Part Fifty-One: Hoya
The Words Unsaid
Part Fifty-One
Hoya
Italicize is past memories.
“Come on Joonshu where are you?” I muttered under my breath as I open the door to a nearby café. Although I wanted to know what Sungjong’s letter said I knew needed to find Joonshu first.
Who knows what kind of trouble that brat is getting into? He is probably getting into another fight or setting Seoul on fire.
“Hyung,” I looked around the small café to see Joonshu standing up from a table that contained a white mug and a plate of left over cake.
“What are you doing here?” I asked him as I took a seat. “And why did you pick this place?”
The small café was painted a bright yellow color and on the walls were pictures of cats. Some of them were photographs while the others were weird abstract painting. In the corner of the room was a white counter full of pastries and a waitress wearing a maid’s outfit with a pair of black cat ears on her head. It wouldn’t have been strange if the woman wasn’t in her forties and looking as if she wanted to die. The whole café was full of flowers that gave it a weird combination of smells. The café was thankfully empty so no one I knew or worst a fan would know I was here.
“Cats calm me,” Joonshu admitted as he picked up his fork again to finish his cake.
“Then you should have been surrounded by cat’s hours ago,” I pointed out.
“Yeah about that,” Joonshu sighed. “I’m sorry. I just know how special Dongwoo is to you.”
I nodded. “He is special but so are the rest of my members.”
“But Dongwoo is more special,” Joonshu smirked.
“What do you mean?” I raised an eyebrow.
“I mean Yadong and all,” Joonshu sighed.
“Ya ya YADONG!” I sat up almost shoving the whole table to the ground.
“What Hyung was I not supposed to know?” Joonshu questioned. “I mean I really don’t care that you’re gay.”
“I’m not GAY!” I shouted as the woman from the counter stared at me with wide eyes.
Hoya let’s not tell the whole world that you’re in this girly café!
I sat down covering my face with my hands.
“Who told you that I was a couple with Dongwoo?” I asked him.
“Well this site,” Joonshu held up my cell phone. I grabbed the phone scanning the images on the screen. They were fan taken photos of Dongwoo and me. All of them were taken before the accident when things were much happier and easy.
“Who told you about this,” I looked up at him.
“I just search your name and this side search of Yadong came up and I clicked on it,” Joonshu admitted. “Why is this incorrect?”
“The fans,” I told him. “The fans like to pair us together.”
His face dropped. “So you’re not in love with Dongwoo!!”
“No!” I shouted.
“But he save you from cancer how can you not love him!” Joonshu frown. “Maybe you are in love with Sunggyu! After all he did have a one sided love before Dongwoo came into your life.”
My face dropped. “Have you been reading fanfictions too?”
“What are fanfictions?” Joonshu looked at me with wide eyes.
“Good God what am I going to do with you?!” I sighed as I rubbed my eyes.
“Hyung do you want some cake?” Joonshu asked as he took another large bite of the chocolate cake on his plate.
I lowered my voice and looked Joonshu in his eyes. “Where did you get this cake? You don’t have any money!”
“If you don’t want the last piece then I’ll eat it,” Joonshu said then he shoved the rest of the cake in his mouth.
“Joonshu!” I snapped. “Did you steal it?”
He shook his head no. “Hemough it shorme”
“What? Swallow first then tell me,” I said as I threw a napkin in his direction.
Although it probably only took Joonshu seconds to swallow the cake it felt like hours.
“He bought it for me,” Joonshu said pointing across the room. My eyes followed his hand to a man that was standing next to the front door. I couldn’t believe I didn’t see him when I walked into the small café.
If I did I would have ran.
“Howon,” he called taking a step forward.
I had thousands of questions running in my mind such as why was he here? Was here to hurt me? Was he here to yell at me? Was he stalking me?
“Hojae,” I sputtered out as I stood up from my seat.
I looked to the exit ready to run but Hojae held up his hand.
“Don’t Howon,” he told me as his voice became soft. “Don’t run anymore.”
“What are you doing here?” I asked him trying to hold myself together.
Joonshu stood up from his seat. “Is there a problem Hyung?”
