Story Title: ♡ don't blame me if I love you♡
Author: achungg_maniacs
Reviewed by: stalecookie 카트리나
Site: http://ver-sah-tyle.blogspot.com

Title: 2/5
The title was intriguing. "Don't blame me if I love you", but I was kind of curious on what the heroine did for both guys to love him.

Poster/Background: 4/5
Poster was nice, and it had the main characters there. So I couldn't really comment much on that.

Foreword: 6/10
Short forewords are good, it will definitely add some interest and draw more attention to the story itself, as it will be like the introduction to your story. But I actually find your foreword a bit confusing (e.g. you have to face your faith. - did you mean Fate?)
As a reader though, curiousity rose since I wanted to know what oddity will happen with the story...
So it's all good, just work on it a bit.

Chatacterization: 5/10
The characters of the story weren't well described. If I didn't know Super Junior or Shinee, I would really have a hard time picturing them when reading your story.

Too many characters were added in the story too, but still they were not described properly. (And I didn't really understand much the conversation between Wooyoung and the heroine), but the part helped in making Key jealous.

Plot/Flow of the Story: 13/20
The story was a bit fast paced for me. I was waiting for a build up about Key and the heroine's growing fondness for each other, but it just happened without the anticipation.

Another thing though, about the "mystery notes", while I was reading that chapter, I was half expecting that it was Donghae who had given her the letter.

The flashback parts were too frequent, and I think that most of them were pretty irrelevant with the flow of the story, thus causing much confusion. Maybe it was best if the story was just told instead of doing the flashbacks.

BUT... there were a lot of funny parts that made me laugh... I just love the humor in this story and their witty remarks. It's also fun to think that the heroine had two brothers, and both were helping their friends to win their sister's heart. talk about major sibling rivalry. :P And then again, Siwon suddenly rooted for Key? Hmmm...

Technicalities (Grammar / Spelling / Writing Style): 17/40
There were no major spelling errors, but I was really having a hard time reading the story because of the grammar. I had to reread each paragraph like a couple of times at least just for me to be able to grasp the idea.

I saw errors in the subject and verb agreement, also in the use of tenses. (singular subject - should have a plural verb, plural subject should have a singular verb.)

As for the writing style, what I thought was, since this is a "you" story, it's best if this was written in a first person's point of view. Don't be afraid to check the dictionary or thesaurus for words that would best describe the situation. Also, it's best if you show the emotions. It's not enough to say "I cried because I was feeling lonely", try playing with words. Maybe say something like, "My tears began to fall slowly. Feels like my heart's tearing up, the loneliness was just too much."

e.g. (I just picked a random part):
In chapter 1: “~~~~~~ noona!!” someone called you. And you found a guy danced and sing Juliette for you. You don’t know him at all, but he always shows a dance every morning when you came. And after you say thanks, he always fainted. It happened again this morning, then you walked away when he become unconscious.

Revision (as per grammar check only):
Someone called, and you found a guy singing and dancing Juliette for you. You don't know him at all but he always shows a dance every morning when you came and after you say "thanks", he faints. It happened again this morning, you just walked away when he became unconscious.

Revision (grammar and style):
3rd person narration:
Someone called, and when you turned around to see who it was, you saw a guy singing and dancing Juliette for you. You have no idea who he is, but this is like a daily routine. Being in this awkward situation, the only thing that you could do is say "thank you", but he instantly faints after you move your lips. Today was no different though, yet you're getting used to it, so you just walk away.

1st person's point of view:
Someone called me so I looked around only to see the same guy singing and dancing Juliette again. I had no idea who this guy was, but I have to say thanks since I really didn't want to be rude. As expected though, he fainted. This happens everyday, I guess I should be used to this by now, so I just walked away.

Originality/Creativity: 7/10
Story line was not that original, but it was definitely creative. Although I'm feeling that some things are missing and you could've done more with this story or on the details of it. but, what the hell, Sungmin is gay? Hahaha. Kidding. :P

Overall score: 54/100

note: This is just based on my opinion, most people would probably disagree with me completely, and I'm so sorry if I'm really being harsh. :( So please don't hate me...