I would have been gone

What happened to us?

Taeyeon felt like she was slowly slipping into depression; she desperately wanted Jessica back but Jessica clearly didn't need her anymore.

-----

 

Jessica was worried.

Taeyeon didn't seem like herself anymore. She no longer laughed the way she used to; she no longer joked around the way she used to; and she no longer smiled the way she used to. It was like she had slipped into depression.

"Tiff," Jessica asked one afternoon. "What's with Taeyeon nowadays?"

"I honestly have no idea." Tiffany bit her lip. "She just pushes me away everytime I try to get close to her. It's like a different person altogether."

"Do you think.... that I have gone too far? Was I too mean to her?"

Tiffany sighed. "I think it's also partly my fault. I promised to spend time with her but Khun has been taking all my free time recently."

"I miss her laughter, her lameness, and her ertness. Everything." Jessica swallowed.

"Me, too."

 

It had been 3 weeks since the cold war between Jessica and Taeyeon had started, and it seemed like none of them were taking the initiative to mend things between them. Jessica decided that if she didn't do it, then this cold war would last forever.

One afternoon, after the promotions for Twinkle had ended, Jessica decided to brew some honey tea for Taeyeon. She noticed that Taeyeon's voice wasn't so good; she had watched their recent GDA Awards Stage and Taeyeon couldn't even sing live. She looked tired, too- the last time Taeyeon had walked past her, the eye bags under her eyes seemed like they couldn't get any heavier. Maybe this would create the perfect opportunity for me to talk to Taeyeon, Jessica thought as she prepared the tea.

1 hour later, she held Taeyeon's favourite mug in her hands with the hot tea in it, and took a deep breath before she opened the door. However, to her surprise, Taeyeon was sleeping, with her head turned to the other side of the bed. The last time she checked, Taeyeon didn't take afternoon naps.

Jessica quietly tiptoed in and carefully placed the mug on her nightstand. As she turned to leave, something caught her eye. Taeyeon's diary was wide open, lying on the bed beside her. She must have fallen asleep while writing her diary. Jessica's fingers itched to pick up the diary, but she knew that it was wrong- afterall, it was a matter of privacy! But she was so curious that she picked it up anyway. So much for self-tolerance, Jessica sighed as she picked it up.

Jessica's heart froze when she read the title.

The Last Entry

Jessica's heart started to beat faster as her eyes scanned the page.

Today is the 21st day since Jessica and I stopped talking to each other. Honestly, I am beginning to lose hope, that our friendship will be mended. It hurts my heart, to see Jessica happily laughing and talking to all the members except me. I want to approach her, I want to start a conversation with her, but I'm sure it will all end up in vain. She hates me, right? I am such a failure. My 2 best friends, whom I want to spend the rest of my life with, is gone. One has gone to someone better, someone that would take much better care of her than me, and the other hates me. I am such a wreck, I am really a failure in life. I should just end my life, right? What's the point of being the leader of Korea's top girl group and having millions of fans when I don't even have any friends here for me?

I love you, Jessica, I love you, Tiffany. And I love all the members too. I'm sorry for always letting you all down as a leader. I'm sorry, omma, for being such a let-down daughter. I'm sorry, appa, that I opposed you to come to SM to train instead of being a classical singer. I'm sorry, my beloved fans, for not giving you the best as Kim Taeyeon. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, everyone. But I can't take this feeling anymore.

This will be my last entry - by the time you're reading it, I would have been gone.

Jessica stopped breathing.

This will be my last entry - by the time you're reading it, I would have been gone.

Jessica read the sentence over and over again, and slowly turned her head towards Taeyeon.

Her eyes trailed towards Taeyeon's hands, which were clutching a bottle.

Jessica took a step forward, and tried to breathe.

Sleeping pills.

She slowly walked over to the other side of the bed and tried to look at Taeyon's face. A white trail of liquid was seeping out from Taeyeon's mouth.

Her eyes were closed.

Jessica clapsed a hand over , and screamed, until the other members rushed in, and they too, also could not stand properly once they saw what had happened.

Jessica collapsed to the ground, her hand over her heart, and started sobbing uncontrollably.

Tiffany put a hand on the wall and cried.

The other members all started crying, until Sooyoung managed to get her phone out and call the ambulance as well as their manager.

------

Author's note:

I feel like crying myself.

 Don't worry there'll be happy moments soon :-)

 

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Thank you!
deergwynx
i'm so sorry for th lack of updates!

Comments

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Blue248
#1
Chapter 42: Wow the whole roller coaster
bubblyblanky
#2
Chapter 42: This feel like behind the scene. The sudden departure of Jessica after this Baekyeon things. Like the company setup them to protect the girls and the group. So many life need to protect by sacrificing their love. Hahaha ok, just me and my little thoughts. Thank you for this beautifurll journey. I enjoyed reading it ?
LaverneBae
#3
Chapter 42: If i am witch im gonna curse that kim young min into a frog. Can we have taengsic moments again T_T
Love snsd 3000
Hipguin28
#4
Chapter 42: can we have an epilogue for taengsic? i want more of their fluffy moments here :(
taengsic98 #5
Chapter 42: Thank you for updating author nim ?
poposaranghae #6
Chapter 42: An epilog please authornim... Need more fluffy taengsic .
KTIYKY7921
#7
Chapter 42: waah Thanks for Updating!!!! can't believe she told the truth!
taen9sic22
#8
Chapter 42: Woah! Thank you for finishing this author! Gonna read this again from the beginning! Can we have an epilogue?! ^^