Chapter 17 - A Balancing Act

Hyungwon had avoided me for a total of five days. No, scratch that, he outright ignored me.

It got to the point where I got so mad I decided to just wait for Monday instead of pressuring him to tell me anything. Two could play his game. Hyungwon wanted to be all alone in the world and yet I could see how he was suffering there on his own. He wouldn't have stayed with us if he really wanted us to get lost and that was all I needed to know.

I gave him another chance, asking him to come with me to meet Yoonho, but when he didn't say anything, I felt like I might explode at any moment and slammed the door shut behind me as I paced down the street. Once I rounded a corner I stopped and leaned against the wall with my eyes clenched shut. “He will have a reason”, I mumbled, creating tiny clouds with every breath I took. “He will have a reason.”

I didn't want him to explain his actions. I just wanted him to stop them and I wished that he could be more considerate of what was good for himself. He needed people around him, needed someone he could lean on. I took a few deep breaths when an idea popped up in my head and I turned to glance at the dimly lit street I had come from. “Oh, me, what can go wrong?” Burying my hands in my jacket's pockets I walked back towards my house. I wanted to ask Hyungwon for that little book of his, the one he'd bring along to the gang gatherings in the subway, and add the data I got from Yoonho. I thought it to be a subtle yet effective way to show him that I could help.

When I walked back into the living room only Jooheon was left to do the dishes and I frowned. “Where are the other two?” He gave me a short glance but didn't reply right away. Then, when I was about to ask again, he spat out three words as if he wasn't allowed to.

“In the garden.”

My frown deepened, but I shrugged it off and walked up to the back door. “Hey, I forgot to ask Hyungwon where he-” I didn't get any further once my eyes adjusted to the darkness, presenting me a very confusing scene: Hyungwon was crouching on the floor, pressing himself against the wall behind him as if he'd be able to disappear through it if only he tried hard enough while Wonho squatted in front of him, his whole body dangerously close to Hyungwon's. I could have thought that this was happening by mutual agreement, but knowing Wonho and reading his opponent's face it was fairly easy to tell that this was not the case and Wonho was forcing himself on him.

“Oh. Good you came back”, Wonho uttered and let go of Hyungwon but I didn't understand a thing.

“Wonho, what did you-”

“Pick up that trash for me. I'm going out to have some fun.” He pushed past me and...winked...without another word as I returned my gaze to Hyungwon who was sitting there like he was having a panic attack. I'll have to punch the playboy once he gets back, I thought dryly.

“A-Are you okay?” He didn't answer and only buried his face in his arms with quiet sobs shaking his body every now and then. After a lot of watching and observing in silence I got him to talk and even managed to shuffle a little closer when Shownu got back and forced the younger to stand up and go to his room like he was used to that kind of behavior. If Wonho had managed to make a wreck out of our outsider in less than five minutes it would be the best to leave him on his own to recover for a while until he was ready for us and I left the room along with Shownu to go back to Jooheon downstairs.

And I waited.

Nobody dared to speculate over what had happened and Wonho was out – probably finding himself another girl to start something with – leaving us on pins and needles for the next few hours. Everybody went to their rooms around midnight and I lay on my bed spread out like a starfish and staring at the ceiling in restlessness for a while. Nothing could make me fall asleep until I could tell Hyungwon was fine and I couldn't take it anymore sneaking a peek at his bedroom that was covered in darkness. I could hear his calm breathing and thought that he was fast asleep when he mumbled something cloudy. “What did you say?”, I whispered, stopping in my tracks.

Hyungwon his bed with a sigh I couldn't classify and let his arm dangle from the bed's side. “Thanks...staying...with me...”

I didn't know if he was even aware of his own utterance when he started snoring peacefully only a split second later, but I couldn't bite back a smile hearing these words. He was actually recovering, at least it seemed to be like that, and I tiptoed out of the room without having the smile leave my lips for even a second until I was covered with my heavy warm blanket, thinking about how Hyungwon thanking me filled me with a feeling of pride. One step at a time. We'll do this, I promise.

The next day, I woke up when Shownu closed the front door and got out of bed ten minutes later, just in time to catch Wonho who was about to leave for work as well. “Hey.”

He froze and slowly turned around with a lopsided smirk on his lips, but it couldn't cover up the fact that his eyes were hooded. I wondered how many hours of sleep he had that night, definitely too few of them, and I was about to open my mouth when he interrupted me.

“I might want to talk to him when I get back.” The blonde inhaled before heaving his bag over his shoulder with a yawn. “Be prepared.”

“What did you do to him?”

Again he stopped, his shoulders rising and falling with a deep sigh as his grip on the bag tightened. “I don't know.”

“Wait, what will you-” But he didn't give me the time to ask anything else as he was already past the door and I bit my lip. Wonho was our dark horse and after all the years I had known him he still managed to surprise me. His skill to spontaneously observe and judge a situation was one of the reasons why I even got along with him. Just like a certain someone sleeping upstairs, I thought with a roll of my eyes, making myself comfortable on the sofa to think about the overall situation. Wonho said he didn't know, so was he improvising everything? Taking lucky guesses and going with the flow? He was a master at that game of pretense and I couldn't follow him.

The wooden staircase creaked. “Morning hyung”, Jooheon yawned when he came into the room to get ready for university and grabbed an apple from the counter in the kitchen before sitting down on his armchair next to me and resting his feet on my lap without even asking.

“I feel kind of passed over; don't you ever ask if you are allowed to do something? Ever heard of manners? And your feet are smelly.”

He raised an eyebrow and bit into his apple. “You should know that by now.”

“Was that about your behavior or your feet?”

“Both.”

“You're impossible.”

Jooheon grinned with a wink before turning serious again. “You know, about yesterday- I...didn't exactly know what Wonho was going to do, okay? , I still don't know what he really did, but I trust his decisions.”

Too bad he doesn't know either. I put on a carefree smirk to cover my uncertainty and nudged his feet off my thighs before my eyes started darting around the room. “You think it was good to revive Hyungwon's trauma? He could barely breathe, it was horrible to watch and I wanted to make it stop so bad-”

“Yes, it was the best thing to do”, Jooheon interrupted me as he stood up and packed his bag. “He locked himself up and sometimes you need someone to tear those walls down for you.”

“And Wonho is that person?”

The younger shook his head. “Wonho only created a hole to peep through, but he's not one to take responsibility.” He glanced at his reflection in the mirror, adjusting his hair for a while and I watched him, wondering why he would even busy his mind with the outsider until something clicked.

“You would accept Hyungwon if we asked him to become a part of us.”

Jooheon's hand stopped and his eyes met mine through the mirr