I’m going to kill her.

I’m going to find a place where they’ll never find the body.

But I couldn’t go to prison not with a face like this. I wouldn’t last a second in a place like that unless I could bribe the warden into letting me have my own room.

Okay I didn’t actually want to kill her but Gayun is going to pay for what she has done.

Sure the security guards couldn’t figure out who destroyed my room but I knew it was her. Who else would have the motive to do something like that?

I didn’t care that my arms were killing me and I was on my last ounce of energy.

Where could she be?

I checked the cafeteria but only a handful of people were there and none of them was that brat.

I had checked the hospital café but it was empty.

I checked her room but the only thing I could find was tons of EXO posters. I had to contained myself to not draw mustaches on each of their faces.

I pressed the red button next to the door and waited for it to open.

This was the last stop before I headed back to my room. I was tired and sweaty and ready for a good shower or a nap.

The doors opened and I pushed myself into a room I had yet to visit. The first thing I noticed was the brightly painted walls. Next I noticed all the artwork that littered the room.  There was eases that lined the right side of the room each of them had a smock hanging on a chair. On the other side of the room was tables where mix matched pieces of paper were in piles. It smelled like paint or maybe clay but I didn’t think the activity room had a place to do ceramics.  

The whole room remind me of my high school’s art room which made me hate this place even more. I was never good at art okay I was downright awful. Sitting there for forty five minutes a day used to be torture especially because I could have used that time to be practicing music.

I was almost about to leave when I noticed someone sitting in the corner of the room. Her head was laying on top of her arm while her hair was spread out on the table. I would  have thought she was asleep if it wasn’t for her hand moving on a piece of paper.

Even with her head facing the other way I still could tell who she was.

“Gayun!” someone screamed making me jump in my chair.

I looked over to see a woman with black curly hair and way too much make up on walking to Gayun from the rear entrance.

She was too skinny and too pale like she was sick.

Gayun jumped up from her seat as soon as her eyes met the woman’s she scoffed.

“Gayun there you are!”

Even from here I could tell that her voice was sweetly fake.  Something was off about this woman but I couldn’t put my finger on what yet.

“Well maybe that’s a clue that I didn’t want to speak to you,” Gayun snapped as she placed down her pencil and started to pick up her stuff.

“How can you not want to talk to your Umma? I gave birth to you,” she said as if childbirth was a reason to bother her daughter.

“Yes because I really wanted to be brought into the world by you,” Gayun retorted than she tried to push past her mother but she grabbed her arm pulling her back.

“Listen you little brat I’m trying to be nice,” she snarled as she squeezed Gayun’s injured arm. She cried in pain as she tried to release her mother’s grip.

“Now I need you to tell the police that it was an accident. That you fell down the stairs because you don’t know your left foot from your right,” she sneered at Gayun.

Fall?

Is that how Gayun came to the hospital?

“But I didn’t fall I was pushed,” Gayun pointed out in a shaky voice. “Then kicked and punched all by your boyfriend.”

My heart stopped.

I shouldn’t be here right now this was a private matter but I couldn’t move.

“Don’t talk about your Appa like that,” the women shirked pushing Gayun away.

Gayun grabbed ahold of her arm and glared up at her mother. “He’s not my Appa and neither are the other ten men you dated before him. My Appa would be disgusted by you!”

“You brat!” the woman shouted raising her hand.

I didn’t even know what I was doing till I felt my hand grab ahold of the woman's skinny arm.

I stared at her then to Gayun then back to my arm then back to Gayun.

What was I doing?

“Let go!” she shouted but my grip was too tight.

“Miss I think it’s time to leave,” I pointed out throwing her arm to her side.

“Who are you?”

“That doesn’t matter but if you don’t mind Gayun and I have a appointment together,” I told her reaching for Gayun’s hand.

Gayun was staring at me confused as if she didn’t remember who I was.

“Listen I don’t know who you are but I’m trying to have a conversation with my daughter,” she said sweetly as if I didn’t hear the conversation before.

I smirked. “You might not know who I am but I know who you are and I also know where the police station is. So I would leave before you embarrass yourself even more.”

Her eyes widen then she open and closed .

“Leave,” I grunted out.

