Chapter 40 - Hatred and the Like

I was right.

Half past twelve and the door opened with a quiet tinkle. “Are you alright?”, Yi-en asked without hesitation and I abandoned my perfect defense – the counter – once more to shove him back with a huff.

“Are you alright?! That's all you've got to say?” I glared at him, cursing myself for noticing that his scent was still the same that had me soften every time. Not today. I hated how weak I was when it came to him and at that time my anger was stronger. “You ruined everything! You and your Chinese friends!”

Yi-en blinked, a hand on his chest where I had shoved him. “What are you saying?” He should have been so glad I couldn't hurt him because this would definitely have landed him a few punches.

“You-” I pointed at him and clenched my teeth, drawing a deep breath. “You destroyed the one thing that's calming hundreds of people down. The one thing that makes them forget about their ty situation. The one thing that-” I stopped myself when a thought came to my mind. The one thing that turns them into calm lambs. Now that there was no longer enough Delphinium for everybody they would go crazy. Cause havoc. Do exactly what I hadn't dared to imagine in my wildest dreams.

They could actually start a revolution, I hadn't lied to Yixing when I told him that during our first clash. Yes, they were only a bunch of junkies but it was a gigantic bunch of junkies. The Clan could achieve things if it remained hidden. If I didn't tell Yi-en everything.

“The one thing that made them happy”, I ended my rant, biting back any other bad remarks and lowering my voice. “It will be horrible to see them suffer now.”

“Hun...dreds?”, was all Yi-en could utter and I stared at my feet when he took a step closer, less than a meter separating us now.

“It was a network I told Yixing about when I found him”, I mumbled, choosing my words as carefully as possible. “That flower was a drug that made them happy even if it was just for the moment. Nothing dangerous. I knew- I know the shop owner whose house was burned down yesterday quite well and I-” I let my voice trail off and took a rattling breath to evoke pity – which worked of course, because I know Yi-en.

“I didn't know it was like that”, he breathed and I forced myself not to run away when he slowly reached out and put a hand on my shoulder. My hair stood on end but I didn't move so he didn't notice. “We...We had to act quickly, you know? There's quite some going on on the outside. There was no time to ask you again and Yixing- Well, we didn't hear him out, I know, but-”

I gritted my teeth and raised my gaze to stare back at him. That sounded like an opening. “What kind of ?”

Yi-en took a look around, making sure we were alone only now, before leaning a bit closer and another wave of shivers went through my body. “They say America is going to declare war on us, turtle”, he whispered, but then quickly his lips. “H-Hyungwon. They were busy with their own people until a few years ago, yes, but it seems like they feel threatened by us now. Not that we are harmless but we didn't mean to get into a fight this early, it was-”

“War”, I breathed with wide eyes, excited and horrified at the same time. “You- We are going to war?”

Yi-en's fingers dug into my shoulder as he swallowed. “I wanted to tell you yesterday but...Yeah.” A hiss escaped his lips and he looked at me with a pleading gaze. I knew what he wanted to say before he had to voice it, shaking my head in advance.

“I won't come back, there's too much for me to lose here.” I've got too much to lose. To think that I would use his own words on him one day. And he knew. He looked betrayed and I averted my eyes, staring at the street outside. “I've gained their trust, if anything were to happen they would let me know. I can't give this up.”

“You are always doing so good at your job”, Yi-en said bitterly, cursing under his breath. “If only you were depending on me a little more...”

That's when I shook his hand off my shoulder. I couldn't believe he had said that out loud. “It would make things a lot worse for me. And you. Believe me”, I whispered, unable to stop my head from shaking from side to side. He had always tried to make me depend on him and on him only. He had been successful before but that was long in the past for me. I didn't need him anymore.

“You might run into more people like the commander. It makes me sick to even think of that. I don't want to see you this broken again, turtle.”

He couldn't let go of that nickname, could he? He always had to remind me of all my weaknesses at once. He always had to make me the victim again.

I returned to the counter, feeling a lot lighter once he was out of reach. “Then stop thinking about it. And stop checking on me.” I didn't want him to have power over me. I wanted him to be far away, to never come back and leave me alone. I was living a good life though it might not have looked like that to him. But with America on China's doorstep, things were getting a little difficult, it was true. “Where is the next armory located? I'll get myself some things to stay safe-” I swallowed my pride and sighed before glancing back at him. “-so you won't have to worry if we were to get invaded.”