“No Joonshu this is my older brother,” I informed him.
“Oh,” Joonshu sputtered out as he scan my brother up and down then looked back up to me.
“Where have you been Howon,” my brother took a step closer to me.
I could see the dark bags under his eyes and stubble from not shaving. His hair was greasy and unorganized defiantly not my brothers style.
“Joonshu the dance studio is empty why don’t you go rest there,” I pointed out.
“But I like this place and I found it first and I want another cake,” Joonshu whined.
“Go,” I snapped.
Joonshu frown then he picked up his plate and the last pieces of crumbs. He toss down the plate and waved goodbye to the women at the counter.
“Bye noona!” Then he turned his attention back to me.
“You owe me a cake,” he told me.
“Leave,” my voice was heavy and I knew I was about to break soon. Something I didn’t want to do in front of Joonshu.
“Geeze this Hyung won’t even let me eat cake,” Joonshu mumbled to himself as he walked out of the café. He stopped at Hojae who had yet to taken his gaze off of me.
“You mess with him…you mess with me,” he threaten then he open the door and started his way back to the dance studio.
“What are you doing here,” I said as my hand form a fist.
“Howon,” he took another step forward. “What happen to your face?”
Ah yes the bruises that were my reminder of my past mistakes.
“Nothing,” I snapped at him.
My eyes immediately turn to the woman working at the counter. Thankfully she had fallen asleep on the counter with her head down. She was softly snoring unaware of the fight that was about to break out.
“Where have you been?” Hojae asked with a look of dare I say worry.
“Why are you here,” I told him ignoring his questions. “Are you here to hit me? Yell at me!? Force me to go work with Appa?”
I could feel hot tears rolling down my cheeks as my heart was beating 300 miles per hour.
“What no,” Hojae sputtered out.
“Here hit me!” I shouted holding my arms out. “Hit me I know you really want to. Hit me! It’s not like I haven’t been hit before!”
“Stop!” Hojae yells at me.
“Then why are you here! Why are you here!?” I snapped at him.
Then Hojae did something unexpected. Instead of raising his fist he raised his arms and hugged me tightly.
“I missed you,” Hojae whispered into my ear.
I stood their frozen because this was the first time in years that my brother had hugged me. It was the first time in a long time that either one of us didn’t hit each other or walk out of the conversation.
“W-What,” I sputtered out.
“We’ve been looking for you for months,” Hojae admitted when he pulled back from me.
“What?” I said once again.
“We’ve been so worried,” Hojae told me making my heart beat heavier.
“B-but you hate me!” I pointed out because the last time I saw him he was throwing a fist in my face.
“Hate you?” he gave me a confused look.
“All we do is fight,” I pointed out. “It’s obviously you don’t want me around.”
“Everyone fights,” my brother expressed. “Even Appa and Umma fight but that doesn’t mean they don’t love each other.”
“What else am I to think when you don’t call? When you don’t even care about my life,” I snapped at him.
“Why are you acting like this?” my brother tested as he ran his hand through his hair.
“How should I act? You’ve never believed in me none of you did.”
“I believe in you Howon,” Hojae sighed.
“You have a funny way of showing it,” I snapped at him. I didn’t want to fight with my brother but I was mad. I was hurt and it didn’t help that I kept on thinking about Sungjong.
“Because I was jealous!” my brother barked letting his hands form into fists.
My heart dropped as I stared at my older brother. “W-What?”
He shook his head as if to clear his mind then his eyes scanned my face.
“What did you say?” I asked him unsure if I heard him right.
“I was jealous,” Hojae told me again.
My mouth open as I gaped at him causing his cheeks to turn a bright shade of red.
“Are you happy now?” Hojae mumbled under his breath.
“I don’t u-understand,” I stammered, “I mean you were always Appa’s favorite son! You were the captain of the swim team and you even were accepted into a good college. You’re the favorite son that has done no wrong and I’m just a failure.”
My brother scowls.
“Howon look at me,” he ordered me.
I looked down at the floor to scared and maybe too embarrassed to look up at my brother.
“Look at me before I force you to look,” he snapped.
