Part Twenty-Five: Myungsoo
The Words Unsaid
Part Twenty-Five
Myungsoo
My mouth felt dry as I looked around the small hospital room for something to drink.
It only took seconds after I woke up to realize what had happen. I had passed out which wouldn’t have been so embarrassing if it wasn’t in front of my fans and worst of all the press. It only took an hour before my face was plastered all over the magazines, newspapers, and television stations. With headlines that read “Idols worked too hard?” “Former Infinite member L Faints on Runway”
I wanted to punch each one of these headlines in the face. Idols are always overworked but no one cares until one of us passes out.
Former Infinite Member”
That one made me laugh the most. Former when was Infinite disbanded? A lot of people assumed that we had disbanded but that was further from the truth. I knew that I had to keep on working so our fans wouldn’t forget about us. That the burden on Infinite would be lessen if I took charge.
The door open revealing a pale face Jungryu carrying a stack of newspaper. He tossed them on my night stand and let out a sigh.
“I know,” I told him before he could say another word.
“You might know but I don’t think you realize what you caused,” he replied pointed at the newspapers.
“They’re saying that it’s Jung Yeop fault. We are all taking the fall for this except for you.”
I sat up in my bed but was stopped by Jungryu. “Just rest Myungsoo.”
“It’s not his fault. I can do an interview saying that it wasn’t his fault or maybe go on Television?” I pointed out while trying to push off Jungryu hand.
“Stop! Myungsoo!” Jungryu snapped making me jump once again. “I know you’re all going through a rough time but this isn’t helping anyone! Working every minute is going to seriously hurt you or kill you! Do you really want to cause the other members pain?”
“No,” I said sternly. “But you can’t stop me from working.”
“No he can’t but I can,” a voice said. I turned my attention to the hospital door to see Jung Yeop standing there wearing a dirty suit. His hair was messy which is something I have never seen before.
“Jung Yeop,” I called for him.
He closed the door then took a seat in the empty chair next to my bed.
“How are you feeling kid,” he asked while he scanned me up and down.
“Fine no perfect,” I told him.
“Listen I’ve talked to Dream’s company and they’re not allowed to talk to you anymore,” he told me as he touched my arm.
“Good,” I said more to myself then to him. I didn’t need them interfering with my work.
“Next time if something like this happens make sure you tell a manager,” he added.
I nodded my head because the next time dream comes at me I’m going to push each and every one of them out a window.
“Okay,” I nodded.
“Now onto your schedules we decided to cancel everything and give you some time to rest,” he revealed.
My heart stopped as I took a deep breath. “No.”
“Myungsoo you need to take a break,” Jung Yeop added.
“No,” I closed my eyes tightly.
“The fans are expecting you to take a break anyways,” Jung Yeop said as he sighed.
I open my eyes and stared at the tired man. “I don’t need a break. I forgot to eat breakfast and I passed out.”
“Don’t lie Myungsoo,” Jung Yeop scolded me. “You look exhausted and Hyowan has told me that you haven’t been sleeping.”
I cursed Hyowan’s name under my breath. “You can’t cancel my schedule I made promises.”
“It’s against your contract and if I hear or see you doing another schedule we’ll terminate your contract,” Jung Yeop informed me. “If you do another event you’ll be kicked out of Infinite.”
Kicked out of Infinite?
“You can’t do that to me,” I yelled at him. “I’m the face of Infinite.”
“It doesn’t matter anymore,” Jung Yeop told me. “Myungsoo go on vacation or go home. No more schedules.”
I was about to argue back when the door open revealing Hyowan.
“Sir,” Hyowan called out. “Sunggyu is on his way.”
“What,” I sat up straight in my bed.
“Good,” Jung Yeop turned his attention back to me. “Maybe Sunggyu can talk some sense into you.”
I don’t want to see him not now and not here.
“Sir you have another meeting in a couple of minutes,” Hyowan informed him looking down at a small tablet.
“Ah yes Myungsoo take care of yourself,” Jung Yeop told me as he patted my arm.
