Important Note! 

You guys might wanna brace yourself and prepare tissues first before reading this chapter D: 

Entry 9

I hate how he's always pointing out my flaws.

---

It's been two weeks since graduation. Two weeks without Oh Sehun. Two weeks of your misery. Two weeks of Luhan consolling you non-stop. It just didn't work. Christmas was just two days away but you weren't exactly in your Christmas spirit. Sure, you had told everything to your parents and all. They were practically jumping with joy that their daughter had made it as a valedictorian. But you weren't as happy. Why? Oh Sehun wasn't there to celebrate with you. He hadn't called, making you more worried than ever.

"Relax, SunHee. He'll be fine, I promise." Luhan sighed from your couch as you paced around your room. 

You spun around and glared at Luhan, "Don't tell me what to do, Luhan. My boyfriend is out there somewhere. And what's worse? I don't have one clue about where he is." 

Luhan held his hands out, "Whoa. I didn't mean to offend you in anyway, SunHee. But Sehun's going to be alright. Isn't he strong?" 

"Your definition of strong is wrong, Luhan. I've been the one protecting him. If that's what you call strong, then I don't think you know Sehun much, Luhan." You snapped and looked outside of the window. You sighed. *Come on, Sehun. Call me, text me or whatever. Just let me know that you're alright.* 

"Hey, don't say that." Luhan stood up and snarled. "Sehun's my best friend too." 

"But where were you for the past two years, huh? You abandoned him, too. Best friend? I don't think so." You chuckled bitterly, still looking outside of the window. 

Luhan stormed towards you and spun you around. "What's the matter with you?! Ever since Sehun disappeared, you've gone all y on me!" 

"IT'S BEEN TWO WEEKS, LUHAN!" You cried. "Two weeks. He didn't call me for two weeks. I haven't heard of him for two weeks. Everyone's keeping secrets from me. The teachers, Principal Oh. I called his parents and even they didn't want to tell me." 

Luhan held you by your shoulders, "Snap out of it, SunHee. Instead of thinking about all the bad things that could happen, would it kill you to think about the good things? Who knows? He might be visiting some relatives. Even better, he might be just fine. I can't help but to pity you, SunHee." 

"Then don't." You glared spitefully at Luhan. You gave a sarcastic smile, "I didn't ask for your pity. I'm just worrying for Sehun. He's my boyfriend. My best friend. My everything. Would it kill you to at least be concerned about him, too?" 

"You see, that's what makes you pathetic, Lee SunHee." Luhan stared at you darkly. He stepped closer, "You're a pessimist. You always think about the bad stuff, you'd never try to sit and think about the bright side of life just like Sehun. He's always doing the best for you, SunHee. Sure, he didn't tell you right before he vanished but don't you think that he just might be doing what's best for you? If he told you bad news, wouldn't you be too devastated to even move on with life? You'll be cooped up in this room, forgetting about the valedictorian scholarship and just rot. Do you think Sehun would want that? If you think he does, then you're wrong. If you think he's happy seeing you with no life inside, then you'll still have a long way to go before thinking that you really are Sehun's best friend." 

SLAP!

Tears streamed down your face as you stared at your hand. It was red from the impact. You looked up at Luhan whose left cheek had a red hand print on it. 

" off, Luhan." You spat before dashing out of your room, not caring to look back. Your heart burned as you ran out of the dorm and out of the school. Tears couldn't stop falling as your legs ran faster. *He's right. I'm such a pessimist. Sehun wouldn't want me to be like this. , I just hate it when he's right all the time.* 

--- 

Your knuckles knocked onto the wooden door. You looked up around the house. *Is anyone inside, though?* 

Your legs had carried you all the way to Sehun's house, which was all the way in the other side of town. You panted as you waited for someone to open the door. 

A woman, who looked like she was in her mid 40s, unlocked the door. As she opened the door wider, you noticed that her face was full of fatigue. Her eyes were swollen and her nose was red. Her face looked puffed up and you could hear sniffling coming from her as she inhaled and exhaled. 

You bowed, "Annyeonghaseyo. I'm Lee SunHee. I-Is Sehun in?" 

"Oh Sehun?" The lady's eyes watered again. Before you knew it, the lady broke down right infront of you. She knelt down on her knees and cried. Your eyes widened and instinctively knelt down too to comfort the sobbing woman. 

"Ahjumma? Are you alright? What's wrong?" You worriedly asked. She somehow reminded you of your mother because of her beauty that could be seen from behind the fatigue exterior. 

"Sehun-ah.." The lady sobbed. You looked around the house and shouted, "Excuse me? Anyone at home? Hello?!" 

You heard footsteps thundering down the stairs and a handsome young man appeared infront of you. He looked like he was in his early 20s as he came closer. 

The man crouched down and held the woman in your arms into his. He slightly smoothed her hair out, "Don't cry, Mom. It's okay." 

You placed your hands on your lap and bowed to the young man, "A-Annyeonghaseyo. I-I'm Lee SunHee. May I ask who you are?" 

