“Yes we are going to be there tomorrow morning,” I told Dr.Woonha on the phone.

“You know I’m really sorry for your loss,” he told me for the tenth time on the phone. “If I could do anything I would.”

“I know Doctor,” I answer him.

"Remember Sungjong was transferred back to the hospital this morning. I’ll be there tomorrow to help out and to say my final goodbyes. Then I will be heading back to the woods,” he told me.

“Yes you already said you would be returning into the woods but you could stay if you wanted to. My Umma has an extra room that you could rent,” I suggested. “You can even have a job at the restaurant.”

He sighed. “Dongwoo it’s not going to work out I have to go back to the woods it’s where I belong.”

“Okay,” I said not hiding the disappointment in my voice.

“Keep your head up kid and I’ll see you tomorrow,” he told me.

“I will byeee Doctor,” I said into the phone.

“Bye Dongwoo.”

I pressed the red button and placed the phone onto the wooden table. As much as I argued with Dr. Woonha about various of things I still had a place for him in my heart. After all he believed in my crazy dream of curing Sungjong when other people just rolled their eyes. I was thankful for the friend he had become.

“Here you go baby,” my umma called in a sweet voice as she set down a bowl of kimchi soup with soft tofu. My favorite for rainy days or for days where nothing went right.

“You'll figure it out,” my umma said as she rubbed my back.

I nodded trying to push the failed riddle to the back of my mind.

When I was given the riddle it only took me a couple of minutes to figure it out.

“You can hug me and hold me. You talk to me, but I never reply. I have a mouth, but cannot speak; I have ears, but cannot hear. Still, I am usually the first best friend in your life. What am I?”

At first I thought it was an invisible friend or a television character.

But none of that stuff made sense and it wasn’t till I saw a street venue that I knew what I was looking for.

A stuff animal.

I had my fair share of stuffed animals. Okay, I lied; I have an army of stuffed animals. My stuffed animals had sometimes cause problems especially when I shared a room with Myungsoo. He hated my stuff animals especially when they somehow fell on to his side of the bed. In the end I had to move all my animals to the furthest corner of the room.

I came back to the dorm in search of Sungjong’s prize. I went straight to my room where I digged through the piles of clothes to find all of my stuff animals. None of them contained a note or a box. There was nothing there.

I could have been wrong after all it wouldn’t have been the first time.

I was stumped  but I was also hungry so I decided to go home and see my family. I would then head back out to find the mystery box.

I was defeated and tired.

I wanted more than anything to crawl into my bed and say goodnight to the world but I knew that I needed to find the gift.

“You know,” my umma called out from the kitchen. “I think what you boys are doing is quite brave.”

“What do you mean?” I asked in-between spoonfuls of soup.

“Most people don’t want to know what people think about them especially people in Sungjong's situation…” her voice trailed off as if she was afraid to bring him up.

“It’s okay Umma,” I said to her with a smile.

She wrapped her arms around me and gave me a tight squeeze. It took me a couple of minutes to realize she was crying.

“Umma?” I pull away so I could see her face.

She tried to give me a weak smile but it came out as a frown.

“What’s wrong,” I asked as she unwrapped her arms and I stood up to face her.

“I just can’t help but to think what if that was you,” she cried.

My heart paused because I hadn’t thought of that. It had never crossed my mind that I could have been in Sungjong’s position or worst.

“But I’m here,” I told her sternly.

“I know but it could have been any of you,” she told me and I could feel her shivering from here.

I hugged her tightly. “Umma don’t think that way. If you think that way then you will question everything and that isn’t living.”

She nodded and ran her hand through my hair. “How did you grow into such a man.”

I smiled. “I’m still your little boy.”

“Yes you are,” she laughed and hugged me tightly.

Just then the door open revealing my older sisters.

“Group hug!” Kkotip shouted as she slammed into us.

“Aren’t we a little childish?” my older sister laugh but she still join the group hug.