She straightened her jacket as she let out a sigh. “Well,” she looked up at Gayun. “I’ll talk to you later.”

“I doubt it,” Gayun mumbled to herself.

The woman smiled widely almost crazily towards my direction than hastily walked out of the room.

I took a deep breath all the nerves suddenly hitting me at once.

What was I thinking? What if that crazy woman attacked me it’s not like I could run away.

“That was crazy,” I muttered to myself. I looked at Gayun who was now staring at her hands.

“Are you okay?” I asked her rolling closer.

“Hey Gayun,” I reached over and touched her hand making her flinch.

“It’s okay,” I said softly.

“Stop!” she shouted making me jump in surprise. “Just leave me alone!”

“W-What? What did I do wrong?” I asked confused about the way she was acting. Shouldn’t she be thanking me after all I did save her life.

“Everything!” she stomped the floor with her right foot.  “I-It’s none of your business,”

I was taken aback. “But I was trying to help.”

“You call that trying to help? You made everything worse!” She shouted crossing her arms. “Next time stay out of my business!”

Are you kidding me?

How was I wrong I was doing something right!

“I was trying to help! I don’t know where you’re from but where I come from you thank someone for helping you!” I was slowly losing my anger on this girl.

“Whatever,” she scoffed as she walked passed me.

“YAH!” I shouted grabbing her arm. “Do you think I forgot about my room?”

She stopped in her tracks and looked back at me. Her face was now red and her eyes were wet as if she was going to start crying at any moment.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she said calmly making me even angrier.

“So imagining my roomed trash was just in my head?”

She sighed. “Maybe you should go get your head check then, “she ripped her hand away from my grip. “I have to go.”

“HEY!” I shouted as she ran off. “I know it was you!”

I turned my wheel chair and tried to quickly wheel after Gayun but she was faster than me. It also didn’t help that my arms were heavy from all the extra exercise today.

“KIM SUNGGYU!” a voiced screamed and I knew it had belonged to Sunhyung.

My eyes grew wide and I knew that I had really done it this time.

Darn you Gayun.

I didn’t see Gayun the next day nor did I see her that week either. I wasn’t sure if she had moved into a new wing of the hospital or if she had left all together.

My room was placed back together and I soon didn’t have time to think of revenge.

I was too focused on getting better.

Even when I was supposed to be resting I was practicing the movements the physical therapist had taught me.

I knew I was breaking the rules but I had to get out of here and I would do anything to make it happen.

“As much as I hate to admit it you actually improve quite a bit,” Sunhyung pointed out as she pushed me back to my room.

“Don’t lie you think I’m amazing,” I as I wiped the sweat off of my forehead.

“Ah yes let me bow down to the all great Sunggyu,” she replied.

“About time,” I smiled.

“Shut up,” she scoffed smacking my arm.

“Ouch you can’t hit me,” I shouted at her turning my head to glare at her.

She sighed. “I can’t but I have proper cause.”

“Proper cause?” I cocked my head.

“Yes you're being a smartass,” she pointed out.

“And you’re not?” I retorted.

“Yeah well at least I’m cute,” she protested stopping in front of my room.

“If you keep saying that then it might come true,” I replied with a smile.

“And if you keep using eyeliner your eyes will grow bigger,” Sunhyung laughed as she open the door to my room.

“YAH” I shouted turning around to see Sunhyung’s laughing face. “Just wait till I get out of this chair.”

She laughed, “What so you can put on your eyeliner standing up?”

“Just wait,” I mumbled to myself.

“Well it was good talking to you Sunggyu and all but I have to go tend to my more important patients,” she pointed out bringing me to my bed.

“I’m not important,” I asked as I lifted myself into the bed with the help of Sunhyung.

“Depends on the day,” she laughed lifting the blankets over my body.

“Hmmm,” I mumbled finally realizing how tired I was now that I was laying down.

“What no comeback?” she asked.

“Later,” I yawned closing my eyes.

“This isn’t over Sunggyu. I’ll see you later,” she told me then within seconds I heard the door close.

It didn’t take long for my body to start of falling into a deep sleep. Suddenly there was a scratching noise than a bang that made me open my tired eyes.

