Chapter 24 – I, Chae (and) Hyungwon

Monday arrived so quickly. Shownu hadn't been completely right: Yes, true, my environment didn't change the slightest, but I felt so different. I felt good and it wasn't due to the fact that my chest was healing more and more by the day, no. It was as though I had made the right choice for the first time in forever. As though everything would work out somehow and that's what made me feel lighter.

I sat between Changkyun and Minhyuk and watched Jooheon add the sugar they mentioned the other day to the liquified flowers. He glanced at me before carefully lifting the bowl with one hand while the other grabbed a flower he had tucked behind his ear and he wagged it above the liquid as if to perform some kind of magic trick. “What are you doing? Hurry up a little”, Kihyun pouted, but Jooheon couldn't have cared less as he took his time to dip the flower into the bowl and sprinkled it all over the members a moment later, having the majority hiss in disgust.

“Tonight we're accepting a new member into our rows”, he stated with his rough voice echoing from the tent's thin walls. Minhyuk rolled with his eyes and the others could only huff at his pomposity but had to smile nonetheless. Jooheon stared at me from across the campfire, its little flames painting his face an orange color. “He should be the first to drink tonight.”

“Fine, let him, just hurry up so that-”

“Hyungwon”, Kihyun's nagging was cut off by Shownu who exchanged an amused glance with Jooheon and I directed my attention towards the oldest. “Quickly repeat after me so that Jooheon will be satisfied and shut up.” I nodded with a slight frown and looked at Minhyuk for a short moment who just smiled with a shrug. “I, Chae Hyungwon, do solemnly swear-”

“I, Chae Hyungwon, do solemnly swear-”

“-to keep the Clan a secret-”

I swallowed and my lips while my heartbeat sped up. “-to keep the Clan a secret-”

“-and to protect Monsta X from whatever comes next.”

I felt my chest tighten with every word, but I kept going. I hated oaths, especially when I couldn't be sure that I'd manage to keep them. “-and to protect Monsta X from whatever comes next.”

Shownu raised his brow at Jooheon who just nodded in satisfaction. He gave the bowl to Wonho who then passed it on to Minhyuk whose smile lost a bit of its cheerfulness as he looked at his reflection in the liquid. The white-haired then looked at me with an expression that showed some kind of conflict. “I'm glad you're here, but I don't really know if it's good to boost your addiction.”

I sighed and took the metal bowl from his hands that were cold and colorless. “You know my answer: I'll be fine somehow. Always am.”

It was the first time I wasn't completely scared of what would happen or what I'd say once I was high; I was beginning to realize that the rules I had lived by until then weren't necessary. I had faced a Chinese spy head on and I pulled it off without making a mistake. Whatever came after me, I'd make it. I, Chae Hyungwon, was a renegade.

Yi-en had said that he had too much to lose. Now, I could say that it didn't matter what I lost. I would get up and keep walking. There was no other way to leave the past behind. Minhyuk had said Changkyun was a hit and run type of guy in terms of theft. I could do that as well. I didn't have to fight or even face them until the very end if I could just let my enemies chase the sun until they gave up instead. They'd never get me. I would make it. I, Chae Hyungwon, was free to do whatever I wanted.

I looked at my six new gang mates who were giving me encouraging smiles. I, Chae Hyungwon, was an official member of Monsta X.

I do solemnly swear to keep the Clan a secret and to protect Monsta X from whatever comes next.

That's all I could think when I drank the liquid that set my veins ablaze and my memories stopped existing for the time being.

________________

He looked so happy, for Hyungwon's standards I mean. He never was a cheerful guy, never showed much emotion, but at that moment, when I watched him repeat Shownu's words (which were completely random by the way) his eyes sparkled a little and it wasn't due to the fire to our feet. He sure was scared, but he was also happy, the corner of his mouth jerking upwards every now and then and I couldn't help smiling along.

My cheerfulness wavered a little when I held the bowl in my own hands. He was only here with us because he was addicted. Maybe that was the only reason why he actually stayed. Don't be like that, he could also have stayed with BTS, he chose this for himself. He feels good here, he has to, don't you see how he's getting better? I raised my head to lock gazes with him and felt my blood run cold at the sight of his almost pitch black eyes. It looked stunning, so I tried for a brighter smile when I let him take the bowl with a pensive comment of mine.

