SM Entertainment had done their best to stop the news about Jonghyun’s suicide attempt from getting out, being in a hurry to plan a story before the news breaks out. But the breaking news came out before they could shut all the media from speaking the truth and the media has since Monday evening gone insane. For the past day, fans and media and others are spreading words of how this could happen, how Jonghyun showed signs and how he felt, who it is to blame and fans spreading their love and support to their struggling idol. For the agency, they had a press-conference, a sudden and brief one with selected media to say what happened. SM Entertainment announces that Jonghyun has fought with depression and when it recently got worse, he got help from both friends and professionals. They also say that it was Jonghyun’s sister who alarmed others after she received an odd text, and then Hannah went to the apartment to find him. A quote from a doctor is mentioned as well, that if Jonghyun had been found minutes later, it would’ve been too late, and for that people are grateful to Sodam and Hannah’s quick actions, as well as the ambulance that came quickly. The agency is very clear with their announcement that Jonghyun’s family is heartbroken over this suicide attempt and that they are by his side at the hospital to figure out how to help him. After their announcement, the internet is going wild. The other members of SHINee have spoken to Jonghyun over the phone on Tuesday in the evening, as they were not allowed to visit at the hospital. The hospital has only allowed the closest family members – wife, mother, sister – to stay with Jonghyun, and since he is an idol, his agency representatives and manager has been allowed to visit as well. It is a fragile time, they say to each other, the time after failing to end your own life. Scared that he will try again or won’t find a reason to stay alive. Jonghyun says differently. He made a mistake, he repeats it to everyone that questions him. He felt weak and even though there is evidence that he had planned his suicide long before, for weeks or even months, Jonghyun says he won’t do it again. He is being questioned again, and while he is, Hannah is outside to take a few calls. Her phone has been on fire the whole day. Jonghyun’s friends who can’t contact him, are contacting her. Her phone was off until just recently and the missed called and text messages shows how many there are who are worried. Hannah doesn’t call all of them. She talked to the members of SHINee earlier, through her manager’s phone since her own was off, but now she talks to Onew again as he wants a proper update – not from SHINee’s manager but from Hannah – and she also calls back to a few others. Taeyeon, Yeri, among others. What is there to say? He isn’t in a critical condition, at least not his body, but she can’t tell them much more. His mind is another story and it is not for Hannah to share. Only yesterday he was determined it would be his last day, yet today he is still alive. It can’t be easy to wake up in a hospital, realising you failed to take your own life. Hannah has spent the whole day thinking of that. How does he feel? What does he need? Jonghyun doesn’t have an answer. He feels sick after taking pills yesterday, he needs rest to recover and it seems like there isn’t any damage on him after the attempt. But the doctor said it’s too early to tell, which is why he will stay at the hospital for a few days. Finishing up with the calls, Hannah is heading back to the room. Manager Lim is standing outside in the corridor, waiting for her with an expression she does not like. “You’re taking the first flight to Osaka in the morning,” he lets her know. She shakes her head, stopping by the closed door. “No, I’m not. I told you, I’m not leaving him.” “Hannah, you need to see it from different perspectives.” “They can do it without me, they said-” “I know the ladies can do it without you, but they are saying it as your friends. I’m saying this as your manager. At the meeting we came to the conclusion that you need to join 5 Pieces from tomorrow. Don’t shake your head and listen to me. It’s about showing the fans that it’s okay, that you are okay and that he is okay.” “But it’s not okay,” Hannah says with a grimace. “None of us is okay.” Manager Lim sighs. “I talked to Jonghyun and he said you should go. I’m sorry, but- Hannah,” he says and reaches for her arm when she puts her hand on the door. She glares at him. “You told him that I need to go work?” she whispers in an angry tone. “You know that is not-” “No. I’m not going,” Hannah interrupts him and opens the door to step inside. Jonghyun is sitting up on the bed. Sodam and their mother are both sitting on chairs next to him, watching a drama on TV. Hannah felt angry when she opened the door, not knowing what her manager said to him or what Jonghyun had said