Thinking 생각
Lost Affection, Lost Emotions~Minho POV~
I laid on my bed, staring at the bottom of Jeongin's bunk. I wanted to spend time with Jisung but Changbin snatched him away. I felt bad for making Jisung uncomfortable with my questions. I really wanted to know if he was my brother, after all, it would make a lot of sense if he was...maybe excluding the fact he had his own family. Then again, is he my blood-related brother or did dad adopt him or something.
"Ugh...so many questions..."
I closed my eyes in defeat and sighed, contemplating if i should fall asleep or go find Jisung. The dorm door's opening and closing tune sounded, followed by the rustling of plastic bags and people talking. The room door opened and i heard the sound of slow footsteps approaching my bed.
"What's got you thinking, hyung?" Seungmin whispered, scaring me as his face was right beside mine when i opened my eyes.
"Thinking about...a lot of things...like...really a lot..." i sighed, sitting up and pouting.
"Wanna talk about them, hyung? I could listen." Seungmin said as he sat down on my bed, beside me.
"I don't know where to start...like..." my words were stuck beneath my throat, my thoughts jumbled in a mess.
"Is it about Jisung?" Seungmin softly questioned, i nodded.
"It is about Jisung...in fact, it's all about Jisung..."
"You can take your time, hyung. It's okay to organize your thoughts." Seungmin smiled warmly.
"I...i don't know...i feel like i'm hurting him..."
Seungmin's eyebrows furrowed, "Why would you think that? I don't think you'd ever hurt Jisung."
"I already did that once, didn't i...?"
"That wasn't your intention though. Master Lee's mug was one-of-a-kind and pretty much the only thing he left for you, hyung."
"That...isn't actually the only thing Dad left for me..."
"There was something else? I didn't know that."
"Neither did i, until that day he came into our dreams. Seungmin...he told me he left me a brother..."
"A what? A brother?"
"Yes, a brother. Dad literally never told me that when he was alive. He only said that in our dreams. Like why would he hide something like that from me. A brother, Seungmin. How did i not know? And Dad said my brother was never far...what was that supposed to mean...." i shrunk back into myself, feeling defeated. My thoughts had been swimming in my mind even since Dad revealed to me i had a brother, Jisung acting that way after i asked the question sure didn't help with my thoughts.
"Woah. I mean, that does sound like Jisung. He's been around you for longer than any of us. Is this why you've been looking constipated, hyung?"
"Not exactly...it's more like Jisung's reaction when i asked him about it..."
"What did he do, hyung?" Seungmin tilted his head in confusion.
"He tried getting away from me...he didn't want to talk about it...he only relaxed when i told him we'll talk about it another day..." i sighed, running a hand through my hair.
"That sounds even more like Jisung is your brother, hyung. Maybe he's afraid you'll be mad at him for hiding things from you...again. More or less, i think Jisung is just afraid but i think he's your brother."
"That's what i want to think too, Seungmin. But i don't want to assume without him confirming it. I don't want to keep my hopes up that i already found my brother..."
"I understand, hyung. You just have to wait until Jisung wants to talk about it then. But don't wear yourself out before that even happens, alright?"
"Okay, Seungmin...thanks...i think i'm gonna take a nap for a bit..."
"Alright, call me if you need me, hyung." Seungmin said as he stepped off my bed and onto his own across the room.
I hummed and closed my eyes. I expected my thoughts to drown me out again, but after talking with Seungmin, i felt more relaxed. I wonder what made me relax. I guess it was the fact that i let it out for Seungmin to hear instead of keeping all these thoughts inside of me. Seungmin being here really made a difference, whether he knows it or not. I'm glad he decided to ask about it, but i hope Changbin can do the same to Jisung too...
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