He could only sigh, telling me how he'd be fine, and I watched him drink, watched his pupils dilate and his body relax. The bowl made its round, but I barely paid any attention to it, staring at Hyungwon's profile until he turned to look at me. “You're still worried about me.”

I shrugged, my hands freezing cold, which is why I tucked them into my hoodie's pocket. “I can't look away it seems.”

He nodded calmly, pulling his knees to his chest and resting his chin on top. “I know that all too well.” A moment of silence passed and I let out a small yawn because I hadn't slept well that night. “Thank you for worrying. I... I'm not used to that anymore.”

He turned his head to lean on my shoulder, just a little, and I swallowed. Drugged Hyungwon was back again. “What about your parents? Didn't they worry when you went to the army?”, I whispered so that only he would hear and I felt his body tense up.

“They didn't. It's as simple as that. Only my... my friend did.”

“Which friend?” He had at least had two after all. His teeth were clenched and he nuzzled against my neck like a child that wants to hide from the world, not answering my question. I sighed and leaned my head on his as well. “It's fine. It's the past after all. You have us to worry about you now, so you'd better take care of yourself from now on, okay?”

He slung his arms around mine with a slight nod. “I promise to protect you all as good as I can.”

“Protect yourself first”, I interrupted him with a soothing smile though he couldn't see it. “You're Monsta X as well. We're incomplete if just one of us goes missing.”

Hyungwon pulled one of my hands out of the pocket and inspected each finger individually as if it was the most interesting thing on earth. He then wrapped his own hand around my thumb. “What if one disappears?”

“Simple question.” I used my other hand to uncurl his fingers and make the thumb visible again. “We'll search until we find them.” He watched our hands in awe like a child staring at its presents under the Christmas tree and I smiled calmly. It was so pleasant to tell him all these little things when his reactions were always either amazed or happy. “We're all brothers now. Nobody gets left behind, Hyungwon.”

“It's Chae”, he mumbled indignantly, threading his fingers through mine. “Chae Hyungwon.”

“I know, but isn't that a bit too long?”, I replied, causing him to pout and a huff escaped my lips. “Okay, then I'll go with Chae only, how's that?” He was back to smiling in a matter of seconds, nodding his head and squeezing my hand when suddenly his eyes landed on something behind me and I could guess the person he saw all too well.

“Wonho?”, I asked and he nodded again, pulling me towards him so that he could hide behind my back as the blonde approached us.

“Hey, darling”, he started, flashing me a smile and I rolled with my eyes when he leaned on my pulled-up knee. “You look especially happy and, might I say, stunning today.”

I turned my head to glance at Hyungwon who was clawing at the back of my thick sweater, peeking over my shoulder to glare at Wonho. “He finally knows that we want him here”, I whispered with a serene smile playing around my lips. “I certainly am happy.”

Wonho made moves to come closer but, much to my surprise, Hyungwon interfered by keeping him away from me at arm's length. “I still don't trust you”, he mumbled and I my lips.

“Hyungwon, he's all play and games, he would never-”

“He always goes for you”, he whined, clasping my arm with one hand while the other was still pushing Wonho away. “He attacked me as well. And then suddenly he's exposing himself to ridicule like he doesn't care, how am I supposed to know which side features his true colors?”

The blonde smirked, but I could tell he was a little sad about it. “Whenever I attacked any of you it was to make sure Minhyuk would be fine, I told you before, didn't I?” He lay his fingers around Hyungwon's wrist to have him pull away. “I just needed evidence that-”

“Well, Minhyuk has me now, you're not needed anymore.” My head snapped towards him with wide eyes, but he didn't even care as he was busy glaring at Wonho. “You weren't there when Exo tried to beat him up. Some friend you are, Wonher Woman.”

“You think I didn't notice the bruises? Hell, of course I did, but I could tell that you did as well. You needed that trip with him to find out what you wanted for yourself and don't say you didn't because I have never seen you as relaxed as during the past four days.”

“Oh, so you let him suffer and waited for me to do something? That's not much better, you know?”, the dark-haired whispered and I felt the tension between the two of them rise, shifting to