“Who’s that?” He pointed to a picture of a girl sleeping on the bus.

“My friend, we’ve known each other since grade school. She loves sleeping.” Chae Yoon told. “Enough, next page. Those pictures are ugly.”

Chae Yoon…and Namjoo were friends…they knew each other.

This was…an opportunity for him. He’d been dying over Chae Yoon. If only he saw her again they could talk things over, straighten everything out and start again. Namjoo could take him to her.

Namjoo could do that for him…

When the sun hit the sky the next morning Luhan rose early from bed suddenly energetic. All he could think about was Chae Yoon and his road to her. He’d make her turn around, he’d forgive her, and everything would be fine. They would start off from where they left off.

That was all he could think about.

Chae Yoon, Chae Yoon, and Chae Yoon.

Namjoo was still asleep on the couch when he headed into the kitchen to start cooking some eggs. She awoke a few minutes later when the oil started jumping in the pan. He could hear her sighing from where she was as if she knew she was screwed up for falling asleep.

“What are you doing?” Namjoo questioned standing.

“Breakfast,” he pointed to the pan.

Namjoo eyed the cooking eggs then to him, “I thought you don’t cook.”

“I can at least do this,” Luhan replied. “Amazing, right?”

“Whatever,” Namjoo shook her head and looked around for her bag.

When he saw that she was headed toward the door he quickly left the stove to stop her, “Where are you going?”

Namjoo shot him a stupefied look as if he should know better than her.

“Home, where else?” She looked like she still had tiredness in her eyes. “I need to wash up, change, and go to work.”  

“Already?” He asked slightly disheartened.

Then…if she left he wouldn’t be able to ask about Chae Yoon.

“I really don’t have time,” Namjoo brushed her hair back and slipped into her shoes.

“Will you be back later?” He asked.

“We’ll see,” was all she said before walking out the door.

“=====”

Namjoo suddenly felt as if the little time she had left for herself was being cut down to the minimum. She often had more time to enjoy to herself, but now that she had suddenly been out three nights in a row to someone else’s home it felt like she was merely rushing back and forth. Everything had been her definition of cheery until recently, which was kind of strange. It wasn’t like anything had seriously run out of place, but going out to someone else’s place other than Chae Yoon’s wasn’t her custom.

When Namjoo turned around the corner to her flat she found Chae Yoon ringing the doorbell. She wasn’t sure they had a date for that morning, so why was she here?

“Namjoo!” Chae Yoon called out upon seeing her.

“What are you doing here?” Namjoo wondered walking over to unlock the door.

Stepping back Chae Yoon ran her eyes over Namjoo, “Where’d you come from? You spent the night out?”

“Not exactly,” Namjoo replied only to hear a gasp from Chae Yoon.

“You did!” Her friend stated in shock. “With who? You…did you finally…”

Flinging her arm out Namjoo pushed her friend aside, “Please, Chae Yoon. I didn’t do anything. I just slept.”

“Ooohh,” her friend cooed. “Who is it? Is it a guy? Do I know him?” She closely tailed Namjoo into her apartment. “Is it Ki Chan?”

Letting out a yelp Namjoo tossed her bag aside and turned to frown at her friend.

“Why?” Chae Yoon asked before gasping again. “Is it really him?”

“No,” Namjoo turned to open her cupboard for a cup of microwavable soup. “Did you eat?”

“I came here to eat with you.”

“You,” Namjoo twisted around to look at her friend, “are you serious?”

Pressing her lips together to look pitiful Chae Yoon nodded in a child-like manner, “I don’t feel like eating by myself these days. It’s lonely, you know? I don’t know how you do it.”

As Chae Yoon sat down behind her Namjoo slightly rolled her eyes, “Oh God…”

Chae Yoon and Luhan were so alike. It was understandable that Chae Yoon was sharing her problems with her because they were good friends, but the fact that the two of them were coming to her as if she could rescue them was funny. In a way, it was amusing but not enjoyable.

Namjoo felt like she’d been backed up into a corner, almost helplessly.

“You been thinking about your ex again?” Namjoo asked setting two cups of soup into the microwave.

“Yea…”

Namjoo twisted her head around to observe her depressed friend, “How come I’ve never met him?”

“Funny that you say that,” Chae Yoon looked at her with flat eyes. “I wanted you to meet him, but you were always busy. Don’t you think you have enough money from working overtime at the hospital all the time? When are you finally going to start dating?”

