I grew up different – I’m just…different. I have different mannerisms and different impulses. It was difficult to control me but at the same time, it wasn’t hard to figure out ways how to. 

Like an animal – I needed punishments and rewards. 

But even then, it didn’t stop the random violent episodes that pursued me and I was unable to control them. It was like this sudden strong urge that would overshadow every part of my being, driving me to lash out in order to help get rid of the uncomfortable feeling.

It had always been this way. And that was how I always dealt with them. My ‘pack’ could never control them and had their own way to try to keep me under control. More of which consisted with beating me down.

And finally for once, these episodes that seemed endless and overpowering – they stopped. I finally found something that could quell it. Just by the touch of her hand, the same hand that found me comfort, also found me tranquility. It was strange. Her simple touch might not mean much to her but it meant the world to me. It was everything to me. 

***

The moment I first entered this world, whoever brought me into it was the same person that abandoned me in it – leaving me to fend for myself, leaving me to deal with whatever the world wanted to throw at me. The very first feeling I must have felt was loneliness but constant stress, paranoia, and restlessness soon were the only things that filled me to the brim. 

When you grow up the way I do, you always feel like you’re fighting.

Fighting for what?

I’m not exactly sure. Often times, you’re just fighting others. Then possibly, for survival? 

When I was picked up by a group of Lone Werewolves, I thought maybe the way I lived now would change – and it did. In every possible way. Every day was violent. Every day was a new order I needed to follow. Every day was a punishment because I would never do it right. When you hear that you’re not good enough every single day. When you are called an animal every time. When you’re placed in these situations every moment of your life – you would start to believe those words too and you also start to believe that this was how life was. You start to understand this is what it meant to be living.

It just took a while for me to figure it out.

I was never included in their little talks, I wouldn’t understand it anyways – words that belonged to them. And maybe it was true or maybe I didn’t care to listen.

Though when I did, I heard them speaking of a new world order. 

Pet, you have another job. You’re going to help us in our goal. Don’t you want it too?

I’m not sure. Did I want it also? I overheard them often but these words weren’t something I wished to understand. If you lived the way I lived, the only thing you were thinking about was seeking out a moment where you would feel something other than always feeling on edge. 

Remember to get it done right. You don’t want to go through what you did the last time again.

You don’t want to be bad, right?

Feeling on edge that if I did something wrong, the consequences would occur. And no matter what I did, it never stopped the punishments – the pain. They never ceased.

Jongup…not bad…not bad…

Every day consisted of the same thing. I would be held down and a small pain on my arm would follow. Nothing I couldn’t handle but the power that would surge through my body wouldn’t go unnoticed. But, the after effects weren’t overlooked ei