I look up to see my older brother’s weary face.
“Listen if you tell anyone this I will personally punch you in the face,” he warn me. “But to me Howon you were the favorite son. I mean you are a rapper of a famous group while I’m a no one.”
“Yeah sure,” I scoffed.
“No I mean it! Ever since you were a kid you knew what you wanted to be while I on the other hand kept on choosing a new career every week. You were willing to fight for your dreams even against Appa’s wishes. Even when you were kicked out of the house you still went for it. I never met someone that wanted something as bad as you did. I wish I could be as determine as you were. Then maybe things would have turn out differently. So there you have it I was jealous of you. I took out my frustrations on you and that is something I apologize for. But please don’t think I hate you or I don’t love you Howon. That is something you should never doubt,” he told me.
“Yeah,” my voice was raw and I knew that tears were trying to fall from my eyes.
But I couldn’t cry.
No I wouldn’t cry in front of him even if he was my brother.
“But why did you fight with me before I left and why was Hyojin going through my stuff?” I asked because the time I spent at home didn’t exactly feel welcoming.
“That’s what brothers do we play video games and wrestle…okay maybe I’ve been in the military too long. Plus I don’t know how to hang out with you. I didn’t mean to hurt you I just wanted to hang out. I wanted to make you feel better but maybe I just made things worse and that is why you ran. As for Hyojin she was just trying to help in her own way. She wanted to send flowers to Sungjong’s parents but she didn’t want to remind you of him. So she...”
“Looked through my phone?” I asked thinking back to how mad I was at her for looking in my bag.
Maybe I had been stuck in the past for too long? I was hurt by the things my family had done to me. They had called my dream stupid and even worst it had felt as if they were rooting against me. While in Seoul pursuing my dreams I felt completely alone and that was one of the worst feelings I have ever felt in my life. The people who taught you how to take your first steps were now against your dreams. It was one of the worst betrays but now they want to act as if everything was right. I couldn’t help but wonder when my heart closed up? When did a simple act of kindness get turn into an evil act in my mind? Was it me who was always sabotaging a relationship with my family because of a silly grudge? Could I have had a happy family relationship sooner?
No Hoya don’t think about that now.
You can’t think about that stuff now! If you do you will be stuck back into a black hole of what ifs and no one wants to be in that state.
“Do you know how worried we were about you?” Hojae told me as he gave me a shaky smile. “We have been looking for you since you left. It wasn’t even like we could go to the police since we didn’t want the press to get wind of your disappearance.”
“I’m sorry,” I frown and I really was sorry.
I was sorry that I had become a burden for my family once again.
“We’ve been in Seoul for the past week because we hoped you would come here to say goodbye to Sungjong. It was only by luck that I saw you by the dance studio today. I followed your friend in here and offered to give him a little snack as we waited for you,” Hojae explained.
Then something that Hojae said jumped at me. “Wait we?”
“Ah that’s right we need to get going,” Hojae ordered me.
“Go?” I asked somewhat hoping that it wasn’t back to Busan.
“Yes I bet he’s going to cry when he sees you,” Hojae smile.
“Who’s going to cry?” I asked him still confused.
“Who do you think?” Hojae laughed.
My face dropped because that could only mean one person and I wasn’t sure if I was ready to see him yet.
“Come on,” Hojae rushed me out the door.
♦♦♦♦♦
Today was a day of firsts.
It was the first time my brother had apologized to me and meant it. It was the first time I realize I was no longer alone.
It was also the first time I saw my Appa cry.
He hugged me tightly as he sobbed into my shoulder. My eyes were wide as my face was painted with confusion.
He pulled me back as he grabbed ahold of my face to look at the bruises on my cheek.
“Who did it,” my Appa snapped at me.
It was my first time seeing my appa act so protective over me. Wasn’t it months ago that he was yelling at me for dancing?
“I-I,” I sputtered out. “Was eh back talking and I got hit.”
“You should have came home,” my appa told me as he whipped the tears away from his cheeks.
“Why,” my voice felt heavy. “So I could go work in your office?”
My Appa mouth opens as he gaped at me.
“What no?” my appa sputtered out.
