YEJI’s

4th Year College.

After Karina and her friends took Winter home, mag-isa nalang ako ulit. My sister left as well. May gagawin pa siya bukas. 

What happened today.. It was really, really stupid. I know. 

Ang tanga na dito ko sa apartment dinala si Winter. 

I saw her shivering and she passed out while we were walking on our way into the subdivision. Anong magagawa ko?

Of course I had to bring her somewhere she can rest. 

I took care of her the whole day and forgot about charging my phone na drained na ang battery bago pa kami makauwi. When I got the time to charge it, late na and I panicked when I saw Ningning's messages and video calls sa groupchat namin.

I should've told her. I know. 

But I also knew that Karina would go mad about having Winter here. 

So I called my sister instead for help. 

I know I'm at fault. Alam ko. 

Kaya here I am, sitting on the step of the staircase, nakatitig sa kawalan. 

This is where I stop. 

There would be other people that I'll meet and definitely para sa akin. May dadating pa. 

"Boss Yeji!" 

I moved my gaze towards the main door at nakita ang kagrupo kong si Ryujin na may dalang box na kakarating lang. 

Box full of copies of our printed manuscript. 

Right. She's supposed to come tonight para magcheck kami for thesis. I didn't know she'll still come. Midnight na eh. 

But anyway, malapit lang din naman siya. 

"Ayos ka lang?" Tanong ni Ryujin sa akin when she approached me. 

"Oo, iwan mo nalang dyan." I stood up and moved to sit at the couch. 

"Okay." 

She placed the box on the corner of the couch pero hindi pa siya lumabas ng apartment ko. 

"Bukas nalang tayo mag-ayos. Wala ako sa mood magthesis."

"Okay."

Ang hilig niya sa 'okay'. Nakakainis. 

I glanced at her at nakitang nakatayo pa din siya dun sa may box. 

"Bakit nandito ka pa?" Tanong ko. She smiled at me. 

"Baka gusto mo ng kasama." 

"I don’t need company." I said, crossing my arms. Naramdaman ko ang pagtabi niya sakin. 

"Sige.. si Winter ang gusto mo? Chat ko na ba?" Ryujin teases me. Ganyan silang mga kagroup ko. They know about me crushing on Winter. 

"Umalis ka na." Inis kong sabi. I'm not in the mood talaga.. baka mas masungitan ko lang siya. 

"Hindi naman kayo bagay nun." I rolled my eyes at her reply. Alam ko naman! No need ipamukha. 

Ang sakit nga ng cheek ko. Found a new talent for Karina, magaling manampal. 

"Shut up." I told her, scooting away from her. 

"Bagay tayo." Ryujin teases again. The past few days, lagi niyang ginagawa yan. 

"Huwag ka ngang nakikinig sa pang-aasar ni Karina." I scolded Ryujin.. Nagsimula kasi yan nung sa OJT, inasar kami one time ni Karina and then she started flirting. 

"Cute kaya ni ate Kat." Ryujin chuckles, leaning on the box na katabi niya. 

"Magsama kayo." Irita kong sabi. 

"Sinasabi mong cute din ako?"

Ugh. Ang kulit. 

"Can you please just leave?"

"Fine." Ryujin gave up, tumayo na din. "But you know.. Yeji."

I looked at her when she called me. "What?"

"You and I are alike. We’ll be good together."

Ang kulit talaga. 

"Layas!"

Ryujin didn't leave that night. Kinulit niya ako until I'm pissed off. Nakakainis ang presensya niya. She slept on my couch at nadatnan nalang kami ng mga kagroup namin the next morning na magkaaway. 

Still, naging close pa din naman yata kami.. since makulit nga siya. 

"Manonood kayo sa event sa susunod na linggo?"

"Ako, oo. Sasayaw si ate Kat dun eh."

There's a detail noticeable if one focused on Ryujin. 

She's really fascinated about Karina. Ryujin.. is always supportive kay Karina. I can’t help but feel.. irritated.. na kahit sa group namin sa thesis, si Karina pa din ang usapan. 

---

Christmas break. Ryujin continued her flirting advances. And for some reasons.. hinayaan ko siya. 

Why not? Single naman ako. 

Thesis Ryujin (ignore!): hi, merry xmas po haha

Yeji: Merry Christmas din.

