They finally arrived at the park a few minutes later and Namjoo walked ahead toward the empty swing sets. She could hear Luhan closing the door behind her, but didn’t stop to wait for him. She was sure that he had no choice, but to follow.

Plopping down onto one of the swings she slowly kicked herself back and forth. Glancing in Luhan’s direction showed her that he wasn’t amused. He didn’t budge until a van full of young children arrived. As soon as the door opened those children rushed out of the van toward the monkey bars and the playground no less than ten feet from her. Their shrieking quickly took over the silence and Namjoo listened to some of them battle over playing tag or a game of monsters.

As she glanced down she felt a laugh and a smile overcome her. After a short sigh he stepped forward and unwillingly sat down in the empty swing beside her.

“You call this a hiding spot?” He sounded somewhat dry of entertainment.

Did he really have no energy to try and enjoy himself?

“Yes,” Namjoo answered nonchalantly.

“That doesn’t make sense,” he heard her mumble to himself.

“Well,” Namjoo started, “it’s a hiding spot from myself; my adult self.”

A soft smile tilted her lips as she watched a small girl chase after a bigger boy.

“Most problems we have are because we can’t change our perceptions,” Namjoo told. “I really hate it when someone knows they’ve done wrong, but don’t admit it. Instead of being upset with them, I try to understand why they did what they did. When that doesn’t work, I close everything off by becoming a child again.”

She turned to look at Luhan who was staring off into space again.    

“That makes sense, doesn’t it?” Namjoo asked. “No one knows I come here, but now that I’ve shared it with you, it’s our secret.”

They sat in silence listening to the swings go back and forth against the flow of the wind for almost another half hour. During that time Namjoo wondered if he felt any better about himself and his circumstances.

Out of the blue she turned to him and asked, “Now are you regretting coming out in your pajamas?”

“When does your shift end?”

Namjoo tilted her head to look at him and raised a brow.

“I mean,” Luhan started, “I don’t like eating alone.”

Namjoo ran her eyes over him and asked with an almost laugh, “Or is it that you don’t know how to cook?”

“Maybe…” he started quietly, “both.”

Namjoo found herself choking up with laughter.

An hour later she was walking down the hall laughing to herself when she heard someone calling her.

“Hey, where are you going?” Ki Chan hurried toward her.

“To the office,” Namjoo answered. “I have a ten minute break. Were you running?”

“Huh? Oh…yea,” he pointed his thumb back, “I just came from the ER.”

“ER? Is everything all right?”

“Yea, the kid I last checked up on fell down and scraped his knee.”

“That’s good news,” Namjoo smiled. “Then I’ll see you later.”

She felt him slightly grab her arm as she readied to walk away.

“Wait, Namjoo,” Ki Chan called. “Um…” he glanced at the floor then at her, “when are you done today?”

Namjoo raised a brow.  “Why?”

“I was just wondering…maybe we could grab a late night snack before you go home. That would be ok, right?”

“My shift doesn’t end till eleven,” Namjoo told.

“That’s all right. I’ll just wait for you.”

Pulling on a firm smile Namjoo nodded before walking off.

“=====”

It was late. The sky had become just as dark as his heart when he pulled the fridge open. The yellow light from inside beamed out at him as he looked the contents inside over. Aside from the beer the food was what Namjoo had brought with her.

Luhan didn’t know how to touch them or what to do with them. The only things knew how to turn into edible foods were the ones that came with directions like noodle packages and microwavable foods. From young, his mother always took care of his food for him. Chae Yoon didn’t really cook, so he’d never had a meal from her before.

Namjoo though, he thought, something about her was very familiar like he’d seen her before somewhere. He was pretty sure it wasn’t that he’d seen her walking along the streets. There was something else, but he couldn’t really remember.

Closing the fridge he turned around to look at the clock hanging on his wall. It would be midnight in two hours and he hadn’t had anything for dinner. He’d finished the porridge Namjoo had made for him last night. She’d taken to making plenty so that he’d have enough for breakfast and lunch, but that was already all gone.

Was he really going to wait on her for dinner?

Something about her felt reliable. The nurse Namjoo was like his young mother in so many ways.

Luhan could see his mother tending to the scrape on his knee from falling off his bike tenderly. She’d coax him, rub his head, and carefully bandage his wound up. When he was sick she’d make him her special soup and give him medicine.

