It doesn't feel like it just happened yesterday, but it doesn't feel like it has already been 5 years ago either.

5 years. Half a decade.

They say that it takes approximately 17 months for people to move on from a heartbreak but- 5 years. Half a decade.

Half a decade. I shifted my weight from my right foot to my left as leaned up unto the glass fence, cold from the metal railing seeping through my skin, burning, pain. It was somewhat excruciating yet soon soothes down as my arms stayed for quite some time against it, pain commenced fading away. I suppose that's just how some things work, just like how the pain from 5 years ago slowly disappeared as I let it stay. But as the pain dissolved, so as the love.

There was something about waiting at this particularly crowded place, about the low chatters and lull murmurs on the background, about the familiar smell of an old perfume, about the arms that wrap around my waist from my behind.

About waiting for Taemin for his big day.

"Princess," I felt my body stiffen, the muscles tightening for about the slightest second and then went back to relaxing. Taemin sheepishly dipped down his head until his warm lips are pressed against my flushing cheeks. His ability of noting littlest things I like, like surprise back hugs, all too amuses me. "Do you know you look so cute when you're surprised? Ah," He sighed, "Scratch that. You look cute even if you're not doing anything. How do you even."

And then, that stupidly inevitable smile cracked it's way into my lips which were tucked in a straight thin line just brief moments ago. It's all kinds of fascinating and a tad bizarre how a simple gesture would make me happy, would make me smile with impish glee. It's not a second when I turned around on his arms and was greeted with an equally smiling Taemin, mirroring the curve my lips were making, bright and calm.

I'm not entirely sure and I think it's funny that I really can't pinpoint when.

"Are you ready for the event?"

But somewhere in between the good morning texts, the many ice cream treats and the silly bets on whether or not Krystal will date that drummer boy named Minhyuk, 

"Well, of course!" He exclaimed, eyes crinking into small crescents, almost twinkling, "It's the big day!"

I fell in love with Lee Taemin.

Maybe it's funny, maybe it's absurd, or maybe it's fate. Maybe I don't really have to know when did I fall in love because I don't really need to. Because maybe Taemin was right. He's right when he said to me that what matters the most is the now; the today and the rest of the days I would be spending happily with him; with Taemin. Maybe the past isn't really that important. Maybe.

The day when I let my grasp on all of my maybes slip away, when I let Taemin have the maybes I've been holding unto for too long and throw them far away didn't really feel that long ago. Because really, it actually wasn't.

"So what's up with the piano tune? You're learning to play piano?" I heard Taemin say over the loud piano tune playing on my full-volumed phone. I didn't intend on ignoring him but I really need to beat my current highest score.

"Hey, you're not ignoring me right now, are you?" I heard him scoff, "Park Chemi. Hey. Park. Chemi." He chuckled as I began screaming at my phone because the silly him started jabbing his free hand over my phone screen. This punk.

"Taemin!" I sputtered, looking over my phone. 1118. "What was that for?" I pretended to be mad.

"What were you doing?" He asked, eyes trained on the road as he drove. This was one of those random days when he would pick me up from the university campus for some decent late lunch because canteen food is kind of already sickening me.

"Piano Tiles." I turned to him, eyebrows raised. "It's the latest trend at school right now after 2048 and 2fuse." I explained. "Don't you play games on your phone?"

"I do."

"Oh. Okay," I made little noddings of my head in subtle mock agreement, "So what games then?"

"Flappy Bird."

I laughed, "What's your highest score?"

"16?"

"Are you serious? Wow." I laughed some more, teasing him. "You're too good with Flappy Bird!"

"Ha ha ha. Whatever." He waved off and grinned.

"Whaaaaaat? How do you do that? You should teach me your ways, Flappy Bird senpai."

"Ohmygod. Stop it already. Don't tell me you're going to call me that now."

"You know what? I like it when you give me ideas."

"Park Chemi."

"Joking!" And we both cracked into a giggling mess.

"Hey, Chemi. Could you please get my sunglasses?" He said after a short silence. "It's getting too bright, don't you think? The sun is shinning too bright on me the flowers are growing toward me."

"Smooth," I chuckled, reaching for the sunglasses that have been in the glovebox in front of me. As I picked it up, something shiny clinged onto it. I squinted my eyes and was surprised to see a necklace which looked exactly identical as the one I have received from Minho four years ago.

"Taem? Is this yours?" I casually asked, referring to the necklace. I handed him the sunglasses.

"Uhm," He shifted his eyes from the road to take a quick glance on me, the necklace and then back to the road, "Actually.. no. I was supposed to give it to someone before but I couldn't."

