Again, he was forced to sit by the side and watch Namjoo destroy herself with alcohol. He hated this side of her. 

They were alone by the corner of a bar. The wooden counter she was leaning against coarsely reflected the light from above. In this sleepy atmosphere while others chatted and laughed behind him, he watched Namjoo take a long gulp of the bottle of beer in her hands. The frustration and the helplessness only stressed him more. He would have joined her if they were out casually, but in this situation Namjoo barred him from touching anything.

"Namjoo," he tried, "please stop." 

"That was a jerk move," Namjoo ignored him. 

He gazed softly at her, "I just wanted to help you." 

Namjoo snorted, "Help? You ruined my family dinner." 

Her eyes were narrow slits of painful anger and lifting the glass up to her lips sipped more of the medicine that substituted for Luhan.

"Can't you try and set aside your feelings and give him another chance?" Ki Chan pleaded. 

"Why!?" Namjoo raised her voice. "Why me!? What about my feelings!? Are they nothing!? Do they mean absolutely nothing!? They did this to me and you're asking me to understand him again!? Why am I the only one who needs to be considerate? I didn't even do anything and all of a sudden I'm a bad guy? I'm the one who did wrong?" 

Tears brimmed her eyes and Ki Chan felt sorrier. 

"I think he really loves you, Namjoo." 

Rolling her eyes she laughed, "Love? That's funny."

"I...wish you would stop doing this to yourself," Ki Chan said and watch her roll her eyes to the side in a fight to withhold the tears from falling. "I only want you to smile again. I know you've been fed a lot of lies and you're very hurt because of it, but you shouldn't hold onto such things. They only destroy you and make you miserable. Look at you now, are you happy? I don't think you are. No matter how sad you are and how difficult it is, the sun will still come up and let you try again. There's a lot more to life than being miserable. Don't you remember it? Happiness, laughter, excitement, and joy. Why let it rain forever, Namjoo? This isn't you."

Tears built up in her eyes and when they became too heavy for her lids quickly dropped down her face. Ki Chan could see then, that she was still innocent; that she still wanted the bright side of the world. The purity he'd missed was still there, only masked by a brick wall. This was her fight against herself and the world.  

"I hate them," her lips trembled, "it's not fair." 

A hoarse sob made her body shake.                     

"Why am I the only one crying?" Namjoo asked with a small whimper of exhausted pain falling. "I...really liked him...but it was all a joke."

Covering her face with her hand he watched her cry away all the sorrow and he was glad she was finally crying. It must have been hard to keep it inside, all that anger turned into a grudge. How she had suffered during this period...

Reaching over he gently patted her back. 

"====="

Chae Yoon hesitated and gripped onto the bag of goodies in her hands. She was nervous about approaching Luhan again. He had never threatened her before. Actually, she'd seen him angry before, but not to the extent where he threw items across the room or pound the wall with his fist. By now, he should be over it, right? 

Gulping, she knocked and waited for him to answer the door like he always did for her. He didn't come though, so she knocked again and waited. When the door didn't open she reached for the doorknob and found it unlocked. 

"Luhan?" She called out upon stepping inside. 

Her eyes traced the very kitchen they spent numerous evenings in just sharing meals and drinks. Then her eyes swung into the empty living room before she spotted the open door leading to the veranda. She finally noticed a cold draft and slowly stepped forward. 
Luhan was leaning against the railing staring blankly into the night sky. Stars were showering the sky with light, twinkling and dancing alongside the moon. 

"Luhan." She called again, but he didn't turn. 

He didn't respond, so she stepped forward and accidentally knocked the empty cans on the ground over. Chae Yoon glanced down at them in surprise and looked up to finally discover that Luhan had heard her at last. 

He shot her a glance before turning around to stare off into the sky again as if her presence didn't so much as affect him. 

"Are you drunk?" She questioned, setting the bag of goodies down in the corner before stepping out along with him. "You still drink our favorite brand."
 
He didn't reply. 

"Are you still upset with me?" 

Leaning forward she tried to catch his attention, but his mind was far off. His eyes glowed a bit and sparkled. She could see the clear reflection of the moon in his pupils and was amazed by how she could see it so clearly. Only a moment later she realized why she could see his eyes so clearly. 

There were tears lubricating his eyes. 

"Are you crying?" Chae Yoon asked. "Why? What's wrong, Luhan?"

He didn't answer her again and she grew worried.

Lightly grabbing his arm she tried again, "Talk to me. What's wrong?" 