“Then why are you here?” I snapped because even though I had made up with my hyung didn’t mean I had already forgiven my Appa.
“Howon,” my brother warn me.
“No why are you here?” I asked him. “Why am I here?”
I looked around the small rooftop room that was littered with leftover containers and newspapers. There was a small bed in the corner of the room that contain sleeping bags and pillows. This room was the opposite of everything I knew about my straight lace appa. So why was he here and more importantly why was I here?
“I missed you,” my appa voice’s shake as if he was about to start cry again.
“What?” I stood there frozen as I felt a coldness run up my spine.
“I’m sorry,” my appa frown. “I’m sorry that I didn’t take care of you better. I’m sorry that you thought you had to run away from your family to feel better. I’m sorry for hitting you. I’m sorry for everything.”
Oh god.
Is this what it feels like to have a piece of your heart break all over again? The man who had always been strong in my mind now looked more broken then me.
“I don’t understand,” I muttered again.
“We’ve been out looking for you Howon,” my brother told me. “We started in Busan then we moved to Seoul to finish our search.”
“But what is this place?” I asked raising my hands as I pointed to the small room.
“Ah this place,” my appa said as he lowered his head.
“Howon,” my hyung warn me.
“What?” I said as I raised an eyebrow.
My Appa took a deep breath as my brother looked at him then back to me.
“Good God if you two don’t communicate then I’ll run away next!” My brother snapped at us. “Appa…Howon is hurt that you acted as if you didn’t care about his dreams and Howon Appa has always believed in you. This is where he stays when you are promoting with Infinite! He never gave up on you.”
I took a deep breath as I let the words soak into my head.
He stays in this little room so he could watch me on stage? So he could support me without letting me know.
“You’re lying,” I snapped at him because this had to be all lies.
“He’s not,” a voice came from behind me. She was as beautiful as ever even with the dark bags under her eyes and the wrinkles on her face. My Umma was always beautiful no matter what.
“UMMA!” I shouted as I pulled her into a tight hug.
I been hiding my feeling of leaving home but now that she was right in front of me I couldn’t hold myself together. I really did miss my Umma. I miss-
“OUCH!”
I stepped back holding my side as I looked at my umma who was holding her fist at her side.
“That is for not calling!” my umma snapped at me then she took my face into her hand gently. She gave me a small smile before she lean in and kissed my cheek. “And this is because I love you.”
“You were all looking for me,” I asked in awe.
“Yes Howon we all love you,” my umma told me. “You should already know that. You should also know that your Appa has been with you during your career even if you didn’t know it.”
“What do you mean,” I asked as I looked back and forth from my Appa and Umma.
“Tell him,” my umma ordered.
“He doesn’t really have to know,” my appa scoffed.
My umma glared at him as she raised her eyebrow. “You do realize that your pride is what got you in this situation! Now talk to your son!”
My appa sighed as he looked at me. “I’m sorry for being you know harsh…”
He looked around the room as if he was looking for an escape.
“Do you want to sleep on the couch,” my umma threaten my appa.
“Listen Howon I know I haven’t been the best of Appa out there hell I might be the worse. But I don’t want you to think that I was never proud of you because I am. When you first decided to be a singer I was against it but not for the reasons you think. Yes I was disappointed in you for leaving school but that’s not the reason why I was so against it. I was against it because I too had dreams when I was your age. I wanted to be a writer even though my parents didn’t agree with my career choice. I pursued it anyways and I failed horribly. That’s why I pushed you away from your dreams because I didn’t want you to get hurt. I didn’t want you to know how heartbreaking it feels to fail at your dreams. You did it anyways despite my actions of pushing you away. Then by some miracle you were accepted into a company but I heard horror stories of trainees. Being treated like or being kicked out before debuting. I couldn’t understand why you would put yourself through it. I really thought you would be coming back home. I admit that I was angry with your choices of leaving the family and more importantly for leaving your Umma,” My appa admitted. “But then I saw you debut with your Umma and I realize how wrong I was. You are talented far more talented then I was. So I bought this small apartment so I could watch you from afar while you were promoting.”