Just like that the Jung Yeop and my managers left the room.
I let all the words sink in once again.
Schedules cancelled.
Removed from Infinite.
Sunggyu is coming.
.
I slammed my hand against the bed table letting the food spill to the ground.
.
I pulled off my sheet and threw them to the floor.
This wasn’t like me.
But I wasn’t me anymore.
I stood up throwing whatever was in sight to the floor hoping that it would relieve my problems.
I picked up a picture frame of a flower and threw it to the floor shattering the glass.
“What are you doing,” a voice asked making me jump.
I turned my head expecting to see a doctor or a nurse but instead I saw him.
“S-Sungjong,” I gasped out.
“You know you could go to jail,” Sungjong pointed out with his hands on his hips. “They will destroy you in jail and don’t deny it because it’s the truth.”
“Y-You’re here,” I sputtered out taking in the boy.
He looked the same as if the accident never happened. He was wearing a light blue tee shirt and beige shorts that fit his image perfectly.
“You’re here,” I said running to him. Even up close he smelt the same and I couldn’t help but wonder if I touched him if he would feel the same.
“Duh why wouldn’t I be,” Sungjong retorted rolling his eyes.
“Are you dead?” I asked suddenly reaching for his hand. I let out a gasp as I felt his warmth in my hands and I realized he was really here.
“Yes you see dead people,” Sungjong said looking at me with wide eyes.
“Really,” I gasped covering my mouth.
“No Hyung,” he laughed.
“Then you got better!” I shouted smiling. “Do the others know? Why didn’t they tell me?”
“Hyung slow it down,” Sungjong placed his hand up. “I’m not awake.”
I took a step back. “Then how are you here?”
“You’re having a psychological breakdown,” Sungjong answered simply.
“What?” I asked alarmed.
“I’m not really here your brain is just making you think I am,” Sungjong told me as he leaned against the door.
“But why? Am I crazy?” I sputtered out.
Sungjong shrugged his shoulders. “Hyung you’ve always been crazy and I guess the real Myungsoo needed someone to talk to.”
“But I’m fine!”
“Do me a favor and tell L to go away. Plus don’t lie if you were fine then why would I be here?” Sungjong pointed out as he cocked his head to the side.
“I eh,” I sputtered out not knowing what to say. I was arguing with myself and if that wasn’t enough to put yourself in a looney bin then I didn’t know what would.
“Let’s get out of here,” Sungjong said pointing to the door.
“I have to stay,” I replied thinking about how mad Jung Yeop would be if he knew I left.
“But your IV is already out,” Sungjong pointed to my hand.
“What?” I looked down quickly to see indeed my IV cord was in my other hand. There were small drops of blood dripping from my hand.
“But-“
“Do you really want to argue with me Hyung? I’m your brain and I can make you do anything I want,” he laughed making me swallow harshly.
“Don’t worry I’m not going to embarrassed you. You already do that to yourself,” he laughed.
“What do you want?” I asked scared of what his answer would be.
“To have fun now let’s go before Sunggyu Hyung comes and ruin everything,” he pointed out as he swayed from side to side.
“I’ll be in trouble,” I pointed out shaking my head.
“Who cares now let’s go!”
It was like I had fallen asleep and woken up somewhere new except I didn’t fall asleep I blinked.
The yellow light shined against the metal poles making the playground look even spookier.
“How did I get here?” I sputtered out looking around the playground. Someone was sitting on the slide wearing a black hoodie I took a step back.
I’m really going crazy.
“Hello?” I asked.
Laughter erupted from the other side of the playground sending chills up my spine.
“Who’s there?” I sputtered out as I scanned the playground.
“Boo!” a voice screamed loudly causing me to fall back into the wood chips.
I groan in pain as I sat up to see Sungjong’s face staring back at me.
“You,” I shouted with eyes wide.
“Do you really think I’m going away?” he asked as he offered me a hand.
I took it and was pulled up to my feet. “How? Why?”