Namjoo snorted and laughed at the sudden mention of dating.

“No, I’m serious,” Chae Yoon insisted. “When Namjoo? Hey, we all know Ki Chan’s just waiting for you. You should stop leading the poor man on if you don’t plan to go out with him.”

“Oh geez,” Namjoo shook her head as if Chae Yoon was being pathetic. Leaning her head against her shoulder she turned to her friend, “I’ve told you, it’s not like that. We’re only friends.”

“In your eyes,” Chae Yoon scuffled. “How old are you again? You should be dating by now.”

“Hey,” Namjoo called out, “do you think I’m like you?”

“Is that an insult?”

Namjoo let out a laugh and shifted toward the microwave about to beep.

“You know you shouldn’t hesitate so much,” Chae Yoon advised. “It’s because you’re always scared, that’s why you let Jae Hoon and Chang Wan go. Remember how hurt you were?”

“Oh shut up,” Namjoo called pulling the microwave open. “That was ages ago. I’m over it.”

Chae Yoon snorted at her and reached out for her soup, “Is what you say. Just wait till the next guy comes along.”

Namjoo never really liked the word commitment or the definition of it. To give up her whole to someone else was already hard enough for her.

“Namjoo,” one of the nurses called out, “after you’re done bandaging him up, can you come check this grandma’s temperature?”

“Yes,” Namjoo called out.

It was normal to fear pain, wasn’t it? It was like how the body would instinctively try to block itself from more harm by throwing out the hands for a safer landing. That was why pain was always covered up securely under a sheet of clean cloth. Pain was cured with a small pill or even a small word of comfort, but the pain from something like the word love was even greater.

She knew the consequences from watching Chae Yoon and her sisters fall in and out of love. It hurt and she didn’t want that pain. Namjoo just couldn’t trust anyone enough to let herself fall forward without landing safely.

After sticking the bandage on the cut Namjoo suddenly thought back to the day she changed Luhan’s bandage. He was a unique individual. Namjoo hadn’t come across someone who depended on her like him. Thinking about how he’d come last night just to talk about dinner made her laugh a little.

Namjoo was aware she didn’t quite look her age, but she didn’t think she looked old enough to be someone else’s mother. Luhan, she decided, really had a habit of making things stick in her head.

“=====”

It was pathetic, but all he thought about during the duration he spent by himself was Chae Yoon. No matter how hurt he was over how she left him for someone else, he was certain; he could bet his life on it that he still wanted her back. He would forgive her because he loved her so much and he knew she missed him too.

Luhan couldn’t wait until he could see her again.

His heart jumped in his chest when he heard that knock on the door. Without further hesitance he opened the door to find Namjoo standing on the other side with a grocery bag in hand. A smile lit his face up.

He knew it. He knew she’d be back again.

Namjoo first walked into his kitchen muttering something to herself along the lines of she couldn’t believe she was back, but he could totally believe it. He was glad for it.

Something thick landed on the kitchen table and he turned after closing the door to see a thick cook book.

“I bought you a gift. I thought you’d need it,” Namjoo told. “A beginner’s guide to cooking.”

She pulled a firm smile onto her face which didn’t look very cheery and he wondered if she was being serious.

“Hungry?” Namjoo asked when he didn’t answer.

His eyes rose up to her face, but all he could think about was asking about Chae Yoon. Actually, his insides were screaming for it.

“Is your hand doing alright?” Namjoo’s voice popped into his head. “You haven’t gotten water on it, have you?”

He watched her grab her bag to look through it before stepping out of the kitchen.

“I brought some antiseptic cream and more bandages,” Namjoo said walking by and sat down on his couch.

Luhan followed her with his eyes. His mind was telling her to stop talking so that he could start with what he wanted to hear. When he sat down by her Namjoo motioned for his wrist and unclipped the tape from his bandage.

“You know it’s going to leave a scar,” Namjoo went on. “I’m not trying to nag, but if you feel any more depressed you should see a specialist.” After setting his bandage aside she commented, “It doesn’t look too bad. It’s healing up just fine. Looks like you’ve been taking care of it. I had a feeling you would.”

“Namjoo,” Luhan cut her off.