I bit my lip as I looked at him. “Then why didn’t you support me after I debut? Why did you hide from me?”
My Appa cleared his throat. “Because men in this family have a hard time expressing their feelings.”
“Yeobo,” my Umma warn him.
My Appa crossed his arms as he let out a sigh. “Hoya I only pushed you away because I wanted you to be the best singer and I knew you could only do that if someone was rooting against you. I know you pushed yourself to prove that you could become an idol against my wishes.”
I could feel my throat began to tighten as the tears threaten to come out. “But I didn’t need you to push me I need you to be my Appa.”
I could tell that my words had hurt my Appa but I didn’t care.
“I know. I’m sorry but I hope my actions will now prove how much I care about you. I talked to your old company JYP and t-“
“WHAT!” I sputtered out.
“Well they said that they will take you back after you terminate your contract with Woollim,” my appa informed me.
“But-“
“I know you still want to be a singer,” my appa interrupted me. “I’m just trying to help you achieve your dreams.”
I took a deep breath trying to calm my anger. Yes my appa was trying to help me but once again he was doing it in the wrong way. I guess old habits die hard.
“Appa I know you’re trying to help but I’m going to stick with my company and Infinite right now,” I told him.
“What about your future,” my appa brought up.
“Yeobo,” my umma warn him.
“Fine,” my appa shook his head. “I know you can take care of yourself.”
“Appa,” I smiled. “Thank you.”
I didn’t think I could forgive my appa for everything he had put me through. He couldn’t take back the tears I cried or the loneliness I felt for all those years. There was a part of my heart that felt lighter as if I could finally start to breath. I knew that it would take time to rebuild my relationship with my father but it was a start.
“Are we done here?” Hojae asked from the corner the dirty bed.
I had forgotten that he was still here watching the whole scene.
“Can we go eat?” my brother asked rubbing his stomach.
“As long as it’s not seafood,” my appa added. “I ate too much of it yesterday.”
“What about pizza?” my brother added.
“No that’s too fatting!” my umma argued.
“What do you want Howon?” Hojae asked me.
“I um actually I can’t go out to eat I have to get back to the dorm,” I told them.
“But we only just got to see you aft-OUCH!”
My brother shouted as my mother smiled at him forcefully.
“It’s okay Howon you go off,” my umma told me. “We got a hotel in Seoul till the end of the week. If you want to come home with us you can but if you need time away than we understand.”
Hojae scoffed. “But Umma we just got him back!”
My Umma glared at him then turn her head to me and smiled. “Howon why don’t you run off I’m sure Infinite needs you.”
Then she hugged me tightly once again making me question why I needed to leave. Why did I need to leav-
“OUCH!” I shouted as I stepped out of her arms.
“That is just a reminder to not run away again! If you do I will hunt you down and kill you,” then she smiled as she patted me on my shoulder.
“Um eh okay,” I muttered out.
“Good,” she ruffled my hair. “We will see you in a couple of days and don’t forget to call us!”
I nodded my head as I backed out of the door. My head felt heavy as I tried to understand all the things that had happen today. Sungjong’s scavenger hunt, my hyung and appa’s apology. Right now I wouldn’t even be surprised if I saw Sunggyu hyung in a dress and high heels.
♦♦♦♦♦
Any fan would have thought that I would be standing in a dance studio after all I was called the dance machine of Infinite
But I wasn’t a dance machine to Sungjong. I was just Hoya the perfectionist who ran away from home.
So it made perfect sense for Hoya the run away to be standing on this rooftop. I had been lucky that there was a bucket nearby or else I would have to break into the old dorm to find my treasure.
Good luck or bad luck I was still standing on the rooftop that contained thousands of memories.
Sungjong sat at edge of the roof as he looked down at the road.
“SUNGJONG!” I screamed almost making the young boy fall of the roof.
Sungjong snap his gaze on to me with such anger that I almost ran away in fear.
“YAH!” he snapped. “I could have fallen and ruined my face.”
“Oh no,” I .
“Come on you know our future group Infinite would be ruin if I didn’t have my face,” Sungjong pointed out with a smug look.
