Concealed Identity
written by KaihleeLo
reviewed by -Tigress-

Title: 7/10
Your title is quite intriguing, especially since I am a pretty hardcore fan of AU History, but as of yet I do not see how it plays into the story.

Plot: 15/35

                5/5: Originality
                From what you have posted so far, I can say that your story is quite original. Maybe, in fact, a little too much so? I know that sounds weird but the thing is that it doesn't fit in with other stories and so will not get much reader response. The fact that your story doesn't even use any idols or actors wil make it even less attractive to readers on AFF; even using actors to portray your own characters is not enough to entice. I would highly suggest remaking the story with a band or with the actors as themselves instead of the overly complicated cast list.

                2/10: Believability
                Honestly I am having a very hard time believing this story. The opening scene was too orchestrated, too unreal; there is not a battlefield in all of history that would still be littered with weapons (the winning army would have taken the valuable steel/metal) and there is certainly no way that one would leave a familial sword in the man they killed. Also, the whole scene with all the boys meeting at once with th run, that is unbelievable and not only improbable, but impossible. The whole story is feeling too forced and like you're trying too hard to push characters and events together, thereby completely forgoing any believability.

                5/10: Narration
                The narration feels very stiff, again like you are trying too hard to stay with your voice sounding more 'epic' in terms of the tale. Writing more casuallywill help that feel a lot.

                3/10: Setting
                You don't give much of a setting for your story. In th