After his shower, Jaejoong took a few, hesitant steps in the direction of his own room, before he turned away, scurrying over to Yunho's door. He felt like a child; being so freaked out by the thought of entering his darkened room, all on account of some stupid horror movies. But even as he chided himself he was well aware of the way he was feeling. He may have thought he was childish and stupid, but he couldn't make his limbs move in that direction.

He hesitated at Yunho's door, which had been left open a crack, revealing the light pouring out from within it. He knew Yunho would think he was stupid. His heart raced at the prospect of both of his options. He couldn't make it into his room. But he was also nervous at the possibility of Yunho's rejection. He could handle the teasing but for Yunho to turn him down; to force him to enter his room alone, would hurt.

He sighed, knowing that he'd rather face Yunho than the darkness right now, especially given how silent the rest of the apartment seemed. It all seemed too creepy. Too reminiscent of those horror movies, and he couldn't bring himself to spend another second out there.

He darted inside Yunho's room, hoping that Yunho didn't catch the haste with which he shut the door behind him. As though he genuinely believed something had been matching his movements, and would grab him, if he did not shut the door fast enough. Luckily Yunho had been reading a book over on his bed.

He was wearing those weird glasses; a style he'd chosen since he was a teenager and Jaejoong had told him he looked like Harry Potter when he wore them. Yunho had taken that as a massive complement and proceeded to wear them every chance he got, even though he only needed them for reading, for like a week. He'd shouted at him, saying that he looked like a nerd, but the comment was so unlike Yunho that he paid no attention to it.

He'd forgotten those glasses even existed; he never really saw Yunho reading these days.

Yunho turned his attention towards his friend, who stood, with his back pressed completely against the door behind him, and a weird look on his face. It wasn't so much that the look itself was weird, but it was a look that didn't make sense under the circumstances. What did Jaejoong have to look so pleased about?

“Something up?” he questioned lightly, having gotten used to the fact that Jaejoong could do some very weird things over their years together. “Uh” Jaejoong began, sounding very intelligent even to his own ears. His cheeks paled, before being overcome by a rush of colour, his words fusing together as he spoke them. “I... I don't want to go into my room, you know what with the movies and all and...”

Yunho set his book aside, making as if he were going to stand up, “Do you want me to go scope the room out for you?” he asked compassionately. Jaejoong could see the care in Yunho's eyes, he wasn't treating him like he was stupid, or childish at all. The look he was giving him, screamed that he took it as a serious matter. The very notion seemed preposterous to Jaejoong.

He couldn't remember the last time he felt so ashamed in front of Yunho. He was supposed to be a big success story by now; showing Yunho how he'd changed. How he'd matured over the years they'd been apart, and here he was getting defeated by the darkness in his room, because of a few stupid movies. The thoughts brought a heavy feeling to his stomach, but he managed not to lose himself in the feeling so much that he forgot to reply, making sure to shake his head decisively.

Yunho paused for a moment, drawing his legs back onto the bed. “Are you sure? Would you like to sleep in here tonight?” he continued, the only thing clear in his eyes, being concern for the other boy. Jaejoong considered shaking his head again, but he halted himself before he could do so. If he didn't want Yunho to go out there for him, and he didn't want to do it himself, didn't that have to mean that he wanted to stay in here? Wasn't that the only other thing he could have possibly wanted?

He knew his hesitation spoke volumes more than any answer he gave verbally now. Even if he were to deny it aloud, Yunho would know he wasn't being truthful. And really, if he didn't want to stay here, there was nowhere else for him to go, except out there. More than anything, he just didn't want to be alone tonight.

Yunho smiled, waving Jaejoong over to the bed. The older man hesitated, considering if this scene had some deeper subtext that he was missing at the moment, but at the same time he didn't really care. His cheeks flared at the thought of sharing a mattress for the first time in his life with another person, when he didn't have to.