"Lee SunHee?" the young man looked surprised as you introduced yourself. He slightly bowed back, "I'm Oh Taehun. May I ask you are?" 

"I-I'm looking for Oh Sehun? I'm his girlfriend." You slightly stuttered. 

"Ah, Sehun's girlfriend. I'm Sehun's older brother. I don't believe we've met yet." Taehun gave a smile, much similar to Sehun's. A wave of nostalgia hit you as you missed your boyfriend's smile. Your cheeks pinked as you met Sehun's brother for the first time. 

Taehun looked down at his mother and lifted her up. He looked at you, "Sit at the couch first. I'll put my mother to bed. Make yourself at home." 

You nodded and walked to the couch. You sat down, not daring to make a crease on the soft and bouncy sofa. You looked around. *His house is so cozy. I wonder why he's barely here.* You saw pictures of two young boys hung around the living room. Your eyes squinted in on one and recognized one of them right away. *It's Sehun when he's younger.* You had guessed the boy next to him was Taehun as he looked similiar to Sehun. 

"That was taken three years ago. It was the day before he started high school. Memories." a voice chuckled behind you. You turned around and saw Taehun sitting next to you. You cleared your throat and placed your hands on your lap. 

"So you're the girl that Sehun's been talking about." Taehun chuckled as he shook his head. "That fool. He's in love with you, I can tell that. Every time he comes home for the weekends, he'll be talking to Mom and Dad about you. How you're so perfect yet to dorky. How a beauty pageant winner's smile couldn't shine bright as yours."

You blushed. Your heart swelled up as every compliment made your heart beat faster. 

"-But sadly, he's not staying here in the house. Instead, he's staying at the hospital." 

The word 'hospital' made your head snap up and your eyes wide. You gulped, "H-Hospital?" 

Taehun nodded as he sighed. "Sehun's staying there now. It happened so fast. How did he tell you?" 

"W-What?" Your eyes glistened. Your Sehun was in the hospital? What on Earth for? Your heart raced in anxiety as you asked Taehun carefully, "What's wrong with Sehun?" 

Taehun looked surprised as he stared at you. He raised an eyebrow, "Didn't he tell you? He's been admitted to the hospital because he was diagnosed with cancer." 

"WHAT?!" You stood up. You could've sworn your heart stopped beating. "W-What are you talking about?! Sehun c-can't be diagnosed with cancer! He was perfectly fine last week!" You couldn't stop panicking. Your sweet, adorable and innocent Sehun was diagnosed with cancer. You were devastated. You could've died right then and there. 

"Calm down, SunHee-sshi." Taehun held you by your shoulders. 

"I can't calm down!" You choked as your sobs worsened. You were hyperventilating. You couldn't accept that your boyfriend was in the hospital, practically dying. 

"I-I need to see him." You whispered. You clutched onto Taehun's shirt and pleaded, "Please, take me to see Sehun. I need to see him." 

"Okay, I'll drive you." Taehun nodded and went up to his mother's room to inform her.

---- 

Break down. 

That was the first thing you did when you saw Sehun lying down on his hospital bed. He grew thinner fast over two weeks. His skin was pale and gaunt. His lips were chapped, the pinkness of his lips gone. He was sleeping soundly but his figure would've told you otherwise if it weren't for his heart meter.

"Why, Sehun?" You sniffled and choked on a sob. "Why didn't you tell me?" Your hand gripped onto the railing beside his bed and pulled yourself up while wobbling, making it harder for you. 

Taehun placed a hand on the small of your back and helped you. You clutched onto Sehun's bony hand and cried endlessly. Your tears rolled down your cheeks and on to Sehun's hand. 

You looked up at Taehun, "When did he get admitted?" 

"The day of his graduation." Taehun muttered bitterly. His eyes started watering too. "The night before his graduation. He said he didn't feel well so I picked him up from school. He slept immediately as soon as I dropped him off at home. But then soon, he kept saying he couldn't move. He said his legs felt like they were paralyzed. As if they were going to come off any second. Then he kept saying that he was hot on the inside. Like his insides were burning. And then he would clutch onto his chest, saying it hurts. Mom couldn't take it and brought him to the hospital right away. The doctors checked his symptoms. It went on for days. That's when, last Sunday they finally brought in the news. Our Sehun had leukemia. More white blood cells than red blood cells. The white blood cells were eating him from the inside. Mom fainted the moment she heard the news whereas Dad couldn't stop blaming himself. It was heartbreaking, really. Ever since then, Sehun had been in this ward for a week." 

You were crying to yourself as Taehun told you the whole thing. *That's why he hasn't been calling me. He was practically dying. How selfish am I?* Just like Sehun's father, you blamed yourself for being too selfish. For spending most of your time with Luhan. For not thinking of checking up in his house earlier. *It's all your fault, SunHee.* 

"Taehun-sshi?" You voiced out. 

"Hm?" 

"Can you please give me and Sehun some time alone? I just.. need to tell him something privately." Your bottom lip trembled. Taehun nodded and left the room without a word.