"You wanted this, didn't you?" Luhan asked quietly. "Seeing me like this is fun. Right?" 

"What are you talking about?"

"But I wonder how much more she hurts than me."

Chae Yoon ran her eyes up his face. 

"It's over," his voice was merely a breath, "you won. Chae Yoon, you won." 

Sliding her hand down his arm she grasped for his hand, "Then why don't you try to smile? Why stand here like you're in a daze?" 

"I," he started, "really wanted to stand here and watch the sunset with her. And then we'd talk for a long part of the night and catch the sunrise together. We'd eat and I'd send her to work and then I'd make something delicious for her so she can eat heartily after a long shift. I...dreamt of that." 

She watched the tears become more visible. 

"When I look at her all I can think about is 'You, it's you.'"

"Don't talk about her. I don't want to hear it." Chae Yoon shook her head. "You have me, don't you?"

He didn't reply and she continued to watch him stare blankly off into space. She hated this feeling of being ignored. She hated this quiet person that was Luhan. There was an urge to tear up his misery and force him to look at her; remind him that he loved her more than anyone else. If he recalled his feelings for her; how happy they'd been together, then she'd be able to knock some sense into him. 

Why couldn't he give her any of his attention?

Every single time it was Namjoo, Namjoo, Namjoo!!!

"You only knew her for a short while," Chae Yoon stated, "it's ok to crush on her, but it's already over. I came back to you, so lets start over. Ok? Ok, Luhan?"

"I miss her," he said before his face contorted. "Even though I just saw her, I miss her already." 

Chae Yoon's perfected world of mirrors shattered and she suddenly didn't know how to react when those tears raced down his face. 

The gentle hand slipped from his and Chae Yoon looked away. 

She hated this air he was giving off. It made her feel terrible as if she'd burnt down his house, stole his wallet, or torn up his family picture. 

He made her feel the worse of all worse persons, and he didn't even have to say anything. 

The way he cried made her hate herself. 

She only wanted him to love her again, but he was crying over some other girl...

"Fine," Chae Yoon gripped her hand into a fist, "fine. Go then. Since I walked out of your life before, why don't you tell me I deserve the same." 

She watched for his response. There was none. 

"I...I'm really leaving." Chae Yoon took a step back and felt herself panic. "You're not stopping me?" 

She stared at his lone back, the moon hovering in front of him, and those stars blinking back. 

"I'm really going," Chae Yoon gripped her hand into a fist again, realizing this was the end. 

She turned around and bit her lower lip. She was upset and disappointed with him. She had thought he'd really loved her, enough that he would die for her. Yet, the Luhan she'd met through Namjoo was so utterly different from the man she used to love. The way he happily moved about even when Namjoo wasn't in sight declared to her that he didn’t think with the same mindset anymore. Luhan, who used to wait for her in order to do things together started doing things by himself. Whenever he was around Namjoo he glowed with a kind of confidence she had never seen before and she hated it. 

The man who did everything for her and only her had vanished. 

Suddenly remorseful and upset she turned around to look at him, "I hope you're happy. If you really want to do this to me, I'll bring her back to you, but I hope you regret it someday. Namjoo will leave you someday too. You're going to wonder then, why you didn't choose me."

Chae Yoon walked toward the door, grabbed the doorknob, and turned around. Luhan should have come to hold her back, but he never did.  

"====="   

Diagnosed with a headache not because she was hung over, but just because it was an ordinary headache, Namjoo twisted open the cap and poured some pills into her hand. Throwing her head back she quickly swallowed the medicine down along with some water. 

Her mind, body, and soul was slightly less heavier today than any other day she remembered so far. Thanks to Ki Chan who had sent her home safely yesterday night she'd slept well. Because she didn't have anything scheduled for the day she planned on relaxing and staying in, maybe take a walk later. Sooner or later she'd have to return home as well, but Namjoo felt as if she would do it wholeheartedly this time around.

After setting the cup of water down into the sink she turned when the doorbell ring. Without wondering who it was she started toward the door and opened it. Her mind immediately blanked when Chae Yoon stood on the other side. 

"Long time no see," Chae Yoon greeted. "I can come in, right?" 

Namjoo glanced up into her face and felt her brush by. Pressing her lips together she closed the door and followed Chae Yoon into the kitchen to find her getting herself a cup of water. 

Everything was already over and they had nothing to do with each other anymore. While Namjoo watched her drain the cup of water she found it strange that she was no longer as angry as she thought she'd be. 

"I heard you changed your number," Chae Yoon set the cup down and turned to look at her. "Trying to avoid us?" 