I took a deep breath. “I guess you’re right but then again Myungsoo is goo-“
“Shut up!” Sungjong glared at me. “If you’re here to nag me then just leave and send up Sunggyu. He’s a lot better at nagging than you.”
“No I’m not here to nag you but I am here for this,” I smiled widely as I held up two bottles of soju.
“Hyung!” Sungjong stood up shocked.
I frown. “You haven’t called me Hyung since the day we met.”
“But where did you get this?” Sungjong asked as he came to me.
I shrugged as if it was nothing big. “I stole from the managers.”
Sungjong’s mouth dropped in shock it was the first time I ever saw the maknae act like this. Oh how I wished I had borrowed Myungsoo camera. So I could document the manknae’s face for the rest of history.
“You are going to be murdered. No I take it back you are already dead and you’re just a ghost,” Sungjong told me with a frown.
“So I’m dead now will you go have a drink with me,” I asked him as I took a seat on a milk crate.
“What no!” Sungjong crossed his arms.
I looked up at him as I tilted my head. “Come on be a ghost with me!”
“You do realize we could be kicked out!” Sungjong wined. “We are still trainees and the lineup can be change any minute an-“
“YAH! Relax!” I placed my hand up.
“You’re telling me to relax?” Sungjong mumbled to himself then he looked up at me. “Weren’t you the one who was stressing out about getting a dance step wrong?”
“You’re right I’ve been way too stressed out and so have you. So let’s drink a bit and actually act like kids.”
“Stupid kids?” Sungjong remarked.
“Come on Jongie we both know we need a break from everything. Plus we can leave a quarter of the soju in the bottle and refill the rest with water. The managers will just think they got a weaker batch.”
“But won’t the water freeze?” Sungjong looked at me questionably.
“That’s just an urban legend now come and drink!” I held out the bottles.
Sungjong frown as I held the bottle in front of him.
“It’s okay I know that I would be able to out drink yo-“
A bottle of Soju was ripped from my hand.
“We’ll see about that!”
That night Sungjong and I sat and talked about our worries of debuting soon. The constant nagging of Sunggyu and Woohyun or we would talk about how home sick we were. We stayed up till five in the morning which was an hour before we were due to wake up. We refill the soju bottles with water and started our day tired and slightly drunk. Unfortunately for us I was wrong. It wasn’t an urban legend. Water does freeze but alcohol does not. The managers gave us all lectures and made us run around the block more times than I could count. As much as Sunggyu scolded us and threaten us Sungjong and I never spoke up about that night.
“What are you doing here?” a voice called.
I looked up from where I was sitting against a wall. I was just thinking about everything as I looked up at the nonexistent stars in the sky.
“Nothing,” I told him as I tried to hide my raw voice.
He sat down next to me so I could clearly see his sweaty face. He was still wearing the same practice clothes and I knew that Dongwoo must have been hogging the shower again.
“Tell me what’s up,” Sungjong asked me again.
“Nothing,” I replied.
Sungjong sighed. “Nothing is getting bitten by a bug or getting a pimple. You’re face doesn’t have nothing written all over it. So tell me what’s up or do I have to steal your phone and laptop to figure it out?”
“You’re too dumb to hack my computer,” I joked.
Sungjong’s face turns sour as he smacked my arm.
“Ow,” I frown as I rubbed my arm.
“Tell me or else do I have to tell Sunggyu Hyung who broke the vase last week in Japan? The vase that cost more than any of our salaries.”
“How did you know?” I asked in awe because I had accidently broke the vase while practicing my dance moves.
“I have eyes everywhere,” Sungjong informed me.
“Creepy,” I pointed out.
“That’s beside the point!” Sungjong snapped at me. “I will tell him do you really want to test me?”
I couldn’t help but smile at him was he really the youngest? Most of time he acted like the oldest with all the back talking.
“Now will you tell me?” Sungjong sighed.
“Fine I’m just home sick,” I admitted as I let my head drop.
“Then go home,” Sungjong pointed out as if it was that simple.
“I can’t not when my appa is being so unreasonable,” I sighed.