Were the only things I could say at this moment.
“Like I said I’m your brain and I can make you do anything,” Sungjong informed me as he leaned against a metal pole.
“Sorry it just takes me a while to get use to talking to my coma bandmate who really isn’t here in the first place. Which means I’m standing here looking like an idiot.”
“It’s okay that’s not too far from your image,” he pointed out then laughed.
I crinkled my face before I smacked him on his arm.
“Ouch Hyung,” he complained rubbing his arm.
“Shut up like it even hurts,” I pointed out.
“True,” Sungjong admitted with a smile.
I looked around the playground for prying eyes but we were alone.
“What are we doing here?” I asked him because I had never been to this place before.
Why would Fake Sungjong bring me here? What were his reasons?
“Think about it,” he told me.
I frowned but I couldn’t think of any reason why we would be here.
It looked like a normal playground maybe a little bit run down but it was still a playground.
“If Sunggyu was here he would know what this place is,” Sungjong scoffed crossing his arms.
Sunggyu?
My eyes immediate went to underneath the slide. It was rusty and dirty but it was the place where Sunggyu and Hoya would eat dinner every night.
“Why would you bring me here?” I asked him because this wasn’t my hang out place. I had only been here twice and both times weren’t even special. The first time I got lost trying to find my way to the dance studios and I ended up sitting here for an hour trying to figure out where to go. The next time was with the Infinite members and Sesame Player Staff. They had wanted to show some scenes of stuff we did before our debut. Since Sunggyu suggested was closer than the others we decided to go there. It wasn’t disappointing since Sunggyu ordered chicken and we were able to have a proper meal even though camera lenses were staring down my back.
We needed a break from all the practicing and I wasn’t necessarily getting all the moves down so I was very thankful for this playground.
We were preparing for our new song Be Mine and it was either going to sink or swim. Jung Yeop was under so much stress from our albums being failures. We had fans but we weren’t popular and we certainly were not winning any music shows. Jung Yeop had sat us down days before our comeback and told us that if this album wasn’t a success then Infinite would disband. I cried for days because I thought it was my fault because it had to be. I was busy filming my drama and my attention was placed elsewhere.
We pushed ourselves to the breaking point and what happen next surprised us all. We won.
We won and were able to stay together and get our own apartment.
“Are you thinking about them?” Sungjong asked breaking my thoughts.
“No,” I lied.
“You are thinking about them and you know it’s okay to miss them,” Sungjong told me.
“Then what about us do you miss us?” I retorted.
“I can’t answer that because I’m not really Sungjong,” he admitted.
“Right,” I sighed.
“But,” he said and looked me in the eyes. “I’m sure he misses you guys more than anything in the world.”
I looked up at his face taking everything in. “I miss him too. Thank.”
“This place is full of so many emotions but especially our doubts. We didn’t know if we would be together in a couple months,” Sungjong pointed out. “I didn’t want to practice and I was giving up but you changed my mind. The person who should have quit was the one who kept telling me to keep on going. You had been through so much Myungsoo don’t let this accident turn you away from your dream.”
“It’s not my dream without you,” I pointed out trying to hold in my tears. “Without any of the members it just feels wrong.”
“So then fake it till it feels right. Just don’t let yourself fall apart because of this,” he told me. “Now let’s head back to the dorm before you catch a cold.”
“But I don’t want to go,” my voice sounded weird as if I was on the verge of crying.
I didn’t want to go because the real Sungjong’s stuff was there and seeing that would hurt too much. Maybe that was why no one was staying in the dorm at the moment.
“Don’t be a baby plus I’m tired,” Sungjong wined.
“No way!” I replied.
Sungjong scoffed “Listen if you don’t go I’ll just make you.”
“Don’t you d-“
I open my eyes.
I was standing in a dark hallway and it only took me a second to realize that I was in the dorm.
“Sungjong!” I shouted crossing my arms.
“I told you I would,” Sungjong said turning on a light.