"What are you doing here?" Namjoo asked. 

Chae Yoon ran her eyes over her, "You look like you're doing well compared to someone else." 

Namjoo chose not to comment. 

Without an ounce of sincerity in her voice she confessed, "I admit, I was jealous when I saw how happy Luhan was alongside you. When I told you I wanted him back, I wasn't lying." 

Again, Namjoo didn't say anything. 

"What?" Chae Yoon asked, a little insulted at her quiet response. "That's all I get for coming here?" 

Namjoo blinked her eyes momentarily, "I know. You loved him and he loved you. I know, so you don't have to try and rub it in. I...it doesn't matter to me anymore, so you didn't have to come here." 

Chae Yoon slightly rolled her eyes and snorted as if she should have said that beforehand. 

"You," Chae Yoon started, "are really great, aren't you? Ok, live your life freely then."

"You too." 

Chae Yoon smiled and snorted as if offended by how easily she was letting her off. 

"You don't want to say anything else to me?" She asked.  

Namjoo simply stared at her quietly. In Namjoo's heart there was no point now. Chae Yoon had come too late. If she'd visited earlier Namjoo might have said something, but now...now she didn't want to think about it anymore.  

"All right then, since I don't think we're friends anymore it doesn’t matter to me too."

Namjoo felt her walk by and expected her to walk out, but she stopped when they were shoulder to shoulder. 

"Go back to him," Chae Yoon spoke with demand. "He's a mess. I sent him to the hospital once, so don't you do the same." 

Namjoo felt her eyes rove over her kitchen. 

"And I won't apologize to you." Chae Yoon told. "I hate you, for taking his heart from me." 

Namjoo felt her heart tighten up as Chae Yoon started toward the door. That evening Namjoo found herself sitting on the couch quietly. The scar on Luhan's wrist had started everything. It wasn't as if she didn't care, but she too, didn't want him to inflict harm on himself. She didn't want to be his reason, yet she didn't want him to step back into her world. Everything already ended between them cleanly.  

She still found herself worrying uselessly. The worst thing for her right now was to see him laying on a hospital bed again. Biting her thumb Namjoo debated for the longest time.  

She was sitting in that chicken soup restaurant Luhan had once brought her to. While she stared at the empty seat ahead of her the next morning she wondered if her feelings might sway. Even if she tried, lying to herself that Luhan was no longer important to her wouldn't work. She still resented him, but with time it would get better. By then he would be on his own and she on her own again. She wouldn't let Luhan weigh her world forever. 

"====="

"Come out, I'll be waiting for you," was the first thing he'd heard that morning.  

Putting on his best looking outfit he found himself quickly making his way to her. Finally grabbing the doorknob of the restaurant he gulped before finally stepping in. Namjoo was sitting as promised at the table waiting for him. Their eyes met quietly and no reaction showed, but deep inside his heart was pounding like waves lapping the shore.

"Did you wait long?" He asked sitting down. 

He was nervous, but this final moment was heart pounding. He couldn't tell what it was she wanted, but to see her again like this was a miracle after telling him to get out of her life. 

"I just got here," her voice was still the same, but she no longer looked as angry as she had the other night. He was thankful for that. 

"H...how've you been?"

"I'm fine," Namjoo simply replied. "I met Chae Yoon yesterday." 

"D...did you?" Luhan stuttered, half worrying; half anxious. 

Namjoo nodded, but said no more. He then caught her taking sight of the ribbon around his wrist before gazing back at her. 

"I just wanted to see how you were doing," Namjoo admitted and pulled on a soft smile, which fluctuated his heart. 

Luhan felt his heart pick up its pace and felt his lips move into a smile. 

"I had good times with you," Namjoo told. "They're good memories for me and I'm grateful for them. The good and the bad things that happened, I won't forget them. Thanks, for being the person to share them with me." 

Luhan's eyebrows raised slightly wondering where she was going. 

"Before we forget everything between us," Namjoo continued, "can I get my recipe book back?" 

His lips fell apart when he realizing Namjoo had called him out to say a final goodbye. She hadn't wanted anything else, but this. This was...their last meeting. It was hitting him hard and Luhan couldn't breathe for a few seconds. Another knife plunged into his heart again. Yet, he knew he owed her when he hadn't been able to mend her wounds.  

Luhan wanted to get on his knees and apologize, beg.

It took a moment for him to re-gather himself and look into her eyes.  

"Ok," he gave in, "but lets go on a date first, then I'll give it to you."