“Still?” Sungjong asked with his eyebrows raised. “He doesn’t realize you’re not a struggling trainee or a rookie group. That you have made it,” Sungjong pointed out as he raised his arms in front of him.
I laughed causing Sungjong’s smile to drop. “What?” he looked at me as he kicked his feet in my direction.
“I doubt my appa doesn’t even know our group name,” I pointed out.
“Then we will work harder and our names will be everywhere. So that way your Appa will be force to know our group name,” Sungjong told me.
“Yeah sure,” I sighed.
“Come on,” Sungjong said as he stood up. ”Do you want to go watch a movie with me?”
“Is it scary?” I retorted.
“No...okay it is but not that scary!” Sungjong explained.
Just like that my worries were pushed down as if they hadn’t been bothering me. Sungjong always had a way of pushing my worries away for me. Even when I wanted to sit there sulking he wouldn’t let me. It was annoying at times but I will still was very thankful towards him.
Yes I was right to come here and even if this wasn’t where my treasure was. I could at least breathe here clearly maybe for the first time since the accident.
I needed to find what Sungjong had left behind instead of just reminiscing for hours.
I looked around the small rooftop for anything abnormal which didn’t take long. Right in the corner near the ledge was a brown metal box. I hope that the contents in the box weren’t spoiled from the weather.
I walked to the ledge and picked up the metal box. It was cold and the metal had started to rust into an ugly red color.
“I knew you would choose this place,” I sighed as I sat down letting my back rest against the brick wall.
I carefully unlatched the metal buckles and the lid popped open. I pulled back the lid so I could see the contents in the box. The street lamps lit the box enough so I could clearly see what was inside. A red envelope that contained a number one was on top of the box and I assumed that Sungjong wanted me to see it first.
I pulled the envelope out as I placed the box securely in my lap.
Okay Sungjong what did you want to tell me? What did he have to tell me that he couldn’t have told me when he was alive?
I open the red envelop and pulled out a white piece of paper on it contained a strange website address.
Strange.
Very strange but I still took out my phone to punch in the web address.
I checked the address three times before I was satisfied with the spelling. I pressed the small blue button that read go.
My screen turns white as my cell phone struggle to find the website. I bit the corner of my lip as I stared down at the screen. My heart felt nervous as I tried to think of what type of internet site he was sending me to. Maybe Perfectionist Anonymous or how to maintain your sass.
But it wasn’t any of those things.
It was his face staring back at me with a blank expression.
I wanted to throw up on that rooftop but thankfully my stomach was painfully empty at the moment. So instead I let out a gasp grabbing a hold of my chest.
“What are you doing?” I snapped at the screen. “You almost made me die.”
Is this what Sungjong wanted to give me? Was it just a picture of him to keep in my phone even though it already contains photos of us already?
“Are you really go-“
I paused as my eyes caught the small little play button that was located in the corner of the picture.
“A video?” I gasped.
Of course Sungjong would do something like this the kid always like dramatic things.
“Let’s see what you wanted to say Jongie,” I said even though I wanted to throw the phone to the ground.
I pressed the play button and the skinny boy on the screen began to bounce in his chair excitedly.
“HOYA!”
I dropped the phone on to my lap and quickly snatched it and brought it back to my eyes.
“Did you find the place okay? I hope you didn’t get arrested for sneaking into the old dorms roof? If you did it’s not my fault that you didn’t run,” Sungjong smiled.
“I bet you hope that I would get arrested,” I scoffed.
“It was really hard for me to keep this a secret after all there aren’t a lot of things I keep from you. I wanted to make these videos for my Hyungs to show you a side of me that is hard for me to show. Honestly I’m afraid that they will take my words for granted or even worst make fun of me for being so corny. But you won’t Hoya will you?”
“Never,” I mumbled to the screen.
“Hoya you were the first person I became friends with when I joined the company. Most people thought I was sissy or to girly for them to socialize with me. You didn’t care what other people thought of me and you started to hang out with me. Remember the first time you talked to me? You were a stuttering mess!”
I frown because Sungjong was right I was so shy back then that even talking to our manager was hard. Sungjong had waited patiently for my words to come out straight instead of everywhere.