Sure he'd shared mattresses and lounges with people before. But that was because the adults were taking up all the beds, or he was at a sleepover party. This evening he had a perfectly good bed in his own room, that he just didn't feel like going to. He was sleeping with his sober, adult, male friend, because he wanted the comfort another presence in his bed could bring him.

He felt like a little kid.

But then that thought struck something within him. This was the first time that he'd be sharing his bed with another, conscious man. The thought made him flush hotly, despite angrily telling himself not to think about it in that way. Yunho was a friend. Nothing more. Sure he loved the guy, and had loved him for years. Sure Yunho cared about him. But he wasn't attracted to him. This wasn't a ual encounter by any stretch of the imagination.

This was Yunho letting Jaejoong sleep with him because he was a coward. Because he overreacted to stupid, fake horror movies, where Yunho didn't. This was because he wasn't a real man. He couldn't handle the pressures associated with being a man. No other guy he knew of got scared of horror movies at his age. They'd all grown up from that stage.

Yunho was just being an extremely nice guy. He was acting like a true best friend. He was learning a dirty little secret about Jaejoong. Something that would humiliate him if anyone else were ever to hear about it. Something that was really shameful and pathetic. And all Yunho did was nod his head, smile and try to offer comfort however he could.

From this day forward, whenever a horror movie was about to come on, or someone suggested putting one on, he'd probably search out Jaejoong's form. He'd give him that knowing, questioning look. That one that screams, just give me a look, a word, anything at all, if you don't want this and I'll stand up for you. I won't let you see it; I'll protect you.

That's what a real man did in these situations.

Real men didn't act like Jaejoong acted. They didn't nod, and scurry across the room. They didn't dive under the covers Yunho held open for him. They didn't shiver from the heat surrounding them. They didn't have to suppress a delighted grin, or hold their breath when Yunho reached across him to turn off the light. And they certainly didn't spend a minute hoping that Yunho would turn around and hug them.

The boys lay in complete darkness for a moment, before Yunho felt the silence was overwhelming him. They had made sure to keep enough things going between them so that they wouldn't have to speak to one another. This was the first time the both of them were in complete silence, with nothing to distract them from talking to one another, for the entire day.

“I... about last night, I...” he began uncertainly. Jaejoong only had to pause for a moment before something seemed to click in his mind. He couldn't say he was angry. He might not have thought about it at the time, but that was only because he was too distraught to really think about anything much. Now that he looked at it, the next day, he could see what must have happened and he knew it had been inevitable.

“You spoke to Changmin.” he supplied, tone sounding completely indifferent. Yunho seemed startled by the assertion, quickly stepping in to try and defend his brother. He knew that Changmin considered Jaejoong to be a friend. He was probably still naive enough not to believe Yunho when he said that he would never be with Jaejoong; he probably thought he was going to become family. Consequently he didn't want to betray Jaejoong. That's why he'd been so reluctant to speak to Yunho at all that morning. “He didn't tell me anything that a friend wouldn't tell. I promise.”

“I know, it's alright. You would've called him in a flurry, demanding to know what I was so upset about, and he would have told you why it was your fault. If he revealed anything other than that, though, then he's in trouble.” Jaejoong told him, before thoughtfully adding on, “Or if he went into too much detail.”

Yunho laughed slightly at the comment, “I can assure you that isn't a concern. My brother is a man of very few words. He doesn't say a word more than he has to.” he was glad to hear that Jaejoong seemed to approve of his brother, if his tone were anything to go by. It seemed like he'd made a good impression on the older boy, the previous evening, for which Yunho was glad.

The two boys fell back into a slightly less awkward silence, Jaejoong just waiting for Yunho to say what he'd intended on saying. He was no doubt planning on giving Jaejoong his reassurances, about his fears now. But Yunho seemed to get sidetracked, happy that things seemed to be a bit better between them; now that they were clearly on speaking terms once again.

