PLAYLIST: “When You Say Nothing At All,” Ronan Keating

BAEKHYUN

The pilates session is finally over for the day. I feel very refreshed and light, mind-wise. For the rest of the day, I am yet to decide on what to do. It has been a week since Dohee and I became officially a couple and everything has been great. I’ve been surprisingly more enthusiastic in outdoor activities and I am not hating it so far. Maybe it’s Dohee’s influence but it doesn’t feel too uncomfortable to be out when she’s with me. We’ve been going on casual date nights, because of my work and awkward days off, Sunday and Tuesday. I feel bad about it but she understands me. She’s been used to my schedule in the salon for so long so there really wasn’t any discussion that had to be made to clarify anything to her. Besides, we are luckily both off on Sundays, so that’s the only day we can spend time together the longest.

And today happens to be a Sunday so I am quite excited.

Since we’ve only been able to go out for dinners, I plan to see her much earlier today. I am hoping we could cook together at some point later. As I step out of the gym, I take my phone out to check if she’s texted me. It’s already ten and I’d like to assume she’s awake already. I realize she usually wakes up really late unless she’s opening in the café. Anyway, I am yet to fully memorize her schedule—it tends to change, according to her.

Just as I have expected, I got a text from her. Good morning to you too! I’m awake <3 I smile at the adorable heart she added at the end. I actually sent her a Good Morning message earlier at seven and she is now only replying at ten like it wasn’t such a huge time gap at all. She’s adorable. Instead of replying with another message, I go straight to a call instead. I wipe the lingering sweat on the side of my face before pressing my phone against my ear. I wait for her call as I get to my car. I throw my duffle back at the back seat before getting into the driver’s seat. A big high-pitched yawn welcomes my ear that is followed by a groggy ‘Good morning. What are you doing right now?’ from her.

I put the call on speaker before placing my phone on its mount. “I just finished my workout. I’m gonna go home and take a shower. Then can I come to see you?” I ask as I start the engine. ‘Ugh, I wish I can work out too on my days off. I’m too lazy for that, my bed feels so good. That’s why I’m fat.’ She grunts on the other line. It makes me laugh. “You’re not fat, what are you saying?” I argue back as I drive off the parking lot. ‘Have you seen my belly rolls? It’s disgusting.’ Again, she groggily fights back.  

I roll my eyes. “No, it’s not disgusting. It’s y. Also, it’s not even that bad, you’re overreacting.” I reply as a matter of fact. I literally see no problem with her at all. Actually, the only problem with her is her self-esteem, that’s it. ‘Yeah, but it makes me ashamed because you go to the gym so religiously. Like … should I work out too? Do you want me to? I would if you want me to.’ She asks, sounding genuinely concerned. I sigh heavily, hoping she hears it clearly. “Okay, come on. Like you don’t know me yet. I will never make you do something that you don’t want to. If your bed feels good, then stay there. Maybe you could let me feel how good it is soon then I’ll tell you if it’s worth it.” I add at the end to .

As expected, I get a brief silence from her and I could already imagine her cheeks getting red from that comment. “Yeah … okay, whatever.” She quietly answers and a stupid smile lifts up my face. “So, can I come to see you today?” I ask again since she did not answer me initially. ‘I probably should clean the apartment today, it’s so messy now and I already got in trouble last week because of it. My parents visited before I could clean up and they got a little upset. Maybe I will let you know when I’m done?’ She replies. Hm, that’s not a bad idea either. “Can I help you clean then? I really want to see you soon.” I offer and I earn a loud gasp from her. ‘Eh? Wh—why would you—no, it’s fine—don’t worry about it, it’s my apartment. I should get it all cleaned up first before you come here anyway.’ She frantically declines, as always.

I shrug. “I really don’t mind. I could help you; I don’t see any problem with that.”

After a while, I eventually get a defeated groan from her. ‘I know but … I’m the woman, I should be the one doing all the cleaning and be hosting you the best way I can. Why would you help me? You’re my boyfriend. I should be serving you the best way I can as your girlfriend.’ She muffles softly. “Ah ah—that’s the wrong approach, love. Don’t say that. Women and men are equally responsible to do house chores. The same goes for careers.” I correct her. I finally hear a hearty laugh from her. ‘Oh, right. I forgot I’m talking to Confucius.’ She responds with sarcasm but I know she doesn’t mean bad. ‘Also … did you just call me love?’ She adds.

My mouth falls open in realization. I didn’t even notice that at all. It just came out. Oh god. That might be way too soon for her. I don’t want her to panic. Why did I say that? It came out of nowhere. “N—no, I think said noona, what do—what do you mean?” I reply and I could already feel my cheeks heating up. We haven’t even said the L-word to each other, although I am very confident that that’s what I feel for her already. But I really don’t want to rush her or scare her. ‘Hmmm … okay.’ She answers, still sounding skeptical. Although I very much like this new confidence that is flaring inside Dohee since we started dating that I like to assume I influenced, I can’t help but feel extremely shy now that she is openly teasing me like this because she knows she can.

