"====="

Namjoo couldn't get drunk no matter how much she drank. Crumpling up the can with her hand she gritted her teeth and let out a shout as she tossed it into the wall. Burying her face into the palm of her hands she moaned, slightly laughing bitterly.

All else remained silent in her apartment and the only thing she listened to was the rain pounding against her window. They were in sync with the resilient heat in her chest.  
She hated her apartment. She resented everything. 

The headache throbbed in her head and she moaned.  

Here, Kai had said his last words to her very silently; here, she had also shared memories with Luhan; here, Aunt Jin came and went as comfortably as it was her home; and here, Chae Yoon would come and go, eat and talk with her.    

Everyone just kept bugging her. 

Swinging her arm out she flung the empty cans off her table. They clattered to the ground noisily. Wobbly standing to her feet she as her mind spun she grimaced at nothing. She couldn't feel anything internally, as if her heart had gnawed itself alive. All she felt was a chill snaking over her skin and sweat forming from her pores. It was cold, very cold. Her apartment was so cold.  

She couldn't stay here any longer. She might go insane.

Slipping into her shoes she stumbled out, listening to the door slam behind her and walked into the lift. It was winter in the middle of summer. Clear snowflakes were dripping onto the cement loudly when she stiffly landed on her heels. The corner of veered up. Tiredly blinking her eyes she faintly smiled. As the rain splashed down onto her she stared up at the dark star-less sky laughing.   

"It's a great world, it's a great world," she mumbled as she started toward her car, one step at a time barely tripping over herself. 

Her hand slammed against the hood of her car when she approached and laughing at herself got in. Namjoo had always refrained from dirtying her car and getting it wet, but she decided to forgo it tonight, because tonight...was a special night.

Turning on the engine she drove out of the lot and started onto the road in her devious state. Her eyes barely closed on her a few times and shaking her head to keep herself awake braked the car every few minutes. It didn't take her long to arrive at her secret hideout. It was currently abandoned and surrounded by the dark world. Dark and empty.

Flinching from the raindrops that plopped down onto her lids she finally made it to the swings drunkenly. Namjoo didn't do anything, but just sat there leaning against the chain dazed. She couldn't think straight, logically or with sense. For a minute she dozed off before her head violently drooped forward. Finally awaking she stared off into the distance.

It almost felt as if she was expecting someone. Then realizing she was alone succumbed to the silence around.             

"Friends...what friends? What is there to understand?" She muttered to herself and screamed, "You're all bad people!" 

Gritting her teeth she felt the oblivious pain in her chest grow in height. A cry she was repressing seeped out before her shoulders shook and finally let out a loud childish cry. 
 
"====="

Luhan stared at his phone hoping that Namjoo would call when he very well knew she wouldn't. His hopes were over. She wouldn't see him nor tell him to go back to Chae Yoon. This...was just it. 

Leaning forward he ran his hand through his hair frustrated. Namjoo should have heard him out instead of running. If she knew Chae Yoon was lying; that he actually lost the game...if only she knew that Chae Yoon was lying... 

Grabbing his phone for the thousandth time he turned it on wondering if he'd missed any calls. There wasn't any. What was he going to do now? Should he go clarify it to Namjoo? Would she even look at him? 

She probably wouldn't want to see him nor open the door. Luhan could only imagine how she was hurting; how she was sitting there by herself all alone. Just thinking about it made his heart ache.

Namjoo...really had no one. 

Luhan sighed over and over before he suddenly got up. It was still raining outside. The sky looked bleary and cold. Seeing it made him imagine Namjoo curled up in the corner crying. 

He felt all the more guilty; responsible for hurting her; for putting her through all this. Of all people, why did she have to come to him that day? If she had never entered his life...   

Turning around he stared at the door and on impulse suddenly decided that he had go to see her, even if she wouldn't open the door for him. He regretted not running after her earlier. If he'd caught her then, he could have made her listen to him. 

Namjoo always listened to him.

Grabbing a jacket from his room he started toward the door quickly, barely forgetting his shoes on the way. Upon opening the door and turning toward the stairs he halted at once in his steps when he spotted a woman lying on the floor. A step further revealed her identity.          

What...was she doing there...

"Namjoo," he called repeatedly as he bent down to pull her up, but she didn't respond. 
She was soaked from the rain and out cold. 

"Namjoo, wake up, wake up, huh?" He called shaking her a little before looking around for help.   

Pulling her up into his arms he hurried back in with Namjoo's head dangling over his arm as if she were dead. He was practically scared. When he finally lay her down he felt for her face. She was burning up.

