So Namjoo’s father was no longer on earth. Luhan could only imagine how she was feeling and he felt even sorrier for her. Namjoo wasn’t a reckless one nor would she do anything without thinking all the possibilities through, but after Kai’s leave he wasn’t sure about that anymore. Learning about her father without enough time to cope with losing Kai, he was pretty sure Namjoo wasn’t in a good state.

Hadn’t she told him more than once that all she had was Kai alone?

If he was no longer here, no one would go after her. Her so called ‘hero’ had left his post, he recalled her crying.

“Depressing idiot,” he muttered underneath his breath turning around the bend toward wherever it was her father’s home was located.

It took half the day into half the night to reach that quiet village surrounded by tall green grass swaying with the wind. Seeing that the road up ahead was too thin for his car to come up and come back down he did the only option left; parking his car at the very side of the village. Other than his vehicle he didn’t see any others in sight so deeming that he was safe from theft walked away from it.

The birds were only starting to croak, but he could smell the aroma of food preparation and steaming rice drifting through the countryside air. It was definitely different out here than in the city. How would he describe it...refreshing…clean?

The home she passed looked like little toy models on a set, all identical in size and shape. As he neared a home with a dog sleeping outside the voice of a mother speaking to her husband became visible to his ears. So the villagers were up after all. Where was Namjoo’s father’s home?

Luhan had expected his home to be one of those he’d passed, but after pausing by to ask a passing man about Kim Hyu Woo he was told to walk all the way north till he saw a gateless home. As the modern homes disappeared from sight Luhan felt as if he were walking into some kind of dense forested area. The dirt became even more plenty and the aroma of herbs and greens wafted his way.

After a few numerous steps he finally paused and turned to peer into the barren yard of the first farmer’s home. Luhan allowed his eyes to trace every inch of the traditional home in this worn down environment, the pale walls streaked with dirt and cobwebs. The sheds on either side didn’t look in any better shape compared to the home. It was just a sad house.

He suddenly thought about how heartbroken Namjoo had been when she’d first glanced at the home. To know her father lived her by himself until he passed.

“Namjoo?” He called out.

No one answered him, so he stepped forward and knocked on the door. Dust filtered onto his hand and withdrew it back to shake them off.

“Namjoo, are you there?”

Luhan was about to slide the door open when a voice caught him from behind, “Who are you?”

He spun around to see a woman with tanned skin and hair pulled back into a strict bun, peering at him curiously.

“I asked who you are young man,” the woman sounded almost threatening.

“Oh…I’m,” Luhan began a little flustered, “uh…have you seen a girl come by here? Her father used to live here.”

The woman’s eyes lit up in recognition of his explanation, “Namjoo?”

“Ah…yes…she’s my friend,” Luhan explained, “do you know if she’s still here?”

“I saw her walking out this morning. She’s probably at the ocean.”

“Ocean?” Luhan repeated; his brow creasing.

He’d come all this way and Namjoo was elsewhere. After getting some directions from the woman earlier he started down a long trail winding through the woods filled with looming trees and chirping birds. Almost twice he barely tripped over some long tree root hidden underneath wild shrubs.

The trail seemed never ending, but he finally reached a clearing some four or five minutes later. The bright sun blinded him nearly at once before he spotted the sandy beach with incoming waves splashing the shore every few seconds. He felt stoked with sweat almost at once and narrowed his eyes from the glare of the sun. Far to his right the sand transitioned into some kind of uphill grassy area and the waves seemed to hit that particular spot with oncoming strength.

Turning his attention back toward the calm water ahead of him he spotted someone in the water. This person was in the deeper end of the water, bobbing back and forth among the waves. He watched this particular individual somewhat plunge into the water, her whole body going underneath the water. Luhan felt his eyes shoot open even wider and suddenly dashed forward at full speed.

“Namjoo!” He screamed from the top of his lungs; his voice barely scratched his throat from inside. “Namjoo!”

He heard the water splashing against his legs, but his heart thudded even louder. Luhan was no longer conscious of the water seeping through his clothes, but his pounding heart indignant about saving Namjoo from killing herself. He fought against the strength of the water to quickly reach her and when Namjoo’s head suddenly sprang up he ended up tackling her.