He had always depended on his mother.

Suddenly feeling heartsick he raised his wrist up to look at the bandage Namjoo had wrapped around his cut.

“=====”

Ki Chan was waiting for her as promised when she walked out of the locker room.

“You must be hungry,” Namjoo commented as she joined him.

“My mother said she met your aunt at the store,” he started.

Namjoo felt embarrassed at hearing it. Her Aunt Jin tended to talk a lot and go overboard with her exaggerations. She really hoped Aunt Jin hadn’t said anything about her to Ki Chan’s mom.

“Oh yea?” Namjoo asked flustered. “She didn’t say anything funny, did she?”

“No,” he shook his head and Namjoo felt relief fly through her. “She talked to your aunt about the wedding.”

“Oh yea?” Namjoo looked up at him.

“Are you going back home sometime?” Ki Chan wondered. “I’d like to stop by with you. I miss your nephews and little cousins.”

“They’re a handful; those little brats.”

He chuckled, “I miss those kids. Being an adult is so dull sometimes; you need little ones to brighten up.”

Namjoo looked up at him intrigued by the comment.

“Namjoo?” The nurse behind the reception desk called. “There’s someone in the lobby asking for you.”

Namjoo turned to look at the nurse, “Who?”

“I’m not quite sure. They just said he’s waiting for you.”

Namjoo frowned and turned to look at Ki Chan.

“Is someone making a complaint?” Ki Chan asked.

“I’m not sure,” the nurse replied.

“I’ll take care of it,” Ki Chan assured her as they headed downstairs.

Namjoo felt nervous on their way down. She was pretty sure she hadn’t done anything wrong for anyone to place a complaint against her. When they finally neared the lobby Namjoo spotted a man leaning against the counter, his back toward them. He looked kind of familiar, but she wasn’t sure she recognized him.

“You’re here?” The woman behind the desk got up to greet them.

Namjoo felt herself go speechless when Luhan turned around to look at them.

“May I ask what’s wrong?” Ki Chan started, but Namjoo quickly grabbed his arm.

“It’s ok.” Namjoo told.

“What do you mean it’s ok?” Ki Chan looked down at her confused. “If he’s here to make a complaint we have to talk this out.”

Namjoo wasn’t sure whether to laugh the awkwardness off or not, but ended up tightening her hands around his arm.

“It’s fine,” Namjoo assured, “he’s someone I know.”

“He is?” Ki Chan asked surprised and turned to look back at Luhan. “I’ve never seen him before.”

Namjoo pressed her lips together before walking toward Luhan and first noticed that he had his hand clamped up into a tiny fist.

“What are you doing here?” Namjoo questioned.

“I thought we were having dinner,” Luhan quietly spoke.

Namjoo glanced at him and wondered if he was being serious.

“I thought you were joking,” Namjoo said.

Luhan set his eyes on her and remained silent. Namjoo wanted to sigh loudly, wondering what was wrong with him. She’d already dealt with him twice, what did he really want from her?

What was she supposed to do?

She turned back to look at Ki Chan and debated to herself. Anyhow, she did say she would make sure Luhan was back on track before leaving him be.

“Fine, wait here,” Namjoo directed and walked back to Ki Chan. “Sorry, I don’t think we can have that late night meal. How about another time?”

“You owe me dinner then,” he compromised.

Namjoo thought about it, “What about lunch?”

He made a face at her before giving in, “Fine. Whatever you say, but,” he darted his eyes over to Luhan, “who is he?”

Namjoo slightly turned her head to look back at him, “Just…someone I know.”

“He’s not your brother?”

“No,” Namjoo shook her head. “Sorry about the change of plans. I’ll let you decide on lunch.”

“It’s fine. Have a good night,” he patted her arm.

Glancing up at him with a last smile she walked toward Luhan and led him out.

“You’re like a child,” Namjoo started as they entered her car. “You really don’t do anything yourself, huh?”

“Sorry.” Was all he offered her.

Namjoo couldn’t tell whether he was doing it to make her feel guilty or if he really meant it. She couldn’t really tell what Luhan was up to at all. What exactly was it that ran through that head of his?

She was basically aware that he wasn’t the happiest, but didn’t adults tend to be on their own all right until they asked for help? Or was this his way of asking for help?

Namjoo thought she should have asked for tips from that counsellor after all.

