Right when they stopped at a red light Namjoo turned to look at him and Luhan immediately wanted to slap his lips. It was already too late to realize that he had no right to know about what went on between her and Kai at all.

An embarrassed smile crossed Namjoo’s lips at once and her eyes darted down before letting out some sort of baffled noise.

Feeling apologetic for the inconsiderate question Luhan tried, “S…sorry…I didn’t really mean it like that…”

“Yes,” Namjoo cut him off, bravely looking at the car in front of them. “I liked him. I still do.”

As if he’d been in some type of blurry fog Luhan felt it imminently fade and found himself staring at her appalled for no reason whatsoever. Maybe he was becoming curious about what kind of person she was.

“You might think it’s weird, I guess that’s ok, but it’s not like I’ve broken the law,” Namjoo continued as if she’d faced contradictory before. “Do I make it obvious? Everyone might know him as Kim Namjoo’s step-brother, but to me he’s been more than that. He’s like my moon and my sun; so special, you know?”

As if stars were dazzling within the core of her eyes she looked elsewhere dreamily.

“Yes, I like him,” Namjoo spoke more confidently this time and turned to glance out the window in a forlorn manner. “When mom took over the business, I felt abandoned in that big house. My sisters looked at me strange, I felt like an outcast, but Kai; he gave me a home.”

A tall business tower was extending its reach into the high heavens while the white clouds moved by. The structure on their left was sturdy and stood alone in its height among the surrounding blocks. Like a metaphor of her feelings the tower seemed to promise not to crumble, but would never be allowed to be touched just like those clouds making their way by. It was like Namjoo and Kai who could only be siblings and only that.

Namjoo also looked regretful, sad.

“This is a secret,” Namjoo turned to him with a sudden smile as if she’d never been sad at all. “Our second secret.”

After being dropped off Luhan watched Namjoo drive down the street to make her way home. She’d really dolled up just for today, he realized. He couldn’t understand the depths of Namjoo’s feelings. All he could think about was how she’d ever become attracted to her step-brother to such an extent.

“=====”

Tired from the day’s fun Namjoo found herself lying in bed even before the clock struck 10:00. While lying on her side with the moon striking in from through the blinds she stared at the white walls peacefully. Within the reach of her hand was her wallet. It was one of her most treasured items from Kai she’d received before he left. The blue leather it’d been sewn from was still anew and fresh because she’d taken to such care of it. There was even an instance where she’d sought out a fabric solver to help her clean up the wallet.

There were pockets for her many cards just above the picture carrier. In its slot was a picture they’d taken at a coffee shop. A throb in her heart ensued as she stared at it with her eyes sparkling against the bright coming into her room.

Namjoo couldn’t explain how good she felt knowing that he was back. It was almost as if her heart was whole again. Instead of looking at the possibility of dark ahead, she only saw the light and the many new days she’d enjoy with Kai.

Her feelings were always very personal to her and she’d rather keep it closed off than sharing it with anyone. Namjoo knew well of the scrutiny ready to jump her if she ever talked about herself. Others might tell her her feelings were farfetched, but Namjoo knew they weren’t. She was valid, her feelings were valid as well and she wouldn’t let anyone tell her otherwise. Namjoo knew her insides would be a shame to her family, so she always kept to herself.

She and Kai were almost near impossible. He was her brother after all and Namjoo knew how to hold herself well, she always did. It was because of that that she never tried imagining the impossibility and had refrained from becoming sad. All that mattered was what she knew in the folds of her heart and that he was part of her family.

Namjoo really couldn’t ask for more.

“Hi Namjoo, you look happy today,” Nurse Ok complimented as she walked by.

Returning a smile Namjoo nodded her way as she rushed off toward the office for the rest of the day’s schedule. After making her ground checks on the fourth floor she headed toward the indoor café for some coffee.

“Namjoo!” Ki Chan called hurrying toward her and excitedly stopped beside her to look at the menu. “What are you getting?”

“I didn’t see you,” Namjoo greeted. “Are you sure you have time to be here? I heard there were some accidents today.”

“I’m not the only doctor here,” he replied.

“Hi Doctor, weren’t you just here earlier?” The cashier greeted.

Namjoo glanced up at Ki Chan with a slight frown wondering if he was up to something. Ki Chan laughed in reply and scratched the back of his head.

“I had a ten minute break,” he explained and nudged her with his elbow, “make sure to order their cinnamon roll. It’s really fresh today.”

“If you say so, Doctor Lee,” Namjoo teased.

“Do you have time tonight? We still have to catch up on dinner, remember?”

