Stopping in his steps Luhan turned to look at her.

“You like her that much?” Chae Yoon went on. “Even when she’s with the man of her life right in front of her? Don’t you think that’s embarrassing? You want to embarrass yourself by loving someone who’s committing ?!”

Luhan’s eyes barely grew stern before he calmly ordered, “Lower your voice. Do you want to embarrass yourself by screaming in the middle of the night?”

Chae Yoon lightly gritted her teeth together.

“Why?” Luhan began. “Why’d you take her shirt? You clearly know that was a gift from her brother.”

Chae Yoon let out an exasperated snort, dumbfounded by how Luhan was still on Namjoo’s side even after telling him about Namjoo’s infatuation with Kai.

“Why? Are you angry I took your girlfriend’s belonging?” Chae Yoon cooed.

“No,” Luhan calmly answered, “but I guess you’re only good enough for someone else’s shirt.”

Her insides literally boiled as Luhan walked away.

“Luhan!” Chae Yoon screamed. “I swear I’ll make you regret this!”

“=====”

Fact was Namjoo was feeling gloomy. She didn’t feel an ounce of exhaustion in her body as she sat down on her bed. Her heart was sick over the shirt Chae Yoon had taken from her. Her head was clouded and she couldn’t breathe even inside her own apartment. The world suddenly seemed to be weighing down on her.

Luhan still upset her, because his words had bothered her ever since Chae Yoon brought up that question during dinner. It had rung so loudly within her conscience becoming a screaming voice. It was as if she could see the words running around her head and she had been so worried. Namjoo most feared that what she’d said had affected Kai.  

Namjoo would want to die if she knew she’d hurt him.

Everything just seemed so obvious at the dinner table. She hated that she was so conscious of everyone around her when she shouldn’t even give a damn at all. Thinking about it brought her spirits down.

Where was Kai when she needed him?

No one other than Kai had ever stood on her side.

Heartsick, she grabbed her keys and left.

As she drove toward her hideout she could hear in her head people calling her an embarrassment; a shame to her family; the downfall of the Kims. Everyone would hate her and she’d become the biggest shame.

But…but Namjoo couldn’t help it. The only person she ever felt love from was Kai alone; she loved him for who he was and what he gave her. He was her biggest hope, her strongest pillar, and her biggest living smile. Everything about him made her feel whole.

Who else…among the living world, who else could make her feel that way?

Only Kai knew her.

The playground was as barren cold and deserted as she. Stepping out of her car toward the empty playground she listened to the soft thud of her footsteps. Walking toward the swing set slowly she reached out for the cold chain and sat down.

The dark world, which belonged to her only, was vacant like her own dimension.

At eight-years-old she only remembered stepping into the large Kim mansion being told this man would become her new father and these were her new siblings; get along with, be good. At that time her grandfather, her mother’s father, had just passed. The funeral kept her mom from her and Namjoo wasn’t allowed to the funeral hall. Inside the large home small kid Namjoo easily found herself lost in, her sisters looked at her strange and took to devouring the few old toys she’d come with out of curiosity.

Hee Jin and Gil Jin were not yet old enough to start school, so while she was being transferred to a closer school she’d stayed home with them and the nanny. For almost a month Namjoo didn’t see her mother, she knew no one in the house and was afraid to speak. She’d heard the nanny, Seo Jin, and the maids scolding Hee Jin and Gil Jin for their mischief; hearing their loud voices had easily frightened Namjoo.

During the one Namjoo finally got to see her mom, the woman didn’t even turn to look at her. Namjoo felt abandoned in her new world of strangers. School was even more difficult for her. The students and the teachers told them off, but no one ever tried approaching her. So alone was all Namjoo knew.

Kai…Kai was her hero. He came to sit with her, he pulled her away from the teasing, and called her into the hallway secretly during class just to slip her a few snacks. When Hee Jin and Gil Jin stole her toys, Kai would give them back or sometimes he’d even buy her new dolls to console her broken heart. And instead of her mother, Kai was the one person who solely cared for her.

In between that time as they grew up together, Namjoo just started harboring feelings for him; this special man in her family, who she silently loved. Like no other Kai was her whole world. Even with her family around, Namjoo felt indirectly tied to him. As they sat around the dinner table, she’d feel indirectly connected to him, as if they were holding hands even from across each other. Even if she couldn’t be out rightly intimate with him Namjoo was so happy; every millimeter of her heart filled with joy with just him there.

Namjoo was happiest this way. They couldn’t happen, she wasn’t stupid; she’d accepted it the second she came to love him. So long as she could watch over him and still see him; that was enough. Namjoo was already happy enough.

She didn’t need fingers of shame pointed at her, she was already a shame.

As the cold breeze swayed her hair back Namjoo closed her eyes for the calm of it.

Forget the shirt, forget Luhan’s cold words, and forget the world. Namjoo would quietly live her way. She needn’t do anything else, but quietly live as she had always been doing.

