70.9 InfiniteLuxa - Fear

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Fear
written by InfiniteLuxa
reviewed by Duchezz

Title: 5/10
It isn't very catchy. Not overused but not attention grabbing enough. I totally understand why you would want to name it "Fear" because of the plot but it doesn't make me want to check it out much. I would suggest adding like one more word or kinda changing it up to make it a bit longer but if just one word fits you best then go with that because why? 1) It's your story~! 2) It's good. Just not that "OMG I WONDER WHAT THIS IS ABOUT?!" You know how most people what to read basic school life romance stories? I wouldn't agree much with the idea of attracting those type of people to a story titled like this, especially if they prefer happy themed stories over sad ones. Sometimes, you just get a bunch of fans who come along regardless of the story they like it so because of all the drama too.

Plot: 26.5/35

4.5/5: Originality
A very original piece! Nicely done in this category. Yes, there are many fan fictions about things like this but it is plotted out and written to be very unique. I really find it to be an attractive idea of how this story if laid out, you know? I plainly just want to say I really think this is very unique. Keep up the good work! Be original.

7/10: Believability
The thing I couldn't believe the most is the virtual game.... It's like I understand everything with it, it's just that its a very usual concept-unique-but strange. From my past couple years of writing I've learned at least 1 useful fact: Don't use a entertainment piece in another entertainment piece. And by that I mean like it's weird for the reader and it makes them go "Uh.... This is embarrassing..." if you suddenly put in something like a 21st century song in a story like that. So I recommend avoiding using games, animes, mangas, Kdramas, books, movies, songs, and such in fanfics. I'm not saying you should NOT use anything like that or your story is gonna be a total flaw and no one will read it. I'm saying that it makes the reader uncomfortable and in a way embarrassed. So I recommend tweaking the name or something. ^_^

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Amalya #1 Jan 13, 2016 04:59:22

Chapter 22: After finally finishing writing It Begins With Blood (still posting the last couple chapters), I decided to revisit the previous review. It still has just as much impact now as it did then, if not more so. There are certainly many things I could go back and change to make it more accessible to readers and more pertinent to the tags specifically listed. As I got to the end, it definitely felt even harder to juggle the people I'd introduced and to make sure they all had some sort of resolution. To the point that I'm not sure I succeeded even half as well as I intended. But I do know that with the sound critique given, the access to the polls taken, and the suggestions made in regards to how I can make it better, this is certainly a project I would like to put under the microscope again at a later point in time. Perhaps when it's not so fresh (now) and it's had a chance to settle. Writing 'The End' is always hard with any extensive piece of work and this one was no different. But I do feel I can make it better and give it a stronger direction and purpose in the future. To that end, I wanted to thank Amber_Sica again and especially you Librarian for keeping the reviews in an easily accessible archive for later perusal. It's incredibly helpful and I will be coming back to it in the future. Cheers!