[Sol Han Na’s POV]

I had just finished packing our food for later when Baekhyun suddenly entered the kitchen.With his clothes still ruffled and his hair sticking out on ends, he looked like he just got out of bed. Half-awake and half-dazed, he didn’t seem to notice me as he stood there beside the kitchen table. I decided to take a desperate look - taking him all in.

We haven’t spoken to each other since yesterday and it felt so odd. Baekhyun being so silent is odd. Baekhyun not being the joker himself is odd. Baekhyun not messing around with me is odd. My mind was so preoccupied yesterday of the restroom incident that I barely even had time to ponder about him. But now that I have everything cleared up, the anxiety is getting on my nerves again.

I wonder if he went here last night. 

Why would he? the voice inside me replied.

Of course, why would he. I scoffed at myself for even thinking about it.

He just stood there, his hand tightly gripping the edge of the table.

He doesn’t look like he’s okay.

I wanted to go near him, to comfort him - this is what every part of me tells me to do but I can’t. Everything feels so awkward between us right now. I want to feel normal again, joke with him again, but I feel like something’s holding me back - like something’s holding us back.

He seem to have noticed my presence for he suddenly turned to look at me.

Shock registered in his features, as if he didn’t expect me to be here. It’s still early and the boys are still on their beds. It’s a surprise he’s here - awake. I stared at him again and for the first time I noticed the deep circles around his eyes. He must have not slept. 

We stood there staring at each other for a moment. He looks at me like he is seeing me for the first time but it was gone the moment I realized it and was replaced by something cold and feral. 

I froze.

He never looked at me that way before.

He turned around and started to leave.

I panicked. I rummaged my head for anything good to say. He can’t just leave me like this.

“Did you and Taeyeon had a fight?” The words came out of my mouth even before I had the chance to think about it. Stupid, Han Na. 

This made him stop. 

“What?” he said, his voice low. He still had his back on me. Every part of me wishes to see his face - to see his reaction. Is he mad? Did I offend him?

“Did you two had a fight?” I continued since I cannot take back those words anymore. I felt like I had just dug my own grave.

He turned towards me, still bearing that cold and feral look in his face.

“I don’t understand what you mean,” he replied, utterly emotionless.

I squared my shoulders and pulled my chin up. Annoyance is slowly taking over me. “Well, you’ve been in a pretty bad temper ever since yesterday... I couldn’t think of any possible reason.”

Understanding slowly dawned on his face. He scoffed, his reaction a mix of amusement and disbelief. “You think I’m like this because of her?”

“If you’re talking about the ‘you’ who stayed quiet and ill-tempered since yesterday, yes. I think it’s because of her. Would there be anyone else?” The ‘you’ who didn’t talk to me. The ‘you’ who didn’t even looked at me... I wanted to say, but can’t.

He stared at me for a moment, calculating. He looked disbelieved, like I had just said something that sounded so stupid and pathetic in his ears. He stayed like that before his expression suddenly changes. 

What’s going on with him?

He looked down at his feet and placed his hands inside the pockets of his sweatpants. 

“You’re right. It’s because of her,” he said. It sounded like he doesn’t mean it but who am I to argue? Of course, it’s her. 

I smiled to myself and looked away.

What are you mad about? You wanted to hear it, my subconscious scolded. 

Yes, I wanted to hear it. But why do I feel like I had just been slapped on the face?

“So you fought, huh?” I asked, slowly.

“Yeah,” he replied but he sounded like his mind is drifting somewhere far away. “We had some misunderstanding yesterday.”

“Ah..” my voice sounded lifeless, disappointed, pained. Wrong move. This time, he looked at me square in the eye.

“Why?” he asked, a little too breathless.

I shrugged and tried to act indifferently. “Nothing... Nothing...”

He shrugged, too, and made his way out of the kitchen again.

I spoke before it was too late, “I hope you two will be okay soon.”

“Of course we will,” he said and left.

His voice seem to echo in the room after he’s gone. I was left standing behind the island table, gripping it on both sides. I cannot trust my legs to hold me anymore. I don’t know what happened but it felt like a huge blow suddenly hit me the moment those words left his mouth. My knees buckled and I found myself kneeling on the kitchen floor. I hugged my knees tightly to my chest, trying to even my breaths. 

Am I crying?

I touched my face and my hands came away wet.

I am.

I stayed like that for a moment - knees tightly pressed on my chest, shoulders shaking, tears falling down my eyes for reasons I cannot even understand. The room felt so eerily quiet, nothing can be heard. Nothing, except my muffled sobs... and the sound of pain as my heart slowly shattered into pieces.

***

We are now inside the practice room, the boys already finishing a few rounds of practice. I am on my usual place at the corner of the room, stuck inside my own bubble. Baekhyun had returned to his normal self. He left a while ago, probably to talk to Taeyeon, and when he came back... it seemed like yesterday didn’t happen at all. It felt unfair. He recovered so fast from everything that had happened while I am here, barely keeping myself intact. 

It’s your choice. He never told you to be like that, my subconscious spoke. 

I let out a frustrated sigh and scooted closer to the wall, putting my head between my knees. 

I’m going to take things one at a time. 

I can face Baekhyun later. 

I’ll handle the girls first.

I stood up and made my way out of the room.

“Where are you going, noona?” Sehun asked from a distance. 

“Washroom,” I answered plainly. Sehun must have sensed my mood for he only nodded, not pushing the topic any further. Chanyeol, on the other hand, obviously didn’t.

“What’s with the bad mood so early in the morning?” he asked as he slowly pulled me into a back hug. 

“I just don’t feel well, oppa,” I replied as I slowly disentangled myself from him. “And besides, it’s almost afternoon,” I added as I gave him a slight pinch on the cheek before leaving the room. 

I made my way towards the cafeteria, my breaths becoming ragged as I go. I have thought about this the whole night.  I cannot let this go. Soon, those girls would find out who I am and I cannot let them think of me like that. It wasn’t true. Well... it was. But they didn’t know everything that happened. And I’m going to tell them that - no matter what it takes. 

I reached the place soon enough and headed straight to the restroom. I checked my phone. They ought to be here any minute if my guess is right. Last night I was thinking about how I could meet them again. I remembered their faces, that’s for sure, but I cannot go around the whole building looking for them. Then I decided to just come back here, the place where I first met them, and hope that they would come back the same time as they did yesterday. 

I went to one of the sinks and washed my hands, letting the cold water relieve some of my anxiety. I looked at myself in the mirror. I pretty much look the same - long black hair, wide eyes, slight puffy cheeks - but I look pale. I lightly slapped my cheeks, trying to bring some color in it, just as I hear the familiar voices.

The three girls entered one after the ot