still reserve a front row seat for you.”

“No, it’s okay, Manager. I could just watch them from here,” I replied and pointed at the flat-screen television suspended from the ceiling. I’m inside the boys’ dressing room at the KBS building. The members are already gone, probably off preparing for their second performance stage. I decided to stay inside - the last night’s event made me want to shut people out. God, I really want to be alone today. But of course, that would be impossible.

“Okay. I’ll leave now to assist the boys. You’ll be okay in here?” she asked again. I nodded and gave her a faint smile, as real as I could manage.

I let go of the breath I was holding when I heard the door close. Finally, an alone time. 

Since I woke up, I’ve been trying to keep myself intact - trying so hard not to let the members notice. I tried to laugh at their jokes, answer them whenever they talk to me, smile at them when I have to smile, but everything just came out fake. I felt like I’m a walking robot. I felt so empty - like every meaning and reason just ran out of my system. And it just felt so overwhelmingly good to be alone - to not pretend about anything. I just want to cry so hard, to release the feelings I’ve been keeping for so long. I don’t know how long it’s going to take before I explode. I hope it’s not today - not in front of the boys.

I heard the name of EXO being announced and my eyes immediately flashed to the screen. Their performance began. My inner emotions fought over one another - one, trying to look at Baekhyun, the other, trying not to. In the end, the latter won.

My eyes remained stuck on him all throughout their performance. He looked so normal, just like the Baekhyun I’ve first known. I almost laughed to myself. I felt so stupid. How can he be so normal when I’m here feeling too utterly miserable? 

The show ended and I laid back on my seat. I turned to face the mirror on what looks like a sort of vanity table when I heard a phone rang. I looked around and saw the hand phone placed on top of the table in front of me. I grabbed it to check who’s phone it was.

It was Baekhyun’s.

I can tell so easily because of the caller ID indicated on the screen - Taeyeon.

I scoffed and placed the phone back on the table. Of course it’s his. Which member would Taeyeon call other than him? my subconscious noted sarcastically.

The phone stopped ringing and I felt myself relax. I don’t need to tell Baekhyun that his girl called. He’ll know it for sure. I don’t want him to go around scolding me again on how to stay away from his girlfriend. I’ve already had enough. 

The door of the dressing room suddenly burst open causing me to turn around from my seat.

It wasn’t the person I was expecting to come.

Taeyeon.

“Oh seriously,” I whispered under my breath. Out of all the people in this world, I thought. I almost had to hold my head in my hands due to frustration but I held back. No need to let her see through me. I shook my head and tried to compose myself.

“Eonnie,” I spoke, standing up to give her a polite bow. 

She nodded and asked, “Where are they?”

You mean him? I thought. 

“Maybe at the studio. Their performance had just ended,” I replied, a little too awkwardly.

“Oh, I see,” she said. Her eyes stayed fixed on something. I tried to follow the line of her gaze and it ended up on Baekhyun’s phone, still perched on the table. “So that’s why he’s not answering,” she murmured just loud enough for me to hear. 

“Ah... Yeah... I heard it ring. But I don’t know if I’m on the right position to answer it. I’m sorry. You must have felt worried,” I said to her.

Her eyes immediately left the phone and switched to me. “It’s okay. Nothing to worry about,” she answered.

The atmosphere suddenly felt heavy. I don’t know but for some reason I suddenly felt like leaving the room. I can’t stay here with her, I just can’t. The mood felt so awkward - so suffocating. I wanted so bad to go out, to breathe some fresh air.

Taeyeon looked down on her shoes and placed her hands tightly behind her. She spoke, almost to herself, “I want to ask you something.”

I gulped, trying to think about making a run for it. “W-What is it, eonnie?”

She looked up and stared at me - really stared - her eyes blazing with a kind of intensity I cannot explain. She began, “Do you... perhaps---”

Her words were cut off by the sudden explosion in the room. The door banged open and came flooded the boys, cheering and shouting with all their might. They stopped when they saw Taeyeon.

“Oh. Noona. What are you doing here?” Kai asked, his eyes wide in surprise. Clearly, Taeyeon isn’t someone they’re all expecting to see.

The dangerous look on Taeyeon’s face was suddenly replaced by a sweet, feminine smile. She turned to Kai and answered, “Tiffany and I are on the building, filming some interview. I heard that you guys are here so I decided to pay a visit.”

“Ahh... That’s sweet of you, noona. Thanks,” Kai said, giving back a warm smile. 

Just then Baekhyun came emerging inside the room with Chanyeol. He stopped when he saw her. 

“Tae---” he began but stopped. “Noona,” he corrected, looking at Taeyeon with surprise far greater than Kai’s. “What are you---”

“Noona said she’s here with Tiffany filming for an interview and decided to pay us a visit when she heard we’re here, too,” Kai answered, not waiting for Baekhyun to finish his question.

“How long have you been here?” he asked, his eyes darting from Taeyeon to me accusingly. I flinched. Don’t worry, I didn’t do anything to her, I almost told him. 

“Just a few minutes ago,” she answered as she ducked her head to the side, “How was the performance?”

“It was great! We nailed it, noona!” Sehun answered, energetic as always. 

“That’s great! It’s such a shame I wasn’t even able to watch it. If I had known earlier, I would have gone to the studio for you guys,” she said as she pinched Sehun on the cheek. I had to look away. The scene is making me feel nauseous for some reason. 

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