In that moment I was surrounded by their love.

Even though my world was going down in a big ball of flames at least I had them to lean on.  I guess the saying was right.

At the end of hardships comes happiness.

I knew that at the end of this I would eventually find happiness but right now I have to deal with the hardships.

♦♦♦♦♦

I open my bedroom door as I let out a defeated sigh.

Hours were wasted today looking for that one stuff animal and it was still a mystery.

I kept questioning if I had the right answer and I even went as far to ask the riddle on an internet form to just receive the same answer.

Although some people thought it could be a doll.

I didn’t own dolls since most of them gave me a creepy feeling. I guess that would have to do with the fact that Sungjong made me watch a movie about a haunted doll and I still hadn’t been able to get over it. Even the thoughts of looking for a glass doll sent shivers up my spine.

A stuff animal .

That was the more logical answer but still there was no stuff animal with a letter or box attached to it. I was starting to think that something had happen to it.

Either Sungjong didn't have the time to complete the hunt or someone took it.

The maids wouldn’t have touched our things especially after Myungsoo threw a huge fit after one of them threw away his favorite manga. Did a fan sneak into our dorm to look at our stuff like it was some type of museum?

Where was the clue?

I sigh once again as I threw myself on to my nicely made bed.

I felt as if it was right under my nose. If I could on-

“Ouch!” I shouted as I sat up to rub my throbbing back.

I turned around and grabbed whatever caused my pain.

I let out a loud gasp.

A white teddy bear named Sunggyu laid next to me. It was dirty from the years of being dragged around by Sungjong. Not to mention the many times it took punches from the youngest member when he was frustrated or mad. Around the red bow contained a white envelope that had Sungjong’s messy handwriting.

But why was it here?

Shouldn’t it be back at the dorm laying on Sungjong’s dusky bed.

So why was it here?

“UMMA!” I screamed grabbing ahold of the bear to get a better look at it.

“What what what!!” she screamed as she almost slid into the door frame.

“What is this,” I said pointing to the bear.

Her face dropped as she let out a sigh. “I thought you were in trouble!”

“Sorry Umma,” I bow my head apologetically.

“Screaming all over the place,” my Umma fan her reddening face. “You nearly gave me a heart attack.”

“Sorry,” I apologized again. “But how did this get here? It’s not mine.”

“Oh that,” she said pointing to the bear. “When I went over to your dorm to grab your clothes I saw it. I thought it might have been a gift from a fan so I took it too. Was I not supposed to touch it?”

“No Umma this is amazing,” I laughed as I raced to her and picked her up. She let out a soft scream as I twirled her around the room.

“Dongwoo,” she called out breathless as I placed her down to the floor.

“You are the best Umma ever,” I laughed loudly.

She took a step back and raised her hands. “I’m not sure what you are on but since you are laughing for the first time in a while I’ll let it go,” she smiled.

“You're amazing,” I commented.

“I try. Now if you don’t mind I have to get back to watching my soap. I just found out that Jinho is not the real father,” she let out a squeal as she raced down the hallway to where her soap was playing.

I turn my attention back to the teddy bear that was laying on my bed like a dead animal. I reached for the letter but paused when the fears crept up my spine.

What if he is going to tell me that I was a bad hyung?

What if he is going to tell me that he hates me?

I took a calm breath and pushed the irrational fears out of my head.

No that isn’t like Sungjong at all.

He wouldn’t wait until your back was turn to talk about his true feelings. He was blunt to the point which caused him to get into trouble with some of the older boys.

But never did Sungjong let someone walk over him and that was something I was jealous of.

I was jealous of his strength.

Now I had to gather some of it to read his last goodbye.

I untied the string that held together the letter to the bow.

I  grabbed the letter and held it in my hands.  I stared down at the messy handwriting that spelt out my name. When did he write this?

Was it during the car rides to and from the different venues or did he stay up late at night trying to complete these.

There was so many things I didn’t know about Sungjong.

