"====="             
      
Luhan couldn't understand. Ki Chan hadn't really clarified anything for him. He felt as if the man had just called him out to scorn him, blame him. Of course, he knew that Namjoo was hurt. She was very hurt.  

He sat for a long hour in the coffee house just staring into space while customers walked in and out. He had once wondered how Namjoo was like when she was angry. Whether she used words or action. He still couldn't determine. Namjoo had acted so normal toward him, even taking back her sweater and the lunch box.  

Lifting his eyes he skimmed them up the lunch box and wondered if Namjoo had enjoyed the food. Would she have eaten the food if she was angry?   

There was something about Ki Chan's words that kept spinning around his mind. Compared to him, Ki Chan had known Namjoo longest. He'd seemed really distressed and upset. What if he was right about Namjoo being so absurdly mad that she was no longer herself? Would the lie have driven her to such an extent?  

It had been his and Chae Yoon's relationship that had been kept under wraps. He would have expected Namjoo to get upset, but to get this mad...he couldn't figure it out. Unless there was something else he didn't know about. Something about Namjoo... 

Luhan felt his eyes narrow when he finally recalled it; how Chae Yoon had pulled him up from his seat and dragged him down the hall that day. Something about it was suspicious. Why hadn't he caught on?

Chae Yoon obviously wouldn't have tried stopping him from breaking the news to Namjoo, but she had come that day out of all days he was with Namjoo. Luhan couldn't guess it. Only Chae Yoon knew why she had gone there that day and he had to find out why.  

With curiosity burning his skin he snatched the lunch box and started home.  

Luhan had debated about calling Chae Yoon, but the decision to make hadn't lasted very long. Chae Yoon invited herself over the very next morning with store bought food in a bag. Her bright smile twinkled back as she held it up for him to see and walked in. Luhan stiffly stared at the empty hall before closing the door.  

"You're about to go to work?" She greeted. "Me too, so I bought some bread. Lets eat really quick like we used to."  

Luhan stood from where he still was, in front of the door and watched her unpack the bagels. Urging himself to be patient he walked into the kitchen, grasped her wrist, and pulled her out.  

"What are you doing?" Chae Yoon questioned.  

Letting go of her he shifted to face her, "Tell me, Chae Yoon, that day; why'd you come?"  

"What are you talking about?"  

"Enough games," Luhan stared at her without a glint of amusement in his eyes to show her he meant it. "You know what I'm talking about." 

He caught the corner of her lips snaring its way up, "Ah...that? Why are you asking about that now?" 

"Are you going to answer me?" 

"Are you that curious?" 

Luhan simply stared.  

"Ok, since it's already over I guess it's safe for you to know," Chae Yoon nodded.  

His eyes swarmed over her anxiously. 

"Namjoo said some very interesting things to me. It'd be a regret, so you should at least hear it." Chae Yoon recalled with a nod of her head. "She told me she likes you; even going as far as saying that she thinks you feel the same. How could I have let you hear that?" 

Luhan felt his heart heavily hit his chest and his eyes crazily raced around the room. He could hear it in his head, Namjoo's voice all of a sudden.  

That she liked him the same way he liked her.  

They'd...been mutual all along.  

"Get out," his voice trembled, "before I hit you."  

Chae Yoon's brow twitched, "Why!? Can't you understand what I did for you!? I came back for you, but you're always screaming for Namjoo here and Namjoo there! What do you see in her? She's ugly and all she has to brag about is money! I knew you were going to be like this, so I couldn't let you hear those words from her! You would have never told her about me!"  

Turning to her with his eyes bulging and his veins nearly popping out he ordered in a mere whisper, "I said get out." 

Chae Yoon stared back at him with tears swimming in her eyes, her face a total mix of anger and disappointment. Finally swerving around she opened the door and disappeared. Once it closed the only liable thing Luhan could do was shut his eyes. His body suddenly felt very heavy and painful as if someone had plunged a sharp knife into his very back. 

Slamming himself against the wall he punched his fist into it to release all the rage surging inside his pent up body. He could have had Namjoo in his arms this very moment. They could be laughing while speaking on the phone and making plans for lunch and dinner. There were so many things they could be talking about, but Chae Yoon had taken his only chance away.  

She'd taken it away!

His mind spun in a circle as his emotions drew themselves to its very depth. Before this had been so many good memories. He'd kissed her;hugged; cooked; eaten with her; looked after her...he'd gotten angry with her, but they even made up. He'd even had her at the resort all to himself. But it wouldn't happen anymore.  

The way Namjoo had looked at him that day was still so vivid in his memory. And now...Namjoo was angry. 

His teeth chattered and tightening his fist dashed out the door.  