She got me there. I grin like an idiot but I make sure not to make a sound.

“Anyway, I’m coming as soon as I’m done okay? I’ll let you know.” I announce. ‘Can you like … call me again when you’re here? In case I fall back to sleep—I mean, I will try not to, but just in case. You ne—never know.’ She asks me and I chuckle in response. “Sure, no problem, love,” I answer but this time I am fully aware of what I said. I smile in anticipation of her answer. She remains silent but I could already sense a smile forming on those beautiful lips of hers. “I mean noona.” I deliberately correct myself and finally receive a snorty laugh from her. ‘Ugh, you’re so—you’re so silly. Okay, bye.’ She muffles shyly before ending the call first.

I love getting her flustered for me. It’s so adorable. I could easily picture her smile as I drive. It’s a new type of relaxation routine for me … to think about us. I am actually very excited to spend a longer time with her today. A few hours of date nights after my shifts where we can’t even really stay up too late either is barely enough to really satisfy the both of us. Also, during my workdays, I can’t be in contact with her much and the same goes for her. Our kind of work refrains us from being able to be on our phones easily. More so on my part, unfortunately.

So, I get home as fast as I can to get ready. I change into my comfortable clothes. Summer is getting hotter and hotter each day, what a perfect time to enter a relationship, right? When I arrive at her building, I park my car and walk straight towards the entrance. I call her up and it takes her a while to answer. “You fell back to sleep, didn’t you?” I ask with a growing smile. ‘No, actually—I’m in the shower—wait, I’ll just buzz you in. Go ahead.’ She replies and that’s when I hear the sound of the shower running along with her voice.

Before I could say anything, she ends the call, so I don’t hesitate to dial up her buzz code. She answers the door and I get in. I guess I’m waiting until she’s done? That’s okay, shouldn’t take long. Or would she? I don’t know. I take the elevator to go up to her floor. Once I am at her door, I phone her again. However, I don’t get an answer anymore. Instead, the door cracks open in front of me.

A damp face of Dohee peeks out of the small opening of the door. “There, just get in first. I need to get back in the shower. I’m—I’m not done yet … sorry.” She tells me before opening the door wider. Just as I step in, I realize that she only has a towel wrapped around her still very wet body. She skips fast into the bathroom but I was still able to check her out completely before the door of the bathroom closed. Wow, that’s a sight I am not prepared to look at today. Heat immediately climbs into my body as I stare at the now-closed door of the bathroom. I hear the shower running once again which wakes me up from the short trance I got stuck in. I close the front door behind me and lean on it.

She’s in there … all … taking a shower.

Byun Baekhyun, calm down. I close my eyes and blow air in my cheeks. I finally get the courage to walk away to enter the living room. I need to sit down and breathe. I have been ever-so-successfully restraining myself for the past week since that last make-out session we had at my place. The reason is that I don’t want to come off way too strong for her and do it very frequently, I like to have a sort of an interval to prepare her emotionally for everything that I will be introducing her to. And now that it’s been a week, I am not quite sure if, personally, I am even prepared on my own.

God, I’ve missed her. It’s funny that I say that, we were literally together last Friday night after work. Yesterday, I couldn’t see her because I was way too exhausted from work and I just wanted to go home. But today? Oh boy, I’m … I’m just very energized to do all sorts of stuff. And by stuff … I mean her. I rest my head against my palm as I clear my head from all these overflowing thoughts that came through me as soon as I saw her.

I mean, I like to think that this is all-natural. I have been in a few relationships before and this always happens in the beginning. Except, I have never been this eager for someone. Never. Not as much as I am to Shim Dohee right now. I don’t know what it is about her. I guess my masculine nature, no matter how much I fight it because of my principles, the fact that she’s a kind of … turns me on even more. I shake the thought off my mind quickly. I don’t want to be losing my self-control today, I’ve been doing so well, and I need to pull through for her sake.

One, breathe in and breathe out. Two, breathe in and breathe out. Three, breathe in and breathe out.

I slowly move my head aside to peek at the door of the bathroom again. This is not even the first time I’ve ever been in the same place as she is while she takes a shower. This already happened in Busan. This is not new to me. Although … that one time it happened, I ended up making out with her the same day, in the same room.

I decide to distract myself by walking over to the accent table at one corner where there were some picture frames. A wide smile forms on my lips when I see a baby picture of whom I assume is Dohee. She still has the same exact smile, same eyebrows, same beautiful almond eyes. Next to that picture is a family picture. It seems like it’s taken a long time ago though, she looks like she’s only in middle school if I’m not wrong.

She looks like a combination of her mother and father, with more on her father’s side, I’d say. She doesn’t have many pictures at all, this table is mostly containing these cute porcelain angel figurines. Does she like to collect them? I never asked her about that. One of them almost looks like her and it makes me smile even wider.

She is a cute angel. This kind of collection suits her personality. I get too preoccupied that I don’t even notice the door of the bathroom opening. I only turn when I hear her call my name from behind. She’s peeking out behind the wall. “Oh