I take back my last author's note. This is NOT the last chapter (as you've probably seen bc there's a chapter 70. DOUBLE UPDATE YAY) I had to split it because it got too long. Enjoy anyway!

Chapter 69 - All of you

It was our last evening with Delphinium. The others didn't seem to realize it, maybe Kihyun who had usually taken care of the guys' vials. It had been months and we knew it would end someday but now that the day was here, I could only feel somewhat sorry. They'd have to deal with the withdrawal and it was the hardest part about it. I remembered my pain and shivered just by the thought of them having to go through it but at the same time I was happy they could finally break free. The medical team was good enough to keep them alive no matter in what way things backlashed at them. I had no intention of finding a substitute for the drug, Monsta X would be free and that was all we needed. Freedom.

They took their final doses and I watched them let go as usual, trying to maintain a straight face. This was still the same day. The day I had killed Yi-en. I glanced at Hyungwon who watched the vial being passed around, waiting for us to leave like we usually did, hand clinging to mine as though he'd fall apart if he let go. He had done that the whole day and the weird feeling that something wasn't right intensified. He had changed. His tone, his actions, his words. It was all completely focused on me. I'll worry about you and you only, was what he had said and he seemed to be determined to stay true to it. He was afraid.

“Minhyuk.” I my lips and tried to hold his gaze but it was too intense so I looked away. Still a tug on my hand brought my eyes back to him anyway and we left as he received the vial. “I still don't know what I'm like on drugs but as long as it doesn't harm you, I don't care. Don't care about myself or what might hurt me, I just...wanted to say that.” I couldn't ask him anything else when he already put the drops on his tongue.

I grabbed the vial and looked at the remaining content that was basically nil. Maybe four drops – not enough to keep us going for another week. This was all we had brought with us when we had come to Ulsan all these weeks ago. The Clan's legacy was officially gone.

I clenched my eyes shut for a few seconds thinking of Changjung. And then I was back in reality, glancing at Monsta X once more before quickly dragging Hyungwon to our room next door. I still couldn't believe all this was happening in one day. It was too much. Just too much.

I closed the door and leaned against it with a sigh only to have Hyungwon step closer to me without missing a beat, trapping me between his body and the wooden door. He had done that before, out of curiosity, but this time he didn't look like he was experimenting. He looked serious, concentrated, slightly dominant. And there was hurt behind those dilated pupils of his.

“You won't leave me.”

My hands found their righteous place, loosely resting on his hips and curling around the fabric of his hoodie. “Sure I won't. I pro-”

“That wasn't a question, I know you won't”, he interrupted me with a triumphant smirk and he leaned closer, lips the shell of my ear. “I'd kill myself if you did and you don't want that.” I was trying to find a hint. A hint that told me he wasn't being serious, only meant it in a symbolic way. But there was none. I tightened my hold on the hoodie when he leaned his head against mine in a caring manner, making it impossible for me to see his face.

“Same”, I could only breathe into his neck before pulling him closer, chest to chest. This was unusual and a bit worrisome. He placed a quick kiss on my temple and then leaned back to look at me with so much affection I felt my heartbeat speed up at once. On drug days he would usually just cling to me more than usual, snuggle up against me and then fall asleep on my lap but this was...extraordinary.

I my lips in nervousness, noticing too late how his eyes darted down to them in the blink of an eye. A quiet snort, a crooked smirk and then his lips were on mine, insistent, needy and relentless. It felt like when we had revisited our house for the first time in months – electrifying and special. I let him kiss me breathless and he retreated only for a heartbeat before our teeth clashed again and I turned my head to get away.

“You're not watching the limits you have”, I breathed, unable to trust my voice when I leaned against his shoulder but he had other plans for me, hands forcing me to look at him and his pitch black eyes.

“There are no limits.” His voice wasn't shaking, his gaze locked on my face without backing down and I knew it was the combination of drugs and frustration. He was busy processing Yi-en's death while sober but he completely erased him from his mind while on drugs. It was like that pain had never existed. This was Hyungwon as he would have been if his whole life had been void of disappointment and betrayal. If nobody had died and he had just like liked me from the start. If I hadn't had to comfort him so many times. This was what my man could have looked like – but then he wouldn't really have been my man.

“Let's not get ahead of ourselves”, I whispered as I led him to sit and then lie on his bed, me following shortly after. I his hair to the side in an attempt to calm him down but he just rolled over until his face hovered right above mine, a hand on each side of my head like before. Another kiss.

“I can never show just how much you mean to me, what do you expect me to do?”, he whispered with his slightly messy fringe interrupting the view of his eyes. “This is my only chance. I want you to know. Want you to be assured of your importance-”

“I don't need that”, I interrupted him with a smile. “Don't push sober Hyungwon for me. Only do it if it's for his sake.”

An actual disbelieving chuckle escaped his lips and I cocked my head to the to make him explain. “You don't get it, babe, it's not just for you”, he mumbled with a slight shake of his head and something inside of me got really excited when it heard that nickname though I was usually grossed out. I felt heat creep up into my face from all the affection I could see in his mocking eyes when he leaned down again, breath ghosting over my lips. “It's for us.”

I didn't hesitate any longer, threading my fingers through his hair and pulling him down without being able to stop myself. This was too much, he was too much. Too much to handle. Too much to resist. I knew that I loved him then. I loved a broken man without having the right to because I had killed his ex to get to this point. The nature of love is to kill for it, or to die, I reminded myself and it made me throw away all the worries. I wouldn't die and leave Hyungwon in this dark world that had given him enough pain. Killing was the only way left now.

Hyungwon smiled into my egoistic kiss when I rolled him over and his hands slipped under my shirt to dig their nails into my sides, to hold on, to make sure this was real. I had to say what I thought out loud and let his lips go for a second. “I want all of you.”

He wasn't impressed, a smug grin gracing his swollen lips when he raised a brow. “You have all of me.”

“Then what if all of you is not enough?”, I tested with a bit of a bad conscience but he wasn't swayed at all and kept his confident eyes on me.

“Take more until it is.”

And just hearing these words made my heart flutter even more.

________________

Waking up with Minhyuk's arms slung around my waist and his face buried in my chest was all I needed to feel at ease. It wasn't suffocating, wasn't tiring, it was just beautiful. Comfortable even. It felt like home. I let my fingers run through his hair, black roots more than evident even though he had actually managed to find bleach about two months prior. I breathed in his scent, buried my nose in his hair. If it could just be like this forever.

Minutes passed until Minhyuk's fingers twitched and he clenched his eyes shut as he found his way back into reality, away from his sleep. “Good morning”, I whispered and a shiver went through his body, hand clawing at my sweater.

“Morning. You good?”

“Sure.”

A few more minutes of comfortable silence, then I sat up to completely get rid of the sleep. What time was it? I glanced around with a frown only to end up turning to Minhyuk. “Where's my watch?”

“You never take it off, where would you put it?”, he replied with a quiet squeak when he stretched his back.

“Don't know.” I stood up and looked through the closest cupboards, finding it carelessly placed on our chair after two or three minutes and snapping it on. A quarter to eight in the morning. A quarter to- “”, I groaned with a sound of dissatisfaction, “We're gonna be late. Get up, the instructor is going to get mad if we aren't ready in ten minutes.”

Minhyuk laughed away as we ran all the way to our meeting point, how did he even have that stamina? The sound of his giggles turning a little mo