back, but when seeing those three in the room she just quietly sits down on his other side, on the same chair she has been sitting on before. She glances up at the TV before looking down. No, she is still angry. Manager Lim looks inside the room, meeting Jonghyun’s gaze before he closes the door to be standing outside. It's quiet for some time, just the TV making sounds. It is for a distraction, Hannah thinks while glancing at it again, to have some sound in the room and something to focus on. Jonghyun reaches out to hold Hannah’s hand, hugging it while distantly looking at the TV-screen. “Go to Osaka,” Jonghyun mumbles. Without a thought she turns her head to glare at him. Both his mother and sister glances at them, but Sodam turns back to the TV. “What?” Hannah asks. “Go be with the ladies,” Jonghyun tells her. he lowers his head to look at their hands, frowning a bit and seeing Hannah shake her head. “No, I’m not leaving you.” “I’ll be fine. I’ve got mom and Nuna with me.” Hannah glances at the two women, feeling her heart beat faster. He doesn’t want her here. If he wants her to go, should she? If he doesn’t want her around, she should listen, right? But what if he tries something? What if something happens and she won’t be here? Hannah lifts up her hand to get out of his grip, but he holds on tighter. “Hannah.” “Let go,” she whispers and gets on her feet, using her other hand to take his away. “I- I need to use the bathroom.” The worst excuse to get outside, she leaves the room while doing her best to hold back the tears. Her hands go into her hair and she ignores Manager Lim who was waiting outside. He doesn’t want her here; those words are repeated in her mind. She steps over to the end of the corridor, stepping through a door to the staircase instead of the bathroom. She just needed to get out of that room. As the door is closing behind her, it gets noisy in the hall she just left. “Mr Kim! You’re not supposed to-” “Give me one minute!” Hannah spins around when hearing the voice, her hand held out to open the door again when someone on the other side opens it. Her eyes grow wide when Jonghyun comes inside, tired just from going here. “You’re not allowed out of bed,” Hannah gasps and gazes down at him in his hospital pants and t-shirt. “Then you shouldn’t have left the room,” he mutters. Jonghyun grabs her arm to step behind the door, mostly to lean against the wall. “I don’t want you to leave.” “Why did you tell me leave to then?!” Hannah bursts out, dumbfounded at his change of word. The second she has said that she grimaces from raising her voice at him. It feels like her body is shaking from holding back her emotions. Before she can apologize for yelling, Jonghyun explains; “Manager Lim is right. You need to be with 5 Pieces, I can’t-” “No.” “Hannah,” he mumbles and puts his hands on her face to keep her eyes on him. “You’re the best thing that has ever happened to me. I made a mistake and I won’t leave you, I’m sorry, okay? I’m not going anywhere. I’ll be right here when you come back. I’ll miss you, but I can’t have you sit in that room with me while your best friends are trying to fill out your spot.” “But I don’t want to leave you,” she whispers, holding his wrists tightly while pouting. “It’s just for a few days.” She shakes her head, breathing out another no and Jonghyun leans forward to rest his forehead against hers, knowing he’ll cry if he looks at her face any longer. “You can’t drop everything because of me,” Jonghyun mumbles to her. His thumbs are caressing her cheeks. “I’ll feel worse if you stay.” “Don’t say that.” “I love you,” Jonghyun whispers to her, continuing to touch her face. “I love you so much, you know that. Mom and Nuna will be with me, I’ll be under supervision by the hospital, everything will be like today when you come back. I’ll be waiting for you.” Still pouting, she moves her arms around him for a hug. Burying her face against his chest while thinking of what to do. He knows what to say. How to make her go. By saying he will feel worse if she stays, that’s the words that makes her waver. “I need you to call me every hour,” Hannah mumbles. “I’m not allowed to use my phone.” “Use someone else’s. I need to hear from you every hour,” she says with a sob. “If you don’t, I’ll leave everything and come here.” “Okay. I promise.” She really doesn’t want to leave him. A few seconds later, she pulls in him to make him go back to the room. Jonghyun hugs her tighter, saying they should stay like this for a bit longer. But the door is opened and Manager Lim apologizes but says the nurse is getting anxious – Jonghyun is not allowed to leave his room without proper supervision. Going back to the room, they talk about what to do. Sodam promises to keep Hannah updated, saying without hesitation that Hannah should go to 5 Pieces and the sister and mother will keep an eye on Jonghyun. They understand, for some reason, why Hannah should go. Their mother not as much, but she doesn’t disapprove. For Hannah to let fans know things are tough but alright, to show herself. Not just Puzzle will know, but Shawol will know too, that everything will eventually be okay.     