It took a gentle nudge from Jaejoong to remind Yunho that he still had things he wanted to say to the older man, that needed to be said tonight. The sooner this whole mess got cleared up; the better. “I... Okay, first of all, I know it may not look that way, but I am not using you to hide my relationship with Mrs Park. I've been with her long before our little relationship idea came up. It really didn't need any cover; no one is suspicious of anything. While our relationship certainly doesn't hinder that... it just... it was an accident, I promise, it was.” Yunho explained. He was frustrated by the fact that although he knew what he was saying was true, there was nothing he could provide as evidence other than his word. Who knew how much that meant to Jaejoong these days.

“And secondly, it is physically impossible for me to have impregnated Mrs Park. If she's preggers it's not my fault.” He stated easily. Jaejoong scoffed lightly at that comment, arms crossing in an attempt to defend himself against the backlash his gesture would undoubtedly unleash from Yunho. “The only way it could be physically impossible, would be if you have never slept with her in your life.”

Yunho groaned lightly at the cheap shot. Yes, yes, everyone knew that whole speech they give you during school. That the only way you could be guaranteed not to get pregnant, was if you didn't have . But everyone knew that using protection made it so unlikely it was almost inconceivable that you could fall pregnant. He'd never had any breakages, and he made sure he always had protection with him. Because he knew Mrs Park couldn't be trusted, he'd even made sure that he was the one making sure he came prepared.

He'd been responsible. The idea that something like that could happen, when he'd taken so much care to make sure that it wouldn't seemed inconceivable. Particularly, when she wasn't pregnant at all. He just knew she wasn't. He'd heard her complain and mutter about how pregnancy had ruined her figure, too many times to believe she'd actually want to have more children.

Surely she wasn't so fixated on him that she was prepared to sacrifice everything else she had just to be able to keep him to herself? She'd never stalked him. She'd never found out his address. She only had his mobile number; never having pushed for more. Even now that Changmin was about to enter university, she hadn't branched out and started using new threats against him in order to keep him. Perhaps he was getting too old for her to enjoy.

Or perhaps, they'd been successful at keeping their plans a secret. Perhaps she had no idea that Changmin wasn't going to attend the local university, like everyone expected. That he was going to move in with Yunho. That he wouldn't be under his parents thumb anymore. That she wouldn't be able to control him. Or extract from him any longer.

If only that translated, into his losing the dark shadow that was his past few years, so that he'd be able to claim Jaejoong as his prize.

“Fine, I can't be a hundred percent sure. Except I know she isn't pregnant, and it's so highly improbable that I was the one who impregnated her, that in the event she were actually pregnant, I would be sure that it was someone else's. We use protection you idiot.” he stated, when he thought that Jaejoong might try continuing to argue with him.

Jaejoong shifted slightly, uncomfortable with Yunho's talk about . He might be older now, but he was just as inexperienced as he had been when he was a teenager. As embarrassing as that was for Jaejoong to admit, even if it was only to himself. Sure he knew other boys his age were out having , when he wasn't. Yes he'd known for sometime that in this respect, Yunho was a normal, healthy boy, even if he was in a pretty screwed up relationship. But it still made him uncomfortable to be discussing so easily.

He felt like such a prude.

To try and distract himself from his discomfort, he mumbled, “All this talk of impregnation... You make it sound like you're talking about cows or something.” Yunho shrugged lightly at the comment, not noticing Jaejoong's discomfort with the topic. “She is what she is.”he answered enigmatically, before he descended into a bit of a giggle, at the fact that he'd just implied she was a cow.

When the woman caused him so much annoyance and unhappiness, he had to get his kicks however he could. Because of how important it was to obey her, until that time came that he could finally walk out of their affair, once and for all, he wouldn't let himself think about how much he hated her. He couldn't afford to lose his grip now. He was so close, but if he denied her just once; if he let his anger consume him, and he tried to do anything, all his years of suffering would have been for nothing.