“Oh! I almost forgot about that!” Namjoo raised her voice accidentally before looking around the somewhat empty café. “I’m on full duty today. I’ll let you know when I’m free.”

“Promise?”

“Of course, when haven’t I kept a promise,” Namjoo smiled.

“Alright then, don’t work too hard now,” he made sure to pat her back before running off.

“He’s sweet,” the cashier commented. “Are you dating him?”

“Huh?” Namjoo turned to her surprised. “We’re just friends.”

The cashier smiled back in a way in which Namjoo wasn’t sure if she believed her or not.

Passing a tray over she said, “Cinnamon roll for you.”

“But I didn’t order it,” Namjoo told.

“It’s on the house. Enjoy.”

Beat from the day’s work Namjoo returned home quietly as she always did. Sometimes she thought it would be nice to return to a home cooked meal instead of digging around for herself. Often more than once in a dazed manner she’d grab uncooked soup and start to eat from the can before recalling it should be cooked on the stove.

The sole of her feet were hurting as she stepped in the elevator and arrived on her floor. Maybe she’d skip feeding herself and just climb into bed, plus with afternoon shift she should at least sleep in during the morning.

Opening the door she stepped in and paused upon noticing a pair of shoes that weren’t hers. They weren’t her size shoe either and she thought they looked rather manly-ish. Raising a brow she felt her heart skip a beat before stepping in and found that the lights were on. A few steps further brought into her sight a sleeping Kai on her couch. Stepping to the side to turn off the TV he’d set to a hushed volume she looked at him and smiled.

Kai looked best when he was in his slumber; so at peace.

Warmth bubbled throughout her at how real this was, Kai was before her sleeping in her home as if it was his. To realize that he felt just as much as peace in her place made her heart thud illegally, yet proudly.  

Hurrying to her room to grab an extra blanket she covered him with it. Being sure not to wake him she turned the lights off quietly. Taking a peek back at his sleeping figure she stepped into the kitchen. She first spotted the few dishes on the table he’d covered with extra plates ever so carefully. Namjoo’s heart immediately gushed more joy at realizing his works of art and glanced toward the dark living room filled with ensuing happiness.

Kai always knew her mind and he always made sure she was at her most comfort. No one had done anything for her like him.

What would she do without him around?  

Sitting down Namjoo invited herself to the meal later crawling into bed for the first time in five years with a gladly full stomach. She’d planned on waking early in order to cook something for Kai as a return for the favor last night, but when she woke up there was already an aroma of food in the air. Sleepily walking out of her room she brushed her hair back to find him standing in her kitchen with a spatula in hand. His handsome back was a show of knowledge and smarts telling her of his reliability.

For a moment Namjoo wanted to hug him from the back and lean against his sturdy shoulder. In reality, she knew she wouldn’t be able to bring herself to but that was ok too. With Kai’s presence in her home, nothing could beat out the happiness in her heart. Nothing was ever more important than his existence in her life.     

“Awake?” He asked turning around.

Nodding she trotted over to him to peek at what he was making.

“It looks good,” Namjoo complimented. “When did you get up?”

“Half an hour ago,” Kai answered before making a face. “Your breath smells. Did you even wash up?”

Namjoo smiled up at him guiltily before turning to walk away. Trusting that Kai wouldn’t burn down her home she jumped into the shower, allowing the warm water to wash her sleepiness away. Even this was relaxing.

Lighthearted, she walked out to find the table set. As she stood in spot to watch Kai simply search through her drawers and cupboards for her utensils she thought he was really perfect. Perfect friend, perfect husband material, perfect cook, and merely just a perfect human being; he was simply that great. No matter how hard she looked she never found any flaws.

Pulling a smile on she walked in and sat down, “Master Chef, is your meal ready for tasting?”

“What are you…” he started surprised before laughing. “Where are your spoons, I can’t find them.”

“Right in front of you, the dish holder,” Namjoo pointed toward the dish holder right beside her sink.

“Ah!”

Letting out a snort she commented as he headed over, “You call yourself a graduate student?”

“Be grateful, I only cook like this once.”

“What a joke,” Namjoo muttered before digging in. “I’m going to test and see if this tastes as good as you’re boasting.”

Scooping up some rice and some of the scrambled eggs she chewed and made a face at him.

“Eat up,” Kai urged when she looked at him.

“I am eating!” Namjoo shouted through a full mouth before he tossed a napkin at her and they ended up laughing.

“What time did you get here last night?” Namjoo asked turning the faucet on so they could wash the dishes together after breakfast.

