With love comes pain and Namjoo was really never really sure of that. Those who were brave enough to bare their souls, unclothe themselves, and allow their lover to take them as is were very courageous in her eyes. Those were things she wouldn’t be able to do.

Kim Namjoo thought love was an amazing thing. She always felt touched when she saw lovers holding hands. She also thought that one day she could do that herself with the man of her life, but that time was yet to come. Now she just wanted herself.

The hospital was full of its casual traffic that afternoon. Namjoo was a nurse at Myung Woo Hospital. She’d been working there ever since she graduated from medical school and the hospital was almost like her second home.

The corridor was empty and pausing in her steps turned to glance out the large square window extending down the hallway. The tree leaves were swaying tediously in the wind and she could see the hot afternoon sun sparkling through them. It looked so pretty like sunshine shining off the water.

Namjoo felt at peace and allured for a long while until she remembered she had a patient to visit. Raising the clipboard in her arms up she glanced at the room number and started down the hallway. The scent of freshly washed sheets floated up her nose when she pushed the door open. To her right saw a twin bed with a man deeply asleep. Without glancing at him she walked toward the IV drip to check on it before looking at the young fellow.

He had somewhat dark brownish hair and didn’t look at all very old. Observing his state told her that he wasn’t brought in from exhaustion. There were dark bags under his eyes, but they weren’t that dark. Returning her eyes to the clipboard she flipped through his report.

According to the papers he’d been brought in after slitting his wrist and severe bleeding. The cut was deep but his important vessel was safe from damage, which was a relief. Hugging the clipboard to her chest she glanced down at his left hand where a mass of white bandage was safely hugging his wrist. There was a thin line of red blood and she could only imagine the pain from the cut.

Reaching down to make sure the bandage wouldn’t fall off she gently her finger over the tape. The movement of his fingers caught her eyes and she felt him try to reach up for her hand. Upon the of her hand she immediately pulled back surprised. When she glanced over at the patient she realized his eyes were thinly opened; he was looking at her. Namjoo stared at him suddenly blank for a second before regaining her senses.

“Are you awake?” Namjoo questioned. “Wait a moment, I’ll get the doctor.”

Namjoo immediately dashed out of the room and returned with the doctor a few moments later. Standing behind the doctor she watched the patient who’d fallen back to sleep observantly.

“He should be alright,” the doctor turned around after examining him. “He’s still probably sleepy from the anesthesia last night. Nurse Ok is making her round in a bit, isn’t she?”

“Yes.”

“Why don’t you get off work now? I know you must be tired from your 10 hours here,” the doctor smiled.

Brightly smiling Namjoo nodded and a few moments later was outside of the hospital. Her plans were that she was going to catch up on some sleep before finally meeting up with childhood friend Chae Yoon. From little girls to women Namjoo couldn’t recall a moment without her beloved friend, who was now an editor for Korea’s hottest fashion magazine.

Namjoo lived alone in an apartment building fifteen floors high. Namjoo was raised by her wealthy mother from young after taken away from her father. He was someone she couldn’t remember well because she’d been separated from him for such a long time. Whenever she took to asking her mother about him she tended to change the topic at least ninety-percent of the time. Although she knew nothing about her biological father, she still had her step-father.

Her family remained somewhat large. She had two step-sisters and one step-brother, her chattery aunt from her mother’s side, and two rascal nephews from her sister. Her mother’s older brother often visited a lot of weekends with his son and daughter. The house, as Namjoo remembered it, was always a full house; busy every day and busy every weekend.

It wasn’t that Namjoo felt like an outcast that she moved out on her own. Peace and quiet was one of her most important necessities. She couldn’t study in a house so busy all the time and she needed to rest well. With her loud cousins and kid nephews rest after work just impossible, so she moved out.

Her family loved her; she knew that, but at certain times she wondered why her biological father couldn’t share it with them. She was sure he wasn’t a bad guy, because she still had vague memories of laughing with a man as a child. There was always a part of her that was curious about what kind of man her father was and why her mother didn’t want to speak of him. There wasn’t even a photo of him as a memoir and a part of her life was always blank.

Walking past her empty kitchen clean of speckles and dust she headed toward her bedroom two doors down on her left. Sliding her bag off her shoulder she listened to it drop on the ground before crawling into bed for sleep.

Chae Yoon was impatiently waiting for her in front of a loud crowd. There was a frown on her face with a hint of complete irritancy. Unlike her Chae Yoon had long wavy hair, very slim features, and was always well dressed. Being a nurse as she was didn’t give her the necessity to go out shopping as often as she wanted. Whenever she made stops at home her aunt would go from nagging her about how to dress properly like the woman she was to telling her to either lose or gain more weight.

