A:N/ You guys have been so amazing, I'm going to be sorry to see you go. Now, I received a request for a double update, which would bring an end to the story you guys have been following for an amazing 7 weeks. What did I do to deserve such a loyal readership for my little story? You've seriously been amazing, and when I take that into consideration, how can I possibly say no? However, from my perspective this chapter has more of an impact if there's a bit of a delay, so to satisfy myself as well as you guys, I'm going to post this chapter now, and the last one in an hour or two. That way I get to think I've made you sweat a little, and you guys get a very symbolic celebration of the day, by getting a double update, and the end of this story! I want to thank you guys, you have no idea how much it has meant to me to have you enjoy this story of mine. Your comments made my day, every single day. Let's stay friends after this, ne? I hope you guys enjoy the chapter!

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Yunho had been more or less glued to that lounge for the entire day. Jaejoong had eventually meandered out into the room, pouting lightly when he realised that Yunho had started watching the movie without him, and wasn't going to take it back to the start for him. At least he'd already seen the movie and could still follow the events, despite having missed the early scenes.

They'd shuffled around the apartment in order to eat, but had spent the entire day watching one movie after another.

Yunho had no complaints. He'd quite enjoyed the way they'd spent the day. He found it relaxing to slip into the world of movies for an entire day. It was a rare treat to be able to spend an entire day like this.

With Jaejoong.

It was at least 10 pm by now, though the exact time escaped him in the darkness. He rubbed his eyes tiredly trying to figure out what he'd been missing. He'd seen the film a hundred times already; he knew almost all of the lines that were spoken. He enjoyed watching it. And yet he couldn't force himself to focus on the screen.

A quick look to the other end of the lounge told him that Jaejoong was long since asleep. His eyelids fluttered lightly in his sleep, and Yunho was reasonably confident that he'd started drooling on the arm of the lounge a short while earlier, though his right arm obscured Yunho's search for proof.

All Yunho had been able to think about was Jaejoong and that Junsu guy. He couldn't understand what on earth had possessed him to agree to letting him stay with them. Jaejoong had seemed amazed by the response as well, clearly being well aware of Yunho's dislike of the younger boy, even if he didn't know the reasons behind it.

Compared to his more recent thoughts, Yunho was prepared to admit that he didn't really have much of a reason for disliking the younger boy before. Sure he'd been intruding on their holiday, but when he thought about it, he couldn't really blame him. It was clear that he liked Jaejoong, and that those feelings were reciprocated, perhaps even surpassed by the older boy in return. They'd clearly known each other well, and yet they lived so far away. It must've been years since they'd last been able to see one another. The moment Jaejoong was within reach he'd latched onto what little time he'd had available for them to spend time together.

He could understand wanting to spend time with Jaejoong that badly.

But even though he could empathise with him, and could see his own feelings as being selfish and unfair, he felt them growing. Ever since he'd made the earlier jump that perhaps Junsu was the one Jaejoong was in love with, he found himself hating him even more, despite his attempts to quash it.

If he hated Junsu for having Jaejoong's love, it was only because he was jealous.

But Junsu would fit as that unknown guy, and the more he thought about it, the more that realisation solidified into fact in Yunho's mind. All his earlier evidence just seemed to get compounded; to grow. Jaejoong had said that he couldn't have his first time with Junsu for “obvious reasons”. At the time Yunho had just thought that was a reference to the distance between them. But if he was the one that Jaejoong was in love with, maybe that was the real reason he couldn't go to him for help with his problem?

Still the thought that the younger man had made Jaejoong feel like he had that day clouded his mind; fuelling his dislike. He hated everyone that ever made Jaejoong feel like he had to be something other than himself; that he needed to change who he was. He'd always loved Jaejoong the way he was, and the thought that other people couldn't appreciate how wonderful he was when he was being himself, irritated him. Why should Jaejoong have to conform to their standards?

Who were they to demand that he do so?