From the sudden surprise attack Namjoo immediately lost her footing, diving forward into the water bringing his weight along with her. Namjoo’s arms shot out as if to grab onto something at the sudden confusion and Luhan could feel her moving out of his grasp. Reaching out to wrap his arms around her waist he pulled her back toward him as the next oncoming wave plunged them deeper into the water, preventing them from reaching the surface.

Their legs flailed around before Namjoo silently screamed; bubbles shooting out of and spun around, wondering what the hell was going on. Luhan felt her hands slide up his shoulders and her face near before she suddenly stared at him appalled. Her dark hair swam out from behind her as if soaking in the water’s sun and as their eyes locked he could still feel his heart racing.

When the deafening pressure in his ears disappeared as their heads finally shot out of the water he first heard them gasping before Namjoo shoved him away, coughing hoarsely. His mind was still absolutely blank, but he quickly woke up when Namjoo splashed water at him.

“What the hell!?” She screamed. “Are you crazy?!”

She was drenched, her hair in molted into patches as she stared at him with a kind of sneer.

Suddenly flustered he opened his mouth to which nothing came out at first before shouting back, “You’re the crazy one! What are you doing out here?! If you’re really that depressed you should find some other way to solve it!”

“What?” Namjoo’s face broke out into disbelief and turned away to let out an exasperated snort. “Wow…you really surprise me.” Then splashing water at him again muttered, “Just go back home.”

Shifting away with an angry frown Namjoo trudged out of the water and he turned to watch her go. When she was barely out of the water he noted something sparkling within her grasp, quickly realizing she was holding onto Kai’s dear bracelet.

Heaving an angry breath he rushed out after her, but slowed down when he finally got out of the water. Instead of approaching her right away he heeded his steps and watched her pick up her shoes, his eyes scanning her legs before taking a look at her outfit. Her t-shirt was merely glued to her body and he could see the outline of her bra showing through.

Oblivious to her angry breathing he watched her slip into her sandals before starting off into the woods without waiting for him.  

“S…sorry,” he apologized, hurrying after her. “I thought you were…”

“Going to kill myself?” She finished the sentence for him.

Luhan opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came.

“I look like the type, don’t I?”

“I didn’t say that.”

“Whatever,” Namjoo brushed him off. “What the heck are you doing here?”

“I heard…about your father,” Luhan told and watched her come to a stop, her face become sullen before she continued going.

“So you’re here to give me your condolences?”

Luhan didn’t know what to say. Maybe he was there to give her his condolences…but what else…what else…

“Go back,” Namjoo ushered.

“If you’ve answered my calls I wouldn’t have come. Where’s your phone? Your aunt said you haven’t been answering their calls either. Your family’s worried.”

“They know where I am,” Namjoo coldly replied.

“Namjoo.”

Stopping again in her steps he watched her her lower lip from inside, a sign that she was probably irritated. When she turned to look at him all he saw there was anguish and anger.

“Will you just go back? I came here to cut myself off from that world. I think you know how that feels, don’t you?” Namjoo’s eyes challenged him.

Namjoo suddenly felt more intimidating than usual. Was she so sad with Kai’s leave and the discovery of her father’s dead that all she had now inside her was some kind of anger? Or was it something else she wasn’t saying?

Luhan didn’t think the death of her father had devastated her so much to the point of shoving her fist against the world. She’d been closer to Kai than anyone; her ‘hero’, she’d called him.

Namjoo turned ready to walk away, but Luhan quickly grabbed her arm only to release it just as fast.

“Are you,” he sought her face for some form of possible grief, “ok?”

“I’m fine,” Namjoo quietly answered before continuing to walk away.

As he stared at her back while she became smaller in view he wasn’t sure if he should just leave without her. Namjoo had been out here for so long and she hadn’t bothered to contact anyone. If she wanted to be alone perhaps he should leave her be, but it wasn’t right either. He knew what being alone was like and Namjoo was in grieving stage.

Luhan could still hear her cries from the other night echoing inside his head. Namjoo’s heart had broken and it was broken again. No matter the circumstance, she probably needed someone about right now.  

He didn’t know much about Namjoo, but he’d seen that her family wasn’t a particularly bad one. She’d been quite happy even when Kai wasn’t around and he believed she didn’t need Kai to live with a smile. Namjoo was only hurt and even if he couldn’t make as much of a difference as her perfect hero could, he wanted her to know she wasn’t alone.