I peeled back the front of the envelope to reveal more of Sungjong’s hand writing. I pulled out the line piece of paper as I took a deep breath.

“Dear Dongwoo.”

Okay that wasn’t too bad I thought to myself then I started to read the rest of the letter.

“Dongwoo Hyung! I knew by now you would have lost your phone.”

I checked my pockets for the phone and just like the letter suggested I had lost it somewhere in my house. Oh how Sungjong knew me.

“So instead of sending you a video link I wrote you this letter.”

Oh so the rest of the members received more videos from Sungjong.

“You like more personal things instead right hyung?”

Sungjong was right once again I did enjoy more sentimental things then the other members.

“Hyung when I first met you I thought you were going to be problematic because of all your energy. Where do you have it all stored? But yet you became one of the hyungs I could depend on the most. Whenever I needed someone to talk to you were there. Whenever I needed someone to cry on you were there. I know that there were times where I annoyed you or pushed you away for no reason. I’m not sure why I did those things but all I know now is how much I love you. How much I treasure our friendship more than anything. “

Tears were sliding down my cheeks almost hitting the white lined piece of paper.

“There are many things you taught me while growing up Hyung. You taught me how to live life with hope. There was many times where I wanted to look on the bad side of things but you kept bright and hopeful. Even when Jung Yeop was about to give up on us you were full of hope. There had been many times when I was frustrated with you because I didn’t think you realize how bad things were. But now that I think about it maybe it was me who couldn’t see the good  in any situation. Next you taught me to be compassionate towards animals and human beings. You taught me to be nice to everyone even when they were not nice to you. Even when the stylist yelled at you for messing up your clothes you would still go out of your way to help them bring their things to the van. Surprising or maybe it's not….many people don’t act like you Dongwoo. Many people wouldn't bat an eye if someone needed help even if it was just something simple. But you care and that's something that sets you apart. Out of the many things you taught me this one is the most important.

You taught me how to laugh. You taught me to laugh at the small things and big things in life. To always have a good sense of humor even when things are not going your way. To always be able to laugh at yourself and those around you and most importantly to be able to smile at yourself. There are more things you taught me Hyung but my hand is cramping up and we have a radio show in a couple of hours. All I want to say to you Hyung is thank you for everything you taught me and everything you will teach me in the future.

Now you can look at your gift! It’s in the box located right next you!”

I looked down to see just my green bedsheets and some of my stuff animals. I digged through the toys and unwashed clothes but yet I found nothing.

Umma must have missed it when she had taken the stuff animal.

I turn my attention back to the unfinished letter.

“Surprised!”

He had written in large letters.

“Do you like your journal? It’s leather and the pages are high quality! The guy at the shop said that this is a very nice journal for you write down your daily thoughts. I knew this was perfect gift for you. Oh and those tickets…those are for you to see your friends in the states. For the past couple months you were mentioning to us about how you miss him. So during our next week off you can fly out there to see him! Well I guess this is the end. I hope you enjoy your gift and I'll see you when you get back home.

Oh yeah...Hyung thank you for being a dependable Hyung that I could always lean on.

From Infinite Maknae,

Lee Sungjong”

I dropped the letter into my lap and let out a loud sob. It was as if I couldn’t contain myself anymore and everything was coming out.

“Dongwoo,” I heard my Umma’s voice call for me. It didn’t take long to feel her arms wrap themselves around my trembling body.

“Are you okay,” she asked patting my back. “Is it Sungjong?”

I nodded my head as I buried my face in her shoulder.

“Are you sad about tomorrow?”

I shook my head.

“Are you upset?”

I shook my head no once again.

“Then what’s wrong baby?” she asked as she pulled me away so she could get a better look at my face.

“I’m just so...”

I paused think about everything that had happen in the past months and the letter that I had just read. There was only one word that could describe how I was feeling right now.

“I’m just so proud of the man Sungjong had become.”