It’s not easy to leave. It’s completely horrible. Manager Lee is driving the car and Manager Lim is sitting in the back with Hannah. It’s nine hours until the flight to Osaka, and Hannah is forced to go home to shower and get some proper sleep in a proper bed. She feels exhausted from all the crying and from not sleeping and it is really hitting her now when sitting in the car. Not for too long, as when getting inside the elevator for the apartment, the memory of when she was here last time hits her and she turns to face the wall to not panic. “You okay?” Manager Lim asks, seeing her face the wall. “Mhm.” “Do you want to wait outside?” he suggests. “I can get your things and drive you to the house.” She is quiet until the elevator doors are opened. “I’m fine.” Though she says that, she can’t show her face to him. It feels like every muscle in her face is moving, not sure if she wants to break down crying or just run away. Tiger was taken to the house this morning, Manager Lee took Julia’s mother with him to get the cat, which means the apartment is awfully quiet and empty when Hannah steps inside. She swallows, heading inside her home. Manager Lim takes his shoes off in the hall, having said he will wait for a bit. Manager Lee is waiting in the car downstairs. Hannah steps inside the bedroom, having her mind set on washing up and pack for the trip, but the second she opens the door, she sees the bed. Where Jonghyun was lying. It’s as if he is lying there still. What if Sodam hadn’t called Hannah? What if Hannah had gotten home and found him lying there? With a low cry she falls onto the floor, her arms fall onto the bed and she dives her head into it to suffocate her cries. Jonghyun was ready to leave her alone, to leave everything, and he was ready for her to find him. It feels as if she hasn’t cried at all, and she is finally allowed to let it all out. To cry and scream and get her suffocated emotions out of her. “Hannah!” She is pulled in the arm and she cries loudly against Manager Lim’s chest when he holds her tightly in his arms. He hushes her, shocked as he heard her scream and he too is terrified. Hannah has been in a daze all day. The emotional youngest of his ladies had to see the love of her life dying in their home. it was a good call not leaving her alone. Manager Lim holds on to her tightly, even when she pushes away. “Cry against me,” he mumbles, “Let it all out.” He sits with her while she cries and screams, hushing her when she hits her chest from not being able to breathe and he says it will be okay when she helplessly cries even more. Twenty minutes goes by until she has calmed down. Still crying, just not screaming anymore. Another few minutes goes by before someone enters the apartment. “Hyung? You in here?” Manager Lee asks as he comes inside. “Wait out there!” Manager Lim answers. He is sitting on the floor, Hannah’s head resting on him while she is facing down. “We are taking you to the house. Get washed up and some rest there,” Manager Lim tells Hannah in a low voice. He is rubbing her back. “I’ll get someone to pack your bags for you. Can you stand?” “No.” “I’ll help you, come on,” he mumbles and starts to move, his hands on her arms. “No, I’ll pack myself,” Hannah whispers. She gets up on her own, head down and her hand covering her face as she walks inside the bathroom, to go to the walk-in closet. She breathes out, wiping her face and taking the hair out of her face before she forces herself to think of what to pack. She had it planned yesterday, before all of this happened. But her mind is blank now. She is exhausted from crying and lack of sleep. Manager Lee steps over to the bedroom to glance inside, seeing Manager Lim sit on the bed with his head down. “Everything okay?” he asks. “… No, no it’s not,” Manager Lim mumbles. He gives out a tired grunt. “I don’t know how she will pull this off.” “As long as she’ll join the ladies, she’ll be fine,” the younger manager is certain. Manager Lim looks up, looking at the bathroom’s door. She locked it. “Will it be enough though? Having them by her side? She’ll be surrounded by fans and staff for three days, Ji Young. Everyone will ask about her husband.” “We’ll keep them at bay. Don’t worry.” Manager Lim wasn’t originally supposed to go to Japan, he rarely goes there with the ladies, but at today’s meeting he asked for an extra ticket on the flight as he does not want to leave her alone. For Manager Lee, standing by the door to the bedroom, he is reminded of yesterday as well. How Jonghyun was lying on the bed and Hannah crying so hard over him. The younger manager steps back o