The moment he heard the knock on his front door, Yunho felt his body filling with nerves. He knew who would be behind it; who was coming round to his apartment at 10 pm at night. He couldn't exactly call the encounter unexpected, having received a phone call a good 40 minutes earlier informing about his, soon-to-arrive guest. He knew Jaejoong was waiting for him to let him in.

What could possibly be nerve-wrecking about Jaejoong dropping round; they were friends.

Emphasis on the 'were'.

It had been 3 long years since they'd last spoken. And it was Yunho's fault that they had ceased to be friends in the first place.

As he approached the door, hesitating only momentarily as to whether or not he should open it, images of the kind-eyed, round faced boy he knew then flashed before him. After how brutally he'd cut off their friendship, he wasn't sure he could face the hurt gaze of his ex-best friend. He didn't want to see those familiar eyes b with tears; the sweet boy he'd known had never been able to handle upsetting things well.

But as the door swung open beneath his fingertips, the sight that came into view was by no means the one he had been expecting. As foolish as it was to expect it, for some reason, Yunho could only picture that sweet 17 year old boy on the other side; patiently waiting, possibly smiling softly at him, from beneath his bangs, or else with large tears ready to spill from his eyes, and a lip being aggressively assaulted by his front teeth.

But there was no 17 year old on the other side of that front door. Instead Yunho locked eyes with an irate 20 year old.

And he didn't look the slightest bit sweet.

He said nothing as he stood aside to allow the other man to enter his apartment; small and cosy, but more than enough for him, when he had been living by himself. He couldn't help an absent-minded thought, pondering whether or not the place would feel too crowded with two people living there now.

But that thought was gone almost as soon as he had actually created it. The entirety of his focus was upon the other male. His only truly conscious thought; Is this really Jaejoong? Because looks alone couldn't reassure him.

Jaejoong swivelled round, making sure to take in every obvious detail of the place, in his pointed gaze. He observed the small kitchen to his right, and the quaint lounge room to his left. The hallway continued back, further into the apartment, and he spared no time waiting for a tour. His heavy footfalls reverberated through the apartment as he stomped down the length of the apartment, making sure to classify what lay behind every door he passed, in a quick glance.

“Your room is on the right.” Yunho informed the other man calmly, and, with a backwards wave of 'yeah, yeah, I got it.' he disappeared from view.

Yunho who had been holding his breath all this time, released it, but it didn't remove his apprehension about the whole situation. He wasn't sure how any of this was going to play out. When he had eviscerated their friendship 3 years previous, it had not been without a reason. But those thoughts were sidelined for the moment.

His concern for his old friend reared up once again. Although he did have his reasons for ending their friendship, not caring for the other boy was not one of those reasons. Despite Jaejoong having been 11 days older than him, with those kind eyes, sweet smile and warm disposition, he couldn't help feeling protective of him. And really, what was 11 days worth? Despite his being younger, Jaejoong would always defer to him when it came to making decisions and the like, always supportive; always wanting the younger boy's opinion on a matter before he decided anything. He'd found it sweet, and so he was worried about what could have possibly sent Jaejoong hurtling back into his life in the middle of the night like this.

He wanted to help, if he could; however he could.

But as he knew well enough by now, they weren't friends anymore, even if he had been made to resort to leaning on Yunho's kindness. But he could clearly tell, with this new Jaejoong, that didn't have to mean anything. He couldn't expect a sobbing, tear-filled explanation of everything that had gone wrong; childishly hurt eyes extracting both sympathy and a promise of vengeance from him, against whoever had caused Jaejoong's tears.

Jaejoong had, quite clearly, become a very different person than the boy that he remembered. He had grown taller, his own height, rivalling Yunho's even if he remained a bit shorter than the younger boy. His figure remained lithe as it had been all through school, but there were other differences; all more obvious to Yunho. He had his ears pierced several times; the glint and sparkle of the jewellery to be found there, having caught Yunho's momentary attention when he opened the door. His taste in clothes had changed; his clothing much more stylish and fashionable than the teenage boy he recalled, who dressed in jeans and a T-shirt everyday. Now there were accessories, attention to shades, and differences in subtle hues, to accentuate some details and play down others. His skin was still pale, as he recalled, and his hair was a bit longer, giving it that sort of stylish side-fringe, straightened hair that seemed so popular at the moment.