Thesis Ryujin (ignore!): may date ka na ba ngayong pasko?

Yeji: Meron, why?

Thesis Ryujin (ignore!): ouch, ako nalang sana

Yeji: Inasar ka na naman ni Karina sakin no?

Thesis Ryujin (ignore!): oo

        pero

        gusto ko din naman

For the first time in a while, I smiled because of someone’s effort to make my heart flutter. 

Nagtuloy-tuloy yun.. until magpasukan the next semester and Ryujin started courting me. I liked it.. of course. Who wouldn't love the feeling of having someone taking care of you? I liked the feeling that Ryujin brings to me whenever we're together. 

"Ryujin, may homework pa ako.. hindi naman pwedeng hindi ko yun gawin." I explainedㅡagain, for the third time. 

Naglalakad kami ngayon papunta sa next class ko. She walks with me to class sometimes. 

"You promised me na sasamahan mo ako." Ryujin said, namimilit pa din. I faced her, annoyed now. 

"Well I shouldn’t have promised you kung alam kong ipipilit mo lang sa schedule mo." I said. Hindi ko alam kung bakit hanggang sa ganitong bagay ay yung gusto pa din ni Ryujin ang masusunod when it's not just about a simple 'kung gusto bang matulog sa apartment'. May klase ako and Ryujin wants me to ditch that class. 

"Sabi mo, you’ll come with me. Kaya umasa akong sasamahan mo ako." Malungkot pang sabi niya. 

The hell.. Kahit naman magpakasadgirl siya, hindi ko naman pipiliin yung event over my studies. 

"You know that I’m busy on that day. May quizzes kami, Ryu."

"So ano? Itong event pa ang mag-aadjust?" Ang kulit niya talaga. Nakakabanas na.

Rolling my eyes, kinuha ko ang libro kong dala niya. "Do I have to adjust for you, really?"

Umalis na si Ryujin, hindi na ako hinatid sa room ko. 

I don't really care. Bahala siya. If she doesn't give enough consideration to my studies as much as she does for her stuff, then it's not my business. Hindi ko siya pipilitin. 

But then, she did something that made me realize na baka namisunderstood ko lang siya. 

"Bakit hindi ka sasabay sakin?" Ryujin's asking while walking next to me. 

"Pupunta ako kina Ning." Paalam ko. Hindi naman kami pero required pang magsabi ako.. Ah, nanliligaw nga pala kasi siya. 

"Oh.. sama ako." Sasama? I glanced at her, mukhang seryoso naman siya. 

"Bakit?" Tanong ko parin. Ngumiti na naman siya sakin. 

"Wala lang, para may kasabay ka pag-uwi."

"Uh.. sure?"

"Oo. Pati kaclose ko naman si ate Kat. May makakausap ako dun."

I liked that she wants to make sure I'm safe.. and that she's now supporting my academic schedule. 

When was the time that I decided to give Ryujin a real chance..? 

Oh right. That day. 

After what happened with Winter sa canteen.. the moment I told Karina where Winter is.. was the time I decided to let go. That would be the last time that I'll care for Winter. 

I don't know how or why, but when I got home that day, nandun ulit si Ryujin sa may gate ng apartment ko, waiting for me like she knew I'll be needing her. 

"Okay ka lang, Yej?" She asked me with the same jolly smile na binibigay niya sa lahat ng makakasalubong niya. 

"I'm fine." Sagot ko habang binubuksan ang gate. I took my keys from my bag at sinimulan na din na hanapin ang susi para sa main door.

"Tambay ulit ako sa apartment mo." Ryujin said--more like declared like she always does. 

Sighing, tumingin ako sa kaniya. "Ryujin.."

"Bakit?"

"You can stay the night in my room if you want." 

That was it. That's when I chose Ryujin. 

---

See, dating Ryujin was just the same as when she's just courting me. Makulit siya. She insists a lot. She has this habit of making plans basta magustuhan niya. 

Sometimes.. kahit ayoko. 

But then, she's my girlfriend. 

"Why are you laughing?" I asked her. Kanina pa siyang nakatitig sa phone niya. Nasa library pa naman kami, ang ingay niya. 

"Ha? Wala.. hahaha nakita ko lang IG story ni ate Kat, ginugulo niya si Ningning." 