Namjoo hated him, but she was wrong. He was innocent. He would have gone to her right away if he knew what had been on her mind. If he'd known earlier how she felt instead of thinking about himself all the time...if he had just known...then it wouldn't be like this now.  

He had to clear this up. He had to tell her he loved her; that he'd never used her. She had been so important to him, more than what a friend was.  

Luhan paced down the street, the buildings flashing by in blurs. His heart was pounding intensely and all he could think about was how Namjoo would turn her back on him forever.  

Running through the doors of the hospital he raced up to the desk barely colliding into it. The nurse sitting behind it looked up shocked.  

"Namjoo, Kim Namjoo call her down," he demanded impatiently while running out of breath.  

The nurse held up a finger for him to wait, but he couldn't wait. If he lost any more time his forever with Namjoo would disappear like the wind.  

Breathing heavily he grabbed the counter, "Kim Namjoo the nurse! Tell her to come down right now! I have to talk to her! It's urgent!"  

"I'm sorry, I'll call you back," the nurse spoke into her phone before hanging up. Looking up him with hidden irritancy in her voice she said, "Sir, we're currently very busy right now. If you could..."      

"Where is she!?" Luhan raised his voice. "Tell her to come down! No matter what, I have to talk to her! Where is Namjoo!?"  

The nurse stared up at him wide eyed and with exasperation shook her head before immediately picking her phone up and quickly dialed for the nurses' office.  

"She's coming," the nurse informed.  

Still panting from his long run Luhan turned away as disoriented as ever. His hair was probably a mess and he was an hour late for work, but none of it mattered as much as Namjoo. He just had to talk to her. It felt like he was dying inside. 

At the sound of the elevator opening he immediately turned around to see people filing out before Namjoo eventually showed. He felt his breath shake in awe as if seeing her for the first time. Tears melted in his eyes and he instantly walked toward her.  

Namjoo showed no particular reaction and without waiting any longer he grabbed her hand before tugging her after him.  

"Wh...wait! What are you doing?!" Namjoo screamed. "Luhan! Let go of me!"  

There were people stopping around them turning to stare and watch. Namjoo tried to anchor herself back, but he tightened his hand around hers. Not until he died would he let go.  

"Luhan stop!" Namjoo shouted.  

"=====" 

"If you rest well and take good care of..." Ki Chan instructed before the ER doors opened and footsteps hurried in.  

Interrupted, he turned around to see a nurse from Namjoo's department running in  

"Ah...Nurse Jo, what are you doing here?" He greeted.  

"Namjoo's in trouble!" She squealed panicked. "Some man just came in and dragged her out. You have to help her!"  

Ki Chan felt his eyes enlarge before calling, "Nurse Joo! Come finish bandaging this up!"  

"Yes Doctor."  

Getting up he hurried toward the ER doors, "Where are they?"  

"=====" 

They were barely halfway around the hospital away from the front doors when he finally turned to her. Namjoo flung her hand out of his at once. 

"I..." his voice shook.  

"Didn't I tell you not to come to the hospital anymore?" Namjoo quickly asked. "You embarrassed me just now, did you know that? If my boss finds out he'll think I'm bringing in personal matters to work. I could even get suspended. Did you not think about it?"  

Luhan stared back at her a little baffled. Of course he was worried about her job, but he had no space left in his heart to think about it. Nothing else appeared in his mind, but this person standing before him. When he thought about how hurt she was he felt even more hurt. She must have felt so betrayed thinking she had liked the wrong guy; that her feelings had gone to waste; that all her efforts had meant nothing.

If only she knew she wasn't wrong... 

"Namjoo-ah..." he tried.  

Namjoo ran her eyes over him, but no apparent sign of worry was visible in her expression. Was this the angry Ki Chan had spoken about?  

"Go back," she ordered, "you should be at work."  

She started to turn, but stopped when he took half a step forward with a breathless cry. 

"I..." he started again, but his brain stopped working again and he wanted to cry out in frustration.  

Why couldn't he speak?!   

His lips trembled again and clamped his eyes before pressing a hand against his face to calm himself. He was too overdriven by despair and rage, that was all.  

"Go inside, if you want a checkup." Namjoo told and started turning away again.  

Stepping forward quickly he grabbed her hand to stop her. When their eyes met Luhan felt his insides melt into puddles. The warmth of her hand soaked through his and he wanted to bury his face in her neck for some comfort. A silence swept past while he ran his fingers over the soft of her skin and felt his heart finally stop hitting his chest. His breathing slowed and he wanted to tell her, blame her for making him fall head over heels.  

"Don't hate me," he finally said, "I...didn't play with you."  

"Let go of her!" A voice cut him off before Ki Chan stomped over and pulled Namjoo behind him.  

"Ki Chan," Namjoo sounded surprised.  

"Get back to work," Ki Chan ordered with a slight edge to his voice.