Seconds later he was hurrying down the trail toward that gateless home. The door was closed upon his arrival, but he stepped forward without hesitation. He knocked and waited.

Namjoo opened the door and asked, “Didn’t I tell you to go home?”

“You’re really going to let me go home like this?” He asked.

Her eyes narrowed while overlooking him, “Then go borrow someone’s clothes and leave.”

The door immediately closed again and he stared at it unsure about what action to take next.

Reaching out he opened the door, calling out, “Namjoo.”

Her back was turned to him and he was a bit surprised that she was really going to leave him there soaking wet.

“What do you want from me!?” Namjoo bellowed; heat climbing in her voice. Even her eyes looked to be shooting lasers at him.

Luhan’s lids fluttered appalled, “Why are you angry at me?”

Walking toward the door she repeated stiffly, “Go home Luhan,” and slid the door shut.

The door clanged so hard into the framed that Luhan felt his ears pounding. And he thought he was a slight bit angry too. He was just trying to show he cared, but Namjoo was acting up. Why? Why use her anger on him? What was she so angry about?

Pushing the door opened he walked into the house and found Namjoo standing in the open room to his right. She seemed to be staring at something; her back to him.

“Why are you using your anger on me?” Luhan confronted then deepened his tone, “Why are you so angry?”

Namjoo first shifted around to stare at him before smiling somewhat sarcastically, “Me? I’m not angry.”

“You are,” Luhan declared. “Why? Because you knew nothing about your father? Because your mother never told you? Because you had to find out this way? That he’s no longer here when you’re finally are?”

“Shut up Luhan.” Namjoo grumbled.

“Are you angry with your family?” Luhan continued. “If you are, go talk to them. Running here won’t fix it.”  

“I said shut up,” her voice trembled.

“Or,” Luhan went on, “does your anger have to do with Kai?”

Flipping around Namjoo grabbed something off the bookshelf, throwing it at him. It slammed heavily into his shoulder before landing on the ground.

“You don’t know anything, so what gives you the right to talk to me like that?” Namjoo’s voice shook as she spoke angrily, unsteadily while seemingly helpless tears dripped down her face. “What gives you the right, Luhan? So what if I had to be taken away from my father and fed lies about his whereabouts. So what if my poor father had to live and die here all alone. Is it your right to mention how I was never given the chance to see him? It’s not even ok for me to be upset about how my father lived and died?” The tears quickly sparkled in her eyes, welling up at such rate that he could see the droplets seep out of her lids. “You don’t know anything, so how can you base my feelings on anger?

“Yes, so what if I’m angry. I’m angry and I hate everyone right now. Why? I can’t have feelings? Is it wrong? Is it?! Is it!?” Then slamming a fist across her chest screamed, “Yes! I’m so angry! I’m so angry Kai left me, I’m so angry my father died! I’m here because I hate everyone, everything!”

Letting out an explosive cry she slipped to the ground where she grabbed at the unfathomable floorboards; her nails digging into them, sobbing away. Every cry came out so heavily as if carrying some kind of unforgettable memory that triggered immense pain in her fragile heart. The tears came out so much that he couldn’t tell them apart from the water dripping off her clothes and hair.

Ultimately apologetic; his heart sinking for how alone she was stepped toward her, kneeling down. His hand hesitantly reached out to touch her and eventually pressed her head against his shoulder, the other around her.

“He’s not coming back,” Namjoo sobbed, her voice breaking every few seconds. “Kai isn’t coming back.”

Her breath shuddered before she sobbed again and dug her hand into his back because she hurt that much.

“Why did he have to be my brother?” Namjoo cried even more. “I really wanted to hold his hands…just once…just once, but I couldn’t. I wanted to be so much more than just his sister. If mom never took me, I could have married him.”

She let out an engulfing breath at the thought of it, but the dream had never reached reality and the hole in her heart became a bit deeper with regret. 

“But now dad is dead, I can’t even remember him; I never knew him. It’s not fair. Why does it have to be like this? They left me.”

Her cries became even louder, coming out with whimpers as she fought for breath before sobbing, digging her face into his neckline and continued to claw into his shirt.

Unlike earlier, Luhan had no idea what to say to Namjoo now. What kind of words would soothe her heart?

All he could do was continue to hold her and listen to her cry it all out, as if she was telling him of her long journey.