And even now that she's my girlfriend, madalas pa rin ang pagbanggit ng pangalan ni Karina. 

"Bentang benta si Karina sayo ah?" I faked a smile, para lang masabayan siya. One of my duties as a girlfriend. 

"Oo, kulit niya."

Hm. Alright, mag-aaral nalang ako. 

"Try ulit natin Lynd’s bukas. Tama pala si ate Kat, masarap nga dun." Sabi niya paㅡand I couldn't say no dahil magtatampo siya. 

Fine. Kakain lang naman. 

I tried to study again pero nawala na ako sa mood. 

I have many reasons to break up with her. 

I really liked her back then. But now..?

I don’t even get jealous.. Most of the time, naiirita nalang ako sa presensya niya. 

Ryujin always liked Karina, sometimes me. 

That’s just ed up.

Present. Two months after Winter asked for space.

I really thought I’ll end up hating even just the idea of Karina existing because of Winter and Ryujin..

But she’s actually not bad at all.

She’s better than many people I know.

And she’s my roommate now. 

Wala naman akong choice. Parang tanga kasi, ayaw bumalik sa bahay nila.

Naaalala daw niya si Winter dun. 

..Can’t blame her though.

Hindi nagbreak sina Winter at Karina, pero they stopped talking. 

As in walang comms, kahit through call, ghosted na din daw ang groupchat nila. 

While I hate seeing Karina acting like a sadgirl all the time, I appreciate that she doesn't make my life harder because of it. Siya pa nga ang nagoffer na tulungan akong magbayad sa utilities ng condo. 

Well, dapat lang naman talaga. Ang tagal tagal niyang maligo, bukas pa shower for the whole duration. 

Anyway.. as her roommate now, wala akong choice kundi makinig sa mga kwento niya. Kahit paulit-ulit. Minsan nga, nagiging bed time story ko na. 

Ahh, right. Madalas pala. 

Bukambibig niya kasi si Winter. 

I think.. Karina's unexpectedly doing well with this whole space thing. How so?

"Sa tingin mo.. Gigi, bakit kahit chat man lang.. ayaw ni Winter?" Ayan na naman siya, tanong niya din yan sakin kaninang umaga. 

Giselle, Karina and I are currently nakatambay sa quiet bar ng condo building. We're celebrating Karina's birthday. It's been two months..? since Winter asked for space.

We passed the Master Plumber Licensure Examination pero dito lang din sa condo kami nagcelebrate. Mukhang dito nalang lagi kami magcecelebrate talaga, ginawa na nilang tambayan eh. 

If anyone's asking, oo. Oo, lumalabas na si Karina. Back then, she was just scared to go out because she might end up attracting bad jujus na kagaya nung nangyari sa party ni Yuqi. 

Sobrang malas niya daw kasi. 'Natulog lang ako, paggising ko, plano na akong ighost ng jowa ko'. 

Ewan ko na talaga.. Winter. 

I'm on Karina's side in this one. 

"What if may emergency chismis ako like the other day nung LQ kayo ni Ning?" Kahit ako, napachuckle sa tanong ni Karina. This idiot. 

"Gaga ka Kat."

Actually, Karina tried na maghabol kay Winter.. even texting ate Seulgi (my idea) pa everyday for updates. Si Winter daw ang may ayaw makipagusap. 

Kapag daw tinatanong ni ate Seulgi, she'd only say 'Magreresign muna ako. Uwi na ko sa Pinas.' 

Maybe Winter felt like talking to Karina through limited texts are only making it worse? 

Edi sana nagvideo call nalang.. diba? Kahit naman ayokong makitang nagpapacute si Karina kay Winter sa VCs, mas okay naman yun kesa sa pagiging iyakin niya. 

Sabi ni Karina Rupok, baka daw kasi mamiss lang siya lalo ni Winter kapag nakita ang .. magandang... mukha niya. 

"Pero seryoso.. Nahihirapan na ako." She says that everyday. Kaya hindi din namin pinapabayaan na mag-isa siya. May shift na nga yata kaming tatlo just to take care of her. 

Sana lang talaga kapag bumalik yang si Winter dito, panindigan niya yung fix-it na sinasabi niya. Ako na ang hindi magpapalabas kay Karina sa kwarto kapag nakita kong umuwi lang siya para magpakachildish ulit. 