“I want to go,” I turned around but Sungjong appeared right in front of me blocking my way.
“No. Listen Myungsoo it’s okay that I’m dead.”
“You’re not dead you’re just sleeping,” I pointed defensively.
“Dead or sleeping it’s the same thing. You have to understand I’m not coming home no matter how many hours you work,” Sungjong pointed out grabbing my arm.
“You’re giving up?” I asked shocked.
“No I’m telling you not to give up,” Sungjong retorted. “You have to live not just for me but for the fans too.”
“Why. Why do I have to keep on living when you’re in that hospital bed,” I shouted. “It’s not fair.”
“I know,” Sungjong pulled me into a hug. “I know.”
“Everyone is leaving me,” I sighed. “I don’t even know what to do anymore. Sungyeol won’t even speak to me and the rest of the members are missing. What should I do tell me what to do?”
I pulled back wiping away tears as I started at Sungjong.
“I can’t tell you what to do,” Sungjong admitted. “You already know what to do that’s why I’m here to push you.”
“You expect me to go back to Infinite right? To act like none of this happened,” I pointed out as I rubbed my eyes. I let out a small yawn and turned my attention back to the beautiful boy.
Sungjong sighed. “No and yes I guess. It’s up to you to decide where you want to be. If you want to leave Infinite fine but we both know you won’t do that. I know how much you cherish each members and how thankful you are to be in Infinite.”
“Like it matters now,” I scoffed. “As much as I don’t want to admit it I know that Infinite isn’t coming back and if we did it wouldn’t be the same.”
“Fine then don’t go back but live healthy,” he pointed out as I let yet another yawn.
“I am,” I lied then I bit my lip from yawning again.
I hadn’t been sleeping and maybe that was the reason why I was having this mental break down. I guess it was bound to happen at some point.
“Look you’re tired,” Sungjong pointed out grabbing my hand. “Let’s go to bed.”
“But I thought you wanted me to look at the dorm,” I added. We were still standing in the doorway too busy arguing to walk inside.
“We can do it tomorrow,” Sungjong added.
“Sure whatever,” I grumbled as I turned away to leave.
“Where are you going?” he asked me suddenly.
“What?” I turned around and gave him a questionable look.
“It’s already late and getting a cab at this hour will be a nightmare so why don’t you stay,” Sungjong pointed out leaning against a shoes rack.
“I eh I can’t,” I lied once again. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to stay because honestly I did if that meant I could spend more time with him. In the back of my head I knew that the minute I stepped into that dorm I would be reminding of the real him. That was too much to think about right now.
“You’re over thinking it again come on let’s go,” Sungjong egged me on.
“No I really can’t,” my voice cracked in the end so I sounded like I was going through puberty.
“Don’t be such a baby hyung! “Sungjong scolded me grabbing my hand.
“Don’t you d-“
It was dark and there was a small light across the room showing the time. It was 2:34 A.M.
I was laying down with blankets all the way up to my chin with a fluffy pillow under my head.
He had done it again hadn’t he?
I stared around the room but I couldn’t see anyone nor I could I hear anything. Was he going to scare me? I hated being scared and maybe that was why I picked him to room with because he was fearless.
I waited for him to say something about me being a pansy but there was nothing.
I sat up squinting my eyes but I still couldn’t see anyone.
“Sungjong?” I called out for him.
I bit the corner of my lip waiting for his reply.
He wouldn’t leave me? Did he leave?
“Sungjong,” I screamed starting to panic.
“Shh!” a voice came from next to me. I turned my head to see the outline of a body lying next to me.
He yawned before he sat up. “What’s your problem?”
“You’re here!” I shouted squeezing him tightly.
“I can’t breathe,” he shouted.
“You’re not real,” I reminded him.
“True and you know you’re hugging a pillow right,” he pointed out as he laughed.
“I thought you left,” I told him as he stopped laughing.
“You can’t get rid of me that easy,” he joked. “Come on let’s go back to sleep.”
“I’m not tired,” I added.
