The feeling was fresh and he didn’t think he hated it. Luhan felt his lips brush hers in a slow menacing manner again and he did it again before his pulse quickened. Very soon his mind was spinning and he thought he wanted to bandage those cuts on her insides.

And he kissed her lips again slowly before Namjoo grabbed his arm to pull her head away as if to hesitate. He could hear her soft mellow breathing through his closed lids. Their foreheads were connected and his nose brushed against her cheek. He gulped slightly before opening his lids to peer at her.

The bright of his lights bounced off her face fairly and he could see the dew drops on her face rolling down. The warmth of it took a stroll down to his thumb where it ended and he watched her press her lips together tightly before releasing them to eat another gulp of breath. By then he couldn’t tell what he was thinking anymore, but he liked the sensation warping through him.   

Closing his eyes he tilted his head into a lower position to lock lips with her before she could close them again. Namjoo’s tears pressed into his face slightly before he felt the movement of her lips penetrating into his. When her hands hesitantly touched his jawline with fingers combing into his hair, he didn’t think kissing anyone had felt as good as this.

The bright lights first hit his senses before his eyes slowly opened the next morning. Shifting his head a little he wondered why he was so uncomfortable. There was a split pain moving up his back like bolts of lightning. His fingers trailed over a soft surface and he had to wait for his eyesight to clear before he finally caught sight of Namjoo sleeping in front of him.

Compared to yesterday’s uncivilized Namjoo, she looked peacefully drenched in calm. The Namjoo he knew should look like this. His eyes instinctively roved down her face before landing those lips he’d possessed yesterday. Then suddenly her eyebrows twitched and she moved her face toward the floor before releasing a sleepy moan. Quickly withdrawing his arm from around her at once he watched her sit up as if alarmed. Panicking about whether she knew what position they’d been sleeping in he tried to think up a few excuses that would sound legit. Instead Namjoo just clasped her head and groaned painfully.

Catching sight of the beer cans around them Luhan felt relief pulsate through him realizing they’d never made it to his room, but slept on the ground.

Wait…never made it to his room…Luhan felt his breath catch in his throat.

“Ah…what the…” Namjoo muttered, massaging her head looking around.

Keeping his eyes away from her he slowly rose to sit up. He was suddenly a little nervous. If Namjoo remembered what happened last night he immediately wanted to dig a hole and bury himself.  

When she turned to look at him he felt his eyes widen. “W…what?”

“I have a headache,” Namjoo mumbled. “Don’t you have one?”

Luhan blinked at her and quickly realized she was hung over, but he wasn’t. Well of course, compared to him Namjoo had easily drunk more beer, especially on an empty stomach.

“D…do you…”

Namjoo turned to look at him again and he felt cold sweat form at the back of his neck.

“What?” She asked.

He cleared his throat and awkwardly laughed, “You knocked out pretty fast last night.” 

A frown crossed her face, “I did? I don’t remember anything. I’m going to use your bathroom.”

“Oh…sure.” He watched her walk by him and felt his nerves go haywire.

Did Namjoo…really not remember anything?

If she wasn’t putting on an act…luck was on his side!

“I heard soup is good for hangover,” Namjoo spoke as she later stood in front of his stove that morning. “I don’t drink much, so I don’t know if that’s true.”

As she talked on Luhan found his attention elsewhere. If she didn’t recall the kiss now, would she remember it later? He hoped Namjoo would never ever remember. After setting his bowl in front of him and sat down too he watched her sip the broth. The way the broth left a gloss on her lips made him stare at it for few seconds before he quickly looked away.

“I think it tastes ok,” Namjoo commented, oblivious to him. “If it’s not salty enough, you can put more salt in.”

He quietly nodded and took a sip of the broth, reminding himself to look elsewhere. He couldn’t find the taste in his mouth, but when he looked up to see Namjoo hungrily eating away his eyes zoomed in on her lips again.  Luhan was almost disturbed at once.

Before he was even halfway through Namjoo had already downed her bowl, “I forgot; I’m covering a shift today. They’ll give me a penalty if I’m late this time. Sorry, you’re going to have to clean up.”

He watched her reach for her bag after putting her bowl into the sink and hurried to the door to slip into her shoes.

“You’re leaving?”

“I just said I have to go to work, were you not listening?”

“N…n…of course I was,” he stuttered.

Namjoo glanced at him strange before disappearing out the door in a rush. When the door closed he let out a breath and leaned into his hand exasperated.

Everything from last night was so clear in his head. Luhan thought he should have had a few more drinks.  

They’d kissed…for quite some time and had even held each other. As he bit his lower lip he could still taste the after feel of the soft textured lips left behind by Namjoo. The way their noses had curved into each other stung his memory and how he had felt the tip of her tongue brushing his lips, which had brought him more sensation than when he kissed anyone else. Luhan remembered grabbing her waist and immediately felt ashamed. By the time Namjoo’s back touched the floor, she’d just gazed up at him before resorting to her side to sleep and he’d followed.    