“SUNGGYU!” someone screamed making me sit up quickly causing a shot of pain to shoot up my spine.

My eyes scanned the room preparing myself to see a crazed fan girl. It wasn’t the first time a delusional fan had snuck into the dorms. The usually took photos or steal items then leave. There was one girl who laid in bed with Sungyeol. I still can remember his screams when he woke up next to a stranger.

Instead of seeing a fangirl I saw two men. More importantly those two men were my two high school friends.

Nothing was special about them and  that’s why I liked them so much. They didn’t care about diets, clothes, or skin care like most idols did. The only downfall was they had their own lives while I had my crazy one. Meeting up at times was hard and sometimes they didn’t understand my problems but I always appreciated their friendship.

Hanging with them made me feel like I was in high school again which was good and bad.

“Sunggyu!”  Namkyu yelled running towards me. His round face was full of life just like how it was in high school. He was wearing a baggy grey sweatshirt and dark blue jeans that made him look a lot larger than he actually was. Growing up Namkyu followed his own tune even if that got him and I into occasions trouble.

“What are you doing here?” I gasped as Namkyu finished hugging me.

“What does it look like?” Jiwoon retorted from behind Namkyu.

If Namkyu was a free spirit then Jiwoon was the total opposite. Jiwoon liked rules and he stuck to them even more than I did. He didn’t like when people disrupted his world that’s why I always thought it was weird he hanged out with Namkyu.

Growing up Jiwoon and I were rivals. It all started when my Umma had bought me a new toy and all my classmates except for Jiwoon spooned over me. The next day Jiwoon came in with a better toy making mine look uncool and outdated. That’s when  our strange friendship started of always trying to be better than the other. When I dated my first girl he dated an older more mature woman. It always seemed like I was losing until I joined Namkyu’s band. I didn’t even want to be a singer back then but Namkyu begged me and even bribed me to join. I thought I was going to hate it but when I stepped out onto that stage everything changed.  No one saw that chubby kid with small eyes they only heard my voice. My strong voice that I never knew I had.

For once in my life I won against Jiwoon.

“We’re breaking you out!” Namkyu shouted jumping up and down.

“WHAT?!” I shouted as Jiwoon tried to quiet down Namkyu.

“Shh! Do you want us to get arrested?” Jiwoon asked eyes wide.

“Actually yes,” I replied smiling as the thoughts of Jiwoon in an orange jump suit crossed my mind.

“Sunggyu are you listening?” Namkyu waved a hand in front of my face.

“No I mean yes I mean you’re going to break me out?” I asked suspicious of what Jiwoon’s true intentions were.

“Duh,” Namkyu sighed as he sat in my wheelchair.

“Unless you want to stay and do whatever you do here,” Jiwoon sighed looking around the small room.

“I don’t know…”

Was it too soon to go out in the real world? What if someone recognized me or the managers found out? What if I got into trouble?

“This is fun!” Namkyu yelled distracting me from my thoughts. He was doing wheelies as he laugh loudly to himself. In some ways Namkyu reminds me of Dongwoo maybe that’s why I always treasure Dongwoo.

Jiwoon frowned then walked over to Namkyu and smacked him in the back of the head. “Get off.”

Namkyu frowned but listened to Jiwoon and jumped out of the wheelchair.

“Come on let’s get you out of here before we get caught,” Jiwoon pointed out.

“How am I supposed to sneak out,” I pointed  to my face. “This face is famous.”

“We figured something out oh so mighty one,” Namkyu pointed out as Jinwoon lifted something out of a plastic bag.

“No!” I shouted when I saw what was in the bag.

Jiwoon scoffed. “Come on Namkyu!”

My eyes widen. “No I don’t want to go!”

Within seconds I felt Namkyu and Jiwoon’s jump on my hospital bed. They grabbed my arms and pulled me out of my bed and dragged me to my chair.

What did I get myself into?

Different smells of each Pojangmacha consumed my nose making me want to throw up right there.  We had decided after a few minutes to go eat ramen after all it was one of the meals I missed most. Even though we were on a break I still wasn’t allowed to eat what I wanted. The hospital food made going on a diet more appealing.  I had forgotten what real food tasted like and I had consumed my dish within seconds causing me unable to move. I was glad for once I had an excuse to be sitting.

