Part Forty-Nine: Myungsoo
The Words Unsaid
Part Forty-Nine
Myungsoo
I slammed open the door not caring if the neighbors heard. Hell I didn't even care if the whole of Korea heard.
No I wouldn't join the scavenger hunt.
The members wanted to hear Sungjong’s last words but I rather not.
I knew that Sungjong was going to be cremated tomorrow but I wasn’t ready to say goodbye completely.
Maybe next month or next year I'll be able to say goodbye but tonight I’m going to hide.
I don’t know why I came back to this place. Maybe because I desperately wanted to feel like everything was back to normal.
The dorm smelled like dish soap and lemons and I knew the maids had clean things up. I walked through the dorm pausing at the living room. There was many times where we crashed here after a long day of schedules.
I could almost see Sunggyu laying on the couch complaining to anyone who would listen about the schedules. Woohyun’s head rest against the couch as he slept on the floor and he would occasionally kick Sunggyu to shut up. Sungyeol would be sitting in the corner of the room swearing under his breath as he played a game on his phone. Dongwoo would be sleeping on the floor as if he was some sort of doormat. Hoya would be sleeping in the armrest as he danced in his sleep. I would always lay on my stomach next to Dongwoo as I read my new manga or I would look at pictures that were recently taken. Sungjong well Sungjong would be playing on his phone on the floor next to Woohyun. He would laugh a couple of times or frown while scrolling on his phone.
I took a deep breath and let the memory fade away as I stared at the empty living room. It was once full of laughter, sweat, tears, and blood now it was just empty and grey.
I walked further into the dorm to pass by the kitchen. I could hear Woohyun clinking away while yelling at Sungyeol to stop picking at the food. In the background Sunggyu would be telling Woohyun that he is cooking it wrong than running away when Woohyun turn around. I walk further down the hallway till I reached one single door.
It was our room I mean Sunggyu, mine, and Sungjong’s room. When Sungjong had won his own room I thought that he would fight anyone who dare take it away from him. Then after a week of living alone he lost a rock, paper, and scissor game to Sungyeol. I had thought that Sungjong would throw a fit but instead he went freely. It was only now that I realize that Sungjong had gave up his single room because he didn’t like living alone after all these years of sharing rooms.
I didn’t mind since Sungjong and I had shared a room before and we had the same sleeping and cleaning habits. Most of all I didn’t mind sharing my room with one of my best friends. At first we wanted Sungyeol to room with us but Sunggyu forbid us. Last time we all shared a room we were too loud and we caused too many problems.
I laughed thinking of the speech Sunggyu had given us after we broke the hotel’s lamp. Sungjong had snapped at Sunggyu with some nonsense and stormed off taking Sungyeol and me with him. It would take Sunggyu minutes later to realize that Sungjong was just distracting him then he would take off running in our direction. But by then it would be too late and we would be eating ice cream at a convenience store. We would have a couple hours of freedom before Sunggyu rage came down upon us all because of Sungjong’s sly words.
But now I was standing here alone and there was no one here to save me or yell at me.
I was all alone.
I wonder if this is what Sungjong is feeling right now. Was he surrounded in past memories?
Were they good ones?
Bad ones?
I guess that is something Sungjong will have to tell me later.
I paused as I swallowed hard.
It was hard to imagine that Sungjong had already been sentenced to death. That he was gone and I was standing here acting like a baby.
I knew I was prolonging this long enough so I took a deep breath and open the door.
The room remained the same from the last time I visited the dorm. It had felt as if years had passed not weeks since I last spent the night.
Although I saw Sungjong’s belongs weeks ago my heart still leap as I looked at his pictures. I threw myself on to my messy bed and pulled my sheets over my head.
Yes.
This is where I wanted to be when the world was about to end.
Yes this is where I wanted to be.
Even I know that you should be out there with your band mates.
Why should I L?
We both know you will regret it if you stay here and sulk all day long.
Why should I care about what he has to say? What if he just wants to yell at me?
What would he have to yell at you for?
I don’t know for using all the toothpaste or leaving my wet towel on the floor.
Don’t be stupid. Even though you do have annoying habits I don’t think that Sungjong would spend his special five-year anniversary message on telling you off.
But-
Don’t you dare come up with another dumb excuse!
Okay. I’m afraid to say goodbye! Are you happy?
Myungsoo we all know that you hate endings. For god sakes you don’t watch the end of movies, books, or even dramas! Listen I know that it’s going to but you have to do it. If your friendship meant anything then you will go and find that letter!
Gosh you’re so annoying!
I sat up and threw my sheets to the ground as I sighed annoyed. I threw my feet to the floor trying to avoid the mess on the ground.
“Fine,” I said to myself. “I’ll do it-OUCH!”
I fell to the side of the bed as I grabbed ahold of my throbbing foot.