"Hindi ko din alam.. But she's replying to me." Sagot ni Gigi. I took my glass at tumingin din, akala ko kasi.. Winter ghosted all three of them. Bakit nagreply kay Giselle?

"Bakit nagreply sayo? Hindi din nagrereply kay Ningning ah." 

Gigi sipped on her cocktail. "Nagtanong siya kung ano daw plano namin sa birthday mo."

I think it's the first time in two months na si Winter ang nag-initiate ng talk with her friends. For me, I felt glad to know she still cares for her girlfriend here. 

"Ah wow." Tumawa nalang si Karina, bitter laugh ba. "Patingin nga."

Giselle opened her phone na nakalagay sa table at nagscroll nga sa messenger niya. 

"Wala naman masyadong sinabi, binigyan lang ako ng pangblow out for you."

Karina nodded after reading. Bumalik sa pagkakaupo at uminom na ulit. 

Hindi sila palainom daw. Pero iba na ngayon. 

"So siya ang nagbayad nito?" She asks Giselle, tinuro yung hawak niyang baso na half full pa kasi inuunti-unti niya. 

"Oo, kinda. May ambag din naman kami no!" 

Nagulat nalang ako nang inumin ni Karina lahat, taking mine after, and then Giselle's. Oh god. 

"Ano ba yan, Kat!" 

"Thank you, guys." She said, wiping her wet lips with her handkerchief. 

"Uhm.." 

Giselle and I both looked at Karina. 

"Ano yun?" Tanong agad ni Giselle. 

"Pwede kayang.."

"Ano yan, Katarina?"

"Pahiram ng account mo.. hehe." 

I rolled my eyes. Nung tumubo siguro ang tree of karupukan, si Karina ang nag-alaga hanggang magbear ng fruit at siya din ang kumain lahat. 

"Seryoso ba yan Kat?" Tanong ulit ni Gigi sa nakangising si Karina. 

"Mangangamusta lang naman eh." Karina pouted. 

As if that's going to work on us. 

Giselle had put her phone to sleep. "Sabihin mo nalang sakin kung anong gusto mong ipatanong."

"Or pahiramin mo nalang ako ng phone mo." Karina started clinging on her friend's arm pa, mukhang batang sumisipsip sa magulang. 

"Hay nako ka." Itinaboy siya ni Gigi, lightly patting Karina's shoulder. "Paano kung kaya pala umiiwas si Win e kasi alam niyang nas-spoil siya sa chat at videocalls niyo and she just keeps on missing you more?"

Umirap si Karina. "Edi mabaliw siya dun. Idadamay niya pa ko."

Napatawa na naman ako. I now know why my sister likes talking to Karina. Nakakairita in a good way ang mga linyahan niya. 

Umirap din si Giselle at ibinigay na nga kay Karina yung phone. "Sayo na nga yan. 'Di ka talaga makausap nang matino."

Leaning on my wrist, nakitingin ako sa gagawin ni Karina. hindi niya din naman itinago. 

Giselle Aeri Uchinaga: hi winter :)

Ohh. Sa email pa din pala nila nakakausap. 

"Ano yan, Kat.. Bakit may smiley?" Natatawang tanong ni Giselle na nakikisilip din. 

"Para 'di obvious na ako 'to." Grinning pa si Karina, baliw talaga. 

"'Di naman ako nagamit niyan!"

"Shh! Nagreply na."

Winter Kim: Gigi? Anong meron?

Giselle Aeri Uchinaga: mangangamusta lang hihi

"Seriously, Kat?" Ako na ang nagsalita, tinawanan niya ako at bumalik sa pakikipagusap kay Winter na walang kaalam-alam na girlfriend niya na pala ang kausap niya. 

Winter Kim: Okay naman ako.

        Magkausap lang tayo nung isang araw, Gigi.

Giselle Aeri Uchinaga: sure ka okay ka lang?

        kumakain ka ba nang ayos?

        malamig na ba masyado jan?

        how's work?

        miss mo na ba si kar

"Gigi! Yan nasend tuloy!" Naiinis na hinampas ni Karina si Giselle for taking the phone when she's still typing. 

