Chapter 52 – Memories and Silence

“What do you mean you're not going to? Step aside, I'll do it.”

“No, you don't know how desperate he is to-”

“To stay alive, Hyungwon. You are the one who doesn't know. He doesn't know either. But he needs this, okay? Believe me when I tell you that he's not strong. It's not right to let him suffer and-”

“It's not right to suppress his own free will to decide. The answer is no, get away from him.”

A heated discussion got through to me causing the buzz in my head to intensify by ten times if not more. I let out a groan, ready to murder whoever was talking so loudly.

“He's awake.”

“Must have heard us. Great.”

“Do you think it's my fault?”

“Well, if you hadn't insisted on- whatever.” I peeled my eyes open to see the beautiful shades of red, pink and gold the setting sun painted my room. My gaze then stumbled across two people I recognized as Hyungwon and Wonho, a pout forming on my face.

“You're far too loud.”

“Sorry”, Hyungwon replied much to my surprise while Wonho shook his head.

“Minhyuk, this is a bad idea”, he just said with his eyes lowered to the ground. “Who knows if you can take this?”

“I'm not dead yet, am I?”, I retorted, feeling the buzz in my head calm down with a sigh. “No, I'm all good.”

“You call that good.”

“Better than four hours ago for sure”, Hyungwon interfered with his arms crossed in front of his chest before directing his gaze towards me. “How's your headache?”

“It's bearable but...loud. Feels like a hangover, things are going haywire in there”, I replied with a smile, sitting up to notice the piece of wet cloth on my forehead. I glanced at Hyungwon with a smile as he had turned away. “Thanks for your care.”

“It's nothing.”

I nodded to myself and tried to stand up, my balance betraying me when I fell back onto the bed with my head spinning. Wonho grabbed me by the hands to keep me steady with worried eyes. “Take it slow. Gosh, what are you thinking? You're completely dried out and try to just stand up and jump around? Minhyuk, you'd better take that damn blue stuff right now, you're the one monitoring all those random people at that subway and you should know what could happen to you.”

“I'm fine!”, I insisted with a loud voice that had him flinch. “I'm alright. Help me up so that I can go to the bathroom or leave.”

I had rarely been this grumpy and Wonho noticed that of course, his lips pressed together and eyes trying to stare me down. He didn't like this, of course, but in the end he pulled me to my feet, one hand supporting me by the elbow while the other was resting on my back. I was also well aware of the fact that Hyungwon was observing every little thing either of us did and would have laughed at how protective he was being all of a sudden if my headache hadn't been trying to mash my brain.

I made it to the bathroom, saying I wouldn't need Wonho's help as I held on to the cupboard at the side. I felt weak, it was as though someone had forgotten to refuel his car and now it was doing a pitiful job at getting them to their destination. After going to the toilet I stared at my reflection in the mirror with my focus somewhat off. Great. It will pass, I'm sure. I was about to move on to the door when I tripped over my own two feet, hands unable to hold on to the sink.

“Ow”, I groaned, turning over to have a look at my knee. A bit of blood was leaking from the scraped skin but it was just the shock that made it hurt, it wasn't all that bad. Still I couldn't avert my eyes when the little red droplets grew and grew until they finally started flowing downwards. Red red blood, I thought, suddenly aware of how the color scared me. Dark red.

“Why is this so creepy?”, I whispered to myself, reaching out to touch my knee with one finger but a sudden flashback had me stop. Mom, no! I didn't- , Mom, come back here! Mom are you ing listening, listen to your damn son!

A flashback. A phenomenon throwing people back in time to have them re-experience a certain memory. “My memories”, I whispered with wide eyes, drawing my knees up to my chest with a gasp. Suddenly I knew exactly what the context of that scene was. Suddenly I knew everything.

And then I screamed.

________________

I knew Wonho's gaze was on me the whole time we were sitting downstairs and I didn't even have to look to know he was pouting. He couldn't decide whether he was mad at me for listening to Minhyuk's wish or not.

“Oh come on, banker-boy”, Jooheon spoke up unable to bear with the unnecessary silence any longer, “don't you understand him? After all that happened I'd try to get away from that stuff as well.”

“You know how he was at the beginning”, the blond snapped with his arms crossed. “And we're here to make sure he's alright while drugged, doesn't he trust us anymore?”

Jooheon let out a quiet gasp and tightened his hold on his seat's armrest. “I didn't think you'd ever doubt him. You of all people.”

“He needs you to trust him, he's doing it for us”, I whispered, the others' gazes on me in a second.

“For us?”

When did you ever do something for yourself? A snort escaped my lips at Minhyuk's words. Who's the one only doing things for others to profit now, huh? “I'm not saying he doesn't do it for his memories to return”, I clarified myself, leaning back on the sofa, “but there's two more reasons in my opinion. First, he wants to be able to protect us twenty-four seven. After what happened with Shownu he can't trust our ability to take the proper amount anymore.”

The other two nodded and I took another breath. “Second, he wants to store his share of the drugs for us to use on a long-term basis. We as addicts will last longer that way even if our remaining flowers get destroyed during war. He turned almost all of it into blue oil today.”

I pointed at the number of jars standing on the table and sighed when Wonho huffed. “Even if those were his reasons, I still don't think this to be a good idea. It doesn't change a thing about how much he's suffering.”

“You always understand him, why not now?”, Jooheon interfered with narrowed eyes and I could almost imagine him with his hackles up. He had turned out to be a valuable ally; we had agreed on waiting for one week before deciding what to do concerning the war. I didn't want to just run down to Ulsan, we'd have to wait for a while so I was glad that he agreed with me in that case. And even now we shared our opinion, it was weird how this relationship of ours had changed.

“I understand him but I don't agree, what's so difficult abou-”

Wonho's reply was interrupted by a bloodcurdling scream and we jerked up, my feet bringing me to the stairs faster than my thoughts could follow. “Minhyuk?” Silence. I glanced back at the others who seemed to be just as lost before walking up the stairs and slowly opening the door to the bathroom. “Hey, Min- What happened?” He was crouching on the floor, hands tangled in his own hair while his face was buried in his knees. “Lee Minhyuk?”

Wonho barged into the room with wide eyes. “Minhyuk! Look at me.” The white-haired guy didn't even move the slightest causing the blond to let out an annoyed snort. “Alright, I can't watch this.” He opened the cupboard left of the mirror and pulled out the vial labeled 'Wonho'. “Take some. Don't make yourself suffer and just-”

“Wonho-” He just kept talking over me and I saw how Minhyuk stiffened, slightly shaking his head with his face still buried in his knees.

“We're here for you. You don't need to do this to yourself any longer, so just-”

“Wonho! He doesn't want to”, I spoke firmly, grabbing him by the shoulder with a shake of my head. The blond ran a hand through his hair when Jooheon came to join us in the already crowded bathroom. “It's no use, Wonho. It's probably too late now anyway. We don't know what kind of effect the drugs will have on him now. He could lose himself completely and that would be a severe problem. Let it go, banker-boy.”

He kept staring at Minhyuk for a few more seconds, then got to his feet again with frustration visible on his face. “For the first time I don't know how to help you”, he whispered, his fist clenching around the little vial. “Minhyuk, I know you're going through a hard time but...don't stay like that, please. We need you back.”