Or make him feel as though he had to? No one should have that much power over the boy he loved, apart from himself. And yet he knew that was a stupid thought. He'd never been good enough to deserve Jaejoong's love, even if he were to get it tomorrow, he still wouldn't be good enough for him. And the thought that despite that desperate hope, just dying to have the opportunity; to have a chance for that dream of his to come true, that Jaejoong didn't love him was crushing. He was already madly in love with someone else; someone who he would love for the rest of his life, whether they deserved it or not.

Yunho sighed, it was pointless for him to stay out here, thinking these depressing thoughts. Thinking through all of the unavoidable facts that prevented him from having a relationship with Jaejoong wouldn't fix anything. He could do that any time, and he would probably do it no matter where he was this evening.

But he was starting to feel a little a cold, being out in the lounge room at this time of night. His hand slid over to lightly Jaejoong's foot. A tiny grin coming to his lips as he observed the way the older boy had curled his toes in his sleep. How could such a y grown man get away with doing something so cute.

But that grin slipped away as his fingers made contact with the older man's skin. He was freezing. No wonder he was curled up like that. Yunho felt guilty for paying so much attention to the movie, instead of to the sleeping boy to his right. Jaejoong was completely defenceless in his sleep. He had no way of protecting himself from the chill of the room. That had clearly meant that it was Yunho's responsibility to take care of him, and he'd let the boy get cold.

He supposed it was probably time for bed anyway. Then Jaejoong would be nice and warm. He wasn't watching the movie anyway. He'd just continue his own depressing thoughts in his room, where he could be warm too. He turned off the TV, struggling to pick Jaejoong up from the lounge without shuffling him about too much.

It made him feel strong to be able to carry him like this. He wanted to do something for Jaejoong; he always did. It made him feel happy; princely to be able to do things for the older boy. To be able to ensure his rest was left undisturbed by carrying him to bed, was just one such thing he could do for him.

The boy seemed light enough at first, but with every step his weight seemed to grow, telling Yunho that he was a lot weaker than he liked to think he was. Still he persisted, muscles quivering as he stopped, struggling to check the front door was locked, and to turn off the lights as he made his way out into the hallway.

He tried to drop Jaejoong on his bed as lightly as he possibly could, the older boy seemingly still asleep despite his journey in Yunho's arms. It would ruin all of Yunho's fun to have been too rough, and to have woken the older boy as he carried him. But by the same token, he was relieved to be able to put Jaejoong down.

He smiled down at the sleeping boy fondly, his earlier thoughts making him sad, even as he observed the boy he loved so dearly. He brushed his fringe away lightly, unable to keep the soft words to himself, brokenly; hollowly whispering, “It's Junsu, isn't it? He's the one you love so much? You fool, he adores you.”

He noticed the frown creasing Jaejoong's forehead, as he struggled to open his eyes, “No... Not..Junsu..” he mumbles, making Yunho feel embarrassed. He hadn't meant for Jaejoong to wake up. He felt uncomfortable realising that Jaejoong might realise that he cared for him, more than he should by that unguarded display of tenderness between them.

“Hmm?” he questioned, Jaejoong's words having been an unintelligible mumble to anyone's ears other than his own. “Junsu... He's my third cousin...” he muttered, struggling stubbornly to try and wake up. But lying down as he currently was he felt blinded by the overhead light, which disorientated him.

Yunho hadn't expected a comment like that, but still the words weaved themselves seamlessly into all that Jaejoong had already told him. No wonder he felt like Junsu was unattainable, if they were related. Still, being third cousins was a considerably distant relationship. He was pretty sure it was distant enough that it'd still have been legal, but perhaps Jaejoong hadn't known this, and thus felt that it was impossible for the two of them to be together, as much as he wanted his love to be returned by the younger boy?

“You know it is legal to marry your third cousins, Jae.” he stated lightly, unable to keep knowledge that might make Jaejoong happy to himself. But the words stung as he released them. He felt so cowardly and pathetic right now. Far from putting up a fight to keep the one he loved; to make him fall in love with him, he was effectively giving Jaejoong away to someone else.