It really suited him.

But the change that he noted most; and which struck him the most deeply, was his eyes. Sure, they were the same shade of brown they had always been, but the person behind them had changed; he could see it. His gaze was pointed, steely. He looked tough; hard. But Yunho couldn't tell if all the warmth he remembered that seemed to flow from the smaller boy had been locked away; tight within himself, or if it had simply been extinguished; a thought which brought a groan of despair to his lips. He hoped that wasn't it, that warmth had always been one of Jaejoong's most attractive qualities.

He sighed to himself, knowing that he would have no way of finding out one way or the other right now, if ever. He and Jaejoong were no longer friends, which left him with an odd feeling. This was a person who had shared so many experiences with him; someone he used to know inside out, even if he had changed somewhat since then.

Okay, a lot. Jaejoong had changed a lot.

But there was a wealth of life that had slipped by without him there. Jaejoong was a different person than that shy, scared little boy, and Yunho didn't know him anymore. And after the way he had excised Jaejoong out of his life, ripping himself out like a tumour; there was quite possibly a chance that they may never be friends again, despite Yunho having taken him in. The old Jaejoong might have forgiven him, but he can't be sure about this new Jaejoong. Besides, after what he'd done, Yunho wasn't sure he deserved that sort of forgiveness yet. If he ever would.

- -

Jaejoong huffed in frustration, thoughts a world away from those Yunho was experiencing. To say that he was pissed off with Yoochun, right at this minute, would be an understatement. Just hurtling someone who is supposed to be your best friend out onto the street in the middle of the night like that, should be illegal; it was indecent! Particularly when the excuses he'd hurled in the preceding argument, what he called the “reason for his current drastic actions” didn't even make sense!

He ran a hand through his hair in irritation.

He couldn't say he was ecstatic about coming to stay with Yunho either. He was certainly grateful that someone he was no longer friends with took him in at a moments notice, because his now ex-best friend was being a douche. But he knew they weren't friends anymore. Yunho had made that plainly clear to him years ago, and though he'd ached, he'd made himself look forward, and not to his side, to see the empty space Yunho used to occupy in his life.

Which when you consider how close by the boy always seemed to be, had been no mean feat.

On some level he knew Yunho would take him in. Yunho may have been the one who didn't want to be friends anymore, but that didn't mean he could change who he was. Jaejoong had heard it in his voice during that phone call, seen it in him when he'd opened the door. Yunho was still the same boy he'd been 3 years before.

The comfort that Jaejoong had felt by the return of something so familiar, could have brought tears to his eyes; like he was that same childish, naive little boy he used to be. He'd had to push them away so hard, but with Yunho looking at him like that; his gaze multi-layered as it had always seemed to be since he was a teenager. The only reason he'd managed to hold it all in, was because he turned his back on the younger boy.

He didn't care how much part of him rejoiced at the closeness of the familiar body, he wouldn't allow himself to turn back into that dreamy-eyed boy. He'd become harder; tougher now, and he couldn't allow himself to lose this hard won personality. It was his; carefully crafted and moulded; every look, every sound, every detail. He'd fashioned it all by his own hand, and he wouldn't allow this carefully crafted role of his to be swept away in a second, by the younger boy.

He had done it for him, hadn't he? At least, in part?

Yunho didn't need a shy, misty-eyed boy gazing longingly at him, once he'd cut the ties that bound them together. He didn't need to keep worrying about him, and how he was doing. And the only way to make sure that Yunho could make the best of his decision, for whatever reason he'd done it, would be if he could cleanly break away from Jaejoong. And he couldn't do that if he felt like he had to look after the older boy, now could he?