“=====”

Closing the door after him he watched his mother lift her head up from the desk. There was an exquisite feel of royalty coming from Namjoo’s mother. In her little office with antique designs stood an old bookshelf with books whose pages had gone yellow over time and collections of tiny globes, miniature statues, and porcelain dolls. His mother’s office could almost be a museum.

“You’re here?” His mother greeted.

She was a sharp woman who looked almost like an aged Namjoo. Namjoo’s eyes were big, but her mother’s were almost dark narrow slits. The bridge of her nose stood up high and her face had aged smoothly with vague, but distinct lines.

“Did you have dinner?” She asked leaving her desk to join him on the couch.

“Yes,” Kai replied. “I ate with Namjoo.”

Smiling she crossed her legs and asked, “How is she?”

“The usual.”

“That girl; never comes home,” his mother muttered before turning back to him. “Anyway, we’re planning to proceed with the launch in Japan. We haven’t decided on a head yet, so I thought of you.”

“Japan?” Kai repeated.

“Yes,” his mother nodded. “You’ve been there before, so it shouldn’t be too hard for you. Plus, I believe you have experience with Japanese culture. What do you think?”

There was an expression of high expectation in her face as she awaited his answer.

“I actually want to stay in Korea,” Kai stated. “Is there no opening for me? I can just start from the bottom.”

“But you’re my son, I believe you can do well,” his mother urged. “Think about it and tell me your decision now.”

Kai watched her get up to leave the office and felt himself fall at a loss. He knew, by the tone of her voice that she expected him to comply. He had no other choice, but to do as she wanted.

He’d actually planned to stay in South Korea for the rest of his life. He’d planned to stay within a reachable distance so that Namjoo wouldn’t be alone. He’d wanted to stay so that she still had him and he her.

Disobeying his parents had been one thing he’d always tried avoiding. He’d always feared it’d cost him the spot beside Namjoo, so he always did as they wanted. When they wanted to send him to study in Japan, he quietly went; leaving Namjoo behind. Now they wanted him to go back…when he’d just returned so excitedly.

Glancing toward the bookshelves again he stood and walked over toward a little bronze airplane Namjoo had bought for his father’s birthday. A smile lit up his face as he reached up to touch the antenna and spin it around. He could still recall the day Namjoo had dragged him to the store after school to ask him about his opinion on it. It had been such a simple thing and she’d been so indecisive. Kai had thought she was really cute and purposefully ruffled the hair she’d worked so hard tying back neatly that morning, but Namjoo had gotten angry. After upsetting her he recalled bribing her with ice cream.

Those days were almost long gone, but he wanted to relive it again now that he was back. If that…was possible at all.    

“=====”

Luhan didn’t hear from Namjoo for the rest of the week and he assumed she was busy with work or occupied with Kai. With free time on his hands that weekend he, for the first time in a long time, found himself outside of his apartment on his own.  

In the past he always went shopping with Chae Yoon, he always went out because of Chae Yoon and he’d stopped going out because of Chae Yoon. This time there was no Chae Yoon and he was still out and about.

Life was buzzing in the world outside. The streets were filled to its maximum capacity and Luhan could even make out loud trendy music roaring through the streets. The footsteps of every stranger seemed to be dancing to its popping beat. World outside his home was so lively.

The shadow of the sun’s rays looked like pearls in the sky, increasing the tension of heat of the day. Luhan could feel sweat lining down his back and thought he should have been better dressed for the warm weather. Then on the other hand, he didn’t want to make visible the slit on his wrist so he’d stuck to pulling a cardigan over his t-shirt.

The mall was an even louder place than outside. Although there was no music playing, loud bickering and chattering about various things like the day’s events or complaints took up the venue. Luhan seemed to be riding an ongoing melodic tune to the voice of the outside’s public.

Luhan was out for more long sleeves; that was his only goal for the day. To be honest, he felt a little strange by himself but he quickly realized no one really cared about his presence as much as he did. After a while, he was able to shrug his thoughts off and just roamed around.

On the fourth floor Luhan discovered a sale going on in one of the widely branded stores and opted to look in on it. After walking through the aisle he discovered that most of the items were women’s items and almost walked out, but stopped. At the back of his head he could still see the way Namjoo’s eyes had dimmed upon seeing Kai’s gift on Chae Yoon’s torso. And he felt guilty because Chae Yoon had taken the shirt.

Backtracking in his footsteps he browsed through the rack. There were a lot of shirts sewn from various materials, all of them fancy and colorful. Skipping from rack to rack left him deciding that he didn’t like what they had on sale. Upon turning around his eyes finally landed on a pink blouse, but he noticed it wasn’t on sale which meant it would be quite expensive. Inside his mind’s eye he thought the blouse would really suit Namjoo. It wasn’t too fancy, but Namjoo would just have to find a time to wear it. Picking the shirt up he started toward the counter.

“That’s a really pretty shirt,” the cashier commented. “Is it for your girlfriend?”