“You’re late,” Chae Yoon glanced at her watch before releasing her cross-armed position. “You slept in, didn’t you?”

“I took a nap,” Namjoo yawned and tried to brush the sleep out of her eyes.

Browsing around she wondered what they were doing at the amusement park when Chae Yoon didn’t even like going on any of the rides.

“What are we doing here?”

“There’s supposed to be a performance here today!” Grabbing her arm Chae Yoon led her around the crowd before they squeezed through impolitely without apology.

Namjoo thought someone purposely elbowed her ribcage. The wheezing pain barely forced her to bend over.

“Stand up straight! You’re going to miss it!” Chae Yoon urged forcing her to straighten up.

Letting out a loud cough Namjoo punched her chest to look at the stage they’d set up behind the flat pool with a water fountain sprouting from the center.

“Aren’t they a rock band?” Namjoo frowned as her eyes zoomed upon the group name. Turning to Chae Yoon confused she asked, “You listen to rock music?”

“Not really.” Her eyes remained frozen on the stage up ahead.

It almost looked as if she’d gone back into her memories in search of something heartbreaking. There was a sad gaze in her eyes before she smiled.  

“Then why are we here?” Namjoo browsed around the enthusiastic crowd.

“Just because...I miss someone.”

Namjoo glanced at her and raised a brow.

“Boyfriend?”

Chae Yoon shook her head, “Not anymore.” Then cutting her sentence off midway grabbed Namjoo’s arm to wave it in the air along with her as the music hit the air.

At the loud drumroll the dying fountain in the middle shot up and a rage of pouring rain splashed over them. Namjoo found herself soaked from head to toe as the crowd shot up with a roar of high-pitched screams.

Like that Namjoo was forced to enjoy two hours of a long concert. By the time they made it to the parking lot her clothes hadn’t dried at all, she was grumpy from the extending cold, and wanted to complain about the poor quality of performance she’d had to endure.

“Come on, it wasn’t that bad,” Chae Yoon pleaded beside her as she strutted toward her car.

“Never invite me to these kinds of things ever again,” Namjoo muttered pulling her keys out. “Really, Chae Yoon. I just feel so irritated right now, I hate water and I, most of all, hate rock. I’m telling you, that water was not needed for the concert.”  

“Come on, Namjoo,” Chae Yoon begged. “Do you want me to come by myself and get kidnapped?”

Namjoo shot her a half-glare before pointing at her with her key in hand, “That body’s asking to be kidnapped.”

Pushing her hand down Chae Yoon heaved a heavy sigh, “Alright, fine. No concert of my choice ever again.”

“Good,” Namjoo answered and turned to unlock her car. “I’m really tired. I’m going to go get some sleep.”

“Already?” Chae Yoon asked. “Can’t we get a drink or something?”

“You started drinking again?” Namjoo abruptly turned to look at her friend. “I thought you quit. You said you quit.”

Turning to look at the floor guiltily Chae Yoon pressed her lips together, “Well…I haven’t been feeling well lately.”

“You want to talk?” Namjoo worried, but before Chae Yoon could answer Namjoo’s phone went off.

One look at her phone told her that it was the hospital calling.

“Wait a moment,” Namjoo excused herself and turned away. “Hello?”

“Namjoo, where are you?”

“I’m at the park. Why? Do you need me to come in?”

“Actually…yes. Something happened, so they’re asking for you.”

“Is that so?” Namjoo asked. “Ok, I’ll be there.”

When she hung up Chae Yoon asked, “You’re busy, huh?”

Apologetic, Namjoo grabbed her arm promising, “Lets meet up when I’m free, hmm? I’ll give you a call and we can talk. I promise. Get back safe.”

It was only when she got back in her car that she remembered she was still soaking wet. Namjoo let out a loud grunt of frustration before starting down the road, debating whether to stop at home first or head to the hospital. In the end she chose to stop by the hospital first since emergency calls from work were always more important than her attire.

Namjoo was walking down the hall when she heard, “Namjoo!”

Bo Young, an acquaintance from work, waved for her to go over. A few other nurses were huddling around the counter when Namjoo walked over.

“What’s going on?” Namjoo wondered and peering at the computer saw that they were looking through some of the security cameras. “Oh? What’s this?”

“A patient walked out,” Bo Young explained.

“A patient?”

Someone nodded, “He’s still under maintenance, so it’s not good for him to leave just yet. Plus, I don’t think he’s mentally stable.”

