[Taeyang]

We arrived at Jen's house, Jiyong and I stood at the front porch contemplating about the words we were going to say to Jen. I talked Jiyong into keeping my secret to Jen for a whole year and I regret having to ask him to do it.

"Damn we're in trouble" Jaellie said as soon as she opened the door. Me and Jiyong stepped into the house and found Jen sitting by the couch while drinking coffee. She looked like she just woke up, her eyes were really red. It's like she's been holding her tears for too long.

"Where's Donghae?" I asked not trying to open up the subject yet.

"He went out for awhile" Jaellie said. Jiyong took a sit next to Jen; Jen moved away from him a little and released a pale smile.

For one minute all of us were just staring at each other, I sat next to Jaellie opposite from Jiyong and Jen. Jen was watching me intently with 'disappointed' written all over her face. Jiyong then cleared his throat breaking the silence that was surrounding the whole room. Jen stayed staring at me like she was giving me a sign to speak. I didn't want to open up I'm scared of what she will say or what I will say to her.

"Dang it people we didn't come here to stare at each other and just to sit here. We gathered here to talk about something that Jen has no knowledge about until she saw something in Taeyang's body and now she's worried and is wondering what the hell happened there" Jaellie said when she couldn't handle the silence anymore.

"Jen look..." I started but she cut me off.

"What happened?"

"I wanted to tell you but I didn't want you to fly back from Paris just because of what happened" I continued.

"That doesn't answer my question Taeyang" she said.

I took a deep breath and looked at Jiyong then Jaellie, they both nodded their heads and I continued to explain.

"When you left for Paris, I was miserable like hell. I keep all my emotions during the day then release it at night. I was in pain more than anyone could imagine at some point of my life I was suicidal, crazy as that sounds but I was. I wasn't strong enough to keep myself together but Jaellie and Jiyong helped me but it wasn't enough... I needed you to be there, I wanted you to be there. When I stopped calling you I got into an accident, I ran into a red light and another car hit me. I fractured my ribs. My doctors told me they might not be any chance for me to dance again, but thank God I can still do so. It left that scar on my ribs; I didn't call you for how long because I was hospitalized for 3 long months. I'm sorry Jen" I explained.

I saw horror painted all over her face, then tears streaming down. Jiyong pulled her into a hug and that's the time she burst out crying like a little girl whose mum just left her behind. I haven't seen Jen cried like this in awhile, I mean I did lose her for one whole year. I guess I didn't want to keep her from following her dreams. All her life she gave up everything so she could keep me and happy and safe, so during those moments I felt like it was my turn to give up my happiness for hers.

"Was it that hard to pick up the phone and call me Taeyang?" she asked.

"Jen it wasn't, I just thought you had enough to deal with" I said.

She was angry yet she was trying to hold it inside of her. If you were in her position and you found out a year later that your best friend was hospitalized for three months how would you feel? Wouldn't you feel sad and betrayed? Especially when everyone you knew and trusted lied to you.

"Every day and every night I would dream about you getting an accident while I stand on the sideline watching you go through a red light. I stood there not being able to do anything, I would call up but you wouldn't pick up..." she released herself from Jiyong's hug; she stood up and stared at Jiyong with so much anger.

"I would call you and you would tell me he was fine and that he was sleeping next to you soundly. Now I know why, it's because of all the drugs that were given to him so he wouldn't feel pain. It was to make him numb, how long did you guys plan to keep this from me? How long did you think your lies would go?" her voice was really scary. She was crying yet she had control of her whole body.

"I had no rights to tell you" Jiyong said.

"JIYONG YOU'RE MY FRIEND, YOU HAD ALL THE RIGHTS TO TELL ME" she yelled.

"Jiyong, Jaellie please just leave me and Jen alone" I said nicely. Jiyong refused but I needed Jen all to myself so I can explain myself clearly. Jaellie and Jiyong went outside the house leaving me and Jen staring at each other.

"Jen I know you're upset"

"Upset? It's not even close to what I feel" she said as she sat back down.