Jaejoong half laughed, despite clearly still being very tired, and more than likely preferring to go back to sleep than to enter into conversations of any nature with Yunho at the moment. “How can it be legal to marry my third cousin when gay marriage is illegal?” he returned, playfully.

Yunho shrugged, not really having considered the matter when those two points were put together. “I wasn't trying to put emphasis on the marriage part. Simply that, legally speaking it's perfectly acceptable for you two to have a relationship together, if you ever wanted to.” he answered, simply, with a shrug.

“But I don't want to be in a relationship with Junsu.” Jaejoong countered, easily. He seemed much more awake all of a sudden, his eyes mischievous; intrigued, as he observed Yunho, and he felt like he should probably leave. While this news had come as a great relief, this was hardly the time or the place to start revelling in all the new possibilities this opened up.

He'd definitely owe Junsu an apology when they next met.

“Why....Did Yunnie think that I wanted to...Did you think I loved Junsu...?” he questioned, a cackle of incredulous laughter bubbling forth from his lips. Yunho could feel himself blushing, sheepishly at Jaejoong's teasing. “Well you've been so mysterious about this guy you liked, and you and Junsu clearly go back a long way, despite the fact that I'd never met him—”

“Because he's my cousin who lives overseas.” Jaejoong interjected, happy grin perched atop his lips.

“Yes but I didn't know that at the time, now did I?” Yunho rebutted, the longer Jaejoong insisted on teasing him like this, the more uncomfortable he felt. He was too relieved that Junsu was not the one Jaejoong loved. His heart was getting too hopeful; if he didn't do something to extricate himself from this room soon, he would do something stupid.

Jaejoong's grin only grew as he stared at the older boy, a hint of nerves flickering in his eyes even as he tried to cover it with cheeky bravado. Yunho knew that there was more to this next comment than the other boy would like him to know; that he cared just a little too much what the answer would be, and Yunho felt alarm bells blaring in his head.

He really needed to get away, right now or he might not manage to leave Jaejoong be. He'd turned Jaejoong away twice before in order to protect him; in order to stop himself from doing something he shouldn't. He didn't like the thought that he might not be able to restrain himself this time, because something in him wanted Jaejoong to want him back. Because part of him had wanted him for so long and it was sick of being ignored. Because it liked seeing Jaejoong like this, far too much to be healthy.

“Were you jealous of Junsu, because you thought I loved him?” he teased, the look in his eyes telling Yunho that Jaejoong still didn't quite believe what his mind was telling him, even now. That he didn't really think that Yunho was in love with him, and that denial told Yunho that any attempts at confessing now would be met with rejection, just as he had always secretly known. Still to see it and to think it were too different things. And even this hypothetical rejection pained him deeply.

“I know it was stupid—” he began, stumbling through a lame excuse, agreeing with the disbelief he could see written in Jaejoong's eyes. Jaejoong shrugged lightly, drawing his knees up so that he could rest his arms on them, look just that little bit too intense for Yunho to feel comfortable under. “Not really. I mean I do love him.”

“Well of course you do, he's your cousin.” Yunho returned, politely, hoping that Jaejoong couldn't tell how much he was starting to sweat thanks to his nerves. Though he hadn't actually been rejected by the boy aloud, he felt as though every moment he spent there made it more likely that he would do something he shouldn't that would give it away. He would still have his dignity so long as he didn't do anything, when he knew he wouldn't get anywhere through doing so.