But now that he was alone; he couldn't keep that charade up any longer. It had been his personality for years, but it always slipped away when he was in private; alone or with his family, he reverted back into that sad little creature he'd always been; only where it was safe. Only where he was sure he wouldn't encounter the younger boy or anyone that would reveal his facade to him.

One of those dreamy thoughts slid into his circulating thoughts. 'I wonder what Yunho thought of my transformation? Did he like it? Does he like this new me?' he couldn't help pondering, and a bubble of excitement bounced around his stomach.

The moment of relaxation, released all of the tension from his body. He'd felt so high-strung, so tense for hours now. The release was kind of painful in itself, because of how long it had taken to come. He groaned at the pain radiating from his body; his legs, his arms, his shoulders, his thighs, his back, his neck. Everything seemed to hurt, except for his stomach. That was rumbling and roiling in protest instead.

It had taken until then for him to realise that the food he'd prepared for Yoochun and his dinner had never been eaten. The time and effort felt like such a waste now. It had been left on the table, uneaten; untouched. The thought that Yoochun hadn't even been able to wait until after they'd eaten to kick him out irked him to no end. Now it was late, and he was hungry; no where would be open. Even if it were, he wouldn't know where to go. Everywhere he used to know was over 40 minutes away, and even if that weren't a deterrent, the knowledge of how close by Yoochun would be dampened his desire to go there. Right now, the mere fact they were both in South Korea seemed too close for his comfort.

Observing the meagre possessions he'd brought with him, made him just that much more displeased. He'd had time to grab his clothes, and his laptop and Ipods and the like. But there were books and university work and CDs and DVDs and countless other possessions he couldn't even recall right now that had been left behind.

There wasn't exactly anything he could do about that right now. He didn't even know how long Yunho would let him stay. He may have been the same sweet-natured, good-guy that he used to be, but things were different now. Yunho may be the sort of person to reach out a helping hand to anyone in need, but there were limits with Yunho, just as with anyone else; at least, when you weren't his friend or family. And these days, Jaejoong was neither, pushing back a sob when he recalled days gone by when he'd seen himself as both.

He sighed, displeased that he couldn't simply lock himself away in that room for the rest of the evening. With the protests his stomach was making, he'd never be able to sleep, and after all he'd been through today, lack of sleep wasn't exactly the best way he could see to start picking up the pieces of his fractured life.

He briskly made his way back to that poky little kitchen, he'd spied as he made his way through the place. Yunho was still hovering about near the island bench, seemingly tossing up between seating himself on a barstool or probably going to bed.

At Jaejoong's return he lifted his eyes, observing him with interest. But Jaejoong kept his gaze up but away from him. He forced down the instinct to smile at the other male. He told himself to keep his gaze up so he wouldn't appear nervous or intimidated; he wouldn't let Yunho see him so weak again.

He stormed into the room, still agitated, but his previous, angry thoughts had left his mind for the moment. Now he was hungry. And he wanted food.

Yunho had perched himself on that barstool the moment he realised Jaejoong would be staying out here for a little while. He wanted to see this new Jaejoong. He wanted to know what he would do; what he was like. He wanted to see if he might get some sort of explanation or some curiosity from the other man. He wanted to know about his old best friend, with an intensity that shook him, even as he disregarded it.

Jaejoong searched about in cupboards, the fridge, the pantry, anything he could get his hands on. But where ever he laid his gaze, he came up empty. “Don't you have anything I can cook with?” Jaejoong questioned irately.

“Ah! So you're hungry, then?” Yunho stated, being met with a roll of Jaejoong's eyes that he sensed, rather than saw, at his obvious statement.

“No . Where are your ingredients?” Jaejoong pushed again, his hunger compounding with everything else that about that day, to make him far more grumpy with Yunho than he should probably be. He knew Yunho was doing him a good deed, for whatever reason; and in his current circumstances, he couldn't afford to piss him off with apparent ingratitude, but that personality he'd made for himself told him how he should be acting, just as much as his hunger, and it was too ingrained in him to even try fighting it.

“I don't have any.” Yunho answered simply.