“Around ten,” he replied.

“You must’ve waited long.”

“Of course I did,” he heavily emphasized the words.

Namjoo felt herself smiling as she started scrubbing at the dishes.

“Do you work today?” Kai wondered.

“I have afternoon shift,” Namjoo replied.

“Really? Until what time?”

“I should be done in the evening,” Namjoo answered. “Why?

“Should I drop you off and pick you up?” Kai suggested.

“Really?!” Namjoo asked to which he nodded.

“I’m not doing anything yet, so we can hang out for some time. That would be ok, wouldn’t it?”

Namjoo quickly nodded and quieted for a second.

“Kai,” she started, “want to see my workplace?”

He seemed surprised at the suggestion, but nodded. Namjoo turned to focus on the dishes. They always had this connection that no one else could penetrate and it was what made their relationship so secure. There was a level of understanding there that they didn’t need words for.

Namjoo really liked having him around.

“Why’d you use up so many dishes?” Namjoo complained a second later.

“=====”

Luhan was just preparing for work that early morning. His life seemed a little back on track, but he was still a long way off from figuring out what was going through his head and his heart. Being alone was a new thing to him now. At first he had his mother and a short period during his move out by himself, but not enough time to adjust to independency because he met Chae Yoon. Now that they were over, being alone was so new.

There was the sound of silence bouncing off the walls at all times during the day; no one to talk to and laugh with, but the TV. Although no one had ever to cook for him and all he’d ever known to make were instant noodles, it was different now and he still had to adjust to preparing his own meals. In the mornings he could no longer ask Chae Yoon about what outfit he should wear for work. In the mornings, no one greeted him. During the night, no one called.

Luhan had never been so alone.

Pulling his sleeve over the wound on his wrist he finally turned when there was a knock on his door. Heading out of his bedroom he pulled the door open and found Chae Yoon standing on the other side dressed up as she always did.

Slightly rolling his eyes to the side in no mood to tolerate her, he started to close the door.

“Luhan!” Chae Yoon pleaded pushing against the door. “Lets talk. Please.”

Heaving an absurd sigh he pulled the door open and stared down at her, “I don’t have time. I’m going to be late for work.”

Shutting the door in his face he grabbed his keys he’d set that morning on the Namjoo’s cookbook before opening the door again. Chae Yoon was still standing out there in her pitiful manner and Luhan felt annoyance brush through him.

Closing the door after him and making sure it was locked he started down the hall without making conversation with her.

“Are you really going to be like this?!” Chae Yoon called out.

Biting his tongue he continued walking.

“Is it because of Namjoo!? You really like her that much!?” Chae Yoon shouted.

Continuing to ignore her Luhan only focused on the stairs ahead.

“Do you think she’ll pay attention to you now that she has her brother?! Should I outline to you how special their relationship is?!”

Gripping the keys into the middle of his palm so suddenly that he almost felt their teeth gnawing into his skin he stopped. A smug smile crossed Chae Yoon’s face knowing that she’d caught him.

Turning around he shot Chae Yoon a long stare with his stern eyes. What did Chae Yoon know? Had Namjoo shared the secret with her too?

Luhan continued gripping hard onto the keys and gritted his teeth together. A secret was a secret no matter what and those who leaked them were even worse than the worst.

Chae Yoon locked eyes with him returning the tension, forcing him to go back to her so they could talk if he didn’t want to hear anything dirty. In the end Luhan twisted around and started toward the stairs.

Even if he didn’t know Namjoo, he felt irritable about himself for pulling toward Chae Yoon’s words. How could he listen to such a person when all he had to do was ask Namjoo himself?

But…after all…Chae Yoon knew Namjoo better than he did…

So then what…was Chae Yoon hinting?

Stopping slowly at the bottom of the stairs Luhan gripped the keys into the center of his palm again. It wasn’t right to think this. Namjoo had already shared with him her answer. Would it matter what she actually did with that person? 

***Even though Namjoo may not show it or talk about it, her emotions run really deep, especially for Kai. As you see here she's always been really cautious about not arousing any suspicion regarding her feelings for Kai and you see that she does hurt from it because of the fact that they can never become anything, but remain siblings. Yet Namjoo only keeps looking at the brighter side in order not to get hurt and it keeps building up all the fear she has of getting hurt.

***Luhan, in my view point, is still selfish. He only sees himself in his light. I don't think he's caring much about Namjoo just yet. For me there's no feeling there between him and Namjoo at this point, at least not until Namjoo shows him some of her weakness. What do you think?