“Don’t lie,” he snapped at me.
“Can you stay with me?” I asked him suddenly.
“Only for a bit,” he told me as he snuggled up to me.
It reminded me of times before we debut when we were all tired and missing home. When one of us missed home we would sleep together in the same bed. It was nice just have someone close by, someone that could understood the loneliness of being an idol.
After we debut we were so busy that none of us had time to be lonely. Now after a couple of years of being in the industry it seemed silly to share the same bed with someone on purpose.
Right now I didn’t care about how silly I looked or if the rest of the members would make fun of me.
What was I going to do about the members?
Or worst Sunggyu?
I had left the hospital without a word which wasn’t my fault well I guess it was my fault in a way. Sunggyu was going to kill me when he finds me. At least no one would expect anyone one to be here.
I guess there was one good thing about being in this place.
I was glad that darkness blocked my eyes from the contents of the room. There were memories that I was not ready to see yet. The pictures that hanged on the walls or even worst Sungjong’s bed that was above mine. I was sure that no one had visited the dorm since the accident so did that meant Sungjong’s side of the room stayed the same?
I was too scared to look.
Then it hit me.
He’s gone. Now I’m left here with all these memories and it’s not fair.
Tears were streaming down my face as I looked into his large eyes.
I had to keep on reminding myself that he wasn’t really here. But the warmth I felt from him body told me otherwise.
“I have to go,” he whispered into my ear.
“Don’t,” I choked out. “Don’t go.”
Sungjong studied my face before pulling me tighter into him. I could feel his hot breath hitting my cheek and his heart beating quickly.
“I’ll stay but only for a little bit. Just sleep Myungsoo,” he told me.
“Don’t leave me,” I pleaded with him. “Please don’t die just stay.”
“I will Hyung,” Sungjong answered.
“I’m not talking about this Sungjong I’m talking about the one in the hospital bed. I want him to come home,” tears were drenching both of our shirts.
“Me too Hyung,” Sungjong answered simply.
I looked upon his face one more time savoring everything about him then I closed my eyes.
Vocab:
Sesame Player:
2011 Infinite had a variety show that consisted of them running away from their managers and throwing pranks. If you guys want to watch this show click here for the first episode in English sub. It was actually the first show that I watched of Infinite that made me fall in love with them. With Sunggyu bossing around s and acting like a chipmunk. Hoya acting paranoid 24/7. With Sungyeol invading the members personal space while they are sleeping and going through their stuff. Myungsoo and his bamboo pillow and Dongwoo having a reverse secret camera. Sungjong beating up and his hyungs and dancing to girl groups. Lastly Woohyun betraying s to his managers.
Be Mine:
This was the first song they won on music shows. I made up the fact that they were going to disband but Jung Yeop had promised a new apartment if they placed in the top three. Surprising they won and most of the Infinite members cried. If you watched sesame player and saw their dorm you would cry too.
Comeback:
When artist releases a new song its call a comeback. If they are a new group and having their first music video/stage then it’s called a debut.
Notes:
Hey you guys!
I hope you didn’t miss me! I’ve been spending most of this month writing extra chapters. I wrote all of Sunggyu, Myungsoo, and Hoya’s chapters so far and next I’m working on Dongwoo’s chapters. I’m going to be posting more in December; this month was just my catch up month.
So why am I posting today when it’s not December yet? Well that’s because it’s my bias birthday today. The lovely dinosaur has turned 24 but in Korea it’s 25.
Listen for all you who don’t know Dongwoo he is the sweetest angel in the world. He’s adorable, silly, sensitive, handsome, funny and so many more things. You are the mother of Infinite and always taking care of the members. Plus on top off all of that you are an amazing son to your parents. I wished I could be like that to my parents too.
So happy birthday to the boy who never fails to make me smile! I hope you have a wonderful year that is full of more laughter.
Now I’m going to end this with a quote from Dongwoo.
“KEKEKEKEKEKEKEKEKEKEKEKEKEKE”
-Dongwoo
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