“Exactly. Junsu's father died when he was young. His mother remarried but by that time Junsu was old enough to know the difference between 'old' daddy and 'new' daddy. They've had kids since then, and even though his new father tries to make him feel at home, Junsu just doesn't feel like a part of the family. He hasn't for years. We met at the funeral for one of my great uncles I'd never met. All the kids were playing. He's two years younger than me, but he took a shine to me back then. He'd demand to be allowed to see me all the time, so we saw each other a lot after that. His parents moved overseas a few years ago, thinking there would be a much more 'wholesome' environment in which to raise their other kids. Junsu made me promise that when he was older he could come back, that he could live with me.” Jaejoong relayed, thoughtfully. “I love him like a little brother.” he confessed easily.

But then that sharp gaze was back on Yunho, pointedly continuing, “But I'm not in love with him.” Yunho felt uncomfortable with what was going on. Hearing Junsu's story, he felt bad for the boy; it made him that much more inclined to let him come and live with them. But it was another large dose of information, Yunho needed time to sort through; to process. Jaejoong looking at him like that made him uncomfortable; he just knew he'd slip up soon, he had to leave or he was going to go insane.

“I understand. Look it's fine. Junsu is going to come here to live with us, and everything is going to be okay now.” Yunho responded, eyes darting about distractedly. He felt as though he might kiss him, if he so much as looked at Jaejoong right now. “Well it's late I should probably be leaving you to—” he began, moving to take a couple of steps towards the door, feeling claustrophobic in the confined space.

Jaejoong's body followed the quick movement, leaping forward to grasp Yunho's wrist insistently. Yunho's reaction had confirmed his suspicions. He just felt so happy; with everything he'd heard he was just so sure, there was no way he could have misinterpreted this. Yunho did love him. Yunho returned his feelings. Yunho would accept him, but was clearly too afraid to say anything, because he knew Jaejoong's heart was taken by someone; he didn't want to be rejected. It would have to be him that made the move, and his excitement gave him the confidence he needed to do just that.

“You idiot...I'm in love with you, Yunnie.” he chuckled, delirious joy radiating out of his every pore.

Yunho froze in the older man's hold, convinced he'd misheard him. His heart stopped beating. He stopped breathing. Words he was so sure he'd wished into being reverberated around his skull, and he didn't know what he should do. There was no way that Jaejoong could have said that to him; there just couldn't be. He wanted it too much; for too long. He'd just gone insane. That was the only thing that could have happened.

He turned back wanting to question whether or not he'd heard the older man correctly, still half convinced that he'd imagined the comment altogether. But before he could get the words out the older boy had attached his lips to Yunho's own, eagerly kissing him, as he would his arms around the taller boy's neck. Yunho kissed him back just as eager despite his confusion.

His mind was racing at a million miles a second, trying to work this confession into every Jaejoong related thought in his mind. How could 5 words be so difficult to comprehend? He may not have been a genius, but he was certainly no idiot, yet those words had so much meaning behind them, he wasn't sure he could understand it all, especially not while he was kissing Jaejoong.

With a lot of effort he managed to break the kiss, using the hand that had come up to the side of Jaejoong's face to prevent the older boy from sneaking closer again before he could speak. “Stop, I haven't answered you yet.” he gasped, breathlessly.

“It's okay, I get it. You love me too.” Jaejoong commented easily, trying to press his lips back against Yunho's to continue what he'd started a moment earlier. Yunho was tempted to let him go, to just fall back into their elated kisses, allowing himself to revel in whatever happiness their current fervour might bring him.

But that pleasure was quickly dampened as he realised, that this made everything worse. He'd never allowed himself to really consider it since he was so convinced that Jaejoong would never return his feelings. But now he'd heard Jaejoong say that he loved him, he couldn't in good conscience allow Jaejoong to continue to go on unaware of what transpired in the past. He knew deep down that Jaejoong hadn't forgiven him yet for abandoning him, and to this day he'd never found out what had really been going on. While there was a chance that the other boy might not care about it, Yunho knew it would be unfair to indulge himself in these feelings, while Jaejoong was still unaware of what Yunho had done and why he had done it.

“I... Jae, we can't do... we can't... You don't know about... I still have something that you need to know about...” he explained, in response to Jaejoong's pout. That only made him that much more aware of Jaejoong's mouth, and fanned his desire to give in and just kiss him senseless.