“Although you are no longer like that anymore you’re more outgoing at least in front of the cameras.”
“I felt a sense of guilt after we debuted because I started to fade away from you. I became friends with Myungsoo and Sungyeol while you became good friends with Dongwoo. We would hang out on stage or sometimes at the dorm but for the most part we drifted apart. I felt really guilty about it you know that right Hoya? Then the world tour came and I felt lost and confused about my place in Infinite. Most of all I was overworked and my emotions were not healthy. But you would come to my side and listen to my words. Even if I wanted to talk about nothing you would still sit there and nod your head. I’m really thankful for those times. It just showed me how wrong I really was. No matter who we hanged out with we will still be friends no not friends brothers.”
I let the tears fall down my face as I grabbed ahold of my mouth trying to stop sobs from coming out.
“You were one of my biggest role models while I was a trainee you know that right? It was like watching one of those inspiring movies where the hero starts off with nothing and gets beaten down. Then against all the odds the hero wins. That was you Hoya. You prove everyone wrong that you could become an idol. More importantly you proved that you were more than a pretty face. You were also a dancer, actor, comedian, and a good friend. Hope you can reflect on the things you have done in the past with a smile on your face. Because you did it!” He took a deep breath.
“Hoya out of everyone’s video your video message was the hardest to come up with. There were many things I wanted to say. Such as how you’re a big teddy bear! You seem really tough but in reality you are all soft inside! I wanted to talk about how much you are loved. More importantly I wanted to say thank you for everything that you have done for me. For looking out for me or hanging out with me when I needed to just talk. I’m glad that I was able to have Lee Howon in my life. I love you.”
“I love you too,” I choked out.
“Now open your present!” Sungjong laughed as he wiped his tears.
“Present?” I sighed as I grabbed the next envelope.
I open the red envelope and pulled out what was inside.
I gasped.
Inside were three photos of teenage girls holding up the Infinite logos in the air. Even from a photo I could see that they were yelling. All of that didn’t matter what matter was a man wearing a hood standing with a smile on his face as he looked into the camera.
My Appa.
The next one was similar with the fans surrounding my Appa who was smiling.
I looked at the next one to see it was taken from behind my back. From my clothes and the way my hair was styled I could tell that this was from the Be Mine era. I had my hands in the air as if I was cheering for something or about to do a headstand. In the corner of the photo I could see my Appa wearing a grey hoodie as he smiled widely. His hands were together as if he was clapping along to the song.
“I know,” Sungjong whispered from my phone.
I turn my attention back to Sungjong. “If I didn’t show you this then I know you would have stayed mad at your Appa forever. The truth is your Appa has been supporting your dream from the start. The photo from the Be Mine Era was the first time I noticed him in the crowd. I didn’t mean to lie to you for long but I thought that he would tell you sooner. Maybe he didn’t because he is as stubborn as you? Inside the envelope are photos to prove that your Appa does love you. There are also two plane tickets to go to Japan. Last time we were there you slipped that your Appa had never been to Japan before. I want you to be happy Howon. I want you to see that you are loved even when you don’t think you are. We can talk about it more when I see you home later tonight.”
Sungjong smiled as he wiped his tears.
“I love you Hyung,” Sungjong smirked.
The screen went black and I was transported back to the rooftop of the old dorm. If anyone had seen me up here they would have thought I had gone crazy.
I was holding my phone in front of me with one hand and with the other hand I was holding up the photos from the past. While I was crying I was still smiling like crazy.
Leave it to Sungjong to know everything.
That crazy kid!
You should be here so I could yell at you for keeping this secret from me.
You should be here so I could hug you.
You should just be here.
Hello everyone,
So I was sick the whole week hence the reason why it took me so long to update. Thankfully after a lot of soup and tea I’m feeling 100%. The next chapter will be the last one for the Words Unsaid. I’m really thankful for everyone writing comments, subscribing, and upvoting. You guys are all really amazing. By the way did you like this chapter? I had to rewrite it three times to get it right. I still think it could be better but that’s just me being picky. Hope everyone is having a great day!
-Morgan
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