“Please don’t stray too far, Queen.”

Hearing Hero’s words of caution, I sent him a nod and followed the directions he explained to me just moments before. This morning, the other Knights were once again making their rounds to ensure the campsite’s safety and I – I decided to go to the lake.

Normally, the Knights wouldn’t let me drift off without supervision but in this case, they would have to be lenient. 

Arriving, I carefully slipped out of my clothes and stepped into the cool water. Moving further away from the shore, I only stopped when the water reached my waist. Lowering my legs, I completely submerged myself and allowed the cold to temporarily knock the breath out of my lungs. Closing my eyes, I sat there below the surface. It was a form of escape, I suppose. Only when my lungs tightened did I finally resurfaced to allow the air to rush back down my throat. 

My chest had always felt stifled lately but as Dae Hyun’s words ran through my mind repeatedly, the discomfort only increased. There was no end to it. 

And whenever such thoughts crossed my mind, the feelings I wanted to cap away would slip through and rise to the surface. 

I became afraid?

Of course, I did.

I became afraid of losing those around me. And I was going to do anything necessary to keep that from happening. 

And there was something the others failed to understand. The bad things that Hero claims will happen when my true self and what I want to be clashes – that doesn’t measure up to this fear that overwhelms me. 

So, who is this person I want to become?

I wanted to become strong. Strong enough that instead of always seeking others’ protection, I can finally offer some instead. Strong enough to ensure Jun Hong would grow into a person that Auntie Hwa and Helios would be proud of. Strong enough to step forward and efficiently carry out my responsibilities.

…And strong enough to bring Yong Guk and Him Chan home.

That’s exactly who I wanted to become.

So, is the person that I am now not even close to achieving any of these?

***

“Mister.” I returned with my hair dripping wet.

“Queen, you’re back.” Hero eyed me carefully from where he stood. “…Is there something wrong?”

“I would like a haircut.”

“What was that?” Taken aback, the Knight didn’t know how to respond. “I don’t cut hair, Queen.”

“Yes, but you have the most steady hands.” A small smile tugged at my lips.

Seeing my expression, he couldn’t reject what I asked for. “So, how would you like it?”

“Short, please.” 

Unlike the Knight holding the pair of scissors behind me, I was calm and merely waiting for him to get started. 

“Are you sure that’s what you want?”

“Do you think it’s a waste?” I questioned softly.

“Why did you decide so?”

“I needed a change.” In more ways than one.

Breathing in deeply, Hero finally felt brave enough to reach for some strands of my locks. “Okay, here we go.” The snipping of scissors filled in the silence before Hero decided to ask me a question on his mind. “How are you feeling?”

“Less confused.” I answered softly.

“How so?”

The visit to the lake by myself gave me time to confront my thoughts. “I have finally understood my feelings.” I answered vaguely.

But, it was these feelings that I tried to push down and away, afraid of what it will do it me if I allowed myself to experience any of it. 

The fear. 

The worry.

And the longing. 

The feeling that would only come up at the thought of a certain person. 

I breathed out – and for once, it didn’t feel so suffocating. 

“It’s a shame.” Hero begins softly. “Individuals your age shouldn’t have to worry about war. You should be thinking about what you would eat for dinner –“ He chuckled. “ – Plans for the weekend, marriage…”

“Woo Bin has brought that up once before.” I remember him making comments about me finding my husband. “About who my husband would be.” 

“What did Prince Woo Bin say?”

“He asked if I would marry my Knight because I said all I needed was Yong Guk.” I stated from memory.

Hero chuckled again. “Is that so?”

By the time the Knights returned, my hair had long dried and though they didn’t mention the sudden difference in my hair, when Dae Hyun and Jun Hong returned, it wasn’t going to remain unspoken.

“What did you do?” Dae Hyun stared at me.

“I made mistakes, didn’t I?” Hero blurted from the side.

“You did that to her?” Dae Hyun looks at the older Knight accusingly.

“I asked him to.” I finally break the silence and touch my hair that now reaches my shoulders. “I think it turned out fine.”

“I think it looks beautiful, Queen.” Chief comments with a smile from the side. 

“Well, it doesn’t look too bad.” Dae Hyun quickly gives in and suddenly changes the topic. “Someone is coming this way.”

As I thought, a Knight broke out from the trees and transformed back to his human appearance in order to greet me. “Queen Hae Won.”

The words slipped from his lips, mixing with his panting. “Yes?” I gave him my attention. “You’re Bolt, correct?” I have met him before, Young Jae’s Knight.

He nodded his head. “I’ve come with a message.”

“From Young Jae?”

“King Gang Han has been executing Werewolf rebels in front of the camps – in front of the people.”

“His methods are still brutal.” Steel comments.

“Is there more?” I questioned.

“This morning, the statue of King Jun Ho was also found in pieces.” Bolt further explained. “We don’t know if Werewolf sympathizers were behind it or the rebels.”

“But, why the statue?” What significance does it have? I sighed thinking of the problems. 

“He’s an important figure to the humans from the first war.” Steel reasons. 

“And King Gang Han wasn’t happy to find out.” Bolt continues. “And the fact that they snuck in without alerting anyone is another problem.”

“Thank you, Bolt.” 

He nods. “I can’t stay long so I’ll take my leave now.”

Shifting back, the Knight sprints off to quickly return to Him.

“Queen, I think it’s best to keep away for the time being and figure out the best move to make.” Bronze suggested from the side.

***

“While I’m away, do me a favor.” 

I was sitting against a tree when Dae Hyun appeared before me. I peered up at him, waiting to hear the rest of his words.

“Don’t skip any meals.”

“I got it.” I could tell my response wasn’t enough to convince him but he decided to take the chance.

“I’m going out to train with Jun Hong again and –“

“Phoenix.” Hero called out from behind me. “I have time now, let’s talk like you wanted.”

“Remember to eat.” He says lastly before going off to meet with the Knight.

While staring off into space, a gentle wind breezes by and ruffles my hair. The short strands danced along with the wind before it settled back into place once more. The scene from a few days ago where Yong Guk had visited us replayed in my mind over and over again. Even when I tried to ignore thinking about it while at the lake, it came back to revisit me. 

But, I understood why my mind was doing this to me.

Thinking about him and our memories are the only things I could do in order to satisfy my longing for him. How our meeting ended wasn’t exactly how I wanted to part. There were lots of questions I had failed to ask and lots of questions I needed the answers to. But, now that I’m thinking about it, would he even provide clear responses? I wonder if he understood how hard it was for me to find he had left my side.

Or, if he knew how often I thought of him.

At these thoughts, there was something in t