“I just found out the love of my life returns my feelings. I don't want to waste time talking, now. I want to get swept away with desire and make love with them after such a passionate exchange of feelings.” Jaejoong whined. Yunho suppressed a groan and a shudder at the thought of doing just that. He just had to vocalise what he would rather they be doing at this moment, didn't he?

“I'm not sure if you'll still feel that way after you hear what I have to say.” Yunho confessed, sheepishly. Why did he have to do the honourable thing everytime the man he loved came to him begging for , and talk instead? Was he just a er for punishment? Did some part of him enjoy this suffering?

“Then I'm not interested in hearing what you've got to say.” Jaejoong informed the other stubbornly.

“Jae, I don't want you to regret anything, just please let me explain first. I want you to know everything, before you decide you're ready for this. I don't want us to do anything and then have you find out afterwards and be hurt that I never said anything. I don't want to risk the chance that I'll lose you after I finally manage to make you mine.” Yunho responded, pleading with the older man to understand his position. It was killing him, trying to restrain himself as it was, if Jaejoong were to keep hounding him from the outside as well, he would give in. But he would die if Jaejoong were to leave him afterwards; he couldn't bare the thought of finally managing to get his love, only to lose him again because he was rash; thoughtless.

Jaejoong huffed, incredulously, “So you'd rather you never get me, even though you love me and I'm here practically throwing myself at you as we speak?” he questioned. But a grin swelled on his features, despite himself. He didn't know why he sounded so surprised; that sounded just like Yunho. That's just the sort of thing that he would want; the sort of thing that he would do.

He couldn't help doing stuff like this. It was just in Yunho's nature to be kind; selfless. Insanely so.

He rolled his eyes, pulling Yunho to sit on his bed with him, eyeing him fondly, as he gestured with his hands, “Alright, what do you want to tell me?” he asked, struggling to calm his racing heart. No wonder people find so convincing; the feelings racing through him were enough to make him want to ignore all thoughts of caution.

“I wanted to explain about, when we were younger...why I stopped being your friend.” Yunho began uncertainly, hands shaking slightly in fear that his words might cost him the love of his life. “It was because of what happened with Mrs Park, isn't it?” Jaejoong responded, uncertainly.

Yunho wrinkled his nose, “Well yes and no, I suppose... See as you know she was my first... but I felt so confused about everything. The way I was introduced to made the very idea of it a confusing concept for me. That confusion made me angry. with her was meaningless, as far as my mind was concerned. But my body responded to it; desired it. It almost made it feel like there was nothing wrong with doing it just because I could. So.... I did... That's why I went to all those parties, I'd hook up with whoever was interested at the time...” Yunho confessed, unable to meet Jaejoong's eye as he admitted what he'd done.

“Why didn't you ever tell me?” Jaejoong questioned, having drawn in a deep breath, at Yunho's shameful secret. Yunho let out a startled bark of laughter, not having expected the question, “Because you weren't the sort of person that did stuff like that. It felt as though I'd have been polluting you to tell you that your classmates did that sort of thing. I couldn't do that to you.” he admitted, bashfully.

“So basically you were sleeping around.” Jaejoong prodded, checking to make sure he understood the gist of what Yunho was saying. This must have been during those few months where he was acting strangely. But the two of them were still friends at that stage, how did this relate to when they stopped being friends?

“Yeah, pretty much.” Yunho shrugged, he'd long since had to come to grips with the truth of his behaviour. He didn't have any right to feel ashamed, after what had happened. He was the one that had done it; no one had made him act the way he had back then. “But then you felt left out, when you found out I was going to parties without you. You begged and begged until I agreed to take you. You just had to go to that stupid party. I told you that you wouldn't like it there, but you just wouldn't listen to me. You started drinking, until you were so out of your mind you didn't notice when you'd fall over. I hadn't realised you were going to drink that much, so I'd started drinking too, by the time I stopped, you were long gone. One look at you told me you wouldn't remember what happened the next day. I was so sure everyone else could see it to; I was worried about what they might try and do to you. But just looking at you, made me want you. I.... I know I shouldn't have, but I did it so often back then, I didn't really think about it...” he stated, this part of the story the first bit he really seemed to struggle with.