Now we were heading to a PC Bang where I was going to cream Jiwoon. Okay maybe not because I hated to lose which meant I hated games.  Sungyeol or even Myungsoo was a lot better at playing video games than I was. But I wasn’t going to admit that to Jiwoon.

As we passed through the crowds I was actually amazed that Jiwoon and Namkyu’s disguised had worked.

Not that wearing this disguised made me happy. Because let me just say wearing this disguised didn’t make me happy.

Not one bit.

“We’re almost there….Sunny,” Namkyu laughed loudly as he pushed me down the street.

“Shut up!” I mumbled trying to smack him but the dress wouldn’t let me move.

When I had saw the golden mini dress and the short brown wig I had thought my friends went crazy. It wasn’t till I was actually wearing the dress that I had discovered that I was crazy too.

The dress was too itchy and the bra that I was wearing was digging into my sides.

How could girls wear these?

“I have to go to the bathroom,” Namkyu suddenly whined next to me.

“Again? But we’re almost there,” Jiwoon pointed out.

“I can’t control my bladder,” Namkyu whined bouncing on his feet.

“Just hold it,” I scolded him pulling up the top of my dress.

“Noona!!” Namkyu whined causing me to cover my ears. “Please.”

Seconds later I heard Namkyu shout and I knew that Jiwoon had hit him. Something I wished I could do very much.

“Stop your whining there is a bathroom over there. We’ll wait outside for you,” Jiwoon pointed out.

“I’ll be just a minute,”Namkyu shouted as he took off running towards an outside bathroom.

“Come on Sung I mean Sunny let’s go wait over there,” Jiwoon told me then I felt him push me to a nearby bench.

He sat down next to me as he let out a sigh and stretched his feet in front of him.

I played with the hem of my dress

"So...how are things going?" Jiwoon awkwardly asked.

"Oh you know just trying to survive with a broken leg and ribs," I retorted rolling my eyes.

"This is awkward," Jiwoon admitted.

I nodded.

This was the first time Jiwoon and I were left alone together. Usually we would hang out with a couple of friends because they thought we would kill each other if left unsupervised.

"Do you think infinite is going to come back?" He suddenly asked me.

I knew this question would be asked but I didn't realize it would be this soon. I knew people wanted an answers and being the leader meant I had to answer those question even if I didn't want to.

"I'm sorry I shouldn't have asked. It was wrong of me to say something when the whole reason we’re here is to make you forget about the accident," he apologized maybe for the first time to me.

I lifted up my hand and sighed. "No it's fine. To be honest with you I don't know. If things keep going the way it’s going than I'm not sure that Infinite will stay together."

"But you're still going to sing right?" He asked looking at his black dress shoes.

I swallowed not sure if I really wanted to tell my enemy this.

"I'm not sure if I can," I finally decided to tell him.

He did the last thing I thought he would do. He laughed.

"I'm sorry," he said holding his stomach. "It's just do you know what I do?"

"I uhh.."

It's been so long that I couldn't recall where he worked. Suddenly I felt a pang of guilt as I realized how selfish I had been in the past.

How could I’ve not know where my friend worked.

"I'm sorry I just remember you going to Seoul National University," I finally admitted.

"I work in a law firm and I hate it," he threw his hands in the air. " I thought if I got good grades then I could get into a better college than you. I would win this stupid game but you didn't go to a good college. You did the one thing I never thought you would do. You became a singer and followed your dream. While I followed a path I thought I could beat you at," he was still laughing a bit.

“Why are you telling me this?” I asked even though I did like the fact that he admitted that I was winning.

“Because if you quit then I win,” he told me cocking a smile.

I rubbed my hands against my temple then looked up at him. “It’s not that easy.”

“Weren’t you the one who was rejected twice from S.M?” he asked bringing up bad memories.

“Way to bring it up I try to repress that memory.” I retorted.

“No I mean we all didn’t think you could do it. I mean sure you can sing but we all know you lack this,” he waved his hand in front of his face.

“Shut up,” I slapped his arm.

“What I’m trying to say is why are you messing with something that is obviously going for you?” he told me honestly.