Exactly what had she been doing going around in this rain?

Taking off her sweater he tossed it onto the ground immediately. He needed to dry her up somehow, but when he grabbed her shirt to pull it up he hesitated. The last thing he wanted was to invade her privacy. He respected her too much to do anything uncalled for, but he had to do something. If he undressed her she might hate him later. 

Biting his lip he turned around and dug through his dressers for the thickest sweater he could find and quickly slipped it on her. Hurrying off into his bathroom he pulled out the hair dryer he barely used and turned it on. The loud roaring machine surprised him at first and he quickly turned it off afraid he might have woken her. When he peered down at her she was still out cold. Returning to the machine he switched it back on and set to work on drying her hair before hovering it over her clothes. 

"You're crazy, crazy," Luhan muttered, his eyes fluttering over her. "Stupid, stupid Namjoo." 

She was still helplessly burning up even after doing his best to warm her up. Her hands were cold and he didn't know what to do. For a moment he almost panicked. Nursing a sick person back to health wasn't his specialty. He'd never done it before. 

Recalling the medicine Namjoo had given him a while back he hurried back to the cabinet, but when he reached for it he paused. She had told him before that it was too strong for his stomach to handle, so it had to be taken after eating. But what...what could he cook for her when she was in this state?!

Of all the things Namjoo had taught him to cook, she'd never shown him how to make porridge for the sick. He couldn't...let her die like this. 

Panicking, he turned around in his kitchen fighting himself for a solution. Paragraphs from magazines, health tips he'd heard on TV, and health inquiries he'd studied in school swarmed through his head all at once. He'd always needed Namjoo like a child and now that Namjoo needed him, he couldn't do anything. Luhan wanted to slam his head against the wall. Why...was he so useless?!

His phone caught his eye when he turned and debating to himself finally picked it up. A moment later he listened to the phone ring, wondering if she would pick up. It would be the first time in years he was calling his mother. 

"Mom," Luhan answered. 

The word sounded so awkward on his tongue. 

"H...how do you make porridge?" He asked without beating around. 

Upon taking in the directions given, he found himself in front of the warm stove stirring the food repeatedly. He let out a frustrated sigh when he realized he'd forgotten to ask how he would know when it was cooked. He waited a few minutes, added water, stirred, and waited again. Pacing back and forth he glanced into the bedroom simultaneously to keep an eye on Namjoo. She was still in deep slumber. It worried him. 

Could she die like this? He had heard before that sometimes people could be so burned out from fevers they even died.  

No, no. This wasn't the case. He was overreacting. Namjoo was just exhausted, he persuaded himself, from work and stress. 

Turning the stove off he scooped the porridge into a tiny bowl before heading back to his room. 

"Namjoo," he called to which she never answered. 

Her hair hung back loosely when he pulled her up into his arms. He felt his heart go out to her. She was so at peace in her dreams. All the calm on her face relaxed, yet scared him. 

"You have to eat before I give you medicine," Luhan spoke as if expecting her to wake up and hear him. Scooping up a bit of the porridge he blew at it to cool it.

Tilting her head back slightly he pried open and slid a bit into . Namjoo started coughing it up after a second. Alarmed, he clumsily set the spoon down and hugged her, patting her back. He was scared.  

"I'm sorry, sorry," he apologized. "That wasn't good huh? I’m sorry." 

This was much more difficult than he'd imagined. He was sorry that an amateur like him was taking care of her like this. Wiping the sweat off her forehead he resumed feeding her again. This time before feeding her he first tasted the porridge and made a face when he realized it was undercooked. It was no wonder he had thought he'd cooked it too fast. 

Clamping his eyes together in frustration with himself he gritted his teeth. He felt like he was sweating along with her. Taking a courageous breath he tucked the spoon into his mouth, chewing on the porridge to make it easier for Namjoo to swallow. No matter how hard it would be for him, he had to make sure Namjoo ate.  

Leaning to the side he tucked his mouth against hers, feeding her through his own. When he saw take the food down a joy sapped him. A smile filled up his face and he quickly did it again and again until all the porridge disappeared from the bowl. 

He left and reappeared with the medicine, slowly pouring the thick medicinal liquid into . When she coughed it up he quickly wiped it and hugged her, apologizing whenever he could. 

Tucking her in with as much of the blanket as possible so that she could conserve as much heat as she could, he sat on the ground gripping onto her cold hand; hoping it would lend her some warmth. As the night droned on and the rain continued, Namjoo slept for the longest time. 

