Warning: contains suicidal thoughts.

What have I done?

I break away from the kiss suddenly. If Luhan ever found out that I kissed him, that would be it between me and him. What's worse is that I done it without his knowledge. I am a sick person, I'm as bad as my dad. I look down at him, tears spilling out of my eyes. I watch as one splashes down onto his cheek. I bring my hand to his cheek and wipe my tear away before collapsing down beside him, sobbing my heart out.

Maybe I do deserve for my dad to come back, to torture me again. Or maybe I should kill myself, I have the choice or doing that. With all these things afflicting me, I can't take much more. First Violet, then my dad, and now myself. I hate myself. But can I leave all my friends? That is my choice, and I have to decide whether I want to die.

I press my forehead into the matress of his bed and bring my hand to my mouth. I clamp my teeth down hardly onto the back of my hand. It hurt, bad, but this is what I deserve for being so selfish, to think of my needs and not what my needs would do to other people. The taste of blood drips into my mouth, and I wanted to punish myself more, but that was when Luhan woke.

"Sehun," He said, his voice sounded tired.

I look up at him through my tears, "Luhan," I sob.

He sits up in bed and pats the space next to him, for me to sit on. I don't want to be close to him, knowing what I've just done. I hate having to hide this from him, I hate it, I don't want this anymore.

I climb up on the bed next to him, and he craddles me in his arms. I sat on his lap and he tangled his legs with mine. Sitting like this made me feel safe, but I don't know if Luhan will be safe around me, I am a monster. He presses his lips against my forehead as I cry, whispering the words "It'll be alright." But I know that it won't. None of this will be okay, ever since my life began it wasn't okay, so what is the point in trying now if I just keep making the wrong turns?

"Luhan," I said, taking a deep breath as the tears begin to stop.

"Don't talk, just listen." I felt his lips move against my skin, sending tingles spreading across my body-stop it, my mind says.

I glance up at him, and he wipes my last tear away. "Listen to my heart Sehun."

I give him a confused look and he smiles at me. I do what he says, and listen to his heart, resting the side of my head on his chest. It beat at a speed that was a bit faster than normal. "Hyung-?" I begin, but decide not to finish it.

Luhan cups my face and makes me look at him in the eyes. "Do you know why my heart still beats?"

"Erm, because you're alive," I pointed out.

Luhan smiles and shakes his head. "It beats for you. It beats becaus