Luhan felt embarrassed.

There had been absolutely no reason to kiss her in the first place. It wasn’t as if he really liked her. He was absolutely not attracted to her in anyway, he could swear on it.

He hadn’t been drunk last night, but he still couldn’t grasp the reason why it had happened.

Namjoo was just a simple friend.

“=====”

Many days…no, it was every day that Namjoo dreaded coming back to her apartment. Every time her steps brought her closer to the door she’d find herself anticipating, waiting in surprise to see that Kai was inside. Her heard would thud a little faster and she’d grow a little more excited. When she walked in she’d search the first half of the doorway for his shoes to find that only hers were home to greet her.

The kitchen was empty of noise and her living of presence.

Apparently, no one would come by.

Her heart would feel disdain and alone when she thought of how she’d never come back with the table set for her. No dishes would be prepared for her and no note left behind.

Every sigh came out without strength and carried with it her longing.

It had been two weeks since Kai had left and still no phone call from him.

All she could think about was how much she missed him and how much missing him made her so empty.

Aunt Jin had stopped by during the weekend and Namjoo was barely awake, but sitting in the kitchen blankly with a bowl of food her Aunt had prepared for her.

“Your mom’s been worried about you,” she went on as Namjoo’s lids heavily closed. “Why don’t you come home for dinner this weekend?”

Namjoo felt herself nodding off before Aunt Jin loudly called out for her again.

“Oh…I heard,” Namjoo tiredly said. “She wouldn’t be there even if I go.”

“What are you saying? She’s your mother,” Aunt Jin reminded. “It’s been two months since you’ve come home. Don’t you think your family members would want to see you too?”

Actually Namjoo didn’t think so, but she didn’t reply.

“Come home for dinner this weekend. At least come visit your mom and dad to let them know you’re doing well; that way they’ll have nothing to worry about.”

Namjoo didn’t want to go home if Kai wasn’t there. There was no meaning in home without him.

“I’m tired,” Namjoo stood to her feet. “I’m going to sleep some more. When you’re done you can just leave. I’ll clean up later.”

Without shooting so much of a glance her Aunt’s way she trudged out of the kitchen and climbed into her bed.

She hated this city, she hated her apartment, and she hated her home. Everything was suddenly meaningless.

When the weekend crept around the corner with her being aware, Namjoo did go home as Aunt Jin advised. The maids greeted her kindly and the door and Namjoo smiled their way. Upon approaching the dining room she saw that the table was being set, the lights above creating a sparkling atmosphere. It almost looked like they were eating in a room full of diamonds.

The long table was fulfilled with different kinds of dishes on the menu and as much as they looked appetizing, Namjoo couldn’t feel hunger in her stomach. The brandished chair of new wooden material looked like they’d been recently ordered, which made her wonder where the old chairs had gone.

“Auntie Joo!” Yunu ran at her to hug her leg.

“Hi,” Namjoo smiled in greeting at the little munchkin and ran her hand through his short hair. “Your mommy cut your hair?”

“He got a piece of gum stuck in them, that brat,” Hee Jin explained as she walked by. “You’re finally home for once.”

“Oh…hey Hee Jin, how’s it going?” Namjoo asked straightening up.

“Like you really want to know,” Hee Jin eyed her, “well if you’re curious, I topped my class.”

Namjoo smiled at her, but before she could comment someone else called her name. Kai’s dad headed her way with a broad smile. He had started wearing glasses recently and his graying hair had been streaked back with some kind of gel. There were clean lines in his face emphasizing all the times he’d probably smiled. Like Kai, he was a tall man that loomed over her.

“You’re here?” He asked putting an arm around her welcomingly as Hee Jin turned to walk away.

Namjoo nodded.

“Your mother and I were starting to get worried about you. You were probably having too much fun out there by yourself you didn’t want to come home,” he joked with a heavy laugh.

“No, just been busy,” Namjoo tried a smile in return. “Where’s mom?”

“Well you know, upstairs. She’s in a kind of competition with you young girls. She feels pressured to, so she’s trying to beauty up,” he joked again.

Even though she felt a twinge of pain in her heart at how she wouldn’t be welcomed home by Kai, she was trying her best to look upbeat for at least her parents.

“Why don’t you go see her? She missed you,” he patted her back.

Nodding, she walked out of the dining hall and slowly started down the corridor toward the stairs. As her eyes searched around the home she felt as if she could still feel Kai’s presence in the house. Namjoo almost smelt his scent drifting through the halls and hoped he was just hiding from her.

Upon nearing the stairs Namjoo caught sight of the door leading to her mother’s office in the left wing of their house. The two heavy weight wooden doors stood over her beyond the TV set. The two sets of golden doorknobs seemed to be calling out to her.