His expression lit up like a dog's when he was praised for being a good boy and I stopped myself from rolling my eyes. We had both been like that but it was just cheesy and somewhat disgusting for me at that moment. Because I could finally see the self interest behind his actions. He quickly described the way, scribbling down a few directions on a sheet of paper, and I felt like it was near the path Minhyuk and I had taken when going to Exo for the first time. It sounded rather easy so I just nodded on and on.

“You'll find it? I could take you there or-”

“You have other things to worry about, I'm a grown man”, I interrupted him, probably sounding playful to his ears when I was being dead serious. “China will go to war, you can't worry about me only. I'll be fine.”

He wanted to retort something but the door opened with a chime to reveal a random customer and I bowed my head with a smile before returning my attention to him. “Anything else you need, sir?”

He his lips and glanced down at the sheet of paper on the counter. “N-no. Thank you and have... have a nice day. I-” He made sure the other customer was at the far back of the store. “I hope I can come by again soon, but I can't tell for sure”, he whispered, reaching out for my hand only to stop halfway. “Stay safe, tu- Hyungwon. And stay strong.”

I resisted the urge to laugh out loud and lowered my gaze instead. Be pitiful, you have always been good at that. “You too.” I wanted to add a don't die but it would have been too much for me. Too much I didn't mean for real. Yi-en knocked on the counter with a smirk before moving out, throwing one last glance at me and I caught myself holding my breath until he was out of sight.

War.

I hadn't thought it to be possible. The thing I had been hoping for for ages was coming true, just like that, and I was not prepared at all because I was held up by the problem with the Clan. But I could use that to my advantage. If America was really going to declare war on China, all we had to do was weaken the country from the inside. We were only a small part of the expanse of China's area of control but anything would be fine. All that was needed was a distraction. And if edging the Clan on was all I could do to help Korea get back at China, that's what I would do. If I went down, I'd drag some of them with me.

It was that very day I decided to go completely rogue.

My decision was underlined when I heard that Shownu's uncle, Changjung, really hadn't made any progress from the day before. Shownu kept burying himself in his room, Jooheon didn't come home due to some kind of family event and Changkyun and Kihyun left rather early to secure themselves a bed at the orphanage. I had tried to convince them to stay, offering them my bed but they declined with thanks. If that was how they wanted it to be I wouldn't hold them back, it was their choice.

Minhyuk looked more and more worried, his expression darkening throughout the evening and I watched him go upstairs around ten o'clock. They were the same reasons as the evening before, I knew it. It was half past ten when the door opened and Wonho entered, brushing back his blonde hair. “There's quite some wind blowing”, he complained, coming into the living room and I raised a brow at him.

“You don't know about the storm raging in here.”

He cocked his head to the side and I sighed, explaining the situation yet again, noticing how his mood dropped lower and lower by the minute. “And that's why we need all the money we can gather”, I concluded my summary. Wonho kept his eyes locked on the coffee table, his elbows resting on his knees as he stared at my glass standing there.

“I can't offer enough money right now either, it's a severe problem.”

“You can't?” I turned towards him on the sofa with a frown. “Weren't you a banker or something?”

He grinned though with a little strain visible. “Yeah but, uh-”

“Oh, there's something else”, I interrupted him with a cold whisper. “Minhyuk is ing worried about you. He couldn't sleep yesterday because all the worries piled up. Why don't you just tell us where you've been at? You could even tell me and I wouldn't tattle.”

Wonho's eye twitched before a warm smirk appeared on his face. “You've become soft. I'm not home for a week and you're all trusty and caring? What happened?”

“I'm choosing my allies”, I replied as a matter of fact, swallowing the bitter taste his words created in my mouth when something else came to my mind. “Did you, you know, have drugs yesterday? Since you didn't come home and stuff...”

“Yeah, I always have some with me in case I can't make it home due to work. Not only have you become soft but worried as well? What's the matter? Tell uncle Wonho.”

I let out a snort. “I'll