Doctor's Fear 의사의 두려움

Lost Affection, Lost Emotions

~Younghyun POV~
Yieun held me close, he probably knew how i felt, he always did. We are twins that were born 3 months apart, which was rare but not unheard of. Brought up by our parents, the hospital's most respected cardiac surgeon and his wife, his well-known partner and cardiologist. Growing up watching Dad and Mum work together to 'fix' their patients hearts made me interested and go down that path too, majoring in both their fields. Yieun on the other hand went down the lane to become a pulmonologist. I learnt a number of things from Yieun to help Jisung with his asthma, him being in a that field of medicine helped a lot.

In the beginning, whenever i examined Jisung, Yieun would stand by my side and guide me through, telling me of the points to take note of. Thinking about it, i don't think i've ever told Jisung that Yieun is my brother. Yieun was there for me ever since the beginning of our lives, it's no wonder that he knows me best. Whenever i sat at my desk studying about asthma and analyzing Jisung's diagnostics, Yieun always came over from his office after his shift and kept me company.

"Jisung really means a lot to you huh, Youngie." his fingers ran through my hair. He really knew everything.

When i started this job, i thought that patients were just patients, nothing more nothing less. Then Jisung appeared with Master Lee, and he was just like every other patient i've had before. Except, he wasn't. He lost his parents, he didn't have any siblings, any relatives, nothing. Just Master Lee and his family. Something sparked inside me, i had the urge to be someone to Jisung like how Yieun meant to me. Every time this happened, i might look calm outside but i'd honestly be panicking internally, unsure of whether i could secure Jisung's life back. This time, it was worse than any of the previous incidents. If i was honest with them, Jisung's life wasn't secured yet. He needed an urgent heart transplant if he was to live.

Jisung had been put on the waiting list for half a year and his turn should be right around now, but donor hearts don't come as often. 

"...a...lot..." i hated how i felt like i was at the end of the road, not being able to help Jisung other than manually prolonging his life.

Yieun's phone rang and scared the both of us, he left his ringtone on the highest volume again.

"Yeah, what're you calling for, Dad?...Right now? With Youngie?...Okay, see you." Yieun conversed with Dad on the phone, sounds like Dad wanted to meet us now.

"You pretty much got the idea, Dad wants to discuss about something in his office with us. Let's go."

Yieun pulled me off the ground that we were sitting on and exited the side room. He pretty much guided me the entire way as i avoided eye contact with everyone on my room aside from Yieun. We took the lift to the sixth floor where Dad and Mum's combined office was. We went in and sat down, waiting for Dad to discuss whatever he wanted to. 

"Oh, what happened to you?" Mum asked as she walked in and faced me.

"Something happened with your patient?" Dad questioned as he closed the door behind him.

I just sighed, laying my head on their table. Yieun shuffled my hair and sighed too.

"Let's just say Youngie had just resuscitated someone that means a lot to him like around 4 times and then found out the person in the same accident that was supposedly dead was secretly alive and well. And well, the boy isn't doing well now." Yieun explained on my behalf.

"4 times? Sounds unstable." Dad bluntly put, and you could hear him get elbowed in the side by Mum.

"Anyway, on that topic, we heard that boy was on the list. A trauma patient came in around an hour ago and passed despite EMTs resuscitation efforts. And we were informed that he happens to be a heart donor. So..." Mum explained and i jumped up from the chair.

"Is he ready? Like...like...now?" 

"Yeah, i can help you if you want to." Dad suggested.

I contemplated for a while, but stopped when i remembered Dad was the best cardiac surgeon and he would be the better choice in the first place. I nodded and pointed at the door, anxiously bouncing in my place.

"Youngie, relax." Yieun said as he stood up and held my hand, as he calmed me down.

"We'll be in the first operating room. You boys bring him up and we'll get the stuff ready beforehand." Mum instructed and we took off running.

Time was of the essence, i can't bear to lose Jisung again. We practically flew into my room, effectively scaring everyone in the room aside from Jisung. Yieun gestured for them to move aside and we started moving Jisung back upstairs.

"W-Where're you guys going?" Minho's voice quivered.

"Heart transplant surgery. Our parents are going to help us. We don't have much time to spare, see you in a few hours." Yieun explained before wheeling Jisung out with me.

In the lift, i kept my eyes on Jisung, hoping for the best. We couldn't screw this up or i couldn't ever face myself again.

Jisung was more than a patient. I was more than a doctor.

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Kasumi5 #1
When I found this story I just couldn't stop reading it. I was a bit confused in some parts, but over all I loved the whole thing. The way you wrote about every member it seemed to fit with what I've watched from their videos/shows. The story was so engaging that I cried so much while reading pretty much the whole thing ( being on my period might have made me more emotional too). Thank you for this wonderful story. ❤
Ghad20
31 streak #2
Chapter 46: Ohh please be okay
Ghad20
31 streak #3
Chapter 44: All he needs is time
Ghad20
31 streak #4
Chapter 10: this is too sweet Jisung deserves a friend like this
Ghad20
31 streak #5
Awww authornim you and I have same style I guess come check my Stay Strong Sequels
Stay1ce4life
#6
Chapter 31: I missed this story so much authornim. Please update soon?
pAnda3areumdawoNoeya
#7
Chapter 2: woojin is such an angel and now i'm sad all over again.......
pAnda3areumdawoNoeya
#8
Chapter 1: omg my heart is hurt
Mimisyu #9
Chapter 29: It so good... Can you please update soon.. ?? Pretty please...?
Stay1ce4life
#10
Chapter 29: This fic is awesome?