 You turned back to Sehun and poured your lungs out. The sound of your cries echoed in the confined room. You shook your head, "It's all my fault you're like this. If only I knew. If only I even bothered to ask if you were okay. God dammit, I'm so stupid." 

You took a deep breath and examined Sehun's features. He didn't have anymore plump cheeks like he used to. His hair had grown thinner but he still had his trademark bangs. You slightly smiled as you smoothed out his bangs, "Oh Sehun. My Oh Sehun. You have no idea how grateful I am to be called your girlfriend. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me, Oh Sehun. Through my freshman year, sophomore and junior year, you were there. Always by my side. When I cried, you were my shoulder to cry on. When I was angry, you sacrificed your body to become my very own personal punching bag. When I was fangirling over Lee Minho, you became my pillow as I pulled your hair, pretending it was cotton, while watching all of his dramas. When I was down, you became my personal motivator. See where I'm going, Sehun? I'm saying that you're my everything. And without you, I'm nothing. In fact, you gave me all the motivation I needed to be who I am right now. Not Mom, not Dad. But you, Oh Sehun. You're special." 

You sniffled and looked up, your eyes glassy. You looked back at Sehun's sleeping figure and continued, "I was so happy when the two of us got together. You made me feel loved. I can't possibly stay away from you because you give me the energy I needed. When you're not with me, all of my happiness was out and I became a totally different person. Ask Luhan. He even said I went all on him. That's because you're not there with me, Oh Sehun. You broke my cold exterior. Now, i've became the sunshine you always wanted me to be. Well, guess what, Sehun? You're my sunshine. No doubt. There's no one that can ever let me feel the same way I'm around you. I became more loving, caring and sensitive. It's all because you see right through me, Sehun." 

Your cheeks felt wet again as you carried on, "That night. Before graduation. I finally felt connected to you. There were no ifs, buts or maybes. It was just you and me, right? It felt right. Like the moment was meant for us. Well, you know what they said right? The best moments happen unexpectedly. I can definitely say that that is true. We got together out of the blue, we kissed out of nowhere and we became one at the most unexpected time." You chuckled for the first time in many days. "I hope you can hear me, Sehun. I hope all of this is a dream and when I wake up, you'll be lying down next to me in my dorm room. And we'll spend the whole day stuffing our faces with ice-cream and waffles. All you have to do is tell me this is a dream and we can have all the ice-cream and waffles we want."

You shook your head, sobs coming out as you opened your mouth to talk, "I just want everything to be back to normal, Sehun. I don't understand. Why are you like this when you never did anything wrong? Is fate playing with us, Sehun? Isn't it unfair? Huh, Sehun? Tell me, Sehun! Tell me all of this is a dream and you'll be right next to me when we wake up! I promise, if it's a dream, I'll make you the happiest guy on Earth. Please, Sehun! Tell me!" You were shouting by now. 

A doctor came by, "Miss, visiting hours are over. Please let the patient rest." 

"No!" You sobbed and broke down on your knees. You clutched your head, "No! Sehun doesn't have cancer! This is all a dream! No, a nightmare! Once I wake up, Sehun and I will be reunited and both of us will have the time of our lives! IT'S ALL A DREAM!"

"Nurses, bring this young lady out please." The doctor brought in male nurses and nodded towards you. 

You thrashed around as the male nurses dragged you away from Sehun. You could've sworn Sehun's eyebrows were slightly furrowed as the male nurses dragged you out. "NO! LET GO OF ME, YOU CRUEL PEOPLE! WHO ARE YOU TO KEEP HIM CONFINED, HUH? HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE GRADUATING! NO, HE'S ALREADY GRADUATED! HE HAS YET TO GET HIS CERTIFICATE AND YOU CONFINE HIM?! WHAT KIND OF PEOPLE ARE YOU?!" 

Taehun jogged towards you and gathered you in his arms. His warmness reminded you of Sehun, making you relax bit by bit. You lightly touched his chest and closed your eyes. *Sehun. Hold me again like this and I'll be the happiest girl in the world.* 

"SunHee-sshi?" However, the unfamiliar voice broke your train of thoughts. You looked up, disappointed. *It's his brother. What was I thinking?* 

"Let's go. We can visit again tomorrow." Taehun held you by your shoulders and led you out of the hall. You looked back from over your shoulder and glanced at Sehun's door. *I'll be back tomorrow, Sehun. Just you wait.* 

 < --- ME RIGHT NOW 

I'M SO SORRY IT HAD TO BE LIKE THIS, HONEYS. LET IT ALL OUT, GUYS. I'M RIGHT HERE. *OPENS ARMS* JUST COMMENT, "/sobbing like a manatee" AND I'LL REPLY YOUR COMMENT WITH A HUG! 

Oh my gosh, I'm crying so much as we speak. Please don't be too sad, Honeys! 

To make your sobs less, check out my new story starring Baekhyun and you! <3 

Click Here ---> The Story Of Us

Until the next update, ppyong!~