"Oh. Why didn't you? I'm sure that person will definitely love this. I also have the same necklace as this, you see-"

"That's why I did not bother giving it to her. She already has one." I heard him sigh, "I was about to give it," A silence. "....to you, but I guess someone has given it to you first, and the worse thing was I knew who the person is."

I was startled. I wanted to slap my own face for being so tactless and insensitive. Tears started welling up my eyes, out of guilt- I'm not entirely sure, but the only thing that I am certain about is that I needed it. I need to cry, and so I cried as the words also poured out. "I'm so sorry, Taem. If I could only bring back the time, I would not want to do stupid things behind your back then. I'm so sorry. You were so good to me and all I did is to break your heart. I was so blinded by my love for Minho, I didn't see the unselfish love you always give to me. I didn't appreciate all your goodness to me. I'm so sorry, Taem. I should've seen it from day one. I should've loved you the way you love me. I'm so stupid."

It honestly felt as though I was vomiting, the words just kept on pouring out; I couldn't stop it. I was sobbing, and as my lips stopped moving and the words were let out, the more I believe on everything that I just said, the truer they all were. I guess it's one of those times when you just let your heart lead you, you let it talk. And when you do, it speaks nothing but the truth. It's all true: I was so overwhelmed with my love for Minho that honestly I couldn't even remember a single thing for the past 4 years of my life that is not loving Minho. That and making a fool out of myself for thinking and hoping that he would love me back. Taemin - this guy who had always loved me, who has always been behind me but I never looked back, because I was always chasing for somebody who is running away from me.

That after all of the things that I did to him that he doesn't deserve at all, he's here, holding the mess that is the crying me. "It's okay, not so good things happened in our lives, we can't avoid it. Sometimes, as much as we don't want to, but we hurt the ones who are important to us. What matters most is, we learned from all the mistakes we have done and never gave up on trying and trying again. You don't need to feel sorry, none of those matters to me anymore, what's important now is this day and all the days that we will be facing together."

Taemin's eyes were so full of sincerity, I have never been so lost in someone's eyes before.

"Can you put this on me? From now on, I will never take this off." I said in between sniffles and handed him the necklace, the car had long been parked on the roadside.

"Concert will be starting in two hours time and as much as I want to be with you, I just can't accompany you right now, Princess. I need to be at the back stage until it is ended. For the meantime, you might want to spend the next hour at a coffee shop or at your favorite boutique? Why were you so early anyway?" He still uses that nickname on me, along with actually treating me like one. I don't deserve him. "I reserved you a VIP seat on the front row, you can return thirty minutes before it starts, what do you think?"

Taemin is now on his senior year in college and in few months time, he would be working at SHINee Music Records Label. He just have to pass his final exam with them which was pertaining to the concert that will be held at Seoul's Finest Super Mall today. I am so proud of him, he's doing so great while doing the things he likes.

"Alright, coffee sounds good. So, I'll just see you then? I already miss you." I pouted and batted my eyelashes at him. I like teasing him, he's cute.

"But I miss you more already! What do we do now?"

"So, you're trying to win on me, Mr. Lee? I'm sorry but this girl won't let you. I miss you more than you miss me already."

He immediately raised both his arms in an act of surrender. "Okay! You win, Ms. Park. You are cordially invited to give me a good luck kiss now because I'm kind of already running late." He said while making a kissy face, his arms still on air.

I tiptoed and lightly kissed him, wrapping my arms around his neck and dragging him down. "I love you," I whispered, "Good luck."

"Love you, too." He whispered back before hurrying away.

I found myself standing inside a cute little cafe that I first saw at the mall, looking at the different cakes that all looked so beautiful to even eat it. I couldn't help to feel amused with it. "I would like to try this one, Strawberry Cheese Cake and a medium glass of Mint Latte, please?"

"May I know your name, miss?" The teenage girl cafe crew who was dressed in baby pink uniform softly asked me.

"Park Chemi."

That wasn't me.

It wasn't my own voice, but it sounds so familiar. Like I've always heard that voice. Like it has said my name for too many times before. My knees were shaking, my chest pounding as I slowly turned my back to look at the person. And there he stood, Choi Minho.

He instantly smiled as our eyes met. That smile, it never changed. The smile that used to make my heart jump.. back then. After five years, here I was, sitting in front of the man I loved more than myself, having an awkward conversation.

"How are you? You look different. I mean, beautifully different." He initiated as we were seated.

"I'm good." I simply answered, surprisingly calm and feeling... nothing. It was nothing but like talking to an old friend after seeing each other again after a long time. No magical feeling, no sparks, no irritating butterflies flying inside my tummy. Nothing like the first time at the front of our house back home.