I sighed looking around the street as  peoples walked by. Some of them were talking to the person next to them. There was some high school students roaming the streets most likely getting out of Hagwon.None of them realized how fragile life was I knew I didn’t. I never thought something like this would happen to me. I never thought a single accident would send everything I worked for into the trash.

“Maybe you're right but it’s not like I can do much in this chair,” I told him looking down at the chair that had caused so much pain.

“So get better and go kick some ,” he smiled widely.

“I didn’t realize you would be jealous of me?” I smirked crossing my arms.

He laughed loudly almost crazily. “Me jealous yeah right!”

“You are aren’t you? You wanted to be a singer right?” I asked.

He scoffed. “A singer? Me? no!”

“Then what did you want to be?”

“You promise not to tell anyone?” he asked staring at two pretty girls hanging out next to a café.

“Just tell me,” I replied.

“Promise?” he asked me bending down so he could stare me in the eyes.

“Yes now just tell me,” I shouted getting angry.

“I wanted to be a dancer. Not like a dancer like you but,” he looked around than whispered. “A ballet dancer.”

Of all the things I thought he would say being a ballet dancer didn’t cross my mind. I bit my lip trying to contain my laughter.

“Shut up!” he shouted smacking my arm.

He took a deep breath and explained. “I mean I didn’t realized I wanted to be one till our high school principal made me clean the gym while the dance team practice. I-I was just amazed how graceful they were but it’s a dumb dream.”

Everyone thought I had a dumb dream. It wasn’t because I couldn’t sing because for some reason I could. It was because I didn’t look like the other idols and I refused to get surgery. To me having a dream and following it was the hardest thing I could do and after all the things I went through I didn’t even achieve the dream I had set out for. I wanted to be a rock star but I didn’t represent the fact that I had became an idol. I was singing and having fan girls was a plus.

“You should do it,” I suddenly said making his head shoot up.

“What?” he looked questionably.

“If dancing makes you happy then you should do it,” I encouraged him.

“I couldn’t I would be laughed at,” he said and I knew how he felt.

“My mom hates spicy food but that doesn’t mean I hate it,” I told him trying to get the point across.

“What?”

“What I’m trying to say is just because some people don’t like something doesn’t mean you have to follow them,” I told him.

He laughed, “It doesn’t matter now I’m too busy trying to make a living. I’m glad one of us was allowed to make something of their life. Plus we all know that if I was a dancer I would be more famous than you.”

My eyes grew wide. “Never. I wouldn’t allow it.”

“It’s not like it matters,” he sighed.

“You can’t just give up,” I argued.

“Then neither should you,” he smiled.

Then it slowly dawn on me what he was trying to do. “You liar.”

He smiled widely. “Ah so you finally caught on.”

“I mean as much as I want to see you dancing around in a tutu I know you wouldn’t be caught dead dancing. I mean look at you you're born with two left feet,” I laughed.

“Shut up at least I’m good looking,” he retorted.

“You wish,” I scoffed.

We sat there in silence as if we had run out of words. For some reason I felt more relaxed around Jiwoon maybe it was the fact that he seemed to actually care about my well-being. Even with his weird concerning words I didn’t know what to do. I wasn’t sure if I wanted this like I did before. I just didn’t know what to do.

“Look at her,” Jiwoon nudged me.

I looked up to see a skinny girl wearing a short dress walking towards us. She could have been a model or maybe an actress.

“Hey,” Jiwoon said standing up as the girl walked by.

She gave one look at Jiwoon then looked me up and down.

HA she likes me more Jiwoon but wait I looked down and stared at the dress I was wearing.

“Oh she is umm my Noona,” Jiwoon said pointing at me.

NOONA!?

“OPPA I’m not your NOONA” I screamed high pitch. Even though it still sounded like a cat dying but it still got the point across.

The girl raised an eyebrow then walked past us.

“Thanks a lot SUNGGYU!” he shouted glaring at me then he took off running towards the girl to explain himself as if it matter. Girls like those don’t talk to us not unless we have a black card.

I shake my head laughing to myself and this is what I would be like if I didn’t join Infinite. Working, drinking, and running after girls. Actually now that I think about it, it’s exactly like my  life except with a lot more ayego.