I laughed before pulling Karina back to her seat. Ang ingay niya na kasi, baka tinatamaan na 'to. 

"Gaga ka, finlood mo na si Winter!" Pagsasabi ni Giselle sa katabi ko while checking the messages. 

After a few seconds, ibinalik ni Gigi yung phone sa tapat ni Karina. "Ayan na, pakalunod ka na sa kilig."

I peeked to check kung ano bang meron. 

And then there it is, Winter's one-word reply after all the questions Karina asked her. 

Winter Kim, replying to 'miss mo na ba si kar': Oo.

Si Karina? 

A blushing mess na nakayakap na sa glass niya, resting her forehead sa top ng baso. 

Magmamark mamaya sa noo niya yung lining ng glass. Bahala siya. 

"Ay gagi tumatawag!" Giselle panicked when Winter called her through Gchats. 

Wow. Happy birthday, Karina nga talaga. 

"Hi?"

Isang hi lang, nakita kong mas namula si Karina at napapikit pa. 

"Win!"

"Hi Gigi.. kamusta? Nagcelebrate kayo?"

Sa pakikinig, biglang tinago ni Karina yung mukha niya sa forearms niya na nasa table. Nababaliw na nga yata 'to. Ano ba? Kinikilig o nagtatago? 

Baka lasing na lasing na 'to pala, she took our drinks earlier. 

"Yes, at the moment. Hinihintay lang namin si Ning then labas kami paBGC."

"Ohh, that's nice."

Napansin naman ni Giselle yung katabi namin na nakadikit na ang mukha sa lamesa.

"Uy Winter, kung babalikan mo pa daw ba si Kat?" Oh? Napagrin nalang talaga ako sa katapangan ni Giselle magtanong. Kahit si Karina, napatingin na din at umayos sa pagkakaupo. 

"Oo naman.." 

I actually felt happy for Karina that Winter didn't seem to be hesitating to answer that. 

Mukhang tuwang tuwa din naman si Karina sa naririnig niya. 

"'Di mo daw siya kinakausap." 

Nakakatuwa ano? I really adore their friendship. If I was someone else kasi, baka si Winter na ang i-cut off ko dahil sa hindi pagpaparamdam. 

"Nandyan ba siya?"

Giselle nodded, ibinaling ang camera on our direction. Mabilis na umiwas si Karina. 

"Ito, katabi ko. Nandito din si Yeji." I looked at the phone at nakita si Winter. 

It's been long, cute pa din siya. 

Mukhang namayat, ganun yata kapag working na. 

"Happy birthday, Rina.." 

Karinaㅡwho was avoiding the camera, took a sip from her refilled glass bago tumingin kay Winter. 

"Salamat." Tipid niyang sagot. 

Hawak pa rin ni Giselle yung phone. "Ano? Wala ka nang sasabihin?" She asks Karina, I saw them exchanging glances at maya-maya pa, binigay na ni Giselle kay Karina yung phone niya. 

Winter smiled, nakatitig kay Karina. 

"M-miss na kita."

I'm not shocked that she told her that right away. After all, they're still girlfriends. 

"I miss you more." Sagot naman ni Winter. 

Space pa more. 

Hay nako. Baka after ng call na' to, game na ulit si Karina na magpakatanga. 

"Kamusta ka na?"

"Working.."

"Saan?"

"Sa Taguig."

"Oh.. uwian ka?"

"Hindi. I'm staying at Yeji's."

"Ahh."

I saw Winter looking at her laptop bago hinawakan nang ayos ang phone niya. Baka isinarado muna ang ginagawa niya para makausap ang birthday girl. 

"I have a gift for you. Ipapabigay ko nalang kay ate Seulgi paguwi niya."

"Sige." Nakangiti na si Karina. 

Winter smiled back, hindi umimik. 

She's still staring at her phone though.. baka tinititigan ang girlfriend niya. 

"Winter." Tawag ng katabi ko, pinaglalaruan ang empty glass na natungga na naman niya using her other hand. 

"Bakit?"

"Bakit ang tagal mo?" 

Oh. Mga ilang buwan ko palang nakakasama nang madalas sina Karina, nagugulat nalang talaga ako sa pagiging straightforward nilang magkakaibigan at times. The same thing happened w