Jaejoong threw him an appalled gaze over his shoulder, “Then what do you eat?” he demanded, tone accusing and poisonous at the thought that he would be deprived of food this evening. People like him might skip meals to preserve their figure; but Jaejoong wasn't one of them. He ate healthily; he ate all his meals, at appropriate times, and now his normal feeding schedule had been thrown into as much chaos and disorder as most of his life right now.

Besides, people as thin as him, could get anaemic if they missed a meal, couldn't they? Certainly they'd get all light-headed, and weird from low blood sugar. He wasn't about to put himself through that.

“Fast-food, processed crap, the usual sorts of things for university students such as myself.” Yunho replied with a shrug, the thought not concerning him in the least.

A small smile came to his features as he observed Jaejoong's repulsed shiver, “Your mother must be ashamed.” he replied dirtily.

“If you're that desperate, I have some instant ramyun packets in the cupboard to your right.” he offered.

Jaejoong groaned even as he turned to the cupboard in question, searching for what he deemed would be an acceptable flavour. At least there were still some things about Jaejoong that hadn't changed.

Jaejoong read the instructions on the back of the packet, making sure to follow each one precisely, in that controlled manner of his. Even back when he'd been that shy, unsure teenager, beginning to creep into the real world, he did things in a methodical manner. A quiet confidence stemming from following instructions given to him perfectly.

Yunho couldn't help but wonder if Jaejoong realised that small aspects of himself like this persisted, despite his personality change. But then, would he care? A personality change likely stemmed as a result from some sort of life-changing event; it was an evolution, not a conscious choice. Of course only parts of him would change. But he didn't dare to speak; to ask him.

They may have been speaking but it was inconsequential. There were things between them that needed to be resolved; and even putting that off, a minute long encounter in a kitchen at 11pm wasn't enough for their friendship to be salvaged.

Jaejoong didn't want to tell him about anything that was going on. Made clear by the silence as he microwaved the cup, warming the noodles. They were being civil to one another, and though Jaejoong may not have been intending on making things difficult, for the moment, at least, there was still a long way to go before the two of them would really be able to talk to one another again.

He watched the way Jaejoong crinkled his nose in distaste at the processed food, as he brought it to his lips. It may have been hot, but he knew it wasn't fresh, and that would destroy any chance there may have been that the other boy would like the food he was about to eat.

He made a disgusted face as he swallowed his first fork-full of food. He sent an accusatory glare at Yunho, as though it were his fault that he was now being forced to endure the experience of eating the crummy 2-minute noodles. “This stuff tastes awful.” he stated, again in that accusatory tone.

“Anyone eating them is doing so to avoid starvation. Not because they think it will taste good.” Yunho pointed out.

Jaejoong, unsure how to combat a statement like that stuck his tongue out at the other boy, while, he wound more noodles around his fork. He personally preferred chopsticks, but both Yunho and Jaejoong's sisters ate enough bad food to warrant the presence of some western cutlery in his family kitchen. Besides which, he wasn't so stuck up that he couldn't acknowledge that they did have their benefits in certain situations.

Realising that Jaejoong seemed to have nothing left to say to him this evening; and that staying in the room would only add to his tiredness the next morning, and result in prolonged silence out here anyway, Yunho rose from his seat. “I'm going to go to bed. Goodnight Jaejoong.” he said, the familiar name rolling strangely on his tongue, after it's long absence.

When they'd been teenagers, they'd already been friends for so long, he'd been calling Jaejoong by the name Jae for years. But that affectionate nickname no longer seemed fitting. It made them sound too close, too intimate for their current relationship. Besides, he wasn't sure the man staying with him was really a Jae anymore. Maybe he had grown into being a Jaejoong while he had been gone?

Hazy thoughts fought for pride of place in his mind, as he shut off the light, and climbed into bed. He wasn't sure what to think about any of this, but he knew that life was definitely about to get more interesting, now that Jaejoong was back in his life. He could only hope that they could get things back to the way they used to be; even if he wasn't fully certain that he was really ready for the other boy to be back in his life yet.

Now or never though, right?