When their eyes met Luhan found himself silently gulping. While she waited quietly for him to go on he ran his eyes over her. Those big eyes of hers were elegant with sparkles. The innocence in her expression made his words stop midway in his throat. Like the stars aligned themselves orderly in the sky to overlook the word, Namjoo also took to nursing the rest of the population.

She’d come when he asked her to and had even taken to making sure his fever had gone down. Somehow she was still here; her mother’s touch reminding him of the life he’d had before seeking death. Luhan knew he didn’t really want to die and it was her presence that was helping him along.

Namjoo had done everything out of good will, so could he…could he really use her to meet Chae Yoon? Could he use her just like that?

“What is it?” Namjoo asked.

“Oh…uh…” Luhan turned to look away. “Just…I start work again soon.”

“That’s nice,” Namjoo smiled before going on to spread the cream gently over his cut.

The longer he watched the more he tried to imagine in his head what Namjoo would say if he talked about Chae Yoon. Would she be surprised or would she play along as logically as she had so far? If she knew he’d tried killing himself over Chae Yoon, what would she say? Would Namjoo…help them back together?

“Should I treat you sometime?” Namjoo wondered.

“Why?”

“Mmm…” she droned on, “to congratulate you on returning to work healthily and because…you’re still alive.”

He watched her smile at him and put a new bandage on his wrist before heading into the kitchen.

“You’re going to help cook, right?” Namjoo called.

“Yea, sure,” he answered slightly lifelessly.

On his way toward the kitchen he found himself stopping in his steps. The moment his eyes landed on Namjoo’s back he wondered if he’d ever be able to feel like he was really alive again. He wanted to know what Namjoo’s definition of alive was.

She was optimistic about everything, that he could tell. She was a person that always looked for the best and she didn’t seem to think negatively about anyone. Was she naïve or was she just really that content? If she was content, he was jealous.

“What are you doing?” Namjoo asked when she sighted him just standing there.

“Oh…” returning back to his consciousness he stepped forward, “what should I do?”

“Peel the potatoes.”

“But I don’t have a peeler.”

“I bought one. It should be in the bag.”

“You didn’t have to.”

“It’s going to come in handy someday. Just keep it.”

Quietly and obediently he set himself to peeling the potato skin off before chopping them into various pieces before Namjoo caught him in the act. They were making curry and he didn’t know the process consisted of so much preparation beforehand.

“Do I just dump them in?” Luhan questioned after refining the potato pieces.

“Yea,” Namjoo nodded.

Tilting the cutting board he allowed the potatoes to slide forward into the pot of boiling water rougly. A second later he heard Namjoo let out a shout before stepping back with a hand on her face.

“Are you ok?” He asked surprised.

“Ow….” She moaned and slowly touched the lid of her eye.

“Sorry, I forgot it was going to do that.” He apologized. “Are you alright?”

Namjoo didn’t reply and continued to cower from the pain.

“Did it get in your eye?” He worried. “Here, I’ll have a look.”

Grabbing her arm he pulled her toward him and urged her to lift her head up. Brushing her hair away from her eyes he waited for her to remove her hand from her eye, but when she didn’t he grabbed her hand to slide it to the side.

“Move your hand for a second,” he directed. “It’s a little red. It’s not burning, is it?”

Namjoo quickly pushed him back a second later and handed him the ladle.

“Stir…s…stir,” she ordered. “Where’s your bathroom?”

“Huh?” He asked confused. “Oh…over there.”

She immediately shuffled out of the kitchen and he turned to watch her go confused. He was afraid she’d really hurt her eye. He hadn’t meant just drop the potatoes into the pot. Should he apologize again?

Luhan turned again to watch Namjoo walk into his bedroom before walking back out to scurry into the bathroom beside it.

Maybe he should apologize, he thought.

“=====”

Namjoo swore her heart was going to pop out of her chest. The way his fingers had grazed across her forehead ever so slightly had made her pulse stop. Just the mere touch of his fingertips had made her burn up furiously for some insane reason. And he even took to touching her hand!

Namjoo wasn’t sure whether she was sane anymore at the moment. Her heart had never raced like this before.

“Oh no, no, no,” Namjoo shook her head. “Crazy.”

Turning the faucet on she took to splashing cold water over her face in hopes of returning her consciousness to reality. However, the moment she looked at herself in the mirror she could see inside her head Luhan pulling her forward, and her heart started rattling like mad again.