I cleared my throat as Leeteuk quieted the crowd. A lot of Super Junior fans had showed up, as well as the magazine press and newspaper writers. I stared out into the crowd wishing for this day to be over quickly. I was still upset over the loss of Heechul to the army. I was still angry with Donghae for trying to fill my thoughts of other things. Things other than Heechul.

I cleared my thoughts as the crowd became dead silent. Everyone's eyes were on me. On the wool hat I was wearing. I sighed as I stood, grabbing a microphone with both my hands. I forced a smile to my face.

"Hello everyone," I said into the microphone. Several screams and many replies of "I love you" came from the audience in front of me. Several more flashes of cameras went off, blinding me for a second. But I was used to it. I turned to walk closer to the audience. "Sorry for calling you out here on this cold day," I made small talk, delaying the thing I didn't want to talk about. More screams came from the crowd. "So I know you are wondering why I did call you out here...wondering why I'm wearing this wool hat...and even wondering why I have no hair..." I spoke calmly into the microphone.

"Are you going to the army too?" A newsreporter held another microphone towards me. I smiled and shook my head.

"I'm not entering the army," I sighed as I looked over the crowd once more. Eager faces stared back at me. "The reason why I have no hair is because I've been diagnosed with cancer," I let that fact sink in, and the more it did the quieter it got. Faces fell. Girls began to cry, wiping their faces endlessly. Then it got noisy again.

"Why didn't you tell us sooner?" "How serious is your condition" "Will you not be in Super Junior activities anymore?" All the questions meshed together. I didn't answer any of them.

"I called this meeting because I wanted you to know. That is all." I turned to make my leave, escaping to the black Super Junior vehicles to return me back home, to my parents and to my sister. Where I wouldn't have to think about Super Junior or about singing.

Months passed. It was getting warmer out everyday. A changing of seasons, but it didn't allow for a changing of condition. I was still sick. Constantly stuck up in the hospital, having endless delirious visions after my chemotherapy, constantly throwing up the food I thought I had digest, constant visits from friends and family. None of it mattered to me any more.

I stuck to the hospital bed like glue. Only leaving to use the restroom or for short walks with the hospital staff or a visitor. They never lasted long as I was too weak to go to far.

The week before, I had received the new cancer antibiotic. Hoping for a change in my condition, but nothing seemed to change from then until now. Now, I was face to face with one of my doctors who had a grim look on his face as he stared at my chart.

I hadn't expected much. I was one of the first few to receive this new miracle drug. I wasn't expecting a miracle to happen and I knew my body too well to know that no difference had taken place. No miracle was going to happen. I smiled up to my doctor from my hospital bed.

"Don't be too hard on yourself," I grunted out, my voice coming out in a gurgle of unpleasant sounds. Even my voice had taken a different tone from the effects of my continuous chemotherapy sessions. The doctor gave me a small smile, his face still grave.

"I'm afraid my head will be on the line if you don't pull around soon," He said, walking to the window and pulling open the shade. Outside the hospital there was a line of fans waiting to send their letters of "get well soon" and gifts for me and some of the other super junior members. I agreed with the doctor. A lot of people would be upset if...

I closed my eyes, not trying to think of the worst, but in my heart I knew that it was coming. That the end was near.

My thoughts were distracted as the door to my room was pulled open. Two sets of feet stepped into my room, stopping at the edge of my bed. I turned to look away from my doctor to the two people who had come to visit me.

In a sense of awe I stared up at the grave looking Lee Donghae and the nearly bald headed Heechul. I was amazed to find them next to each other, looking as if, nothing had passed between them in the past months.

"I'll leave you to talk to your friends," My doctor excused himself from the room. Heechul took a seat on my left and Donghae on my right, both of them grabbing one of my hands.

"Hyuk Jae," Heechul spoke first, his eyes dropping down to the floor, his face changing to a stricken one, a face that anyone rarely saw on Heechul. I tried to laugh, to smile, to do anything that would pull the man next to me out of his own misery, but my attempts ended me up into my puke bin.

"Is there anything we can do for you?" Donghae, who already had tears in his eyes, was trying to remain strong. I nodded.

"There's one thing. The drawer, can you open it?" I asked Donghae, pointing to the drawer next to him. Donghae followed my instructions, opening the door and pulling out three envelopes. One was addressed to Donghae, one was addressed to Heechul, and the last was addressed to my family. "I want you to take these, but don't read them yet. You'll know when to..." I said simply, not mentioning the unfortunate time.