“Oh, I also heard that. His neighbors said he was quite depressive.”

“Weren’t you the last to check on him?” Ok Joohyun questioned.

“Me?” Namjoo pointed to herself. “Which patient was he?”

“The one who slit his wrist,” Joohyun reminded. “Um…I think his name was Luhan.”

Namjoo narrowed her eyes as she traced through her memory before she recalled those fingers grazing across hers.

“Ah!” Namjoo shouted. “Yes! I remember!”

Then suddenly felt an overflow of emotions soar through her after remembering it wasn’t appropriate to celebrate her memory when he’d walked out without a proper discharge. There was also a possibility that Luhan may also be in a dangerous state.

“But weren’t you supposed to make your round around that area?” Namjoo asked.

“I was held up because of an emergency. That’s why he’s missing.” Joohyun explained. “What should we do?”

“Do we have his address?” Namjoo wondered.

“Why? What are you going to do?”

“I’m pretty sure he just returned home. Depressive people hate the hospital,” Namjoo told.

Bo Young, who’d started searching through the files replied a minute later, “It’s here. Are you sure it’s ok to go there alone? Shouldn’t one of the guys go with you?”    

Namjoo peered at them one by one smugly before replying, “I don’t need these ladies.” Then reaching out for the piece of paper from Bo Young waved her hand, “Later!”

And again, she only recalled her clothes were still wet when she sat down in the driver’s seat. Allowing another loud moan to escape she started her car and finally stopped by her house before driving down the dark roads. As the silence filled in Namjoo thought to herself that she should be resting in bed, not driving outside like this. This wasn’t on her schedule, but this was something she couldn’t ignore either. It was a part of her work and it was important to her. By the time she woke up everything would resume orderly.

The glow of the streetlights made her feel like she was driving through a heavenly hell. For some reason the roads weren’t busy with traffic that night as if allowing her more time to drive as casually as she pleased. She suddenly wondered why she hadn’t turned the radio on, but it was already too late to do so when she arrived at her destination. To her luck the lot was already full so she resorted to parking across the street.

Namjoo finally found the apartment after walking from floor to floor for minutes on end. At first she knocked and received no reply then on instinct grabbed the doorknob. It was unlocked. Upon pushing it open she heard aluminum cans falling over and peered down to see the many empty beer cans left lying around.

The place was a mess. There were empty noodle cups sitting around, magazines, old newspapers, and more and more beer bottles and cans. The place was totally a dump and Namjoo only caught the stench of sweaty clothes a second later. She almost pinned her nose shut when she glanced around to wonder if Luhan was really in.

“Hel…” Namjoo called out and immediately paused when she caught someone sitting by the open veranda.

She stared at him for quite a few seconds and started toward him very quietly. His back looked more and more lonesome as she neared.

“I’m from Myung Woo Hospital,” Namjoo started, “I came in to check up on you when you woke up today.” Bending down onto her knee she leaned forward to look at him and smiled, “My name is Kim Namjoo. I heard you left the hospital earlier, so I came to check up on you.”

This Luhan didn’t reply. His eyes remained straight ahead before he tilted his head back to drink some more of the beer he had in hand. Namjoo stared at it before she grabbed it.

“You shouldn’t be drinking right now,” Namjoo told, remaining calm. “You should get some rest or do you want to go back to the hospital?”

Shrugging her off he grabbed his beer back, “Leave.”

Namjoo felt almost driven back and wondered if she should just leave. The sound of his voice told her that he was serious and didn’t want to be bothered, but seeing that it was like this made her feel rebellious.

“Sir…” Namjoo tried again and grabbed the can of beer, but he refused to let go.

“I said leave!” He raised his voice and turned to look at her with a glare.

Namjoo stared at him caught by both surprise and shock. Her mind completely emptied out as they stared at each other, his anger forcing him to breathe heavily. All she heard throughout the silence was his breathing before he flung his hand out from hers and the can hit the ground, its contents spilling on the floor. Namjoo’s senses slowly flowed back when she saw the tears falling from his face as he slowly started breaking.

“I said leave!” He screamed. “Leave, leave, leave!!”

Sobbing filled the air and he suddenly turned into an infant crying furiously without words. The way his mouth broke open was like water escaping an open tap. From his eyes; the gates of a dam broken and water was now spilling at a no speed zone.

Namjoo fell onto her when her back hit the wall when his head suddenly knocked into her shoulder as he craned forward. The heartbreak emanating through his powerful cries made her heart tremor and it almost felt as if she knew how hard it was for him. She gulped and hesitantly raised her hand up to pat his shoulder.