Warning: contains suicidal thoughts and violence!!!

I woke up earlier than Luhan, just as the rain began to fall. His arms, even the one in the sling, were still wrapped around me protectively, and he had his lips pressed against my hair. I look up at him, he will always be beautiful-aish, stop thinking like this you selfish idiot, I scream inside my head.

How can I love him? I can't but this ache for him, I didn't realise I actually had, until last night. I suppose that's what love is, it likes to stay undiscovered until something happens. But I know he doesn't love me the way I love him. And I have a bloody girlfriend for heck's sake. No this isn't love, no matter how strongly I feel for him, it can't be love, but I want it to be, it's not love unless both hearts are in it. I know that if anyone found out that would be the end of me, it would cause problems for Luhan, and that's the last thing I want. If my dad were to find out, I would be a good a dead, which doesn't sound like a bad idea.

I look up at him and swallow hard against my dry throat. How much I wanted to reach out and bring my hand to his face, how much I wanted to give him my heart and show him my feelings. It's like everyting inside of me is slowing falling apart, like my life, soon there will be nothing left but a pile of rubble.

Carefully, making sure not to hurt his injured arm, I slip out of his arms, instantly missing his warmth. I pull on some normal clothes and go to leave, but before I can Luhan's voice came.

"Sehun-ah, can you promise me something?"

I glance over my shoulder at him and nod.

"Promise me," He sat up. "Promise me that you won't stop my heart beating, I don't want to see a world where you end your life."

A tear slips out of my eye. I can't promise him that if I'm not even sure whether I want to stay in this world. "Luhan-I,"

"There is no me without you Sehun. If you die, I will die too," He begs, tears sparkling in his eyes too.

"Luhan," I said, turning away from him. "I can't promise you that. But I know that if I die, you will do perfectly fine without me. I'll try okay, but I can't promise anything. I'm doing this for you Luhan, I'll try for you, because I don't want to be the one responsible for that. Because I-I lo-" And before I slipped up by admitting how I feel about him, and before I damage him even more, I leave, pulling the door shut quietly behind.  

I lean back against the door. Death feels like my option right now, it's the only choice I have that will beefit everyone around me. Without me Luhan won't have to worry about me, I'll be able to see my mum, my brother again, Violet, she'll be happy as can't have any more arguments, and my dad, I won't disappoint him anymore and he done what he-

"Sehun?" I turn to see Chanyeol standing in t