In the end she couldn’t really blame Luhan. He still seemed interesting in some aspects. The way that he let misery cradle him and how he didn’t hold back from talking to her told her that he wasn’t too into the dark. Luhan still seemed like a happy person, just only if he grasped the sunshine in life instead of that beer.

“You should’ve at least eaten something,” Namjoo started as she walked into his kitchen. “What are you going to do if no one’s here to do anything for you?”

“You were the one who talked about eating a healthy diet.”

Namjoo knew he was right. Of course she’d said that, but it didn’t quite mean that she’d be the one making his food for him.

“Looks like you’ve been spoiled,” Namjoo commented fearlessly. “What exactly do you do for a living, Luhan? I’m sure you have a job.”

“I’m a sales manager.”

Namjoo raised her brow and turned to look back at him, “That’s not bad. That should mean you’re pretty independent. You know, we’re all going to end up doing things on our own for ourselves because no one else will. You’re going to have to start taking care of yourself too. I’m only a nurse, not a caretaker. I mean, of course we can be friends, but that doesn’t mean I can do everything for you.”

“I know.”

Namjoo pulled the last of the ingredients she needed from the fridge and turned around to look at Luhan. He was just sitting on his couch blankly staring at the ground. Seeing this made her feel like she’d placed herself in a helpless position. Luhan was listening to her, but wouldn’t put forth any effort for any kind of necessary change. He wouldn’t do it, she felt, unless something triggered him.

“It’s just…you remind me of my mother,” Luhan spoke again in that quiet, depressing voice of his. “She always did everything for me. When I found her that night, it felt like she did it because even I didn’t matter. And I just felt like even I wasn’t worth doing anything for.”

The longer Namjoo stared at that sad face of his she wondered why he just kept burying himself deeper and deeper. Was he looking for pity or sympathy? Was he looking to destroy himself by ruining his health firsthand?

Again, Namjoo felt trapped in helplessness. She didn’t know what to say for a while. He just kept pouring himself out to her, but she didn’t know what it was he expected from her. She understood she may resemble his mom somehow, but that didn’t make it ok for him to use her. Doing that made her feel worthless, like she was some item he could come to when he felt like he needed it.

Luhan, Namjoo decided, needed to start doing things on his own. If he had his own job and lived by himself he surely knew what independency was.

“Come here,” Namjoo called. “Starting from today, you’re going to learn to cook.”

He looked blankly at her.

“Cut this while I get the pan ready,” Namjoo stepped back from the cutting board, knife, and veggies.

Luhan followed her with his eyes, a lost expression in them. Namjoo stared back at him almost baffled.

“You don’t know how to use a knife?” Namjoo asked.

“No.”

And suddenly Namjoo felt like throwing herself onto the floor to roll around in desperation. Exactly what was this? Some twenty-something year old man didn’t even know how to cook or hold a knife? Namjoo had forgotten such people existed.

She didn’t know how many times throughout the two hours in the kitchen that she’d screamed for him to be careful. Because he continuously asked questions about how big the cuts should be Namjoo had turned away numerous times from the oil heating up on the pan only to direct him and turn back to confront splattering oil. It had even burned her face a few times because she had to continuously dovetail.

After that night she wasn’t sure whether she wanted to coach Luhan through another session of cooking.

“=====”

It was past midnight when dinner preparations were finally ready and Luhan sat down to eat the homemade meal heartily. Namjoo on the other hand looked perplexed and he wasn’t sure whether apologizing to her would make things better. They ate in silence anyhow.

Since Namjoo had done majority of the cooking he did the rest of the dishes. He found out why it was so silent when he finally walked out of the kitchen to find her knocked out on the couch.

Namjoo looked nothing like his mother, but her every move and the way she just tended to do things reminded him so much of the woman who raised him. She was just like the woman he both loved and hated. It made him miss that woman much more.

Walking into his bedroom to pull out an extra blanket from the closet he stepped back out to cover Namjoo with it. At the back of his head he could hear his lovely Chae Yoon laughing as they looked back through her yearbook. While she tried to block him from looking at her high school portrait he’d tug the book away from her to have a better look.

And as he stared down at Namjoo he suddenly realized why she looked so familiar. 

***And so we ponder over whether Luhan was putting on an act or not. Will he end up using Namjoo or will he really be sincere about their friendship?