Luhan raised his brow at the sudden comment.

“She’ll be so happy when she receives it,” the cashier went on before checking the price tag. “That’d be fifty-five-dollars. Would you like us to wrap it in a box for you?”

“Could you?” Luhan asked.

“Sure,” she sounded chirpy.

“But before that…could you take the price tag off?”

When finally left the store Luhan grabbed his phone and dialed for Namjoo. At first she didn’t pick up and he thought she might be at work, but just in case thought he’d try again. After the first few ringtones she finally picked up with her voice cracking on the other end of the line.

It didn’t take him long to make it to her place. Namjoo looked dazed when she opened the door and it looked like she hadn’t been able to rub the sleep out of them just yet. Luhan slightly glanced around when he walked in as if he might find someone else with there, but Namjoo was alone.

“I just woke up,” Namjoo told as she trudged into her kitchen for a late afternoon breakfast.    

He spotted a bowl of cereal sitting on the table as he followed her in and sat down with her.

“Have you been working late?” He asked.

Namjoo quietly nodded as she slurped down her spoon and he could hear the cereal crunching against her teeth.

“What brings you here?” Namjoo asked, leaning forward to devour more cereal. Her puffy lower bags looked poofed up from his angle. She looked ill.

“Actually, I just wanted to drop this off,” he slid the gift box onto the table toward her and watched Namjoo turn toward it.

“What is it?” She wondered.

“A gift,” he suddenly excused. “You know…since you’ve helped me, so I got you a gift.”

“You didn’t have to. I wasn’t nice to you because I wanted something in return.”

“I know, but still, here.”

Namjoo glanced at him once before reaching for the gift. He watched her push the stuffing aside and pull out the blouse. Her eyes lit up and she broadly smiled.

“It’s so pretty!” Namjoo exclaimed. “Thanks Luhan, I really appreciate it.”

And he was glad she liked it.

“Wanna go out to eat?” He suggested. “I’ll treat you this time.”

“Why? Is today something special? Your birthday?” Namjoo questioned.

“No, just because…” Luhan added. “So you want to go or not?”

“Of course, lets go!” Namjoo raised her tone. “Let me finish the rest of this first and put on something appropriate. It won’t take me long.”

He watched her slurp down the rest of the cereal before running out of the kitchen.

Luhan led Namjoo to a soup restaurant he used to frequent in his younger days. Some chicken, he thought, might help revitalize Namjoo. He didn’t get why she worked such messy hours instead of keeping her shifts consistent.

“Have you seen your brother lately?” Luhan asked.

They were seated by a large window with the view of the street outside. The blue glow from the sky blinded him a little, but he couldn’t put up a complaint. He hadn’t been to the restaurant since the incident with his mother and the restaurant had recently been remodeled. New wooden tables had replaced the old sturdy plastic ones indoors and the lights seem dimmer.

“No, he’s been busy at the company with my mom,” Namjoo replied glancing through the drink menu.

“Is it your father who married his mother or the other way around?”

“My mother married his father,” Namjoo answered.

“Oh…is that so?” Luhan asked.

“Why?” Namjoo started. “Is it interesting?”

He raised a brow wondering what she was getting at.

“My life,” Namjoo added. “Do you think it’s interesting?”

“N…no,” he shook his head. “I didn’t mean it that way.”

Namjoo smiled in a jolly manner as if to assure him that she wasn’t the least bit bothered by his curiosity. However, before he could explain to her that he wasn’t trying to be rude someone shouted his name.

“Oh my god! It’s really you!” A man walked over to their table.

Luhan stared up at him confused.

“It’s me, Jin Ho!” The tall man with his hair gelled back reminded thrilled. “We went to school together!”

Luhan had to think for a bit before his face lit up, “Ah…Jin Ho! Hey!”

They’d met in high school and had enrolled into college together. The days they used to share on the field playing various sports and joking around all quickly flushed back into his memory. His unique sharp facial structure had definitely made him stand out among the boys. Those high cheek bones, that thin face, and those lips that looked like they were smiling even when he wasn’t smiling had defined him those days. His nose though, was a little curvy, but disregarding that feature even a few girls had tried making moves on him because he stood out so much. 

“Who’s this?” His eyes darted toward Namjoo, who smiled up at him in greeting. “Your new girlfriend? You finally broke up with…”

Luhan felt his eyes go big and purposely laughed loudly to interrupt him, “Did you get your nose fixed? It looks different. Are you already done eating?”

Jin Ho stared at him appalled by the sudden interruption and dumbfoundedly nodded.

“I’ll walk you out,” Luhan offered standing up and turned to Namjoo, “I’ll be back.”

She nodded and he immediately wrapped an arm around Jin Ho to lead him toward the door. 

***Awww...he bought her a shirt to make up for the one stolen by Chae Yoon, but then on the other hand Luhan really has no reas to keep it hidden from Namjoo that Chae Yoon was his ex