She was still crying it's like every tears that falls from her eyes we're like knives stabbing through my heart. I can feel the pain she was feeling. I wasn't grateful it ended this way, I was angry because I let it end this way.

"Jen talk to me"

"Taeyang do you know how worried I was when I saw that scar on your ribs? Do you know how long I stayed on the computer searching for an answer when you couldn't give it to me? I researched every news site I could so I could find out what had happened to you but I couldn't find any article talking about an accident or anything like that. I looked for newspapers, magazines and anything else that would involve stuff like this but nothing. How is it possible that the media wasn't aware of any of it?" she said.

"YGE covered everything up. They said that something happened at home, family stuff so I had to be replaced for awhile until everything was fine at home. It wasn't easy when I did come back, I couldn't dance fully on stage. I couldn't sing the best that I could, I wanted to give up Jen but every time I thought of you I tell myself 'Do it for her she gave up everything for you, she cried a thousand tears for you, you broke her heart so many times so now do it for her' I'm doing this for you Jen... just like you almost gave up your dreams for me" I explained.

I studied her blank face. Tears stopped flowing somehow she became numb; somehow her face seemed more disappointed. I could see that she hated me and I understood why.

"When I woke up from being hospitalized I lost my memory temporarily. I couldn't remember anything or anyone besides Yoobin. I could only remember her, when I told you about us calling each other every night that part was true but it wasn't to know how our days were it was the time she could fill in my memories of the things we shared together, the only problem was she left you out. She wouldn't let Jiyong take me to see Jaellie or your mum; she didn't want you to be in my memory. It was too late when I realized I loved you because she already took the best of me. I know she used the worst way to make me love her but she showed me just how much one person would do so they can be with the one they love. I wish I didn't lose my memory, so then maybe if I remembered you I wouldn't be in love with someone else" I continued explaining myself.

Jen's face was burning in anger, if Yoobin was here she would have knocked her out. I didn't know what else to say to her, I didn't want to make things worse. She had enough to deal with for all our lives.

"So how did you end up remembering me?"

"Yoobin could stop anyone from seeing me besides my mum. Jiyong told my mum how Yoobin was keeping one of the best thing that had ever got me to where I am now, which is you. My mum doesn't like Yoobin and I can tell but she can't do anything about it because my mum is concern about my happiness. So anyway when my mum came by to see me, she took me here. She showed me all the things you made for me, all the letters you wrote for me whenever we would be separated; she showed me all the pictures we took together and the box full of our memories... I remembered you through them. I hated myself for not remembering you"

"When you did remember me, why didn't you call? Why didn't you tell me that you missed me and that you needed me to come back home? Why didn't you tell me you're in need of a friend? Did she stop you from calling me as well?" she asked. I didn't know where to start answering her questions, there was quite a few whys.

"I couldn't call you; I wanted you to think that I hated you or something along those lines so I could feel less guilty about what I did. I couldn't tell you how much I missed you and I didn't want you to come back home just because I was like that. I had a friend; I had lots to be honest. Jiyong and Jaellie stood by me even though it was against their will, I made them promise; I needed them to be quiet. Yes, she stopped me from calling you that's mostly why I stopped calling or answering any of your messages. Well actually I did answer your messages, I just never sent them" I replied.

"Do you expect me to believe you Taeyang?"

"No"

"Good because I don't. I'm sick of trying to be the better person in this relationship or friendship should I say. I'm tired of trying to give way for everyone; I'm tired of being the old Jen. I'm tired of being your best friend. Just when I thought everything was going to work out this happens. Can't you be honest to me nowadays, huh Taeyang?"

"I'm sorry"

"Yeah me too. I'm sorry but I can't go on like this anymore, I want you out of the house right now, don't come back. I thought I meant so much more to you but I guess I'm just another person in your life. Last night was really good; I felt that my best friend was actually there. Do you know why sometimes I love it when you’re down?"

I shook my head and waited for her answer.

"It's because when you're down, it's the only time I know I matter to you. It's the only time I really feel like you need me there and it's the only time that I feel like I belong to you. But not anymore Taeyang, I'm sick of having to chase you around. It's over, get out" she said and she left me there.