I let a string of curse words leave my mouth as I rocked back and forth. My eyes scanned the floor looking for the hard object I had just stepped on.
My stomach dropped as I found the object that I had just stepped on while trying to leave my bed.
It was my first DSLR that I had bought after hours of working a part time job. My parents had thought that it was a silly purchase especially because I had to apply for a payment plan. I think my parents stopped nagging me when they saw how good I had gotten at taking photos. Then I debut and I bought myself newer and nicer cameras.
I grabbed ahold of the camera letting the metal frame send cold chills down my spine. I scanned the camera looking for any damages that was given from my little fall. Not even a scratch or a dent was present.
I wonder if the camera even worked since most of the time it spent collecting dust on my shelf.
I pressed the red button and to my surprise the camera jump to life. I would have thought it would be dead since I hadn’t played with it for a while.
I fiddle with the camera as I looked through the lenses and took a couple of test photos of my room. I brought the camera down and pressed the green play button. I scrolled through the pictures of dirty laundry and pictures on my dresser. The photos were in good quality but I knew that my other cameras were in HD and had sharper colors.
I gasped as a new image came on to the screen. It was so unexpected that I wanted to scream but instead I just sat there with my mouth slightly open.
How…no why?
Why was he right there in front of my eyes when I wanted to push him away so desperately?
But now here he was on my first camera smiling widely at me. It took me a couple of seconds to realize that this was not a photo but a video.
Do I dare?
No I can’t do it.
Do it Myungsoo.
Shut up L!
I took a deep breath and pressed the blue button on my camera and Sungjong spring to life.
“MYUNGSOO!!”
I jumped back in surprise almost dropping my camera in the process.
“It took you long enough to find your video!” he smiled widely. “I bet it took you all night to find it!”
What my video? Was this where the riddle was leading me?
I pause the video quickly and dig through my pockets to receive the piece of paper that contained the riddle. On the middle of the paper contained black writing:
I can steal an event, a mood, and reveal the truth. What am I?
Ps. I'm your first!
I look down at my camera as the riddle played in my mind. This was my first camera I ever own. It was true that a camera could steal an event and a mood and even reveal the truth.
Was this where he wanted me to be?
“You made me find it,” I said to myself looking up at the roof as if Sungjong was up there.
I shook my head and turn my attention back to the camera.
I took another deep breath and pressed the play button again causing Sungjong to burst with life.
“I hope you don’t mind I borrowed your camera to do all of this,” he told me with a large smile. “I know that you don’t like it when other people touch your cameras but I promise it will all be worth it in the end. So Myungsoo!” he clapped his hands together. “When I first met you I thought that you would hate me. After all I was taking away your maknae lable and you loved having the members’ attention on you even if it was them teasing you. But surprisingly you welcomed me with open arms. It was the three of us you, our crazy pet monkey, and me I mean Sungyeol. You two were my best friends and even though we annoy each other a lot I still wouldn't be able to remove the title of best friend. Myungsoo there is a lot of things I want to talk to you about and some things I can’t put into words but I will try.
Firstly you are more than a pretty face. I know that the company and even some radio shows, variety shows, interviews, or whatever else focuses on your face. Let’s be honest you are like a human sculpture! Your face seems to be what most people are stuck on but I know that you are kind hearted, talented, unselfish, and a loyal friend. What most people miss is that you are more than a pretty face. Myungsoo you are more than that! Most visuals in other groups just ride on their good looks but you wanted to be better than that. You pushed yourself to learn guitar, dance, and sing well. You know I will support you in any of your new hobbies because you are my best friend.
You taught me so many things in life but most importantly you taught me to always be creative whether it’s strumming a guitar, writing lyrics, or even taking photos. You told me once that if you didn’t take a photo or play guitar then you would have a mental breakdown. I once thought that was a little bit extreme but then I realized that you were right. When we were on break I had nothing to do and I fell into a deep depression. It was only after I started writing or drawing (horribly I might add) was I able to feel happier.
Next I want to thank you for always showing how to take risks even if you’re acting like an idiot. You treat every twist and turn in life as an opportunity. When Jung Yeop offered you an acting job you took it within seconds. You seemed so sure of yourself but then later I found you in the bathroom hyperventilating because you can’t act. But you did and that led to bigger acting jobs and slowly later on you could call yourself an actor. Even when people wrote mean things about you online you still never let it affect you. To my amazement it made you work harder even though we could all tell you were hurt in your heart. You will forever be my best friend and nothing can change that! After all who would protect me from Sunggyu’s wrath? By the way you are doing a horrible job at that,” he smiled as I wiped away the tears that were rolling down my cheek.
“Listen this is the end of the video and I hope you enjoy what I had to say. I know that sometimes it’s hard for me to show you my emotions. To show you I care but I do. I just have a hard time showing it. Myungsoo I really do love you.”