Would her mother have Kai’s contact information in her office?

Suddenly walking toward the doors Namjoo pulled them open and stared into the room. The bookshelves and the smell of clean, fresh books wafted her way. Without looking anywhere else she invited herself toward her mother’s heavy dark brown desk. It was clean and all there was on the desktop at the present moment was a large desk calendar, a lamp, and some folders stacked to the side.

Where would her mother keep Kai’s information? Where would she keep the information about that new branch? Would it be in her drawers?

Like her, her mother was a well-organized person who obsessed over cleanliness. Everything would be in logical order; she would just have to think like her mother. Namjoo diligently started going through the manila folders and the papers throwing them onto the floor carefully, but as she neared the bottom she thought she was looking in the wrong place. When Namjoo lifted up the last folder she paused when she spotted a photo sitting on the bottom of the wooden drawer.

It wasn’t something she’d seen before, but she recognized herself. The photo was an old one, printed in a sepia kind of color. The house she was sitting in, built from wooden blocks was unrecognizable to her. There wasn’t a smile apparent on her face and the thin man sitting beside her wasn’t smiling a bit either.

What…was this?

“Namjoo,” her mother’s voice popped in her ears and she immediately turned around before standing up.

The woman donned in a plain blue dress had her hair pulled back, stared back at her; her muscles pulling her lips back into a smile.

“Why do you have this?” Namjoo asked holding the picture out.

The very second her mother’s eyes landed on the picture, that welcoming smile immediately dissipated. A kind of panic at being found out crossed her eyes.

“Who is he?” Namjoo interrogated. “Is he…my father?”

“Namjoo,” her mother stepped toward her.

“I asked who he is,” Namjoo raised her voice.

Their eyes zoomed into each other’s’, Namjoo testing her mother for the truth. All this time she’d had no memory whatsoever of her father, she didn’t know what he looked like, yet her mother had this?

The woman’s face turned into worry, her brows slightly knotting together. The press of her lips together nervously told Namjoo the answer itself. “Yes.”

Namjoo felt her heart thud a little faster; hope touching her again, “Where is he?”

Her mother’s eyes became sullen as they drifted toward the ground, but the woman stepped toward her again, “Namjoo…”

“Where is he,” Namjoo softened her voice with demand, her fingers pressing into the photo.

With lips pressed again, her mother lightly gulped, “He passed away, two years ago.”

Namjoo felt her lips fall apart at the sudden news, suddenly shocked, “What?”

“I’m sorry,” her mother apologized. “I couldn’t tell you…”

“What do you mean you couldn’t tell me?” Namjoo questioned; her notes heavy. “He’s my father!”

“Namjoo-ah…”

Namjoo suddenly felt swallowed up by disdain, some kind anger that if she hadn’t been brought here she wouldn’t have to go through what she was going through now. Maybe she was just overwhelmed with the loss of Kai…and now this.

Finally filled with courage Namjoo spoke up about what she’d always wanted to know, “Why…did you take me away from him?”

Written apologies of many sorts appeared on her mother’s expression, “I didn’t want you to live that kind of life. You’re my daughter, you deserve better.”

“And you left him to die?!”

“It’s not like that.”

“How can’t it not be like that?!” Namjoo raised her voice, shaking her head. “You left him, you abandoned him! You have all this fortune and yet you left him!”

“I had a hard time too, your grandfather just died; it was a difficult time,” her mother tried against her growing rage. “I did all I could, but he didn’t want to come.”

“That’s no excuse,” Namjoo shook her head, “how could you decide that if you had me with him? You took me from him…I don’t even remember him. I don’t even know how he looks like!”

“I’m sorry Namjoo,” she apologized again. “I couldn’t save him in time and I missed the timing to tell you. I only wanted you to have the best.”

A laugh of sarcasm rolled out of Namjoo somewhat angrily, somewhat disappointed, “Have the best? Do I look happy to you?”

They stared at each other silently, the room erupting with all sorts of emotions.

“I could have been happier with him,” Namjoo stated; feeling broken, “out there, wherever that was. Don’t waste your time planning my future. I’ll do that myself; you at least owe me that.”

Calming her sudden despair she finally asked, “Where…is he now?”

Without further say her mother walked toward the desk and pulled open the drawer where she stashed her pencils. A piece of paper appeared and she held it out to her.

“It was the last stage of liver cancer,” her mother quietly explained, “I couldn’t have saved him, even if I tried.”

“What are you girls doing?” Her father appeared at the doorway.

Grabbing the piece of paper from her mother she said as she walked away, “I’m not staying for dinner anymore.” 

***HAHAHAHA Namjoo can't remember a thing cause she was drunk

***But uh-oh more reason for Namjoo to start hating everything

***I'll give you a HanJoo overdose after next chapter, still working on it. Lets see if I can get it done cause I still gotta alter my bridesmaid dress