NAEUN POV

"If anyone here present, knows of a reason why these two people should not or cannot be lawfully married speak now, or forever hold your peace." The Priest said Gently.

I waited for anyone to speak, my heart hammering so hard against my rib cage.

I was sure it would fall out onto the floor and spill blood down the front of my brilliantly white dress.

There was something wrong with the silence that prevailed in the room, something that lay wrong with me and caused my eyes to dart around beneath the veil that worked as a thin barrier between me and my husband to be.

Everyone I looked at though was smiling.

Happy to see us getting married, even if we'd only been together a year.

It had been a rush decision really, not because of pregnancy or anything like that.

but on our six months anniversary in front of a restaurant full of people and only half ways through my twelve years as Apink, Gikwang Oppa had gotten down on one knee and proposed, just like that.

It wasn't really the kind of thing I could say no to, though it had felt wrong saying yes.

The claps and whistles of the people around us had felt wrong, getting pulled into my new fiancee's arms and kissing had felt wrong.

My tears had even felt like the wrong kind of tears but I didn't say a word, I merely smiled and showed off the ring on my finger, which of course had felt out of place.

I could live with this feeling in the pit of my stomach, I could even live with Gikwang Oppa's insistence that we'd be married before the end of the year.

What I couldn't live with though was that from the second I had shown off my ring to
My Apink members – or more Chorong Unnie had spotted it at a dinner our Apink Leader had once a month, shrieked and proceeded to show the entire restaurant.

What had caught my attention – was Hayoungie had never spoken to me again.

Not a complete silence, because we still partook in mutual conversations with our fellow, Apink members who are laughing when the other said something funny, or nodding when the other made a valid point in
conversation. 

But from that day on there was no direct conversation between us, none at all.

The texts that used to fly between us a hundred times a day went dead, our own lunch dates two or three times a week evaporated into thin air.

And even the notion of either one of us turning up at the others door with a take away and a movie became laughable.

That's why, as I stood in the silent church, I caught Hayoungie's eye above all the other eyes in the room.

Sitting next to our leader Chorong unnie instead of behind me with My other bridesmaids-- Bomi unnie, Namjoo and Eunji unnie.

She was the only person in the room who's smile didn't reach her eyes.

In fact if anything her toothy grin only highlighted how empty her eyes seemed to be, as if there was something inside them that had died.

The only way I could describe what I felt in
that moment was like the thing they describe in movies.

When you're about to die how your whole
life flashes before you.

This was the same, only instead of death I was faced with a life with Gikwang Oppa as my husband.

And instead of my whole life, it was every memory I'd ever shared with Hayoungie.

The day in our shared room, the first time we'd walked home after Apink's practice together.

The first time I'd explained what each of my Painting's meant.

The first time I'd let her listen to my stories and worries everynight.

The first time Hayoungie had showed up at my Parent's door with my favorite food and my all time favorite Movie set.

The first time I had returned the favour by showing up at Hayoungie's door with seaweed and the Crayon Shinchan box set.

The first time we'd been half ways through a
DVD and I'd felt Hayoungie's head lay down on my shoulder and an arm drape around my midsection.

The first time I'd woken up after a Movie night to find myself resting against Hayoungie's chest completely tucked into her side with the other girl's fingers brushing knots out of my hair.

The first time we'd had "a moment" after a hug and the desire I had felt in my chest just for that second.

Every first time we'd ever had right up until the first time I'd woken up without a good morning text and the first Movie Marathon Monday I'd spent curled up on my own in my quiet little room rather than curled into Hayoungie's side.

"Wait...." I found myself whispering before my brain had a chance to catch up with my mouth.

"Wait please." I repeated firmer this time,
looking anywhere but at Gikwang Oppa, though I could feel his stare on my face.

"Pardon me Miss Son?" The priest questioned quietly, probably never have being faced with this kind of situation before.

"Is there, um… something you'd like to say Miss Son?" He asked carefully.

"No there is not." Gikwang Oppa answered for me.

 "She is only joking… she jokes like that." He informed the priest, hoping to prompt him into continuing; hoping that what he said was true.

"No…" I whispered again, my tiny voice still
carrying through the silent hall.

"No! Gikwang Oppa I'm sorry." I cried, tears pooling in my eyes and falling gracefully down my cheeks taking a streak of not so waterproof mascara with them.

"I'm so, so sorry Gikwang Oppa." I repeated; touching the forearm of the man I was so sure I had loved ever so lightly.

"Then it's okay, I forgive you Naeun ah, I forgive you. But Please just.... Let's us just continue this." He cried, his tears not being as poetic as they rolled down his face and he wiped them off furiously.

"Let's just finish our vows and we can talk later, please… I love you." He told me sincerely, the pleading and vulnerability in his voice is tearing me apart.

"I don't love you though." I whispered, feeling smaller now than I ever had before in my life as the silence in the room became deafening.

"And I wish I'd figured this out six months ago, or a year ago, but I didn't… I figured it out now, and I'm so sorry I'm hurting you like this because I do care for you, I really do, but I'm just not in love with you." I explained; my voice cracking and s