When Luhan awoke on the couch later in the morning, the first thought that appeared in his mind was to check on Namjoo before doing anything else. The moment he opened the door he saw that the bed was empty. All that was left behind was a little note sitting on his sweater worn.  

It read, "Sorry & Thank you." 

Suddenly realizing what he wanted to do, he turned and dashed out of his apartment.

"====="

Namjoo opened her eyes when she heard the doorbell ring. She was tired and her body ached all over. Goosebumps were growing like a thick spine down her body as she continued to sweat. The first thing she'd done upon returning was curling up on her bed.  

The doorbell rang repeatedly and she felt something painful pound her chest. The noise was a nuisance to her rest. It was hard, it was suddenly very hard for her to get up. Tears welled up in her eyes with pity for herself. Grabbed her phone she clicked on the only name she could trust at the moment. 

"Hello?" Ki Chan answered after the first ring. 

"Ki Chan-ah," Namjoo's voice croaked, breaking halfway. "I'm not feeling well." 

"====="

The keyboard beeped back at Luhan telling him that he'd pressed the wrong numbers. He groaned and wanted to hit the life out of it. Why in the world had Namjoo never told him what the freaking password was?! 

He needed to talk to her, he needed to clarify things. He was desperate. He wanted her to know that he, too, was a victim.          
                                         
"Namjoo!" He screamed and pounded on the door. "Open the door. Lets talk, ok? I'm sorry. Namjoo! Namjoo!"

He pounded on the door and again turned to the keypad randomly punching in numbers. It beeped at him again and he utterly let out an angry groan before turning when a shadow appeared. His eyes ran up a set of Tom's sneakers to Ki Chan's face and stared.

What was this person doing here?  

When Ki Chan stepped in front of the keypad pushing him back he asked, "Namjoo...are you going to see her?" 

A smile meant to mock him lit Ki Chan's face, "What are you doing here?" 

Luhan heard the door open and stepped forward when Ki Chan grabbed the handle, "Tell Namjoo I'm out here. You can do that, right?" 

Ki Chan just offered another smile before walking in and when Luhan watched the door close, felt even more at a loss.  

He definitely, definitely could not lose Namjoo. 

"====="

Passing by the kitchen Ki Chan glanced at the empty beer cans on the table and the others scattered on the floor. Namjoo was never known to be a drinker. Seeing the mess he could only wonder what she'd been put through. It wasn't hard to guess the situation with Luhan standing outside her door. 

A pale Namjoo sat up on her bed upon his entrance. Her hair drenched from sweat swayed over her shoulders and he wasn't surprised that there was no smile on her lips. 

She looked so pitiful. Her eyes had swelled up and she looked as if she hadn't slept for days. 

"Are you ok?" He sat down leaving a gap between them. 

This was the first time Namjoo had ever called him over or ever asked for help. It was probably the first and the last.     

"No." 

Reaching over to feel her forehead he withdrew his hand, "Why are you sick? A nurse can't be sick. How are you supposed to care for others?"

Namjoo ignored him, staring at the ground blankly she said, "You knew." 

Ki Chan stared at her realizing that it was hopeless to keep quiet any longer.  

"I wanted to tell you, but I didn't want you to get hurt. Chae Yoon," he hesitated before continuing, "and Luhan were in on it together. They were lovers before you met him. Chae Yoon wanted him back and because you were in her way, she asked me to keep you from him. Luhan too, he used you in order to meet Chae Yoon again so they could get back together. I couldn't tell you this."  

He watched a bitter laugh escape her and a smile encompass her lips - whether because she was upset or angry he couldn't say - while tears streamed down. What he hated most was that he couldn't hug her. Namjoo probably hated him for not being honest when he knew all along. 

"I'll write down a sick leave for you," he said, "so you just rest up. You have medicine in your cabinet, right? Take those on time. I'll make something for you to eat before I leave."

He stood up and waited as if expecting her to say something, but Namjoo didn't. 

Even though he knew she wouldn't accept it, he still wanted to apologize, "Don't drink anymore and I'm sorry, Namjoo." 

After clearing up the mess in the kitchen he left some food on the stove before leaving. Luhan was still standing outside and quickly turned as if expecting news. Ki Chan was surprised with how stubborn he was being.   

"Namjoo...did you tell her I'm here?" 

"You and Chae Yoon, leave her alone," Ki Chan ordered. "Namjoo says she never wants to see you again." 

When he walked away he could still hear Luhan ringing the doorbell desperately.