Namjoo shot a glance at Ki Chan before turning around to walk away. Luhan watched her go further and further from him helplessly.  

"What the hell are you doing here?" Ki Chan grabbed his attention. "Did I not warn you about approaching her?"  

Luhan glanced back at the doctor and pressed his lips together.  

Once again, everything was ruined.  

"Come with me," Ki Chan said and turned around.  

A moment later he found himself sitting in an office with two tall bookshelves in front of him stacked with books about surgeries, study cases, and body health. A tall window on his left revealed the large parking lot at the back of the hospital. Numerous vehicles of all brands and colors took up every space possible with hints of the warm sun on their rooftops.  

"Give me your hand," Ki Chan directed.  

Luhan watched him organize some antiseptics and a white roll of bandage onto the papers on his desk. There was a slight sting on his bloody knuckles and Luhan winced.  

"Don't come here anymore," Ki Chan advised.  

This was an apparent gentleness in his voice compared to when he first found him outside with Namjoo.    

"Namjoo won't acknowledge you anymore, it's useless, so don't even try anymore," he told. "It's best you keep out of her life from here on."  

Finally calm now, Luhan pulled his hand back after the bandaging was completed. He flexed his fingers to test the comfort of the cloth before touching it with his uninjured hand.  

"I never asked for your advice," Luhan spoke.  

Ki Chan smiled as he leaned back into his seat, "It's over Luhan. You're going to look pitiful if you continue like this."  

"If you can't even lower your pride then do what you want, but don't push your ideals of it on me," Luhan stood up. "I'm not giving up. You might know Namjoo better than I do, but you don't know what's been in her heart." 

Luhan stared at the closed door and turned to look at Ki Chan. 

"You might think Namjoo will stay by your side as she is right now," Luhan said, "but she won't for very long. The thing that sets you and me apart in her eyes, is that I never played along with Chae Yoon."  

Ki Chan's eyes slowly drifted up to meet with his.  

"Thanks for this," Luhan flexed out his hands on his injured hand and turned to walk out.  

"=====" 

"Namjoo! Are you ok!?" A nurse ran up to her when she walked back in. "Did he hurt you!? You're bleeding!"  

The nurse grabbed her hand and that was when Namjoo sighted blood on her fingers.  

"It's fine," Namjoo pulled her hand away. "I'm not hurt. Get back to work, I'll be there soon."  

Walking toward the bathroom Namjoo turned the water on and started scrubbing the blood off at once. At first she scrubbed really hard before slowly stopping and watched the warm water run over her hands, dazed.   

Luhan had looked disoriented as if he'd lost himself for a second. Her heart winced at the memory of it. The warmth of his hand was now washed away from her skin. The longer she thought about it, the longer she saw him holding her hand so blankly for a long time.  

Snorting to herself she turned the water off, "Yea right, Namjoo. Don't get ahead of yourself."  

After getting off her shift Namjoo waited by Ki Chan's office and glanced up at him when he finally stepped out. He glanced at her surprised when he turned to lock the door.  

"Lets go for a drink," Namjoo said and walked off.  

They stopped by a street tent along the way for the very first time during the years they've known each other. For a long hour, Namjoo simultaneously ate from her bowl of soup and drank her glass of soju while Ki Chan quietly sat by.  

"Stop drinking, Namjoo,"  he tried, but was forced to lean back in his seat upon her narrowed glare.  

She listened to him heavily sigh and resumed to eating and drinking. For once she finally understood why so many people found comfort in drinks and why street tents were so popular. In this world there was no such thing as medicine for the heart, so in order to ease the pain the only thing one could do was first stop the mind from running. And maybe...she wanted to show Ki Chan the results of Chae Yoon's game as if silently telling him to watch on as she destroyed herself.  

"You're not going to ask?" Ki Chan started.  

"What?" Namjoo barely paid attention to him while watching the steam float up from the oven ahead of her.  

"About whether I let him walk away with a bloody hand or not."  

Namjoo slightly laughed and tilted her head back to down the soju. Saying nothing they went back into silence until she finally finished her first bottle of liquor.  

"That guy," Namjoo started; her mind dizzy and her eyes groggy at last, "said I was admirable. In here," she pressed a hand to her chest, "I felt that sense of joy tingling. Someone sees it, I thought. He told me I have a big heart and I was even happier."  

Namjoo chuckled to herself over the memory bitterly and sadly. Leaning forward she allowed her head to droop into the table.  

"What heart?" Namjoo mumbled. "My heart is full of crap."  

She clutched into her shirt. The anger and the sadness was leaking through her chest again. It was painful.                                                          

"Don't hate me," he finally said, "I...didn't play with you." 

Tears seeped through her eyes and she clamped them shut in order to prevent their fall. She hated Luhan even more.