“Did you hear about Sungjong Oppa?”

My head snapped up looking around the busy street. I couldn’t have heard that right.

“What did he die?”

Two teenage girls were sitting a couple feet away from me still wearing their school uniforms. They were both looking down at a cell phone.

“No,” the girl who had chubby cheeks said. Her make up looked as if she was taking lessons from a clown. She could have been pretty if it wasn’t for the scow on her face. “They’re saying that SM and Woollim faked the accident for a publicity stunt.“

What?

“Are you serious!” her friend asked who wearing a purple sweatshirt over her school’s uniform. Her light brown hair was placed into a perfect high bun. She clutched her school bag closely to her side as she leaned over to read the other girls phone.

“Yes it’s written here,” she said pointing to the screen.

“Omo!” the friend said grabbing a hold of her face. “Do you think the members knew!?”

The girl gasped as her eyes grew wide. “Of course they knew. They’re probably at their dorm right now eating junk food waiting for the right moment to come into the spotlight!”

“Really are you sure this isn’t a lie?” the friend  asked pushing her hair out of her eyes.

She crossed her arms. “Come on they’re getting old and throwing stunts like this is their last chance at popularity.”

Her friend sighed. “I liked them but if you put it that way then it must be true.”

It’s not true!”

“It’s not even like they can sing!” she pointed out to her friend.

That was it I had enough. Call us liars or whatever is fine but the minute you say we’re untalented then that’s when I have problem.

A loud beeping sound clashed against the busy streets making me flinch in my seat. I reached down to my wheelchair pocket still eyeing the girls and grabbed my cell phone.

My heart started to beat fast as I saw the caller ID on the screen.

.

I knew I would get caught.

Sneaking out was a careless decision and now they’re going to punish me.

“Hello,” my voice was shaky.

“Sunggyu?” Jungryul voice seemed tired.

“Hyung?”

“Where are you? I looked in your room but you weren’t there.”he told me as I felt my heart almost burst out of my chest.

“I mean it’s not my fault but I’m I mean-“

“Whatever you are in the hospital just come back to your room. Something has happened.” He told me quickly.

No.

No I haven’t even figured things out yet.

“W-What happen to Sungjong?”

I felt sick like my whole body was rejecting the news that Jungryul had delivered.

“Sorry,” I mumbled as I almost ran over a nurse with my chair.

She cursed some words at me and I would have stopped and given her a proper apology but I was in a rush.

“Get out of the way,” I grunted to the people in the hallway.

I needed to get there.

Why didn’t they listen to me?

If they listen to me than none of this would have happened.

When I reached the door I didn’t even try to knock instead I ripped it open with all my might.

“Kim Myungsoo you careless idiot!”

Pojangmacha:

A restaurant on wheels, or street stalls in Korea which sell popular street foods.

Seoul National University:

Apart of the S(Seol National University) K (Korean University) Y (Yonsei University) Universities. They are the top three Universities in Seoul.

Hagwon:

After school cram school can be private or public usually only for high school students.

Ayego:

Acting cute.

Notes:

If you or anyone you know are being abused please look at these websites:

United States:

https://www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/reslist/rl_dsp.cfm?rs_id=5&rate_chno=11-11172

http://www.nationaldomesticviolencehelpline.org.uk/

Canada:

http://www.hotpeachpages.net/canada/canada1.html

http://www.helpguide.org/mental/domestic_violence_abuse_types_signs_causes_effects.htm

UK:

http://thisisabuse.direct.gov.uk/need-help

http://www.womensaid.org.uk/page.asp?section=0001000100080002

Nothing will stop unless you stand up for yourself and the ones you love. No one deserves to be abused! There is alot more helplines out there all you have to do is google seach them. Please stand up for yourself because I hate seeing you hurt and so does Infinite. You are imporant and there is only one you!

Authors Note:

I was going to update this on Sungyeols birthday but my computer was being mean. Anyways happy late birthday my silly Lee Sungyeol. My first bias in infinite that always made me laugh. You've overcome so much in the past couple of years and I love you for that. Always keep true to yourself and keep doing the owl face. 

-Morgan