I could tell that he was tearing up.
“Now it’s time for you to open your presents!” he clapped his hands together.
Oh right presents.
I looked around the room for a nicely wrapped box but I paused because I had no clue what I was looking for. I pulled up my sheets to look under my bed but there was nothing but an old stuffed animal that must have been forgotten here by Dongwoo.
I turn around and look on the floor by my dresser to see a pile of clothes. I dig through them throwing the unwanted clothes in a pile behind me. Underneath them was a light blue box that contained a white note that said Myungsoo.
I gasped as Sungjong began to cheer once again as I began opening it.
“It’s the one you want,” Sungjong voice echoed from the camera next to me.
“Oh my gosh,” I looked at the box taking in every detail.
“I know you have been saving up to buy it but I wanted to beat you to it!” he told me.
I looked at the camera in my hands and I couldn’t help but feel so thankful and loved.
“So I guess this is it Myungsoo. I hope you love your present and I will see you in a bit! Byeeee Myungie! Oh and by the way stop bugging me with your camera! I know I’m beautiful but I don’t need to be in front of the camera lenses all the time! Also be more careful and stop falling off stage. That is it byee!!”
Sungjong moved towards the camera then suddenly the video stopped and the original picture popped back on.
“Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, Sungjong.” I muttered to no one in particular.
After a couple of minutes looking over my new baby camera I turn my attention back to my older camera. I grabbed ahold of it and look at the thumbnail of Sungjong.
“I wish I could say thank you to in person,” I told the screen.
“I’m sorry that I couldn’t protect you.”
My fingers slipped on the camera and it went tumbling to the ground. I caught it but not before it hit the ground.
“I’m sorry!” I told it as I looked over the camera.
I gasped again for the second time, as I looked at the screen that staring back at me.
This time I knew how to make things right. I knew how to make things right for him.
♦♦♦♦♦
It was only my second time here but I still felt highly on edge as if I was about to be punch in the face at any minute. Maybe I should expect a punch considering the last time I was here I didn’t exactly make any friends.
I knock on the red door hoping that I wouldn’t get the same reaction as last time. Within second a women open the door with a towel on her head and full make up on her face.
Was she going somewhere?
“You!” she snapped looking me up and down.
“Hello Minha,” I told Gonam girlfriend.
“What are you doing here?” she snapped at me.
I guess without Hyowan here she was less than happy to see me.
“I’m here to see Gonam,” I told her praying that she wouldn’t slam the door on my face.
“I thought so,” she told me as she rolled her eyes.
“So can I see him or not?” I asked her.
“Not,” she told me as she crossed her arms.
“But-“
“You realize it took me days to calm him down after your last visit,” she told me.
I swallowed hard. “I realize that but-“
“But you want him to have another fit?” she questioned me.
“No,” I frown.
“Then just leave him be,” she snapped at me.
I let out a defeated sigh then I pulled out a DVD from my pocket. “Listen I’m sorry about that but can you give him this.” I handed her the DVD.
“What is this? A video of you?”
“It’s not from me it’s from Sungjong. He made all these tapes for the members and I guess he made some for the managers too. This one is for Gonam. I’m not sure if this will help or make it harder for him. I just thought I would give it to him because I feel like that's what Sungjong would want. I’m sorry I bothered you once again.”
I bowed my head and started to make my way down the stairs. I hit the last one when I heard Minah scream something.
“Kid,” she shouted again and I turn around to see Minah coming down the stairs.
“I’m sorry,” she sputtered out when she was on the same step as me.
“What?” I looked at her questionably.
“Listen I’m sorry that I acted that way,” she told me.
I raised up my hands. “No it’s fine.”
“Listen I’m not usually this rude but Oppa is finally getting better. Tonight he is taking me out to eat. It’s his first time out of the house since the accident and I don’t want anything to ruin it so that's why I acted that way. What I’m trying to say is thank you for bring this and I’m sure that this is what Gonam need,” she said with a smile. Then it hit me it was the first time I saw this woman smile.
“Please tell Gonam that we all miss him and we need him,” I told her.
She nodded her head. “I’ll come back to visit soon and more often.”
I bowed once again then waved goodbye and started to walk back down the street.
I couldn’t help but smile because even though Sungjong was gone he was still pulling us back together.
Even though I didn’t want to say goodbye and I wanted to run away I knew I had to say goodbye.
I had to say goodbye to my best friend.
Aww that was so sweet.
Shut up L.
Hello,
I want to thank everyone for the kind and encouraging words. I was really sad when my dog passed away but things are getting better. It just met a lot to me that people understood my situation. Well anyway I hope you enjoy this chapter. Do you think that it was right for Myungsoo to give Gonam his video? Do think it might make him worst? What do you guys think about the over all chapter?
-Morgan
Comments