Chapter 9 - Trust

After having left Hyungwon on his own, I leaned against the wall in the corridor to collect my thoughts. I found neither Changkyun nor Wonho eavesdropping by the door and that assured me of the fact that the others hadn't pried. I took a deep breath.

Chae Hyungwon is afraid of being touched. The closer you get, the worse his state becomes. What was this about? He got all clingy when he was high, but as it was just a moment ago he was distancing himself from whoever even tried to show that he cared. I recalled the look in his eyes: Sheer and unconcealed panic mixed with a bit of fear. Had he been harassed in the past? By whom? His parents? His friends?

The mystery remained unsolved for now, but I got one step closer to finding it and thus one step closer to Chae Hyungwon. Literally.

Once I headed for the living room again, the chatter of the others subsided and they looked at me instead. I figured that even if they hadn't been eavesdropping they had probably been talking about Hyungwon. “So?”, I asked and they frowned back at me in confusion.

“Huh?”

“What do you want to ask? I can tell there's something.”

Changkyun hesitated before giving me a carefree shrug. “We were just wondering whether we should continue as always or be considerate and move today's plans to Thursday.”

I cocked my head to the side and looked at each of them for a brief second. “You'd push that back because we have a guest?”

“I wouldn't”, Jooheon mentioned but was silenced by Shownu's glare.

“Like Changkyun said, we were just trying to be considerate.”

I bit my lip. If we continued as always was about to go down with Hyungwon, but it would have been unfair to the others if I insisted on delaying it. Then suddenly, I thought that it would actually be much more convenient if I were to confront him with the drug on a small scale rather than having to take care of him with thirty other people around. He'll take it sooner or later, there's nothing I can do about it, I thought with a look of uncertainty flashing on my face. Maybe he'll tell me then? “Let's continue as planned.”

Even Jooheon seemed surprised at that, but a smirk curled his lips upward. “Fine with me.”

“Are you sure?”, Shownu asked again, but I just nodded.

My fingers itched in anticipation of the bittersweet taste. “It's better that way. Let's just get things ready first and have him join us then.”

________________

Five minutes passed. I thought about him. I thought about them.

Ten minutes passed. I thought about my cursed future.

After twenty minutes, I heard someone walk up the stairs and turned my head lazily to find Wonho peeking into my room. “Hey Hyungwon.”

“Hi.”

He inhaled slowly, scratching the back of his neck as he came in while I sat up. “We were just about to- I mean, you might want to come downstairs again. I-If you're not too tired that is.”

My expression turned into a frown when I saw him that uncertain. The Wonho I got to know a few days ago was brash, flirty and confident and I pushed my depressing thoughts to a corner of my mind where I wouldn't find them. “Why? Did something happen?”

My opponent smirked a little and shook his head before signalizing me to stand up by nodding at the door. “No, but it's about to happen. You're kind of lucky you came here on Monday.” My frown deepened, but I still followed him to the entry area and past a door I hadn't really noticed before to be greeted by a small garden. We were at the back of the house?

My bare feet sunk into the muddy grass and I hurried to keep up with Wonho who entered something like a large semi-transparent tent that took up ninety percent of the ground. The rain was quietly pattering against the big thing. “What's that for?”

Wonho grinned back at me with a glint in his eyes I couldn't classify. “Come in and see for yourself.”

And what I saw surprised me. Though I shouldn't probably have been. Sweet, yet bitter. The scent of Delphinium reached my nose and I scratched my hand. The tent I was in was interesting, but I didn't know what purpose it served since all it did was make the outside look all blurry. The ground in there was dry, soft blades of grass tickling my feet as I walked in with Wonho.

There were the other guys seated in a circle, Jooheon on a little pedestal closer to the small fire pit in the middle. Fire pit? Yes, there was a small ring of stones around a few burning twigs just enough to create a flame. Or to cook drugs on them, I added for myself and watched the others.

They were all looking at me except for Minhyuk whose eyes were glued to the flower he kept twisting between his thumb and index finger. After what he had done before I wasn't keen on meeting that gaze either so it was more than fine. “Sit down”, Wonho whispered and we both joined the small circle with me sitting between him and Minhyuk.

“What's going on?”, I managed to ask more or less innocently and Kihyun nudged my foot with the crutch he had by his side.

“I was told you were high as when you first came here.” The itch got worse and I kept grazing my nails over the back of my hand with a nod. Kihyun smiled brightly. “Care to repeat that?”

My heart skipped a beat and I froze when the realization sank in. Repeat that. Repeat that as in: have some more? Wow, I had waited for this opportunity to come and this was the time. I could forget about each and every of the things bothering me and keeping me awake at night. I could finally say good-bye to the nightmares. I could stop running from them!

But... I looked at Minhyuk to my right whose white hair fell above his eyes making it impossible for me to catch a glimpse of them. Yet I knew he was agitated, almost anxious. He had stopped twisting the blue plant with slightly trembling fingers, taking barely controlled breaths. He was listening, but did nothing to stop me. It was all up to me. Then so be it. “Yeah, I guess.”

Shownu nodded, but bit his lip before speaking up with his gaze directed at me. “And you're sure?”

I shrugged with a slow nod. “Quite sure.”

“You know, quite isn't very promising”, Minhyuk snapped without daring to look at me, but Changkyun spoke up before I could reconsider.
“You're not very promising either, it'll be fine.”

Minhyuk clenched the hand that was holding the flower until its fragile stem broke with a quiet 'crack'. “I'm just trying to help.”

“Doesn't look like he needs it”, Wonho commented and Jooheon hissed impatiently while passing a small bowl over to me.

“Please, could we just move on? You take it or you don't? Don't want to spend all night out here.”

I recognized the blue liquid like its smell and lost myself in the blue reflections its surface created while taking it from my ill-humored opponent. It all depends on this, I thought as I looked at the