"It's nice to hear that. I just arrived a month ago. I'm so happy to see you again, Chemi. By the way, do you still love music?"

I kept my head down. "Yeah."

"There will be a concert here in a few time and I am actually one of the music directors, I will work together with Onew. You know him, right? By any chance, would you like to watch it? I could reserve you a VIP ticket." The excitement in his voice was so evident.

"I do have a VIP ticket, and yes, I will definitely watch it."

"Good! That's good. Uhm, would you like to have dinner with me after the show? There's something I want to tell you.."

"I don't think so."

"Oh. Okay. Some other time maybe?"

"Minho.." I sighed. "There will be no other time."

"Why? You still hate me? Please, Chemi. I'm so sorry. You are the reason for my return. Please tell me, how can I make it up to you? How can you forgive me?" His voice began to crack. He was holding back the tears that were forming into his eyes. My heart broke upon seeing him like that, but there was nothing I could do to comfort him, to ease whatever pain he was feeling at that moment.

"I have already forgiven you Minho. I don't hate you either. The thing is, I just don't feel anything special towards you anymore."

"Please say it's not true, Chemi. It's not over yet between us. Please.." He was staring deeply unto me and I noticed that his glance shifted to my necklace. "You are still wearing that necklace that I have given you.."

I cut his words out before he could could utter another word.

"I'm sorry but this one is not from you. My boyfriend was supposed to give this to me five years ago during Christmas time but he saw a same necklace dangling on my neck before he even actually give this to me. The one I was wearing back then was from you, and I have hurt him so much because of that, and I was so stupid to even break up with him because I have believed in you, and your promises. I closed my eyes, shut my mind and just followed my heart, but I was wrong.. so wrong."

"Chemi.."

"I have many questions before: Why did you leave me again? What have I done wrong? Do I deserve that? Unfortunately, I wasn't able to find any answers. Pain, confusion and hate were all flowing inside of me. Eventually, I became numb and lifeless. I thought I was going to die because I just couldn't stand the pain, and it was impossible for me to forget, unlove, and let go of you. But God is so good, He sent someone to help me pick up the pieces of me again.. Taemin stood by me. He never left my side, unlike you who always did."

A moment of suffocating silence filled the air between us.

"I'm sorry that I caused you so much pain, Chemi. I just have one last question for you.. Do I still have any space in your heart? Don't you love me anymore?" He asked, looking deeply in my eyes.

"My love for you will never fade, it will be here inside of me for always. I love you Minho, but it is in a different way now. A friendly love perhaps.. The kind of love that I have felt for you before is the same love I am happily sharing with Taem right now. I do hope that one day, you will also be able to find that kind of love, with the right one for you. I'm really sorry." 

"Please don't be. Love is nothing to be sorry about. I wish all the happiness with your relationship with Taemin. He's a good guy and you deserve him. I'll go ahead. Please take care of yourself."

We shook hands before he turned around and left me at the table. I followed him with my gaze until I finally lost sight of him. I found myself painting a smile on my lips as I instantly thought of my boyfriend Taem. He has always fight for our relationship, do whatever makes me happy, and now, it is time to do my part.

They've always said and told that you'll know it's love when everything around you goes slow motion, but I've learned that it's just a silly myth that almost everybody has believed on. Love is not about slowing down, but it is rather about going fast forward. When you start seeing yourself spending the rest of your life with someone, start imagining yourself starting a family and growing old with them, then you'll know love has found you.

I want to start a family with Taemin, I want to build a dog house with Taemin as the kids played with the dog on the front yard, I want to hold hands with Taemin at the grocery store while our teenage children cringe, I want to use all the money we saved up working and travel the world with Taemin when we retire, I want to watch the sunset and hold Taemin's wrinkling hand while we sat on the porch when we're too old and gray. I want to spend each and every moment of my life with Taemin. Everything is better if it's with him.

Taemin and I have been together for a year now, and I want more time with him. Much, much more. Like forever. That would be nice.

eeepppppppppp

does anybody remember us and this fic?

according to aff, this was published on 120523 and last updated on 131205

and now after almost 2 years, we are posting an alternate ending and finally marking this story as "complete" yay !

i went through chapters here and i cant help but to cringe big time @ the past me

i might redit and also revamp this story in the future, or idk

im such trash.

anyways, to all of u guys who were so patient and actually read this whole story, yall are the awesomeness

thnx 4 baring w me and my cringe-worthy writting style. orz

this has been hyacynth and lala, authors of dongsaeng saranghae xo