He looked as though he wasn't going to be able to continue, and Jaejoong wondered if he should say something, but Yunho managed to force the words out, “I kissed you Jae. And then I was looking at you, and the way you were looking at me, I just... I wanted you so much... If I could've I would've.... But the way you were looking at me... You were clearly drunk, and yet I saw so much emotion in your eyes when you looked at me; you loved me and you trusted me. I'd always known you must have, since I was your best friend. But to see it.....I looked at you, and I just knew....you would've let me do whatever I wanted to you, no questions asked. I... that was the first time something... It felt like a big glaringly obvious stop sign in my head. I just couldn't do anything to you then...”

“I had been doing stuff like that for ages by then. It had never meant anything, so I could convince myself it didn't count; it didn't matter. But I knew it wouldn't be the same with you. You mattered. If I was going to do anything with you, I had to be sure of why I was doing it. I couldn't bare to hurt you Jae, I love you so much. At that time, I didn't know why I wanted to do it, so I had to make sure I didn't do anything to you. I didn't want to hurt you. But everytime I looked at you all those feelings came racing back. That's why I.... I had to protect you, to look out for you... So I thought if I stopped being around you, I would remove the risk that something might harm you. It was me that wanted to... That was going to hurt you... If I was out of the picture, you should've been safe.” Yunho explained.

Jaejoong's cheeks flared hotly at the thought that he and Yunho had kissed when they were teenagers. That it was with him that he'd shared that first kiss he couldn't remember. He felt bad that he hadn't put more effort into trying to find out what had happened at that stupid party. They might've been spared all of this. He was filled with sympathy for his friend; his love. But he could also feel the beginnings of anger rumbling in his stomach.

“So you abandoned me because you couldn't control your raging hormones, is that right?” Jaejoong questioned, trying to remain calm even as the thought that he could inspire such passion in another person made him want to grin in pride. Yunho shrugged slightly, “I think you might be putting it a little too succinctly. There was a bit more to it than lust, Jae.” he responded doubtfully, but Jaejoong waved away his words.

Yunho sighed, he disliked the way Jaejoong was phrasing what he was saying but this was clearly one of those questions that Jaejoong cared about enough to demand an answer to. His concerns regarding the wording of the question had been both noted and disregarded. Jaejoong was waiting for him to agree or disagree with his statement, and as much as he hated having to do so, he knew that he would have to agree with the older man about what he said. It was true, even if it was only a half-truth.

The flash of his eyes told him that Jaejoong had been expecting this as his answer, and the older boy immediately pounced on him. Jaejoong pushed him, and Yunho, who hadn't been expecting the hard collision was unprepared and fell backwards. The next few minutes presented a tense struggle where Jaejoong was attempting to land a blow to the younger man's body, while the younger man desperately fended off his blows.

As Jaejoong's fury overran his mind, Yunho was able to sneakily flip them over, when Jaejoong left himself open to just such an attack. He firmly clasped the older boy's wrists but still be fought, trying to release the younger boy's hold on him. When he realised that Yunho had him pinned such that he was not going to be able to get back up no matter how hard he struggled he started pounding his feet into the mattress in his frustration. “Are you freaking kidding me? Do you have any idea what I went through, what I thought and all this time, Yunho just wanted me? You selfish !” he hollered, nostrils flaring.

Yunho gave Jaejoong a confused look, “What do you mean, what you went through? Why did you think I left?” Yunho queried, his gaze both insistent and caring. Jaejoong's cheeks flared at the thought of explaining everything to him.

“Well you see the thing about that is...?” he began.