Heechul and Donghae remained silent as they took their own envelopes. Donghae even promised to deliver my family's envelope for me. For the rest of the time of Heechul and Donghae's visit we made small talk, talking about the different activities of the different members, my own schedule of upcoming surgeries and chemotherapy, Heechul's army training, and other things. Then visitor time was over, and Heechul and Donghae regretfully left.

Nearly a month later, I went into surgery again, to remove another piece of cancer around my lungs. The surgery lasted about four hours and then I was placed back in my hotel room. When I awoke, I was riddled with fever, delirious visions, and lots of pain. The doctors continued to give me lots of pain killers among fever reducers but nothing seemed to help my body return to a stable condition.

In the middle of the night, I awoke, regaining my consciousness. I called for a nurse to help me bring a pen and paper. I quickly scribbled down a few lines, before my delirious visions returned, my breath hitched, and my heart beat began to slow.

The doctors and nurses worked and watched over me for the next 30 minutes until my eyes closed for the last time.

Heechul and Donghae attended Hyuk Jae's funeral along with the other Super Junior members and his family. It was a cold spring day, rain dripping down and the clouds hanging above. Sobs of family members in the funeral room for the deceased echoed across each wall. Hyuk Jae's mother sat in the corner, dressed in all black, sobbing and wailing unquittingly. Next to her was Hyuk Jae's father who was stricken and his sister who has tears rolling down her face constantly.

All the members of Super Junior had also come to honor Hyuk Jae. Many members were in the arms of other members, crying their eyes out.

Heechul and Donghae stood next to each other. Looking at each other with quiet sympathy and knowledge of each other's pain. In that state, they became like brothers again. They became each other's pillars of strength and someone they knew they could go to when it became too tough.

Donghae was the first to tear up. Heechul patting his shoulder to give him some kind of warmth and understanding.

Above Hyuk Jae's pictures, the last words he had written were displayed in big bold letters.

I will never forget you ELF.

After Hyuk Jae's funeral, everyone went their separate ways, except for Heechul and Donghae, who walked together out of the hospital. Donghae removed Hyuk Jae's letter from his pocket, showing it to Heechul.

Heechul also took out his own letter, revealing it to Donghae.

"Let's read them together," Donghae suggested and Heechul agreed. They moved to the hospital cafeteria, sitting down at a secluded table. Donghae decided to read his letter first, removing the letter from his envelope.

Dear Lee Donghae

From the first time that we met, I always believed you to be the gentle gorgeous man you are.

I will never forget the memories you have given me and I will look down on you from heaven.

Please be happy, always, knowing that I'm looking down on you and taking care of you from above.

As my parting gift, I hope I can assure you of my love for you and ask for your forgiveness of not

showing my love in a better way.

Please take care of my family.

Your Love,

Lee Hyuk Jae

Donghae read his letter, tears falling down his cheeks and smudging the ink. Heechul took out a tissue and wiped the others face, giving the other a moment to recover before following suit and taking out his own letter.

Dear Kim Heechul

You have always been so cool and acted so haughty that I never knew how to act in your shadow.

Now I no longer need to know as I have left before you. I will make you look cooler from above.

As my last words to you, I want to ask for your forgiveness for causing so many fights in the beginning

and not accepting your love earlier. I wish we had more time together. I don't believe my love

needs to be measured in words but that they can be felt through my actions. It took some time to accept

your love but know that I fully reciprocate your love for me. My heart is full of love because of you.

Thank you for everything you have taught and given me. I will protect and love you from above.

Goodbye

My Heechul

Heechul sobbed into his wrist. It didn't matter that his lover had proclaimed his love for two different men. He knew in his heart that Hyuk Jae loved him sincerely at the end.

Nothing could change their love, or the love that Donghae and Hyuk Jae shared together.

Instead Heechul would take his love and use it for the purpose of good.

Donghae shared Heechul's thoughts and from that day onwards they remained the best and closest of friends, sharing each others pain and memories, everything good and bad, and using ELF to commemorate Hyuk Jae's memory as their best friend and lover.

This is the final ending to Barely Even Friends at First

I really appreciate all of you: My Readers

for your comments and your love for this story.

LHY