Review from Literature Mused Reviews. Glad they managed to make it through my storied despite of full grammatical mistakes. Yosh! Gambarimasu!!

Fanfiction: The Secret

Author: hanmie7227

Title 2/5

The title relates to the story well, but it just didn’t attract my attention. “The secret” is really vague, it could be for anything, from some mystery crime solving case to the romance your story is about. I would recommend a more romantic, yet heart-breaking title.

Foreword/Description 5/15

First off, don’t put the title into the ‘Description’ area, there are many things you could put in there; like the setting of the story, or an interesting quote from a character in your story. The quote can enhance the quality for the description and may give a little information on the character.

The foreword was fine up till to part where you, the author, adds in a few words about the story. You should put a sub-heading to show the readers clearly, it is you who is speaking and it’s not part of the story. Lastly, you stated ‘Warning: To The may contain many grammatical errors which might make you felt feel very irritating when reading the story.’ Even though it may be for humorous purposes, it makes the reader feel a bit uneasy to know that you will have grammar mistakes.

However, your two-sentence foreword is a bit enticing; it does make me want to find out what happens.

Originality 8/15

Your story does have a bit of a unique flavour. However, since the story was based on Maki’s “secret” (her pregnancy), it took away a lot of the marks. When I first started reading the story, I had high hopes in what the secret was about and how it would be exposed, or tried to be kept hidden within a person. However, it turned out to be Maki being pregnant, and running away from the entertainment circle to provide a better life style for herself, and her future child, and that isn’t very original.

Though there were some parts that contributed to the story to make it unique, the fact that it centred on the secret, only affected the originality slightly. I still enjoy the quirky bits popping up randomly throughout the story, and I wish there were more.

Writing Style 11/15

There were two main issues, the flow of the story and the confusing quoting structure. The flow wasn’t constant throughout the story, it went too slowly at the start, and then it progressed smoothly, before having a rushed ending. The main problem was at the start, because in the first 30 chapters it literally had little story development. It was mainly about introducing all the characters and some information about their background, but that could have been done using less chapters.

There is only one correct quoting structure, and this is how you are suppose to set it out:

“I hate you,” A said. He continued, “But I can’t forget about you.”

However, you did it this way:

“I hate you,” A said. He continued,

“But I can’t forget about you.”

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