Her words stabbed me and left me numb. For the millionth times I blew our friendship once again and by the way she walked away today, I don't think there's a way of us fixing it. I felt my heart aching, it felt like I just broke up with my girlfriend... I felt like that was it, the end of everything. Jaellie came in followed by Jiyong.

"What happened?" she asked.

"It's over Jae, she's never gonna forgive me" I said and she pulled me into a hug. Jiyong didn't stand around longer he headed upstairs to try and comfort Jen while I cry in Jaellie's arms. I felt so stupid; I wish this was all a nightmare.

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[Jen]

I slammed the door shut and headed straight for the window. I sat staring at the big moon and the stars twinkling while the tear drops from my eyes. For a quick moment of Taeyang's life he forgot about me. I didn't exist in his world, there was no Jen... yet in my life it's all about him. I was so angry, I wanted to just run away but at the same time I wanted to stay and hide myself in this room forever. I thought he stopped loving me because he wanted to but I was wrong, he stopped loving me because he couldn't remember me. I heard a knock on the door but ignored it. So everything I dreamed of in Paris was true, he did have an accident and I couldn't do anything about it.

"I'm coming in" I heard Jiyong said. I hated him, I didn't want to talk to him yet I wanted him to be next to me and comfort me.

"Jen?"

I turned to face him and I could see him crying, tears of guilt I guess. I turned to look at the sky once again, he sat opposite to me and he just stared at me.

"I'm fine" I said.

"I'm sorry, it was wrong. I should have been strong enough to be honest with you" he said.

I know deep down inside none of this was Jiyong's fault; he was just being the friend that he needed to be. It was sort of a hard situation for him but I just wish he spoke to me about it.

"You could have told me" I said.

"I know" he replied with honesty.

Jiyong knows he was at fault yet he wasn't scared to come up and see me. With some other people I know after what happened they would never show their face ever again but Jiyong was determined. I wish I was strong enough like him, strong enough to face reality and challenges.

"How much does it hurt?" he asked.

"So much that I want to jump off this window and just die."

It did hurt that much, it felt like everything just stopped revolving.

"Jen your world didn't stop revolving when you left him to go to Paris. Your life doesn't need to stop revolving just because he has a girlfriend, you don't need to stop living because he lied to you over and over again. These things are meant to keep you motivated, it's meant to give you more reason to live. You're meant to live not die" he said.

Tears were unstoppable right now; both Jiyong and I know that. I stood up from where I was sitting and leaned over to give Jiyong a hug. As soon as his hands were securing me, tears flowed so much easier. I just wanted to cry because it is the only thing I can do.

"SHHH Jen it's alright" he whispered.

I wish tears weren’t invented and I wish pain was bearable for me. I wish Taeyang and I never met so I wouldn't have to cry an ocean tears for him. I wish everything would just disappear right now and not come back. I wish there was a way for me to escape reality and I wish I was strong enough to live on my own without Taeyang in my life.

I was crying so loud right now, I think the whole neighborhood can hear me.

"Crying is good" Jiyong said.

I released myself from his hug and held onto his hand. I stared into his eyes and took a deep breath.

"I gave up everything for him and on my list my number one priority is to make sure he's always happy even though it hurts. I watched him kiss other girls and said nothing about the pain I was feeling because he looks so happy. He changed girlfriends here and there and he didn't hear me complain. I let go of his lies and his deceit to keep him close to me because it makes him feel secure. I bared all tragedy that happened between us before because that's how much I love him and that's how much I was afraid that I might lose him. In the end of the day he still finds a way to break away from me. He still finds a way to make me feel unwanted and not needed. He still finds a way for me to suffer and cry... But you know what Jiyong he is not going to do that anymore. I'm going to be stronger and I'm going to fight against the pain I feel. From tonight onwards I promise to never shed one more tear for Dong Young Bae, it's over Jiyong... It's over" I said and wiped the last tears I'm ever going to shed for Taeyang.

Goodbye tears, goodbye past... and goodbye Taeyang.